#onarys

Jue woke up being lifted out of hir bed. Ze flailed instinctively.

Sharp words ze could not make out. Arms tighter around hir legs.

The blurry world flipped. Ze was suddenly dizzy.

As ze slowly came to awareness of hir surroundings, ze recognized the back of Ngionah's jacket and hir bedroom floor moving quickly below hir head.

Ze did not like to talk when ze could not hear hirself, but it quickly became a choice between that and vomiting all over hir face and Ngionah's uniform. "PutmedownI'mgoingtothrowup!"

Maybe Ngionah could tell ze was serious, because ē-ziu put hir down very quickly.

Ze tried to steady hirself with one hand against the wall.

Ngionah took the few steps back to hir bedside table, grabbed hir glasses and hearing aids, and returned to hir, still moving very quickly. Ē-ziu tried to push hir hearing aids into hir ears.

Jue had to take them and put them in hirself. Ngionah was doing it wrong and it hurt and they would not work properly. They beeped when ze turned them on.

"Hurry," ē-ziu said as ze put hir glasses on. "We must move quickly."

"What's- What is- going on?" ze said as ē-ziu pulled hir by the hand to the laundry closet and unlocked it.

Ze was surely going to die. It was almost funny. They had gone to all that trouble to save hir for a piece of paper and now ze was going to die anyway.

"We are evacuating from the palace," said Ngionah. "We will meet with your family further along. Come."

Ngionah unlocked another door at the back of the closet. The emergency exit that Jue was not allowed a key to. Ē-ziu pushed hir through ahead of ē-ziun and locked it again behind them.

Stumbling along in hir bare feet through the dusty passage after Ngionah, ze remembered what ē-ziu had explained to hir ages ago in case of an attack on the palace. A fragile, foreign emotion- hope- awoke in hir.

It might not be the rebels Talí was with. It could be Wend-Ki'an soldiers or some other group that would not hesitate to kill hir. But… it could be Talí's rebels.

Ngionah's grip on hir wrist was very tight, and ē-ziu was much stronger than hir. There was no way ze could escape.

They met Raiqiongshē, Alokti, Onarys, Teixal, and Neqio at an intersection with another narrow passage. Jue could tell they were going up towards the surface by the burn in hir calves.

Then more nobles, and Sei, and the betrothal candidates except for Waleiyi, and Jiremau (ze did not look at Jiremau. Hir wife). They would be in one of the pyramids soon, surely, and then they would disappear and Jue would not get another chance.

The rebels were not going to find them in time.

Jue opened hir mouth and screamed.

Raiqiongshē slapped hir. "Be quiet."

Jue choked on hir scream, reeling.

Raiqiongshē had never hit hir before. No one had ever hit hir before.

Everyone was looking at hir in horror.

"Do you want to be found?" Raiqiongshē said sharply. "Stay quiet, Jeilajue, unless you want to find out exactly what these insurgents will do to you."

Jue did not know what an insurgent was, but Raiqiongshē was afraid of the rebels, and Talí had said the rebels would not hurt hir.

Maybe they would anyway. Talí's word did not mean certainty. It did not even mean certainty of what Talí wanted. It definitely did not mean that every rebel would follow it.

Jue did not really care what they were going to do with hir. Marriage was worse than anything else ze could imagine.

Thinking of Fiitsãn and Talí and everything they had talked about, looking at Mkera, ze knew the empire had to fall even if ze was going to fall with it.

Everybody cared that ze had screamed and nobody cared that Raiqiongshē had hit hir. Raiqiongshē could get away with anything, because he was a grownup and abled and the Elder Emperor.

Nobody should be able to get away with anything like Raiqiongshē could with Jue and parents could with children and the empire could with the people both inside and outside of it.

Jue breathed in all the way and screamed again.

Ngionah clapped a hand over hir mouth. "Stop. Stop. You need to stop. I know this is scary but it is not the time for a tantrum."

Jue desperately hoped they had heard hir. Ze hoped ze had been loud enough. It was hard to tell how loud ze was being even when things were normal and ze did not really know how well noise travelled through the palace, but ze had been as loud as ze possibly could. Ze hoped it was enough to follow.

Ze did not like the feeling of Ngionah's hand over hir mouth or the way ē-ziu was holding hir to keep hir still.

"I'll be quiet," ze said, or tried to say, voice muffled by ē-zius hand. "You can let go." But ze did not think Ngionah heard, with Raiqiongshē talking too. Hir throat felt thick with held-back tears.

"Just pick o-hān up and carry o-hān," Raiqiongshē was saying. "We do not have time for o-hān to be difficult. If o-hā is going to act like a child, o-hā deserves to be treated like one."

Ngionah picked hir up, hand still over hir mouth. Ze wanted to kick but ze did not want to hurt ē-ziun.

At least Ngionah held hir tightly enough that ze did not get jostled around very much. At least ē-zius hand over hir mouth meant ē-ziu was pretty much holding hir head still. Even if it hurt.

The rebels had not found them yet. Maybe ze should delay them somehow.

Ze did not want to hurt Ngionah.

Ze did not want them to hurt hir again.

Ze really, really did not want them to escape and take hir with them.

The way Ngionah had to hold hir to keep ē-zius hand over hir mouth meant ze was not as trapped as ze could be. Ze could, probably, put up enough of a fight to make ē-ziun put hir down.

"Sorry," ze mumbled into Ngionah's hand, and kicked ē-ziun with hir freer leg.

Ē-ziu stumbled in surprise.

Jue kept fighting ē-zius hold on hir. It was not really violence, ze reasoned, just making hirself harder to hold onto.

Ze was not as big or strong as Ngionah, but ze was not small, either. Ze should be hard to carry without hir cooperation.

"Stop," Ngionah hissed. "Stop it, Jue, or I'm going to drop you. You're going to hurt yourself. Stop."

Jue shoved harder against ē-zius chest and felt ē-zius grip finally slip.

It did hurt when ze hit the hard ground. It hurt all along hir arm and side. Ze bit hir cheek and tasted blood. Hir eyes teared up.

Being hurt was a delay. A delay was what ze wanted.

"Oww." Ze let the tears fall.

Ze went limp as Ngionah tried to help hir back up.

This was embarrassing. Everyone was seeing hir be vulnerable, be hurt, be a screw-up, and they would never forget about it.

Raiqiongshē stomped back over and grabbed Jue's other arm, hard. He was so angry. Jue was always making him angry. Ze hated making him angry.

"Jeilajue," Raiqiongshē said, almost to quiet for Jue to hear. "You are an embarrassment and you are putting us all in danger. A worthy emperor would not do this. I was clearly wrong to agree that you would not need to be sedated for this."

Jue stayed limp. Ze was not sure ze could stop right now. Ze felt faint and sick.

"If you continue to refuse to cooperate, I will arrange for you and your wife to be placed in the same bedchamber when we get to our destination," Raiqiongshē said. "We both know you do not want that, but you are testing the limits of my tolerance for your unreasonableness."

Ze was not in control of the tears anymore. There was a little sobbing gasp.

Then, in both directions around hir, people started shouting.

Ngionah pulled hir behind ē-ziun so hard it wrenched both hir shoulders.

It was loud, and confusing, and Jue was on the floor with hir back to the wall and hiding hir head in hir knees on instinct. It was too much different noise for hir hearing aids to process for hir and all ze could hear was hir own breathing and hir own blood rushing.

Talí had promised they would not hurt hir.

Ze was going to die for sure. They did not need hir anymore, if they even knew ze had been helping in the first place.

It would all be over soon, one way or another.

"FREEZE OR I'LL BLOW US ALL UP!"

Everything went suddenly silent. Now it really was just Jue's shallow breathing and fast heartbeat.

Ze squeezed hir arms tighter around hirself. Ze did not recognize the voice.

"Drop your weapons."

Ngionah bent down, hand coming into Jue's narrow field of vision between ē-zius boots, and set ē-zius gun on the floor in front of them.

Jue very slowly raised hir head just enough to see what was going on.

Ze did not recognize the person holding the bomb by their face, either. It was a big crowd of people, maybe bigger than ze had expected. Ze could not see Fiitsãn, and Talí lived so far away ze doubted they would be anywhere here.

There were guns. Jue had been shot at a couple times before but it had never hit hir or really gotten close. Ze wondered if that was going to change. If they hit the right places, ze would not even know it had happened until ze was no longer hirself or in this world.

Raiqiongshē looked like he could not decide if he was angry or scared or both. He and Alokti- who was visibly shaking but standing her ground- had put themselves on either side of Onarys, who had both hands on his pregnant belly. Teixal's cheeks were very pink like she was frustrated and she had her hands up in surrender. Jue could not see Neqio, who must be somewhere among the other nobles and guards with them.

"Your Majesty," said Ngionah slowly, "I need you to stay very still."

Jue knew ze was a valuable target. It would be politically inconvenient if ze died right now. That was why they had gone to all that effort to stop hir. People got especially upset when ze was threatened. Talí's rebels would not have kidnapped hir if they had not thought ze would be useful as a hostage.

If they shot hir, it would make a point. People liked using hir to make points.

Ze could use hirself to make a point, too.

Raiqiongshē, everyone, they would never forgive hir for siding against them. They would never love hir again. Fiitsãn and Talí would never forgive hir if ze did not.

It would be easier to just stay still and let whatever happened, happen.

It was the right thing to do, though. It would show them, show the whole empire, that ze thought the rebels were right. Maybe it would even sway some of the nobles, though ze was not convinced they cared about hir actual opinions and would believe ze was acting under hir own power.

Ze slowly stood up.

"Hey!" The rebel with a gun pointed at hir said. "You! Stay down!"

"What are you doing?" said Ngionah out of the corner of ē-zius mouth. "I told you to stay still."

Jue held out hir empty hands desperately. Ze did not even know how to fight, and anyone could see that ze was not very strong.

Ze took a small step towards them, half-hoping they would shoot hir before ze did something so irreversibly damaging to how people saw hir, how hir family saw hir.

"HEY!"

Ngionah reached for hir arm and froze again when one of the rebels fired a warning shot.

"Wait, wait-"

Fiitsãn's voice.

Jue closed hir eyes and took another step. Ze thought it was worth it but ze did not want to see it coming if ze died and ze did not want to look at Raiqiongshē and see the betrayal and disappointment ze was sure to cause.

Fiitsãn's voice was getting closer. "I told you-"

Nobody shot hir, so ze kept going.

"-ze's on our side."

Warm fingers wove through hirs.

It felt like choking, but Fiitsãn held hir hand like they could trust each other, so ze quietly said, "I think they are right."

Masterpost Previous Next

Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

@cepheusgalaxy @seastarblue @asher-writes

@aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris

Halek (he/him, other pronouns if you’re close, does not favour she/her): A main character and a rebel. Vaguely-multigender genderqueer trans man (does not explicitly label the other genders).

Jue (ze/hir): A main character and the teenaged Younger Emperor of Rāmia. Jue is either a cis boy using neopronouns- which I would consider to fall broadly under the umbrella of genderqueer anyway- or ze is genderqueer-as-in-not-binary, or maybe ze’s not sure which. (As I write this I am coming to the end of this draft and starting to get into prep work for the next so lots of things have the opportunity to shift. I think I might go with hir not being sure and maybe identifying as genderqueer because of how broad it is, as was once the case for me.)

Sei (she/her to others, they/them to themself): A main character and a princess of Rāmia. Agender on the inside but they don’t want to live as zauzo (Feka third gender/gender category) and being a princess specifically is very important to them so they are okay with everyone else thinking of them as a woman even though they don’t think of themself as one (especially since most of the time they need to be explicitly reminded that other people see things differently than them at all, so they don’t really feel dysphoric about how other people see them; often it feels to them as if everyone knows they’re not really a girl but is playing along, or they forget that “princess” really is linked to “girl” for most people.) Functionally, their gender kind of is “Princess.” Sometimes they describe it as being a woman on the outside but no gender on the inside. It’s a little complicated to explain but Sei is an agender princess and both those words are entirely correct.

Kaelía (she/it): A main character and an Initiate at the Temple of Corysecli. Demigirl.

Zhe’ārani (she/her) for intimates/Ši Arroakhai Kjú (they/them) for everyone else: A main character and an Initiate at the Temple of Corysecli. She’s a girl in a transmasculine way.

Līs/Līsandyr/Līsyka (he/him -> they/he -> they/she -> they/he/she/xe/fae): Zhe’ārani’s friend and Kaelía’s best friend, and another Initiate at the Temple of Corysecli. Undertakes some exploration in the background throughout the course of the trilogy, and goes from identifying (using our terms) as a boy to a demiboy to a demigirl to multigender (demiboy + demigirl + genderless + libraxenic (spacegender; xe does explicitly connect xir gender to outer space even if xe doesn’t use that specific term and as the author I’m saying that xe’s a little bit spacegender)).

Qatriong (she/her to most people, then he/him to most people, always she/he to herself): Zhe’ārani’s best friend and another Initiate at the Temple of Corysecli. Bigender girlboy; initially keeps the boy part private (except for Zhe’ārani), and later when she has to go into hiding and switches how he presents keeps the girl part private, both times because she needs something just for himself and that is a secret that won’t get her killed.

Talí (they/any): Halek’s sibling. Agender kolgirl (“kolgirl” being a mix of/somewhere in between “girl” and the Beri third gender “kolman”).

Abhaonai (she/he): An Initiate at the Temple of Corysecli. Bigender manwoman.

Kjotar (he/they): An Initiate at the Temple of Corysecli. (Probably) A boy but very loosely so.

Miwaanii-Shémelús (gives he/him if asked but he's very apathetic about it): This is multiple people who share the same name and pronouns and all of them pretty much identify as “genderqueer quoiromantic male” (Se-Naskans consider gender to also include sex and orientation as not necessarily the same thing but inherently closely linked).

Ausse (he/she): Daanah’s religious/magical counterpart. Genderfluid.

Ffeira (they/them): One of Ausse’s best friends & companions. Mixed-gender (one of the five Norve gender roles; in Ffeira’s case I think they truly are pretty much androgynous in identity.)

Kéchawaedrii-Orl (ze/hir): Head of Daanah’s religion. Holy-genderless (one of the five Norve gender roles).

Reymud (ze/hir): Divine Scribe. Holy-genderless.

Qeirana (ze/hir at work, he/him at home): A Norvic Senci Scholar who ends up working with Daanah. Holy-genderless in hir role as a scholar and a man in his personal life (in a way that both are true to who ze is in different ways).

Kwsnà (it/its): Halek’s therapist.

Logē (they/them): Divine Soldier at the Temple of Corysecli.

Onarys (they/he): Queng Consort of Rāmia annd Jue’s uncle’s spouse.

Naakiiwé (he/fae): Miwaanii-Shémelús’s brother. Exploring.

Ðiisiun-Awiir (they/them): Miwaanii-Shémelús’s sibling. Nonbinary.

Wnahé (they/she): Halek’s parent. Fem nonbinary.

Ínaenow (they/he): Halek’s step-parent. Masc nonbinary.

Míúren (she/he): Halek’s mother. Bigender woman-man.

Jiremau (she/ze): Candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei. Girl and kolman.

Juni (ze/hir): Halek’s grandkether. Kolman.

Inoj (they/them): Candidate to be betrothed to Jue or Sei and a Taqa rebel spy. Nonbinary.

Maaziariitna (ffe/åddå): Halek’s cousin. Firegender and earthgender (the Sarkja gender system is based on their elemental system).

Ystraddø (ly/lyt): Maaziariitna’s parent. Lightgender.

Reeha (they/she): Daanah’s friend and Rovian’s coworker. Demigirl.

Emeeru (ve/ver): Rovian’s coworker.

Méríw (he/they/she): Rovian’s friend.

Luivo (varying between he/him, they/them, and she/her, and combinations thereof): Halek’s (step)cousin. Genderfluid.

Kikkyl (they/them): Halek’s mother’s sibling. Genderqueer.

Iifel (she/they): Halek’s aunt. Nontrinary woman.

Kíkam (they/she): Halek’s cousin. Nontrinary.

Saurikasi (ze/hir): Halek’s cousin. Kolman.

Attendant Ngeh (he/she): Door attendant at the palace. Bigender manwoman.

Ātia Jo (she/they): A Wend-Ki’an spy in the Rāmian government. Genderflux, genderqueer woman.

Eleyk (ey/em): Baby that Daanah and Rovian’s family is fostering for a neighbour. Norve children are assigned the gender of “child,” so Eleyk is not exactly any gender in eir own identity or expression (being, you know, a baby) but ey does not fit into the binary.

Fiya (ey/em): Ailít and Fiyavu Ozast’s (Daanah and Rovian’s sister’s) baby, born during Empires Always Fall. Same situation as Eleyk, with eir gender being explicitly and only “child.”

Juraji (xe/xem): Halek’s queerplatonic partner. Nonbinary with a strong sense of gender distinct from man/woman.

Veisau (ze/hir): Yna’s half-kester- Sei’s new kester-in-law- and a high commander in the Beri military. Kolman.

Representative Swkatsh (ae/aer): the elected representative of Ðíúharlaeslai in the imperial government.

Awlanír (they/them): Rovian’s manager.

Heishun (they/them): Sei’s sibling. Zauzo.

Jēn-Tajanē (they/he/she): Sei’s sibling. Genderqueer and loud about not being simply slotted into the zauzo “other” category but having both a more expansive and more specific gender than that.

Āvolú (they/them) for intimates or Toagh Rrušā Ndi (they/them) for everyone else: Zhe’ārani’s friend from home. Voidgender + neutrois + contigender + astrumgender.

Keha (they/them): Fiitsãn’s friend and possibly crush, whose story role for the upcoming draft I’m not quite sure of yet. May have accompanied Mkera from Kelos and become friends with Fiitsãn or might just be an old school friend.

Amidi (they/them): Halek’s neighbour and friend.

Ektanai (they/it): Halek’s good friend and former cellmate at the Moghrlai Gurodstadit Juvenile Confinement Centre and, by luck, also ends up being one of Rovian’s cellmates when she gets arrested late in (the next draft of) Empires Always Fall.

Lawmí (they/she): Ektanai’s current cellmate and becomes one of Rovian’s cellmates.

Curain (ze/hir): Kulainestainer’s senior priest. Holy-genderless.

Idrom (ze/hir): Kulainestainer’s junior priest. Holy-genderless.

Uoliveg (ze/hir): Halek’s neighbour. Kolman.

Åswså (ffe/ffer): Pilot Maaziariitna knows. Firegender.

The Historian (she/her to most, she/he to her wife): the official (and immortal) historian of the Rāmian empire. Her gender straddles the line between “masculine cis woman” and “transmasculine.”

Tafeet (ffe/ffer): Maaziariitna’s ex. Genderflux & firegender.

Itheo (she/they): Halek’s friend, one of the other international students at his school in Meelasugaado.

Depa (it/its): Lieutenant of the Temple of Corysecli stationed in Moghrlai Gurodstadit, from Gētnyx’s cohort. Its gender is simply “Lieutenant of the Temple of Corysecli.” Where Kaelía first encountered it/its pronouns.

There was a plastic mask over hir mouth and nose. That was the first thing ze noticed. It pinched hir skin and made hir face itchy under the edges.

There should not be anything on hir face if ze were dead and in the Divine Realm. Ze did not know what the Divine Realm was like but it was not supposed to be like this.

Jue wanted to scream. Ze could not even die right.

Everyone was going to be so upset with hir. And ze was still going to have to get married.

Ze did not want to open hir eyes or move, because then everyone would know ze was awake, but the mask and the tape on hir wrist and everything was so uncomfortable.

Ze tried to reach up and pull it off and immediately found a hand pushing hir arm back down. Rough. Maybe Ngionah's. Ngionah had rough hands.

Somebody said something but ze could not make it out, of course.

Ze did not want to be awake.

Unhappily, Jue opened hir eyes. Ze at least wanted to know who was touching hir.

No glasses. Everything was fuzzy.

Fiitsãn?

Someone rushed to fit hir hearing aids into hir ears and push hir glasses on. It took hir a frustratingly long moment to come up with their name. It was someone ze knew well. Attendant Seina.

Ē-rei gently pulled the mask off hir face.

"I'm sorry," ze felt hirself say. "Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry-"

"Attendant Seina," said Ngionah. "Go inform the Elder Emperor and the Queen Regent that the Younger Emperor is awake."

"Yes, Captain." Attendant Seina left.

"It's okay," Fiitsãn said. "It's okay, Jue, you have nothing to be sorry for."

He reached out to touch Jue's face, but Ngionah pulled his hand back.

"You do not want to be touching o-hān when they get here," ē-ziu said. "You're on thin ice to begin with."

"That is not fair," Jue protested. Fiitsãn was the only good thing about waking up. He had said something, a long time ago, about Jue defending him. "Fiitsãn is my friend. I want o-rūn to be here."

Ngionah looked at the two of them pityingly. Jue hated being looked at like that. Like ze was too childish to understand what the problem was. Like ze could not both know what the problem was and think it was unfair.

"Queng Nareisuo has generously allowed me to be here because a-hā knew you would feel better if I were here when you woke up," Fiitsãn said stiffly. He spoke differently when he and Jue weren't alone, with a different accent that seemed to Jue more neutral but less like himself. He tucked his hands behind his back. "I won't give a-hān a reason to change a-hās mind. I don't want to leave yet."

Gods, Jue was such an awful friend for putting Fiitsãn through this. And he was still here, even with how they had left things. Ze wished ze could say something about that, but ze did not want to drive him away by reminding him, and with Ngionah here there was not much they could really talk about anyway.

Raiqiongshē and Onarys arrived soon. Raiqiongshē frowned at Fiitsãn's presence but did not say anything.

"Oh, Jeilajue." Onarys sat down on the hospital bed, flooding Jue with shame. "If I had only known you were in distress-"

"You did know!" Fiitsãn snapped. His natural accent came out. "Ze told you! You just didn't listen or care! You could have easily prevented this! You absolutely knew!"

"You are dismissed," Raiqiongshē said coolly. "Your employment is terminated. Leave us."

Jue did not understand what all of that meant, but from the stricken look on Fiitsãn's face, it was not good.

"Get out," Raiqiongshē said. "Captain Ruol?"

"Fiitsãn," said Ngionah warningly.

"I'm going," Fiitsãn said, and left before Ngionah could make him.

"No!" said Jue, and to hir horror ze started to cry in front of Raiqiongshē. "No, no, I want o-rūn here, no…"

"Princess Jiremau of Berysek is now Queen Jiremau of Rāmia," said Raiqiongshē. "Lady Paona stood in for you."

Jue sobbed.

"Perhaps… some stronger medication," said Onarys to Raiqiongshē.

"You do not have to do anything with o-hān right now," said Raiqiongshē. "You are both young, and given your condition, no one expects consummation yet. Heirs can be conceived through artificial means when you are a little older and o-hā is more fit to carry a child. You have separate rooms and it will be years yet before governing together will necessary. You did not even have to be at the ceremony."

Jue cried harder. Ze had not wanted to think that ze would still be here by now. Ze did not want to consider that ze would still be here in three years.

"I have tried to protect you from the realities of it, but the empire is crumbling," said Raiqiongshē. "We need that support from Berysek. This is what had to happen. For now, it is a marriage in name only, and you will be fine."

Teixal and Alokti had arrived while Raiqiongshē was trying to explain things to hir. Jue felt like ze hated them. Ze hated everyone and everything right now.

Ze hid hir face in the sheet.

"No one wants to get married," Teixal said. "You need to grow up and get over it and stop making it the whole empire's problem."

"Now is not the time for your dramatics," said Alokti. "I never thought you were so selfish."

"Alokti!" Jue had never heard Raiqiongshē even slightly raise his voice at her before.

"…I'm sorry," Alokti said. "You scared me, Jue."

"No, you're right," said Teixal. "The empire is in crisis and it needs hir. Hir actions have consequences for other people. Ze needs to know that."

"Now is not the time," Raiqiongshē said. He probably agreed. Jue was selfish and dramatic.

There was a period of silence where Jue knew they were all watching hir cry.

"I'm sorry," ze said into the sheet.

"Jue," said Raiqiongshē. "Look at me."

Heart pounding in hir chest, Jue looked up.

"I cannot lose you," Raiqiongshē said. "You are my child. Losing you would break my heart."

Jue opened hir mouth to apologize again, but what came out was, "Why do you even care? You have a better one on the way!"

"Jue," Onarys sighed. "This baby will not replace you."

"No one could replace you," said Raiqiongshē. "No one could replace Gādua Haishionā and no one could replace you either. It doesn't work like that."

Jue did not say anything. Ze was just going to cry more if ze opened hir mouth.

Everyone except Ngionah eventually left. The empire was, as they had said, in crisis, and they were needed to manage it.

"They found your dream beads," said Ngionah.

"Oh," said Jue numbly. There would be no more talking to Fiitsãn or Talí.

"I can't do anything about the marriage," said Ngionah. "But I can tell your grandmother that it would be a security risk to let anyone else into your room, given your weakened state. Keep the new Queen Consort and the rest of the candidates out for a little while while you recover."

"Okay," said Jue. Ze was all wrung out. "Thank you."

"I will be keeping a very close eye on you," Ngionah said, and Jue wasn't sure whether it was meant as a warning or a comfort.

Masterpost Previous Next

Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

@cepheusgalaxy @seastarblue @asher-writes

@aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris

This morning, Sei had publicly withdrawn her support from the war.

Jue was, guiltily, glad to have Raiqiongshē's disappointment focused on someone else for once.

Ze did not know why Sei had done that, but ze was glad she had, because she was very popular among the people and might sway a lot of opinions.

Ze was supposed to meet the Taqa betrothal candidates today. Inoj and Suinak. Raiqiongshē and Lady Ragonia hoped a Taqa consort might help settle Avutaq, a province that had never really adapted to being Rāmian.

Jue wished hir stomach would stop flopping around. Ze kept having to use the toilet and hir appetite was entirely gone.

Ze was scared to meet them and ze was scared to talk to Fiitsãn about it.

Usually, ze took two pills every morning for hir anxiety. They were not helping. Maybe a few more would calm hir down so ze could do the meeting without so much panic.

It turned out taking more than twice as many pills as ze was supposed to was called an overdose, and it was absolutely miserable.

So much for settling hir stomach. Ze had thrown up twice now and still felt nauseous.

Raiqiongshē and his consorts took turns sitting with hir, but ze was so sick ze could not even enjoy their tenderness.

"I have to go," Teixal said, smoothing hir hair. "Onarys will come with with you when he has a moment. Attendant Seina will make sure you keep drinking water."

Jue moaned. Drinking water made hir scared ze was going to throw up again, but drying out would probably feel even worse. Ze was shaking so much that Attendant Seina would have to hold the glass for hir.

"Try to get some sleep," said Teixal.

With the timezone difference or Talí's need for frequent naps or some other coincidence, Jue was able to meet Talí in the dreamspace.

Even hir dreamspace was a mess. Instead of the usual grey, undefined surroundings ze usually got, it was full of sharp, spinning shapes and colours that hurt to look at and touch.

"Jue!" Talí said. "Damn, is the inside of your head always like this? It's worse than mine."

"I'm sick," Jue said. "I got really anxious and I took too many of my pills. Usually it's just neutral."

Gods. Ze was so sick ze could not even keep hir words from contracting.

"Oh," said Talí. "That sucks. That's why you're asleep right now?"

"Dozing enough to be here," Jue said. Ze did not think ze was really, fully asleep, which meant ze was going to wake up and not even feel a tiny bit rested.

"I get pretty anxious too, sometimes," said Talí. "My head just starts spinning and spinning with everything that might be wrong and it gets all muddled up and makes it hard to exist."

"Sei said o-mē no longer supports the war," Jue said. Ze did not want to talk about how hir anxiety made hir feel. "I do not know why, but that's good, right?"

"Yeah," said Talí. "That's good. My cousin has been sort of dating-" Their face scrunched as they came up with the correct Rāmiloq pronoun structure- "o-mēn, and ffe just was arrested for protesting the war, so… maybe that's part of why."

"That sucks," Jue said.

"Yeahhhh," said Talí, dragging out the word. "Things are rough at home right now."

Jue woke up crying. Ze did not know why.

Ze had fallen asleep in hir glasses and hearing aids, which was very uncomfortable.

"Hush," Onarys said. "Here, have some water. The doctor said you will feel better soon, but we just have to wait it out. The way your medicine works, it stops your brain from re-absorbing serotonin, which is a chemical in your brain, too fast. But taking too much means you have too much serotonin in your body now, which is causing problems. We just have to wait for it to get absorbed back into other chemicals."

Jue gulped down the whole glass. Hir mouth was so dry and it tasted so bad.

"You're going to be okay," said Onarys. "It's good you only took a few too many. It can get really dangerous, but you're going to be fine."

"My tummy hurts," Jue whined, then started crying again. Ze sounded like a baby.

"I know," said Onarys. "We'll have some thin soup sent down when you're ready. Getting something in your stomach should help."

Jue turned hir face into the pillow. Hir glasses smushed up against hir cheeks.

"Let's take those off," said Onarys. "We can just put them on the table and you can get some better sleep. Attendant Seina will clean them for you. They will be right here when you need them."

Masterpost Previous Next

Taglist (ask to be added/removed):

@cepheusgalaxy @seastarblue @asher-writes

@pomegranate-opossum @aro-villain @transmasc-wizard

@stabbydragon @softandwigglybones @albatris @bublyfan