#system positivity

I have finally felt a sense of closure. I, a trauma holder, ruthlessly haunted by the actions of one of our abusers for the past few years, finally felt closure. I don't feel like I'm insane for everything I've had to emotionally deal with because of them.

Yes, we do experience a lot of difficulty with this disorder. It can't be cured. It can't just go away. There are some alters that wish it would just stop.

As it's nearing the end of pride month I just wanted to give one more shout out queer systems and give attention to the unique relationship we often have with queerness/gender/sexuality when multiple.

wether you're a system that mostly identify the sane way or a system that varies wildly in gender, sexuality etc. You're valid and I see you. Navigating your identity is already so confusing even without a CDD so adding a disorder that messes with and fragments your identity to the mix and it becomes a whole new mess to deal with.

I especially want to send love to trans systems or systems that have had changes in their gender/transition due to changes in host. It's something I've seen quite a few times but isn't really bought up that much in our community, at least from what I've seen. I'm lucky that my system largely leans the same way as I (our host) do in our gender and what we want with our transition but I sympathise a lot with those who are having more of a struggle knowing what's the right decision to make for you as a collective. Or worrying that in the future you might change your mind due to no longer being the person you are now. There's no shame in that by the way. You're allowed to change.

Regardless to how you or your parts identify or how different it is compared to those without CDDs you are valid, beautiful and your voice should be heard as much as anyone.

It's okay if your system experiences don't match other people's. I can understand how isolating and sometimes invalidating it feels to not feel like you fit in in system spaces. It can make denial so much worse. It can make you feel like you have to present yourselves in a way that's more "acceptable" at the sake of authenticity. You& don't have to do this, in fact, please don't.

The wide variety of ways external and internal factors influence how a system presents means that there isn't a set default. There isn't a system Everyman (an Everymans? Is that funny?). There isn't a prescribed way that we have to look or perform. You are not "less of a system" than someone else you may come across in these spaces.

Forcing yourselves to conform to the standards set by sysblr or systok or systagram or whatever will do more damage than not. Being a system/in a system is already so hard without feeling like you need to fit unnecessary expectations.

A lot of us say fuck it and embrace it but there’s several alters here who have extremely strict stable identities that feel uncomfortable being seen as anything else. And unfortunately our collective identity and host doesn't match up with it at all.

We still try our best to give each other our own spaces but it does suck to feel like your body isn't yours even outside of the depersonalization we experience. which is why we're trying to break out of what we were taught and have an abstract view of reality and sense of self.

Our goal is functional multiplicity and the ability to express ourselves outwardly. we want to let certain headmates know that although we're all stuck in this body, all stuck with the same issues, we can still live.