#notaboutyou

it’s weird, dating someone who’s part myth.

you start to forget where the mask ends.

like—

is he quiet because he’s thinking?

or because he’s tracking a crime syndicate across three time zones?

sometimes he disappears mid-sentence.

sometimes he texts me back like

“sorry, got shot. you up?”

i keep an extra phone charger at his place.

he keeps a bandage kit under my sink.

we don’t talk about it.

last week i found a feather in his hoodie pocket.

he swears it’s from a pigeon.

(it wasn’t.)

anyway.

i’m making dinner tomorrow.

spaghetti and the illusion of control.

🩵

my. yes, i should've known.

the first few days of freedom are up.

I MISS YOU

and I am afraid to admit that.

To anyone. Even me. Not ready yet.

It would be healthier to miss you when i

No not even.

Nothing fits.

Where do you fit?

You have a piece of me

and you won't give it back.

But...

I'm not complaining. I miss remembering your voice.

Only when I decide to ____, that is when I crave you the most.

So I am not going to write about how  I swear the stars perfectly aligned the night we met, And how I miss us:  How your hand interlocked with mine so perfectly- Like a jigsaw puzzle that never needed solving As if the creases in my hands have always been Map routes to guide me to you; How kissing you made me realize A room with just the two of us was full and overfilling

But this isn’t going to be a love poem Because my heart is not bleeding ink And spilling onto the paper.  My hands not desperately reaching  For wisps of you to fill the gaps between my fingers My mind not vandalized by graffitis of you My lips not searching for your sweetness My chest not a burial ground for a heart that felt so deeply

Yes, I can blame ES... because thinking that anything Cait does with her rings has anything to do with anyone other than Cait and Tony is narcissistic, illogical, and frankly, stupid. There is NO ring game. Extricate yourselves from the equation, please.

Whatever rings Cait and Tony wear, don't wear, on whatever fingers or hands is THEIR choice and their business as a couple. If last month Cait decided to wear the gold band next to her engagement ring, and today she decided to match Tony and wear it on her right hand, and tomorrow she decides to hang it from a chain and wear it around her neck is HER choice, and HER business. It has NOTHING to do with fans. She's not giving fans ANY thought when she wears her rings, because we have NOTHING to do with her rings. Those rings are for Cait and Tony. Not for us. The rings are not part of Outlander. Why I have to explain this to grown adults is beyond me.