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Ori 🤝 Fíli: cursed with shippable family members
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okay bagginshield soulmate au but instead of it being like a universal "matching marks" or "heart song" trope it's the "man fuck i know he's my soulmate because im doing maintenance at mr baggins's house and he's got like this drawer — no stay with me here dwalin — he has this drawer, right? and whenever i need something, literally anything at all, he'll just go to this drawer and it will be in there. no don't look at me like that, no, yes, i did test it out but it didn't work if i just said shit. it only worked if i really needed something. like that one time i kept asking him for stupid things like, fucking, hammers and pencils when i didn't need it but then, my button popped off my shirt —" "cuz yer a fat bastard—" "—shut up, no it got caught on a table corner— and mr baggins just smiled, got up, opened the drawer and, what do you know, a button. just. like. the. others. what the actual fuck."
"a button, thorin?"
"hey, you knew nori was your soulmate because he's consistently stolen parts from every vehicle you've repaired."
"yeah, who fucking does that?"
"an annoying asshole, i think."
*offended khuzdul grunting*
Revisiting these in 2026 because AI is still a nuisance, and we need a reminder that dwarves would never eveRrr use AI!🫰
bonk
No one save Nori, he's exactly where he wants to be
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Fili: What do you look for in a partner?
Ori: Someone kind
Fili: Okay, but everyone wants someone kind
Ori: Nori and Dwalin didn't
Save a pony, ride a Durin.
In which the line of Ri, Bilbo, Tauriel, and Legolas are all members of this club.
(Nori absolutely made them t-shirts.)
Dwarves will hold grudges for 100+ years yes. Never mind that Nori has committed actual crimes since, the missing wooden elephant is the real issue here
