#mulmine

mulmine/mulminity! ⸻ a term/gender quality that is both femuline (link) & mascemine (link)!

etymology; femuline, mascemine!

for anon!

Ive heard of this blog and i may have..asked a question before..and the answer i got is really great(i dont know which or when i did but i saw it and i wanna say thank you for this soo much)

I think what i wanna ask is basically just have to do with my gender

I know i am nonbinary but the type of nonbinary sub label i am i have been trying to search one because me labeling myself..as just nonbinary..while yet it deacribes my base it dosent..really describe...me and how it usually presents

Soo heres what my gender experience has been so far..

So around me i was mostly assigned to be a girl duw to what society tells me what to be a girl(you know the one you need to look like this you need to have this specific organ blah blah) and for a while i thought that i was okay with being a girl after all if you dont have anything to be a girl then obviously girls can be

But thats the thing as i tried to find what girlhood means to me..it is..blank..there id notbing there i try ti ecplain it to mysekf anf even its undescribable

So of course this is what made me to realise that..okay i am not..exactly cis

But then again i mostly experienced this i think in my younger yeats my dad one time wanted to buy me more girly clothes so that i wont look tomboyish and i was fine with mostly wearing masculine gender neutral clothes as a kid and i always hated that my dad or my mum usually will make me try to do things that felt silly to me to do or frivoloud like trying on girly clothes or makeup..maybe it was because i was being bullied..but back then i never liked it..and then i always played with

I think where i grew up in nigeria i grew up with the sense that i was a girl before i even knew what that meant for me..to be a girl if that makes sense

I was mostly neutral about it due to it just being me but i also liked it because i grew up during the 2000s where there was girl power through shows i was watching but in actuality sure i was neutral about most stuff but in actuality in expressing it..it was more of an annoyance to actually be a girl

Because i was just myself

But being a girl was filled with presentation for me to have to compulsory dress femme all the time so that quote or quote by her i wont be a tomboy anymore

Which never really worked out as i still mostly wear trousers and shirts

But i mostly taught of myself as a different girl who whike dosent present femme im still was a girl or so i thought

However as i grew up and wanted to explore my gender and sexuality at like 13 i eventually explore more of whether i even feel like a girl because i have heard very beautiful descriotions from people on how they are all girls from each and everykind and i am thankful to this day i was their sounboard of gushing about how they a

Anyway enough reminiscing so i stuck..with agender..however i wa gatekept from the label..one of the agenfer groups on here when i was identifying with it literally tokd me to my face that oh i cant identify with it because the way that i wrote my question to the groul made it look and just focused on the fact that i was changing up how people see me based on clothing not like gender..even though that wasnt half what i talked about did i mention clothes..yes i did but thats because i was confused cause i know that i wanted to look in a way that no one can tell my gender

i dont wanna be a boy or a woman i wanna be me however that wants to be

And i wantef to express that through clothing because thats how it is usually expressed

So i stopped using it and was left in this limbo of being confused..was i cis woman who just hated the responsibilities of being a woman and was so self hating towards being it that i hsd internalosed misogyny...or am i actually nonbinary but i cant find any label

But basically how it isI wanna feel pretty not in a masc or femme way and it may look like it based on me being using pastels or me being flowy

I want to use he/she pronouns but he in a femme way and she in a masc way internally inside me simultaneously both if them are seperate and yet stuck together within me

But in internally if someone will ask me whether i am a boy or a girl would give you a no to each one

I want to be my own person im not interested in my gender heading towards any gendered expectations make me feel whole i mostly want to do my own thing

And somehow within that that is me through exploring stuff

But i do will sometimes pick masc and femme stuff simultaneously to kind of make a mix or create ny own mix

Or sometimes i just wanna choose how i am and not be..attached to gender im doing this because i want to but i am notna girl which gets muddy because people want to dictate my gender based on how i dressed or at least thats how my parents emphasized it

I want to buy a binder and change my voice and also look pretty not being a man..or like a woman just me

Now is it seperate..alas i am not out so i cant say how much i express my gender physically but what i wanna say is that my gender..is something that is somehow sometimes is not entirelt seperate and yet also is

Like i dont mean oh here is one side where it is masc side..and here is where femme side is..

But i usually wanna express my gender in a way where it is combined like a slice basically where there are genders and there is a line but it is still conjoined and together and flows like one day i wanna wear a dress but it wont be femme i wanna play by making my chest flat and doing something that makes people not see oh its femme and also masc but sintead od being masc with suits and ties..i wanna be more femme with it like think gaymens fashion or flamboyant fashion and also another one where i do whatever i want and i am occupying both parts of the gender at the same time like i am both masc and she which creates an entire new being where i occupy both masc and femme and i try to essentially balance it in a way where i am both from my outfits so that i can be happy cause thats how i wanna express it...

And i still have that about my gender or lack there of..i really am thinking about transitioning at one point which i wanna start now but secretly in a way that no one would even notice

I also suspect i have dysphoria..but i dont know in what way or shape this comes out in yet all i know is that i really dont like my chest..i dont like my chest i usually have this very specific image in my mind for how it is supposed to be and its flat at times for being masc and yet also its flat when im femme as well but sometimes not

Then theres is also how im perceived i do not want to be associated with any gender..at all and somehow i want to occupy this stuff(i dont wanna use femme or masc energy its weird..but kinda is what i wanna use)

The world will not understand me being this so alas i will be vieweed as feminine presenting when that is even not what i want to be

I also dont want to be viewed as masc presenting yeah im gonna be wearing stuff you will see as masc but im not masc i dont want people to know me as a man and any one

Whether femme or masc fillls me with dread so much

but it had generally made me not feel nice that i can achieve this becahse i want to have a body that no one can tell my gender..i want basically mold and make my body me in what way i want for it to be and that includes gender to the point no one can tell what i am which is the whole point

As for dressing i guess i have taken for it to be more masc leaning a bit but i am not..transmasc

Because like i am masc i wanna be masc and yet i dont know if i relate to it..but then again maybe i do because i do kinda like masc pronouns lile he i feel like also if i am femme i dont wanna be femme like femme but also like femmemasc...like femmmemasc

Howrever i appear to be afraid for shooping for male things for myself i remember this summmer i wanted to go a party in a suit but whrn i was shopping in the men sections in a primark store i was so scared for even looking at the suits that i ran away

itd what i want to be but when tis actually a reality i usually feel like i will never match to what i look like in my head or its not looking like it and i get so mad so i drop it and go back to be in a neutral femme wha that makes me feeling like im wearing a skin suit espescially when i try to wear make up or anything femme

because i do visualise myself in a suit that wad one time for going for a party

Or i would be having a shaved head flat chest and having a really like deep raspy voice that is seen from socorty as flamboyant

Or i will also sometimes think of myself wearing masc clothing

I dont know..this is all i got for my gender..for now

Tidbit..i also jokingly call myself a little creature at times..i dont know if this means anything but i just wanna see saying because i have also seen some..like altergender communities..essentially say its a joke but i dont usually identify..with any of it

Hi!! I think it’s great that you have so much detail & are paying attention to how you feel! Discovering your gender (or lack thereof) & how you want to present it is hard & makes you have to look deep inside yourself.

The most important thing, always, is to ask: What makes me happy? Does identifying as a girl make you happy? As a boy? As nonbinary? Does the idea of people not being able to figure out your gender make you happy?

Find your joy & chase it!!

If you don’t want to be a boy or a girl & you feel like inside you aren’t, then you aren’t! That’s what being nonbinary is all about. It also seems that you do experience dysphoria, with you feeling like dressing femme is like wearing a skin suit & wanting your body to be not male or female.

Also, I’m sorry that agender group invalidated you!! Clothes are different from gender, yes, but like you said, it’s a really important way of expressing it!

Here are my thoughts,,

Androgyne (link) — this can mean both man & woman, but can also mean an androgynous gender. androgyny is when masc & fem combine in some way, or you’re in between them

Wisterous (link) — androgyny (both or between masc & fem) that isn’t connected to being a boy or a girl

Mulmine (link) — both femuline (feminine in a masculine way) & mascemine (masculine in a feminine way)

Femasc (link) — both masculine & feminine. can also be called femmasc, mascfem, mascufem, or mascfemme

Ambiangi (link) — both androgynous & ambiguous (not clearly one thing or the other, in your case not clearly masc/boy or fem/girl). can also be called angiambi

Transandrogynous (link) — trans & androgynous, or (wanting to) transition to presenting or physically being more androgynous

Nonbinary — not always, completely & only either a boy or a girl

Genderblank (link) — when you think of your gender, all you can describe it as is a blank space

Egogender (link) — gender that is “just me”. for more genders like this one, you can look into autonine!

I hope this helps!

Snow White: Congratulations! Since we're announcing good things, Elsa and I are dating!

Pocahontas: So are Ella and I.

Jasmine, hugging a very flustered Mulan: And us too, obviously.

Rapunzel: Merida and I are a thing!

Ariel: Like a romantic thing? 'Cause then Moana and I are also a 'thing'!

Tiana: Oh, wow. Is there anyone here dating a man?

Aurora: *starts slowly raising her hand*

Mulan, blushing: Jazy... this is just the front camera.

Jasmine: Exact-

Jasmine: Wait. Front camera?

Jasmine: *takes the phone back and flips the camera to her*

Jasmine: There you go.

Snow White: Hey! There are kids around, say it nicer maybe?

Jasmine:

Mulan: No. Where?

Jasmine: My room. Clothes are 100% off.