#traumaendo

I don't remember anything. I vaguely remember dates. An argument feels months ago but was just recently. Break up? Only a few months and I look to see it's a year. And another I consider really recent to be several years. I lost friends in months, don't talk in months because I don't see them as months. I can't understand time properly due to ADHD, yes I know that. But inherently I lost a big portion of myself not really due to that. I have a big gap in my mind between the ages of seven and twelve where I guessimate events. I remember events due to school years. Education differs year by year and I struggled with homeschooling. I have no clue below seven, it's normal but I barely remember below twelve too! And that's recent, isn't it? If I can't remember stuff from a few years ago, months ago, weeks ago, days ago I'm loosing myself. I don't have memory. I don't even remember my old headmates. I don't remember family. I don't remember important events. I don't remember COVID but I think a lot of people don't. My brain is foggy and I guess I could try but I don't think it is my job to remember. I'm quite,,, stuck. I'm stuck at the age where we did remember and it's making me more upset. We don't know where we went, who is the person that we was? Was it out host and we just grew? No because he wasn't host then. We still,,, like being that person but isn't that just coping with what we faced.

because of our very declining health we generally against dating anyone outside of our system ever again... it makes our body very overwhelmed fulfilling expectations, manage our own anxiety and troubles outside of the control we may have there. We have done some painful breakups because we won't be able to communicate such idea normally with our ex host's ex out-sys partners but we hope they will just understand...