8th house synastry has always felt like standing too close to a fire you didn’t mean to build, yet somehow can’t step away from.

It is made of contradictions that don’t cancel each other out, but instead coexist, burning side by side.

The highs arrive first. They always do. They arrive in quiet realizations that escape your mouth before your mind can stop them, you say to yourself, "I am in love" and it feels obvious, it feels inevitable. Their presence rearranges your internal landscape. You find yourself placing them above everything else without hesitation. You show them loyalty not because they asked for it, but because the idea of them doubting you feels unbearable.

And then, as you two go your separate ways, the lows arrive just as suddenly as the highs once did.

Not gently, but like a door closing in another room, one you didn’t even realize was still open until the silence began to echo.

You become numb. Careless. Irritable at things that are not really the problem. You pull away from conversation, not because you don’t care, but because you can’t seem to care about anything at all. Not like before. Not in color.

Their presence had ignited something chemical, something alive, a rush of warmth and light that made everything else feel meaningful by proximity. And now, without it, the world returns in grayscale.

So nothing else quite reaches you, and nothing else stays.

Days pass and then inevitably so, you see them again.

But this time one part of you acts out of fear. They walk into the room, and you tell yourself "I don't want to burden them" and in trying to minimize the emotional charge and tension, you act distant, you make an effort to make them think you don't need them, not because it's true, but because you're scared of showing them how much you do care for them, and so fear speaks before truth. 

You oscillate, you go back and forth, showing intense loyalty to avoidance. 

Eye contact becomes language. Across crowded rooms, your eyes search for them before you even realize you’re looking. And when you find them, there is that moment — that quiet, overwhelming realization of finally being seen, of being accepted without effort, and it fills you completely. You can’t help but smile when they are near. Your eyes speak the million words your voice is too afraid to carry, and the questions you buried deep within yourself dissolve in their presence. Nothing needs to be asked. Nothing needs to be explained.

You know you like them.

You know you want them.

You know that you can let your walls fall down with them.

And it is the absence of questioning that changes everything. In not questioning, something steadies inside you. Something roots itself. It becomes an anchor, it feels unfamiliar, but undeniable.

A kind of self-reassurance you have never known before.

And because it feels like safety, you become afraid of losing the part of yourself that only exists when their eyes meets yours.

On days where expectations are not met, the absence of their attention buries you like an avalanche; and this pit in your stomach consumes you completely.

So you become aware of everyone else in proximity to them. You notice their laughter with others. You feel jealousy coil quietly in your chest. You compare the way you feel when they stand next to you — the warmth, the expansion — to the emptiness you feel when someone else stands there instead.

There is no comparison. There never is.

The highs can last for days. So can the lows.

And somehow, even in the uncertainty, the possibility of loving them takes precedence over everything else. You want them to know. You need them to know.

And sometimes, in a room full of people, you can’t help but tell them with your eyes alone.

"I want you."

But then, after time, the 12th house arrives like fog over still water.

It doesn’t extinguish the fire. It obscures it.

Not all at once. Not enough to alarm you. Just enough to blur the edges of something that once felt unmistakably clear.

What was once instinct becomes hesitation.

You begin to question things you never questioned before. You wonder if you mean anything to them, if they dream of you too, if they want you as much as you want them. The spaces between your interactions grow longer, heavier, filled with uncertainty you can’t ignore.

Doubt is quiet, but invasive.

You wonder if you imagined it. If maybe you projected depth onto something that was never as deep for them. The certainty you once carried so effortlessly now feels fragile in your hands. Now there is confusion. Hesitation. Fear living in the spaces between what is said and what is felt. Insecurities embed themselves quietly, like roots beneath the surface. Fear begins to disguise itself as intuition.

You tell yourself to be careful. Not to assume. Not to lean too much into something that has never been spoken aloud. And without realizing it, you begin to withhold parts of yourself that once came naturally. The fog doesn’t destroy the connection, it makes you unsure of where you stand and in that uncertainty, you stop moving toward them.

The intensity that once felt undeniable begins to feel questionable.

And now fear becomes the author of your behavior.

So one of you steps back.

Not because the feeling is gone, but because the uncertainty has become louder than the unexplainable knowing you feel when their eyes meet yours. And the other, sensing the shift without words, steps back twice as far. Neither of you asks why. Neither of you says what is happening. Silence becomes the loudest thing between you. And slowly, you both begin to rewrite the story to protect yourselves.

"They didn’t like me."

"They never did."

They walk into the room, and your body reacts before your mind can intervene. Your chest tightens. Your awareness sharpens. Every part of you turns toward them in quiet recognition.

But instead of moving closer, you retreat inward.

A thought appears, curious but commanding:

"Did they ever like me? Was this all in my head?"

You convince yourself your feelings are too much. Too heavy. Too visible. To feel this much with no foundation scares you, it scares you because you can't make sense of it. You can't understand why the tension rises when they are in the room, and you fear that if they truly saw the depth of it, they might feel trapped, obligated and overwhelmed.

So you do the only thing fear knows how to do.

You conceal.

You soften your gaze when you want to hold it. You speak to others with rehearsed ease, careful to construct the image of someone whole and unaffected.

Someone who does not need.

Especially not them.

You make sure they see this version of you.

Not because it’s true.

But because it feels safer than being known.

There is a particular pain in pretending you don’t care while caring more than you ever have. It is a quiet self-betrayal. You split yourself in two: the one who feels, and the one who performs.

And sometimes, in protecting yourself from rejection, you create the very distance you were afraid of.

They notice. Of course they notice.

They see your distance and interpret it as disinterest. They see your independence and assume they were never necessary to you. Your silence becomes their answer.

So they withdraw too.

And now, both of you stand on opposite sides of a divide neither of you wanted, each believing you are respecting the other’s absence. Both of you acting out of fear.

Fear spoke first.

And truth becomes something buried, not something named, it becomes something you only feel, but no longer trust.

Dismissiveness is mirrored. Distance is mirrored. Indifference is performed so convincingly it begins to feel real. A self-sabotaging prophecy written by two people too afraid to ask for truth.

The anxious one feels it first — the severance. Not physically, but energetically. Like a cord that once hummed with life has gone still. They feel the block. They feel something shift into something unreachable.

They replay every moment. Every glance. Every silence. They wonder if it meant anything. If they meant anything.

The avoidant one chooses the opposite survival.

They move on. Or try to. They date people who do not stir them. They choose eyes that do not see too deeply. They choose connections that ask nothing of them.

Because emotion means confusion.

And confusion means rejection.

So they convince themselves there was never anything there to begin with.

One holds onto memory.

One suppresses what was felt.

Both feel the absence. And then, time passes. Lives unfold.

Until one day, inevitably, they find themselves in the same room again.

And before either of them can stop it, their eyes meet. And the fire, which neither of them ever truly extinguished, begins to burn again.

Book a synastry reading with me or purchase my karmic astrology ebook that is curated towards 8th and 12th house synastry: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com

SAYLESSASTROLOGY ASTRO OBS<3

Capricorn/Sag moon

Can sometimes be an indicator for growing up with a mother who was either emotionally distant or literally physically distant (ex: due to work, or abandonment)

Natal Sun/Mars in 10th house

These people tend to attract lovers who are of high status on the job or in society.

Natal Venus or Ruler in 11th house

Okay so I have Venus in the 11th so I can attest that this placement will bring friends into your life who will enjoy spoiling you or giving you gifts! ❤️

It’s also an indicator that you and your lover will likely start out as friends who may have feelings for each other but don’t tell each other until they can no longer take the sexual tension 🤣😉

Sun/Moon Synastry

Feels like you have known each other for years, you start finishing each others sentences & genuinely feel at ease in their presence

Mars/Uranus in natal 1st house

May have significant amount of noticeable scars, “life wounds” or birth marks

Gemini women

Have a strong temper! But how they choose to express it depends on their mars sign

Ex: a Gemini woman with mars in Taurus can suppress their anger

For as long as possible until they can no longer take it! And when they explode it’s a verbal assault 🤣

Pluto/Uranus/Mars in 4th house

Some of my least favorite synastry aspects...

Moon Square Pluto - I experienced some major power struggles in a relationship with this aspect. This has a very passionate effect that runs on obsessiveness. My partner was extremely jealous of me, and was also possessive. He was very suspicious of me, and later on in the relationship I became suspicious of him. It really wasn’t fun, I kind of felt like I was going crazy. A lot of these struggles were not overtly obvious, it took me some time to realize what was going on.

Mercury Square Ascendant - This relationship was riddled with constant misunderstandings. It was hard to reach a sense of cooperation sometimes. We had lots of differing opinions that would lead to circular arguments. Honestly, there were many situations in which I was far too critical of him. (My Mercury being in Virgo definitely didn’t help.)

Jupiter Square Sun - My sense of values was just completely different from this person. Everything felt like it was too much, there was a lot of drama. I think we got into this partnership overlooking the actual work that a long-term relationship takes. I thought he was self-centered, he thought I was unrealistic.

Saturn Opposition Mars - During this relationship, my partner's recklessness and immaturity caused many issues. I wanted to lay out clear boundaries, but he just never seemed to understand where I was coming from. It got to the point where I felt very controlling of him, and his personal decisions were affecting me way more than I should have let them. 

Jupiter Square Saturn - Free spirit meets stern traditional rule follower. It was interesting.. But also really annoying. 

Neptune Conjunct Venus - Okay look, yes this is a very romantic aspect and it inspires a lot of wonderful feelings. But, it is also overly idealistic and the expectations me and this person set up for one another just couldn’t be met. This type of disappointment is really hard to get over. This isn’t a terrible aspect, just one that needs to be treated delicately. 

8th house/Pluto synastry — especially when you carry deep wounds around self-worth, love, value, and abandonment — can feel very similar to the peace people describe during near-death experiences, and that's not a coincidence.

When I hear stories about their near death experiences, they always mention a sense of pure bliss, serenity, comfort, and calm that is surrounding them. It's as if any and all wounds within dissipates and all that is left is love and fulfillment. The 8th house carries themes of change, ego death, transformation, and everything that comes with surrender and release.

So when you form an 8th house connection with someone and carry those wounds, it’s as if this person lifts you into a frequency where all that internal pain vanishes — just like what happens when you actually pass on from this physical earth.

When someone’s Pluto touches your personal planets or activates your 8th house, the feeling isn’t just healing — it’s otherworldly. There's suddenly no more abandonment wounds, no more aching past; the deeper your wound, the more powerful their presence will feel.

8th house/Pluto synastry mirrors this freeing frequency, and it's the one your soul knows intimately, the one your consciousness is most familiar with and that's why this person will feel like "home."

Imagine experiencing even a glimpse of that kind of peace here, on this chaotic planet we call Earth — and then trying to let it go? That’s why it can be so hard to let go of this person, that's why your soul looks for them when everything else within you says you shouldn't.

it’s so hard to detach from this kind of bond. The dilemma of wishing to letting go is constant, the deeper the desire for love the more conflicted your soul and mind will feel.

Being with them feels like all the pain inside you finally quiets. It’s no coincidence that the one person who unlocks this part of you also holds the key to releasing all the human hurt you carry. This is why this house holds so much karma—they help you confront the inner wounds this physical world has caused. And so, saying goodbye to them means letting go of the version of yourself you always wished you could be—the version you held onto before the world convinced you that you weren’t enough.

Book a synastry reading with me or purchase my karmic astrology ebook that is curated towards 8th and 12th house synastry: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com

~ The Possibility of You: A Story of 8th and 12th House Synastry ~

You walk into the room and my breath stiffens in my chest. My heart drops before I can stop it. You're holding her hand, and I'm standing next to him.

I lower my eyes to the floor and let out a quiet sigh, the kind that escapes before you even realize you're carrying it. And suddenly it's there again—that feeling. The feeling of recognizing someone who was never mine.

    Not in this life, at least.

Maybe somewhere else.

Maybe somewhere beyond this version of reality there was a place where we found each other sooner, where neither of us hesitated, where neither of us looked away.

A place where we chose each other before life had the chance to choose for us. Maybe that’s all it is a story, a fantasy, a way of making sense of something that never made sense.

But every time I see you, something inside me wakes up. Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just enough. Just enough to remind me that some part of me never truly left. Some part of me is still standing exactly where I left it years ago, waiting, listening, wondering.

    And that old pull begins again.

    The one I buried.

    The one I convinced myself was gone.

The one I spent years trying to explain away. The one that makes me wonder why standing beside him suddenly feels so different when you’re standing across the room.

A quiet ache begins whispering in my ear, and suddenly all the certainty I fought so hard to build starts unraveling thread by thread. The parts of me that never got the chance to love you rise to the surface.

    And no matter how many times I've repeated the same words—

    It's time to let go.

    It's time to move on.

    It's over.

The second I see your eyes, none of those words matter. Because all I feel is the what if.

    The endless, haunting what if.

    What if you chose me?

    What if we had trusted what we felt?

    What if we had stopped pretending not to see it?

    What if we had finally said something?

Then our eyes meet.

And that invisible thread that has existed since the first time my eyes found yours pulls tight between us, like a violin string stretched just before it breaks.

    I feel it.

   I wonder if you feel it too.

    But neither of us says anything.

    We never did anyway.

The room continues moving around us. People laugh. Conversations happen. Life goes on.

And yet every time you smile at her, every time your hand finds the small of her back, every time you look at her the way I've imagined you looking at me, something inside me twists.

The part of me that still carries the idea of us begins replaying a life that never happened, as if I am grieving memories that don't even exist.

I'm mourning a story that never got the chance to be written and yet I grieve versions of us that only ever lived inside my imagination.

    And I hate how real it feels.

    Because I am with him.

    And I like him.

    Don't I?

So why does the foundation of whoever I'm standing beside begin to disappear the second you walk into the room?

Why does everyone else suddenly feel quieter?

    Smaller.

    Farther away.

Why does your presence make me feel regret before it makes me feel happiness?

    Why does some stubborn part of me still wish it were you?

    We never were.

    We never got the chance to be.

    There was never an us to lose.

And yet my body clings to you as though you were the safest thing it ever knew. As though somewhere deep inside me, you became the definition of home before you ever had the chance to become mine.

You make visible the parts of me I spend my life hiding. The lonely parts. The wounded parts. The hopeful parts that continue reaching for a love I never got the chance to experience, yet somehow still believe exists.

And because of that, the version of us that never existed stays wrapped around me like a second skin.

    I can't scrape it off.

    I can't scrape you off.

No matter how many showers I take. No matter how many new memories I make. No matter how many times I tell myself the story is over.

    The ghost of you remains.

    Not even the real you.

    Just the possibility of you.

    And somehow that's worse.

Because you and I were never given an ending, instead we linger as a possibility. And possibility leaves empty spaces where certainty should be. So I weave stories through those spaces, turning you into a remedy for a loneliness that was never yours to heal, but one I keep hoping you could.

Instead, I imagine myself beside you. I imagine my hand resting on your arm. I imagine your shoulder against mine. I imagine your eyes searching the room until they find me.

    And every time I do, something inside me finally exhales.

    Something starving inside me feels fed.

    Something empty feels full.

For one brief moment, I experience the thing I've spent my whole life searching for.

    Home.

    Not a place.

    Not a person.

    Just a feeling.

    A feeling that says:

    You are safe here.

    You are seen here.

And you are allowed to be loved here.

The feeling is so familiar it almost feels remembered. As if I've held it before. As if I've held you before.

 And maybe that's why I can't let go.

    Because you make me feel every part of my own existence.

    The beautiful parts.

The terrifying parts.

    The parts that want love and the parts that are terrified to receive it.

    And because of that, I don't want to lose it. I don't want to let you go.

    But then you turn away.

    The thread loosens.

    The room returns.

    The noise returns.

    Reality returns.

    I look back toward him.

    And neither of us says anything.

    We never did anyway.

Synastry Aspects:

My Moon (and possible Venus) is in his 12th house. (My Venus could also be in his 1st hose)

His Neptune tightly squares my Moon.

His Moon and Venus are in my 8th house, and those planets make multiple aspects to my inner planets.

His South Node conjuncts my Mercury and Ascendant.

His Neptune conjuncts my South Node.

(Other aspects: My Vesta, Pluto, Chiron Lilith in his 1st house, my Sun, Mercury and Ascendant in his 2nd house, his Mars is in my 1st house/conjuncts my ascendant, his Pallas conjuncts my Pluto and my Eros likely conjuncts his Ascendant).

My Natal Aspects:

I have a 12th house Venus, Mercury, Pluto, Chiron and Lilith.

My Moon tightly squares my Neptune.

My Venus sextiles my Neptune.

In non-foundational romantic relationships, I’ve noticed that the house person often questions whether the planet person actually likes them. The house person will tell themselves, “No, they’re just being nice—they don’t really care,” even when the planet person explicitly says that they do.

(This dynamic can work both ways. The planet person may also question whether the house person is being truthful. Essentially, if one person lacks Pisces or 12th house placements, doesn’t have strong or difficult Neptune aspects to their inner planets, or tends to be more avoidant, the roles can easily reverse).

In one loose connection, I was the house person, and I constantly questioned whether he ever really liked me or if I was just someone he entertained when he was bored. He could have literally said, “I like you,” and I would have responded, “Stop lying.” It was as if his verbal words carried no weight, and he genuinely wouldn't be able to convince me otherwise.

(This is a very general example in that case, I wasn’t that attracted to him and he was objectively noncommittal towards everyone). To add our synastry was mediocre; we didn’t share any 8th house contacts, and I was very unaware of my disorganized attachment style at the time.

We had 10th, 11th, and 12th house synastry, and again, I wasn’t objectively as attached to him because there wasn’t that intense pull (no Mars–Venus, Moon–Mars, 8th house, or Pluto contacts). I bring this up because, in another connection, I’m the planet person in a 12th house synastry and I know, deep down, that he doesn’t believe I genuinely care.

My longing eye contact seems to convince him more than my verbal affirmations, and he’s always surprised when I express how much I do care. In this specific connection, we share intense synastry: Eros, South Node, Psyche, 2nd and 8th house overlays, Chiron/Pluto/Lilith in the 1st, Mars conjunct Ascendant, Venus conjunct Ascendant…the list goes on.

And yet, he still questions my desire to this day. (My Moon and possibly Venus fall in his 12th house.) He just doesn’t believe I only have eyes for him, and every time I verbally express my attraction or give him attention, he smiles and always says, “Really?”

Like yes. It’s been five years this August (on and off), and he’s still surprised when I smile at him or compliment him. (Our 2nd house synastry is very strong, my planets fall into his 2H.)

It really shows how invasive 12th house synastry can be, because it clouds and confuses feelings so deeply. It can create a kind of unrealistic denial, where things don’t feel real or authentic even when the person is being completely honest and genuine.

12th house synastry is extremely nuanced—not every connection will reflect this. Sometimes people are deceptive, and you may not realize it until much later—but that’s a different topic for another day.

Worst-case scenario with this synastry: when someone is telling the truth, you think they’re lying and when they’re lying, you believe them.

Another common, universal theme I see in 12th house relationships is that one person—usually the avoidant—won’t openly or actively choose the other person, who is often more anxious. Yet, they still cling to the emotional safety that person provides. At the same time, they struggle to acknowledge or accept the care being offered, often due to fear, insecurity, or uncertainty.

They (the avoidant) won't let go because in doing so would mean losing the one thing that makes them feel seen and safe. And paradoxically, that is exactly why they can’t fully choose or accept love from the other person.

Book a synastry reading with me or shop my store: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com

In this post, I want to address some reasons why water house (4th, 8th, and 12th) synastry can be very intense, very transformational and why it creates/increases codependency.

(the basis of this thread is the fact that there is attraction and desire within the romantic connection, and the depth of feeling will run more true if you share multiple other intense synastry aspects/past life connections. Friendships/family relations that have heavy 8th/12th house synastry overlays manifest *very* differently)

Each water house has one common factor, and that's with these type of synastry overlays; you will feel seen or accepted. In some way, some form, the severity of it depends (as usual), but

if you struggle with:

4TH House:

Showing your true character to others without the fear of being judged.

Sharing your inner thoughts to others with ease and safeness.

The fact that you never felt/had a safe home, so now you long for that feeling (of being at ease/comfortable with someones presence).

Feeling ease and comfortability within your environment or within yourself, instead you experienced that those feelings came at a cost.

Feeling secure when you're meeting others/being open to others.

Stating your inner thoughts or feelings outwardly and confidently.

Trusting others.

8TH House: If you struggle with:

Self acceptance.

Self worth.

Self love.

Self confidence.

Accepting/receiving love.

Having low respect for yourself (meaning how others treat you may be hurtful but because of lack of validation within, you allow or accept that behavior).

Having a pattern where the way others treat you either gives or takes away validation your inner wounds need.

Deeply craving emotional closeness yet fearing it at the same time.

Allowing yourself to desire love.

The fact you're emotionally unavailable; so you're unsure with how to deal with romance, and yet a part of you still deeply desires a partner.

These also may resonate if you have 8H Placements, Pluto aspecting inner planets/Scorpio placements.

12TH House: If you struggle with:

Emotionally availability/allowing someone to see you, all of you.

Receiving tangible, stable, harmonious, love.

Having a habit to/find it easier to fix or save someone in hopes of changing their self destructive habits or mental health issues. This type of tendency creates an avoidance within yourself especially if you don't focus on your own needs or problems. (it's easier to focus on someone else's pain rather than your own)

Feeling safe with the idea of not being needed, instead you choose to be the giver or other woman since it subconsciously keeps you at a distance of being openly loved (which is something you subconsciously fear)

Holding the deep desire to feel seen past the physical 3D.

Allowing yourself to receive the type of love you're able to give/shower another.

Wanting to fix or heal someone's mental health wounds or problems, you find it safer to be their savior rather than have a true give and take partnership.

(These also may resonate if you have 12H, Neptune aspecting inner planets/Pisces placements)

These are a few examples of how intense these synastry overlays may manifest if you are struggling with the above statements. I briefly mentioned a few indicators, needless to say they are more and each synastry chart or even natal chart will always paint the picture better of how deep these relationships can manifest.

then 4th, 8th, and 12th house synastry will cause internal shift within, whether you want it to or not.

4th House: With the 4th house and when someone walks into your life and they ignite your IC, the part of your character that you readily hide becomes unlocked. If you personally have struggled with being comfortable in your skin, or have struggled with feeling secure with who you are as you are, then this person to you will feel like a comfort blanket. Their presence will shift you into a mood where all you feel is safe, present, and in the moment. With them, you will feel complete in showcasing your inner world and your inner thoughts. Their presence will become this key that you didn't even knew you need. It'll feel easy with them, and there is no hesitation, confusion or worry. You can't feel worry, and it's not because they insistently tell you not to feel anxious, you just naturally won't. You guys will likely share the same humor or communication style, and if there is a Venus conjunct IC then the IC person will feel this romantic pull with showcasing their personality outwardly that they won't be able to shake towards the Venus person. Overall these feelings are especially true if you struggle with letting someone in, if it takes some time for you to allow someone else to see your personality or thoughts, then they will feel like a cure for allowing to let that side of you out and when you're next to them; you'll feel like you're finally home.

Example: you walk into a bar and they make eye contact with you, you instantly smile, they instantly smile, and the conversation that ignites feels as if you just spoke to them. It could be weeks, months even since you last saw them but the comfortability between the two of you oozes out in a way where it feels like they just came back home to you. (especially if you share heavy 3H synastry overlays as well or if their mercury softly aspects your inner planets, vice versa)

The reason why this type of connection can be hard to let go of is because their presence might cause or create a codependent need in you for them in order to feel "safe." All their presence is doing is igniting the secure feeling in you that you wish you had, you finally can look into another's eyes and feel that type of comfortability you've always been scared enough to unlock or accept. Your private thoughts and characteristics feel safe next to them, and because of that, they create this security within you won't know how to let go of. So, all they are doing is unleashing your wish of being your truest self without fearing the consequences of being seen for who you are.

In some cases, 4th house synastry may not run as intense, and some say it can be 'mundane' or boring, especially if you don't struggle with the listed wounds I stated, or if you don't share other intense or cute attraction synastry aspects with them; but in essence this individual will feel like a grounding force.

The bond you can form with them is tangible, it's secure, and it feels real. So, letting them go will feel as though you're letting go the one desire of ever revealing your private inner self with ease, especially if this is a part of you that you've been too afraid to openly show or even accept.

Songs That Relate

Look After You - The Fray

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Control - Zoe Wees

Hey Stranger - Billie Flynn

8th House: With the 8th house, these type of connections are more intense, and naturally so. With this type of synastry, and if you struggle with self acceptance especially with self love or self worth, then letting go of this connection will feel near to impossible. It will feel like life or death if they walk away from you, and it will feel like a part of you dies every time they don't give you the reassurance or acknowledgment your soul wishes for. Their eyes alone, tell you it's time to let that wall down and without effort your wall crumbles. You know that if they leave, a part of you will leave with them but if your wound of wishing to be accepted runs so deep within, you can't help but take that risk. You're aware that the unavoidable low following their absence will cut deep, yet instead of walking away, you prepare yourself for its inevitable arrival.

You allow that pain to embody you because that pain hurts less than not feeling those moments of acceptance that they are able to give you, especially if it's what you've always reluctantly wished for.

With their presence that void of wanting emotional closeness that you've always longed for will feel like it has vanished, their eyes alleviate the long-ignored half-empty feeling, and so the part of you that wishes to been seen, the part of you that wishes to feel accepted, the part of you that wants to be vulnerable won't know how to let go.

You could run into them and it could be weeks, months even and if you still struggle with loving yourself in the way you wish they would, their presence will create this upheaval that will shake within you, this synastry holds cycles, loops, ups and down to the point of where if you don't hate them, a part of you will still want them.

This synastry creates a dynamic where this soul that entered your life is only igniting the parts of you that you, yourself don't accept, love or acknowledge. Their presence becomes this band-aid that somehow soothes the deepest parts of you that have been abandoned, and their presence soothes the part of you that you yourself believe you can't heal. This fear then creates a scarcity mindset that can cause you to become someone you're not, and even if you logically know what is objectively best to do in situations to not create more intensity within the connection; there's just a part of you that can't care.

The reason why this type of connection can be hard to let go of is because their presence might cause or create a codependent need in you to have them in order to feel "seen." Their presence gives you a sense of acceptance where you allow yourself to accept love in. If you struggle with emotional abandonment, or fear love, then their presence will feel like a "skip the line" pass with inner healing the parts of you that feel broken.

The reason why 8th house synastry is discussed so promptly and openly is because these feelings that persist (when dealing with inner wounds) become such catalysts of growth and ego deaths; but that is only because this connection allows in the hope for love you've been wishing for all your life. You want to be held, you want to be cared for and loved in a way that you've never received, and this person presences grants that sole wish. They bring you that one solace feeling that you've never felt and because of that, letting them go is letting go the one key that makes you feel worthy, seen, and accepted.

Their presence creates this codependent need within because they become this one "thing" that you think you need in order to fulfill that self love wound you keep repressing. You'll start to rely on them for emotional clarity or serenity, you'll start to "need them" in order to feel good, and you'll expect them to make you feel "better" emotionally and if they fail to meet those expectations, all you'd be faced with is the unwavering feeling of the lack of self love or worth you're too afraid to self develop.

The love you're so readily able to give them, is what your soul is asking you to give yourself.

*Those who have prominent natal Scorpio or 8th house placements as well as having Pluto aspecting harshly their inner planets or ascendant will feel these trials and errors more*

Songs That Relate:

Locksmith/You Don't - Sadie Jean

Addicted - Kelly Clarkson

Im Yours/Heartbeat - Isabel LaRose

Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Ariana Grand

Heavenly - Cigarettes After Sex

Is There Somewhere - Halsey

12th house:

This post focuses exclusively on a 12th house relationship between two kind and evolved individuals. While there are other darker themes associated with 12th house synastry — such as deception, substance abuse, hidden affairs (like being the other woman or mistress), lies about one partner’s true nature, or fear that one partner is withholding information or their true self — I won’t be discussing those here. I might explore those themes in a future post, as they are important to note, but for now, my main focus will not include those themes.

“Though I barely know you, it feels as if I do. Your eyes and body language seem to speak your thoughts, even the ones I can’t fully grasp. There’s no visible thread connecting us, yet this feeling remains.” — Planet Person

With the 12th house, this synastry unlocks so many different routes and experiences. Many factors influence how each individual can feel towards this ethereal connection. One way this synastry can manifest is through the tendency for the 12th house to cloud, confuse, and bring hesitancy into the connection. In some cases, Person A (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) will feel as though they can read Person B in such a deep and subconscious way; this type of knowing may even be hidden from Person B to the extent that they are unaware of their own subconscious emotional needs, thoughts or feelings, and yet (especially if there's care or desire on their end) Person A can read Person B like a book. 12th house synastry can be so thought provoking because of the absolute depth and surreal feeling it can add into the connection. The planet person (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) will feel this innate drive to be with the house person (or the other partner who isn't as spiritual adept). It's as if one partner, driven by an innate need to give endlessly, is profusely tossing their sole bucket of water into the vast ocean of the other partner's needs. The giver (or the person who has heavy Neptune/Pisces/12th house placements) is so focused on giving that they overlook the importance of receiving, while the receiver remains oblivious.

If Person B remains unaware of the deep spiritual bond between them that can manifest, they may perceive Person A's actions as invasive or unnecessary. Person A, recognizing wounds in Person B that Person B may not be aware of can evoke a sense of fear in Person B, this has to deal with the issue of them not allowing or accepting a form of love that they believe (Person B) doesn't serve them.

If this scenario resonates with you, then this individual is provoking a wound within yourself that deals with the acceptance of receiving authentic love. This innate need to only give highlights your own fear of receiving real reciprocal, stable, tangible love.

In this scenario where one party wants to save, fix, heal or give, highlights that fearful nature within you where you allow to stay in shallow waters. You subconsciously know that you have such passionate love to give, but that thought of giving to someone who in turn might be willing to give back evokes fear and uncertainty within you.

This subconscious block holds more comfortability within you since it allows you to never accept a love where your soul will fully be fulfilled. It's self sabotaging and self written, you naturally already know how the story will end between you two, and so you subconsciously will find a character who perfectly embodies the story you yourself say you try to run from.

On the other hand this synastry (when desired and when it's dealing with highly evolved individuals) can unlock such deep soulfulness between both partners. Between the two parties, it'll feel as if they have found someone that can finally understand them better than anyone ever has, it'll feel dreamy and mystical. It'll feel as if their body language writes stories that you could only read.

In a pure sense, one partner that desires the other very deeply and whole heartedly wants to make sure that their partner is seen, and understood. And this comes from a very sincere place and if the other receiving partner allows that kind of love in while being okay with giving that same love back, that is when this type of connection can be ideal.

Now in this scenario, this type of codependent nature deals with over emphasizing redemption with no boundaries. If there is solid exchangeable love, a part of you may believe there is always more good than bad within them or within the relationship, and so their wrongdoings or unacceptable behavior to you or to others somehow receives justification or more understanding than he or she should receive. (especially if you also share 8th house synastry with them). As well as it's important to understand that if there is this innate understanding given by one partner that's always present when there shouldn't be, that's when the relationship can become overwhelming, or draining. Just because you know, understand or empathize with the other partner's actions or patterns doesn't make their actions okay.

This type of dynamic receives interchanging parts, with the 12th house things can lack a solid foundation and have a lack crystal clear communication, some days you both won't deal with struggling dynamics, then one day Partner 1 acts out, to which Partner 2 cuirasses and holds, then a few weeks later Partner 2 acts out and Partner 1 comes to their aid.

Truly the amount of stories, experiences, how Person 1 will feel vs Person 2 is genuinely so intercomplicated and nuanced. Each story lies within the two parties involved, with this house they are just so many different routes and avenues it can uphold, so this particular post may not cover every ounce of information on 12th house synastry. If you are curious to learn more only about this synastry I have a long updated post titled "Understanding 12th House Synastry" and it's far more in-depth (click the text).

In essence, how the other partner receives this type of boundless understanding calls for them to be a very kind and open individual. It's important to understand and recognize red flags or self undoing patterns. Staying aware of the actual real situation instead of sitting in bed thinking of the "What if's" are key. Their posts may not be about you, that song on their story can be just a song, remember that. Especially if the individual lacks self awareness or care on their end.

Finally, I don't believe water house synastry holds malicious energy or serves as a dictatorship with stating how the relationship will fail. Not every synastry overlay is set for such intense energy or uncomfortable experiences, each planet in a natal chart holds different themes. What truly matters at the end of the day are the two souls involved within the connection. Desire, care, love, and acceptance are all foundational keys for any relationship to last even those with or without water house synastry. Accepting yourself in the purest form when it comes to each water house theme (4,8,12) is key.

Your natal chart when it comes to synastry serves as a mirror within yourself, everything you are feeling for someone else is already sitting within you.

Don't forget that.

Book a synastry reading with me or purchase my karmic astrology ebook that is curated towards 8th and 12th house synastry: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com

Sometimes I cannot tell where your skin ends and mine begins; whether this pulse I feel is my own blood speaking or the echo of your touch still breathing under my skin.

But maybe it's only me, haunting myself again.

I remain, because even your absence has weight. Even though the story of us never had the chance to bruise, there's a part of me that still feels you.

You never spoke the words, yet I felt them tremble in your eyes, and every time my eyes met yours it was as if I was looking into dark wells of thirsting silence; and in that emptiness that was where your unshed longing lied.

I fell through all the midnight depths, through shadow, ache, and youth, and I still kept reaching downward, hoping to touch your hidden truth.

It was as though desire had become a mirror, and in wanting you, I finally saw the outline of the self I might have been, unafraid of love, had life let me grow into her.

In your eyes, I granted myself the quiet permission to fall not carefully, not halfway, but without restraint. And in the act of falling, I understood that I had always been capable of it. To feel so deeply meant there had always been love within me, not born in that moment, but waiting, patient and unspoken, for somewhere safe enough to be found. That was the buried truth I had carried since childhood, a fragile, hidden thread that bound me to you not only because I wanted you, but because through you I found proof that my heart still knows what to do.

But as we drift on borrowed time, I don't know what I am holding onto when there is no us left to lose. Our story never had the chance to bruise and because of that there's still a part of me that wonders about you.

I think the part of me tethered still clings on both truths: the unspoken wound and the undoubtable proof, the memory of what could be with us, and the mirror of truth.

So for now, it's as if my heart still bends toward your gone light like a flower reaching through the night; petals open to a vanished sun, still blooming for what could be done.

Perhaps because wanting you taught me my own depths too. And in caring for you, I came to see, a fulfilled self I could undoubtedly keep.

You won’t let go of me, yet you won’t choose me, and the longer I wait for your acceptance, the more I feel myself thinning, as if pieces of me quietly vanish in the space between your refusal and your grasp.

So maybe my desire was never about you at all, you were only a mirror I mistook for a doorway’s call; and in reaching for you, I finally saw the outline of someone unafraid to choose love, someone I never had the chance to grow into.

Until I understood the reflection was mine, and the life I had been chasing was not beside you, but rising from within, waiting for me to no longer bend.

Book a synastry reading with me or purchase my karmic astrology ebook that is curated towards 8th and 12th house synastry: https://myunsaidthoughts.gumroad.com