#nonjonformist

Been feeling this desire to shut my mouth lately. Not say anything unless it's meaningful. No desire to overshare or share period. That's why I've been so quiet for 2 weeks plus. And an overpowering feeling of having nothing to say.

Learnt early on to keep my thoughts in my head because when you share things in your life with other people, they now feel entitled to share their opinions on everything that's going on in your life.

Not one to get angry easily but sometimes, I feel so much rage like a pot that's been left to boil unchecked. Like a volcano that's been capped. And I need an outlet. A good use for my boiling rage.

Careful honey. If you get too close to me on a bad day, you might get a third degree burn you may never recover from. When I'm mad, I'm out for the kill. I can't see or think straight. All I see is red. And I'm out to hurt anyone. My neurons run at hyperspeed. A wild bull.

Sometimes, I do something. Maybe I take an action like washing a cup or any activity.

As a dog returning to its own vomit, so too do I with old habits.

I say I won't do it again but I keep falling back into the deep black pit. Everyone calls her lust. She beckons to every man, woman. "Let go of all restraint. All rules, guides, wisdom. Come with me. Let's go have ourselves some fun." She's in the driver's seat of my mind. I try to resist her but her hold on me is strong.

Giving in to her callings, I descend down the depths of depravity. I can't find her anymore. As soon as I told her yes, she wished away like steam. I rolled around with the wrong crowd, high off of my own energy. Blow exchange. Made a mistake. Hands behind my back to bars in front of me.

As I lay on the cold, hard floor of a prison cell, I come back to my senses. It was her all along. She didn't disappear. She was always there, tricking me once, twice, thrice. Pulling every evil string. Lies reverberating all around the echo chamber known as my mind.