#mutiplicity

Co-fronting with Iori/Cole be like......

system mate:

There is a reason I’m the only alter. It has been incredibly hostile to the idea of being plural for a very long time. In-part because being plural would be a massive problem for what it wants to do. It’s not hostile towards the idea of plurality in-general, just that it is plural. it found out today that both of it’s partners are plural (it knew about one, the other told it today). I worry that if it starts to accept what I am, that it will try to get rid of me. either by pushing me out, or merging, or whatever.

I’m considering taking some kind of drastic option. I already kinda did one (which I massively regret doing), but it just does not remember me doing it, despite or because it is kinda very similar to major abuse that it has gone through… I wasn’t thinking at the time. I don’t know how to make up for it, but I guess that’s just my cross to bear since it just doesn’t remember me doing it. Now, the other drastic option that I’m thinking about is reaching out to one or both of its partners and explaining the situation. It has told me that if I do that it will try to get rid of me, and that’s also just a genie that can’t go back in its bottle. If I do that, I would definitely need to go about it in a way that uses the amnesia to my advantage, but it’s still a massive risk.

The other option that I can think of is similar to how its girlfriend found out she was plural. With her, she basically had friends that noticed how different she would be in arguments. I have come around multiple times in arguments. But my problem there is that it is obscenely non-confrontational, especially around the people that would notice the difference between it and I. And also, there was a point in time where I was in front when its girlfriend was visiting in-person, so I don’t know if she would notice anyway.

I don’t think it will accept me without some kind of drastic measure. It already went through the phase of questioning if it was plural, and came to the conclusion that it is not. That question from a few months ago about alters not knowing languages was it! I don’t fucking know it’s second language (which it is fluent in), or the tiny bit of the third language it was trying to learn. But, it no longer considers itself to be questioning, despite me taking front multiple times, with it noticing. We talk whenever we’re both around. less than we used to, but we still do. Fuck, we’ve talked about this specifically, and it is still in denial. It knows I exist and has actively interacted with me. It just is deeply in denial about what I am.

But… part of me does wonder if me going away is the best case scenario anyway. Or just going back to more of a peanut gallery role than what I am now. Me existing is genuinely dangerous for its future plans. It’s not really feasible that I be around for, really any significant part of its life. I kinda have my own goals and wants, but they’re not nearly as developed as they could be. I barely have my own voice. I just haven’t had the chance. I don’t even know what I like to do. But I’m not sure if that really matters anyway. It will probably try to get rid of me at some point.

Like I said, there’s a reason I’m the only one. It is extremely hostile to the idea of being plural. To my knowledge, I am the only time it has ever given the chance to split, and that was a complete accident. It probably says something about how healthy it is that it split literally as soon as it got the chance. It would probably resent me at best or hate me at worst if it stops being in denial. I warn it whenever it starts to get in the mindset of possibly splitting again (which has happened a few times recently. it’s not doing very well, but that’s a different thing). Even though it’s in denial, it must know on some level because it listens. I just… I don’t want anyone else to have to deal with this fucking mess of a wolf in the way I do (it’s a wolf therian too. that’s a whole different thing). I love that wolf, I really do, but fuck me this situation is a mess.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what will happen if it stops being in denial. I’m afraid of what happened to any past alters if there were others before me. I’m afraid for its future. I’m afraid of it resenting or hating me.

Sorry for this being so long and disorganized. I just needed to get it out somehow, and I don’t have a lot of good options at the moment.

Hi there, anon. We appreciate hearing from you and always welcome those sharing their hardships.

I think it's understandable to feel how you do. Not feeling welcome or recognized is difficult. It can affect our self esteem and really bring us down.

I don't think there is any "right" way to prove your plurality to someone. Also, I was a bit unsure from your ask, but it seems like you have talked to the host quite a bit. Like it mentioning it will "get rid of you" if you talk to it's girlfriend. Importantly too, no one can "get rid of" system members, they may go dormant or be difficult to reach, but they can't go forever, particularly through coercion. How does it explain being able to speak with you while also still claiming to not be plural? I'm curious if this point might help them be more accepting.

I also think that sometimes people don't feel ready to accept their plurality, or they aren't in a situation where they can explore it. You mentioned how it feels that being plural could be dangerous for its future plans. What kind of plans? How might you be able to help in these plans? How could working together make you all stronger? I'm curious if that anxiety and other anxieties are what are holding it back from being accepting of their plurality. Ultimately, speaking with a professional may also be very helpful regardless.

I wish you the best navigating this situation.

If that’s the way you feel anon, then that’s the way you feel. No one is going to force you to interact with a tumblr user that you don’t like or who makes you feel unsafe. That’s the beauty of tumblr. You can block @realmultipleadvice ‘s blog and even blacklist their blog name so you never see posts about them again.

Sadly, this is not true of most places. Currently in the world most people don’t believe in otherkin or fictionkin, and the best that we can hope for is that we are treated with respect despite the difference in our beliefs. This is the case with all people-- almost no one in the world is going to share a mindset 100%.