#not even mostly

PL SQQ who was cursed (in some way, can’t decide if he’s asleep or something else) so the other PLs are looking for someone to heal him and then they meet witch duo SY & XF who are a bunch of fuckasses just doing shit and the PLs are constantly teetering between “They can help” and “They’re incompetent”

They keep wandering around so they’re kinda hard to stumble upon

XF & SY arguing so SY turns him into a hamster

LQG who stumbled upon them: !

XF reversing the spell and turning SY into a cat, only for SY to reverse the spell and start chasing XF around with his wand

LQG: they must be good at breaking curses! Let me go ask MQF about the nature of the curse

(Later)

XF: Dude, I lost my wand

SY: oh, I have a spell book that has a spell on automatically finding things but I can’t remember where I put it.

XF casting a spell without his wand: Oh I know a locating spell I’ll use that

SY: Okay

(The book floating over to them)

SY: Okay so—

LQG who brought YQY with him to look for the duo at the sect leaders request: …

YQY: Shidi, are you sure these two are capable enough?

Svsss au where like traveling merchant Shen Yuan introduces pepper spray to Shen Qingqiu and now Shen Qingqiu takes delight in using it on his own martial siblings.

Shen Yuan uses a specific spiritual root that’s pretty easy to get so it does have an effect on cultivators. It’s actually monster repellent that he sells because he likes monsters but would rather not be eaten by them but when SQQ (disguised) is inquiring about it he mentions that some customers also use it to ward off any unwanted advances made by men… and SQQ buys the whole batch.

Liu Qingge barging into Shen Qingqiu’s classroom and then Shen Qingqiu just sprays him in the face. SY is painfully (literally) good at his job so Liu Qingge’s like a cat getting sprayed with his water. He wants to fight but his eyes are in no condition to do so, so he has to fly to MQF’s peak and get them checked/rinsed out.

YQY is also subject to this except he doesn’t retreat he just takes it. The part of him that’s not in pain is happy that Xiao-Jiu cares enough to hate/dislike him.

Qi Qingqi and Shen Qingqiu actually come to an understanding and SQQ helps QQQ secure some of the stuff for her disciples should they ever find themselves in a situation where cultivation isn’t enough.

NYY is also given some because hello that is SQQ’s daughter who else would he give some to.

EDIT I HAD A FUNNY THOUGHT

SQQ (talking about LBH): Yeah so I sprayed this child in the face with it, I’ll take 25 more

Anyways here’s an au while my inferiority complex festers and my will & motivation to write slowly seeps out of me

HealingCum au ft.Estranged brothers SY and SJ

An au in which SY and SJ are brothers (wow shockers) and MQF falls for SJ’s mysterious brother that dabbles in poison work. SY’s older by like 7-9 years btw(pun intended).

So the whole thing with them is that the Shen family is a bunch of merchants and after having their eldest son (SY) they were happy and didn’t plan on any more children. And then SJ came and they dumped him somewhere because their eldest was doing just fine and they didn’t need another son (SY was not with them during the time, he was like… in the imperial city studying or something—point is, he didn’t know about SJ)

Anyways so SY transmigrates, retains the originals memories, and returns home because wtf else is he supposed to do? Anyways stuff happens, not super important, but eventually SY gets a glimpse of SJ, and he’s like “that’s an eerily familiar face…” so he asks his parents about it, and they eventually crack and confess.

Obviously SY’s pissed off and he goes to go get his brother from the Qiu household, except they aren’t being compliant. They’re being really rude, and it’s clear that QJL looks down on SY from being from a family of merchants—well known or not (SY came to the manor undercover but revealed his identity to QJL to try and get SJ back). Well QJL is an idiot because he’s obviously not aware of what the Shen family actually deals with. Poisons, they deal with poisons and curses. While SY prefers to be civil, at the end of the day he is morally grey with an extended knowledge of various poisons and curses, so he does what he needs to do.

After a nasty mix of both poisoning and cursework, the manor is thrown into chaos and SY walks out with SJ in tow unnoticed. People are scrambling to find a way to save QJL, who’s spasming on the floor with a thick, viscous, black liquid seeping from his mouth and nose. The panic intensifies when said liquid seems to take the form of centipedes and begin scurrying around.

ANYWAYS so basically SY doesn’t take SJ home because it’s clear that his parents are irresponsible and won’t treat SJ well if SY brings him home, so SY uses the connections the original body had acquired to pull some strings and get SJ into CQMS to give the child a better future. (Doesn’t know SJ is SQQ) SY promises to do his best to pay SJ back for the years of mistreatment and is like “If you need anything, send me a letter and I’ll do my best to help” and he overstays his welcome in CQMS fretting over SJ for a bit before he has to go back down and… do whatever it is he does (experiment w/ poisons and curses and prepare to sell them to paying customers or something)

SY feels super guilty and responsible (even though it wasn’t his fault that his bitchass parents in this world abandoned his brother) and has a hard time connecting w/ SJ so he tries not to push for anything and just remains supportive from the sidelines.

Anyways SJ’s so prickly and distrusting that he’s purposely trying to test SY and find his bottom line, asking for ridiculously expensive things or hard to find things in the hopes that SY will stop playing nice and reveal his true colors. Of course SY delivers each item as quickly as he can and always sends accompanying letters and gifts.

Over the years SJ develops a favorable impression of SY and views him as reliable. Sometimes they meet up and it’s nice (kind of awkward) but SY’s happy his brother’s grown up to have a bright future.. and when SJ becomes SQQ SY’s invited to the ceremony (about to get the shock of this life)

ENTER MQF, who’s always been somewhat interested in SJ’s knowledge about poisons (he learned from SY’s letters because SY very much enjoys yapping about what certain toxins do and how to counteract them) seeing SQQ’s older brother for the first time makes his curiosity spike. When SY comes close to congratulate his brother after the ceremony MQF’s nearby and he gets a closer look at SY. SY’s saying something about treating disciples right, and making sure to be a good teacher while also telling him to take care of himself. He has like a bunch of herbs good for cultivation as well as a good few poisonous ones that he shoves into SQQ’s arms, telling him to use the spiritual ones well and use the poisonous ones for good reason (or something idk)

Anyways so while SY turns to leave he bumps into MQF. MQF notes how SY smells faintly of oleander and something else that MQF can’t quite place his finger on, and SY also takes note of the scent of herbs clinging to MQF. Conversation quickly starts and SQQ notices the way MQF looks at his brother with clear interest (not romantic, yet) and he bristles like instantly. Immediately he interrupts the two to see SY off, eyeing MQF.

ANYWAYS SO MQF AND SY START EXCHANGING LETTERS AND NOBODY REALLY KNOWS UNTIL SQQ, WHO’S AWARE OF MQF MAKING EYES AT HIS BROTHER ANY TIME THEY’E IN THE SAME VICINITY (WHICH ISN’T OFTEN, TO SQQ’S KNOWLEDGE), GOES TO CONFRONT MQF ONLY TO FIND SY AND MQF LOWKEY GOING ST IT FRESKY STYLE. TBF HE PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAVE PULLED A LQG AND BARGED INTO MQF’S PRIVATE QUARTERS. HE JUST STOPS AT THE DOORWAY, HIS EYES FLARED WIDE AS HE TAKES IN THE SIGHT OF SY TIED UP, NAKED, AND LIKE .. MQF AND SY ARE DOING SOME TYPE OF PLAY? POISON PLAY? WAX PLAY? KNIFE PLAY? IDK SOMETHING MQF HAD TO EASE SY INTO PROBABLY. MQF IS LEANING DOWN OVER SY AND THERE’S THIS SCENT OFN INCENSE IN THE AIR AND SJ QI DEVIATES RIGHT THEN AND RIGHT THERE.

It happens during disciple days, Shen Jiu doesn't recognize the egg as an egg at first, dragon eggs tend to look like large rocks to deter predators from snatching them away while the parents are out.

It's just a smooth looking rock that SJ takes notice of (It's directly in the pathway of one of his shortcut routes), nothing special. Until it hatches. See, in his disciple days Shen Jiu wasn't the most liked nor the most respected, is wasn't uncommon for select disciples to group up and chase after him--spewing some nonsense about honor for that brute Liu-whatever his name was. So currently, SJ--who is using his shortcut to escape from pursuit--stumbles across the egg in the midst of it's hatching.

When a slimey--snotty dragonling peeks its head up and starts chirping loud enough to give his location away, SJ can only scoop the entire egg up (much too light to be a rock now that he's holding it) and book it.

It's not easy to hide the fact that he has a dragon but SJ manages, climbing the ranks is far easier when there's a dragon helping him regulate his qi now.

When SJ becomes a PL there's no real reason to hide it anymore, however rather than drawing attention to himself and putting a target on his head, he allows SY to assimilate naturally--leaving traces of SY everywhere until LQG "Stumbles" on SY during the caves incident and is saved. (SY is huge btw)

From that point on it's known that CQMS has a DRAGON. SY enjoys his freedom in roaming across the peaks but always returns to Qing Jing peak (the pls assume that his nest is there but SY just loves his mama actually, even though he acts all snooty and standoffish and judgemental)

Anyways so SY is fond of LBH (and trying to change the story and his mama's fate) or whatever so when the whole demon thing happens (if SQQ somehow gets affected w/ without a cure) I'd like to imagine SQQ just standing in front of the demons, a manic glow in those green eyes of his as he closes his fan and points it at the demonic elder guy. These demons go wide eyed as a huge ass dragon descends from the sky, landing in front of SQQ defensively all snarls and spilling flames from its mouth.

Guh after being separated in their childhoods YQ and SJ haven't had a chance to meet again, they live in like two different worlds. YQ has never stopped thinking about his companion at the orphanage, his Xiao-Jiu. When the fire at the Qiu mansion happened and Shen Jiu's body wasn;t found YQ held onto the hopes that he was still alive and living under another identity. He often wonders where he is now, and sometimes even considers travelling back to his hometown to try and find him (YQ was adopted by rich ol' ceo/important business guy (modern sect leader) and was groomed into becoming a perfect businessman) but always chickens out because he's sure that Shen Jiu is living well without him.

Anyways so YQ's on a business trip or whatever and while there he spots an advertisement for a show or whatever and there on the glowing billboard is Shen Jiu. YQ's heart stutters and he just stares wide eyed, in a trace as he watches the short clip featuring SJ's dance and he impulsively buys a ticket. He plans to just see how SJ's doing and support him from the shadows because he's all like "SJ will never want to see me again, because I couldn't save him from the manor and I didn't look for him well enough" (He did, he looked everywhere, it's just that SJ was literally taken out of state by WYZ who's like,, a drug dealer con artist type guy? Who made SJ perform infront of people as a distraction while he raided their belongings and/or knocked them out)

Anywaysies so SJ spots YQ in the crowd and for the first time in his dancer career he falters on stage. It's a slight stumble, nobody really notices at the time they're just cheering for his amazing dancing but YQ saw, and he knows SJ saw him--hell, how could he not know when SJ's still staring at him?

disciple au where XF likes hanging out w/ SY and talking about these really elaborate schemes that he makes up in his mind. They’re all satire and just for fun—most of them being with a stupid goal in mind. SY’s other friend SJ (a friend that he’s surprised he made in the first place) sometimes overhears these plots and on rare occasions he comments on them.

Xiang Fei is just like “Okay so that’s how I’d break into the palace and replace all of the books in the royal library with my own works, that way when the emperor reads it he’ll fall in love with my literature and hire me, I’ll be set for life!” While he lays on the grass, tired from training. He dragged SY (and SJ by default) along to ditch training for a bit. Shen Yuan rolls his eyes, muttering something about how the emperor would have to be brain damaged to find his work agreeable. Shen Jiu is silently staring, he was planning on dragging Shen Yuan back but instead of doing that he actually considers Xiang Fei’s plans and points out the flaws in it.

“Why would you replace every book, someone would obviously catch on—plus, there’s no way you’ve written enough to fill up the royal library. Besides that, you can’t handle training, you certainly couldn’t handle sneaking into the palace and then sneaking out”

Xiang Fei pauses at Shen Jiu’s words, scrunching up his face dramatically and stretching his words dramatically as he replies.

“You think the emperor actually reads all of his books? Obviously I’d replace all of them so that when he does finally decide to read a book it’d be one of my own—which will blow him away. Also I can just use multiple copies of the same book, the emperor isn’t famous for being a renowned scholar after all, he wouldn’t notice.”

Shen Jiu squints his eyes, scoffing at Xiang Fei’s stupid reply—not missing the way Xiang Fei didn’t deny his inability to sneak in and out of a palace.

“Blow him away?? Is that a new way of treason? (Doesn’t understand the slang) And while yes the emperor isn’t know form being a scholar, he is known for being a power hungry tyrant that’s killed people for looking at him, much less breaking into his library and touching his belongings.”

The two go back and forth, bickering as if they were friends with eachother. Shen Yuan’s eyelids grow heavy under the combined voices of his friends, their words drowning out and mixing together in a weird little lullaby.

When the first snore slips out of SY’s mouth SJ and XF quiet their playful bickering at once, turning to stare at him.

“He fell asleep…”

“A wonder how he could.. and don’t change the topic, you could not take on royal guards.”

“Hey! I’m practically a full fledged cultivator already!”

“I should tell that to your Shizun and let them put that to the test.”

Shen Yuan being SQQ's windchime wasn't on his list of things he envisioned his future self doing, but it happened and there's nothing he can really do about it.

The system places him there to reform the scum villain, so he's living as a windchime that's been around long enough to develop a spirit.

Anyways so tiny fairy SY bringing like snacks and bandages to LBH :3

LBH very much wants to marry the little fairy