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Endel
[pt. endel]
An alterhuman term for when someone's identity is caused by, influenced by, or rooted in [a] delusion. There is no specific diagnosis or type of delusion needed to be endelic.
[pt. An alterhuman term for when someone's identity is caused by, influenced by, or rooted in [a] delusion. There is no specific diagnosis or type of delusion needed to be endelic.]
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just monika.
“ please stop playing with my heart. 　　　　　i don’t want to come back. “ this post is intended to be viewed in dark mode.
endel pride flag
a flag for those who identify as endelic / an endel (link).
taglist
@radiomogai
ask to be added or removed.
sometimes the line between wether i can tell if it's a phantom shift or physical feels so thin. i start to shift or thinking im shifting and i can catch glimpses of it but it's like it's hidden behind a vail. worse my symptoms/ get the more visible it becomes. no matter how much clarity i think i have i always come back to my body feels like it's a werewolf/werething to it's blood and bones regardless of the current shape it shifts between
every unwanted attempt at a reality check I will be more werewolf out of spite
I feel like an anthropomorphized dog
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Personal take on a sort of lycanthrope flag.
-> Endelic / No Symbol / Nonhuman & Inspired by the Schrödihuman flag.
I feel like I have weird views on my own nonhuman-ness/how i conceptualize it. We rationalize it as delusions and it brings us comfort to I guess acknowledge it that way because it feels deeply isolating and conflicting.
We tend to point to BPD as a sort of "reason" is happens. it helps me understand the duality of a lot of what I feel alongside it.
Our BPD has psychotic features. How our psychosis effects the reality we experience is transient. we can for a few months at a time feel "normal"/baseline and human. and every couple months we will believe, feel, or see something that contradicts with that baseline reality. It feels wrong to try to be part of/lable ourselves as anything because our reality/beliefs of being a werewolf is set in a sort of dual reality. it is real but it doesn't feel logical and I feel like I can't factly prove it as true in anyone else's reality. Sometimes it doesn't feel "real enough" to myself.
We tend to view things as what is/feels real and what is/feels logical. It's conflicting when not everything that is real to us is logical. Like when I feel like I am transforming in some way but I can't see it visually (most of the time). Those periods of conflicting realities/beliefs tend to last between at least a couple days and up to 2 months at a time.
even if we aren't in what someone could call "active delusion" we still consider ourselves a werewolf and it is comforting to do so. I is part of who we are collectively and how we conceptualize ourself. simply a fact of our existence in some way because it has been a lifelong experience. looking at the moon and feeling my body physically shift in some way. I call myself a werewolf but i often feel disconnected from other ideas of it. I don't view myself as transforming into a wolf but something wolf-like. it is real to my existence and I was born like that and always have been a werewolf. My reality of werewolf will be different from others but it is still real for me.
I don't always physically feel like a dog/wolf-like but I have been before and it will likely happen again. I don't know when, I don't know where, but it is there inside of me waiting.
