#nonbinary advice

I'm really scared of biases towards me being nonbinary and that they will refuse T, which might be a weird fear. I had to wait for 13 months for my first appointment, which they continued to delay by moving the date to the point of placing it in the middle of Easter, which then forced me to cancel the appointment.

And with the added factor of this being the exam season, I need to make everything count. Funny enough, the secretary asked if I could "just cancel the appointment and come to us in another time" as if I did not have to wait for over a year to simply get an appointment to talk.

i find myself romantically and sexually attracted to this nonbinary person. it's a first for me i think. i'm a gay trans man and i didn't think i could like an enby like this. the thing is, they're amab and they haven't physically transitioned in any way. and i'm pretty sure that if they were to feminise their body, i wouldn't be attracted to them. i'm attracted to their body bcs the body is the type of a body i normally like, a stereotypically male looking body. (sorry if this sounds offensive, i have no idea how to word it). my question is, is this okay? i wonder if that means i see them as a man, but i don't think so, i think i do see them as nonbinary. i mean, i'm trying my best and i respect nb ppl fully.

is it transphobic to be attracted to them because they have this """male""" body (again, sorry for the language)? is this normal?

OK so my ideal gender presentation is plant.Like if I had a choice I just would be a tree, but I can’t physically do that, and the fact that I can’t do that makes me physically uncomfortable

(I think it’s gender dysphoria? I don’t know I’m scared)

So do you guys have any ideas for things I could do or outfits I could wear. I don’t have a lot of money, but I can figure things out. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I am not sure how to do that. So the least I could do is reach out to people who might know.

Well hi! I’m flattered that you thought to ask me, that’s honestly really sweet!

The story behind my name is kinda funny because I didn’t really choose it; it just kind of happened by chance. So way back in like 2017? I opened a FFN account and tried to figure out a username (I was still very egg at this time). I just decided on “MusingsFromMars” because I like alliteration and I thought it was catchy. The “Mars” in there wasn’t referring to myself, but to the planet. I liked the insinuation that I was just sitting on the planet Mars beaming out gay fanfiction back to Earth.

I eventually opened an AO3 and Tumblr with the same username, and when I put together my profiles, I decided to list my name as “Mars” since that’s what my username implied. But this was the only capacity that I used my name in at the time - as a screen name.

But the more people referred to me as Mars, the more I started to love the name and began to identify with it. In turn, I figured out my enbyness and decided that Mars would be my new name!

With that said...yeah, I didn’t really choose my name as much as I used it in a limited circumstance and grew to identify with it far more than I first intended.

As far as choosing a name for yourself, my best advice would be to be creative, ignore naming customs, and follow your heart! You don’t have to pick a gender neutral name just because you’re nonbinary, because no matter what the cis say, names are genderless and there are no rules. You could also just make something up that sounds nice, name yourself after your favorite, idk, Roman god, candy bar, or planet, name yourself after something that interests you or symbolizes your personality, the options are boundless!

I know this may not help you narrow down your options. Just know that nothing is off limits! Also, there’s no rule that says you can’t have more than one name, too. I have enby friends who have multiple names. So if there is more than one name that you really like, use both! And if you get tired of a name you’ve picked, start using another one!

I understand your hesitation to self-diagnose, as it can be risky in some cases, but please believe me when I tell you that most doctors are not only unequipped to properly diagnose dysphoria, they’re often so biased against transgender people that they will outrightly deny any symptoms of dysphoria. 

best case scenario: your doctor listens to you and agrees, giving you no more information than what you already know

worst case scenario: your doctor tries to convince you that you’re a cis girl with internalized misogyny, you don’t have dysphoria, and actively uses their bias to intimidate you out of ever considering any type of transitioning (unfortunately, I’ve experienced this one firsthand)

currently, binders are one of the safest and most effective modern methods of chest flattening, and your mom would know that most alternatives to wearing a binder are much riskier if she did her research properly (e.g. ace bandages, which can permanently damage your lungs and/or the structure of your ribcage). the only reason I can think of that a binder would hurt or leave marks is if it’s too small on you, but that holds true for any other article of clothing. 

here are some resources that might help you convince your mom that using a binder is safe, or at least provide you with enough information to find a good temporary alternative:

chest binding: tips and tricks for trans men, nonbinary, and genderfluid people

"my breasts left me anxious and embarrassed": chest binding and how to do it safely 

your guide to chest binding properly and safely