Missing us
I couldnât believe my eyes.
The boy who once wiggled his fingers, flashing that mischievous little smirk, now stood before me, rigid and silent, his body carved into tension. The sparkle was goneâreplaced by a heaviness in his gaze, a constant undertone of sadness, hypervigilance, and a seriousness that made him almost unrecognisable.
âSpencer,â I breathed, the anger in my chest battling the ache. âDo you know how long I waited? How many times I called? How much effort I had to put in just to get the truth from anyone?â My voice cracked. âEven Garcia wouldnât tell me. No one would. I had to beg, Spencer.â
âSpencer.â My voice cracked. âDo you know how long I waited? How many nights I sat there staring at my phone? How much effort it took just to get the truth from anyone? Even Garcia wouldnât tell me.â My breath trembled. âNo one told me you were in prison. No one told me anything.â
He froze, and that tiny, familiar swallowâthe one he does when he's trying not to fall apartârippled through him.
âIâm so sorry,â he whispered immediately, the words barely making it out. âYouâre right. Youâre right, and I shouldâve called you. I shouldâveââ His breath stuttered, eyes going glassy. âI didnât want you to see me like that. I didnât want you to⌠worry. Or get pulled into something dangerous because of me.â
âYou shut me out,â I said, softer now but broken. âCompletely.â
He nodded quickly, too quickly, like he agreed with every terrible thing I could think of. âI know. And IâI hate myself for it. I kept thinking about you. Every day. But I couldnâtââ He exhaled shakily. âI couldnât bring myself to let you see what was happening to me. I thought if you knew, it would just hurt you. And I couldnât handle hurting you.â
I stepped closer, and he blinked like he wasnât sure he deserved the space.
âSpencer⌠are we even still together?â I asked, barely above a whisper. âAfter everything?â
His reaction was immediateâeyes snapping up, breath catching, voice cracking.
âYes.â He shook his head fiercely. âYes. Of course we are. I neverââ His voice broke, the words falling out uneven. âI never stopped loving you. Not once. Not in there, not after, not now.â
He took a small step toward me, slow and cautious, like he was afraid Iâd pull away.
âI just didnât know how to come back after all of it,â he admitted quietly. âI didnât know if I still deserved you.â
His fingers hovered near mine, trembling.
âIâm sorry,â he whispered again, raw and honest in the way only Spencer could be. âI just⌠I canât lose you, too.â His fingers hovered near mine, but he didnât quite touch.
âTheyâre trying to solve it,â he said softly, as if pulling himself back into the present. âThe team. Theyâve been⌠theyâve been doing everything they can to clear my name. Hotch wouldâve done the same. Emilyâs been the leading point. Lukeâs been helping with the surveillance footage, and Garciaââ He let out a small, shaky exhale. âSheâs tearing apart every digital trail she can find. Theyâre all trying, but itâs complicated. Everything about this case is complicated.â
I felt something twist painfully in my chest.
âSo they get to help you,â I said, unable to control the bitterness creeping into my voice. âEveryone gets to be there for you except me.â
He blinked, startled, like he genuinely didnât expect that.
âThatâs notââ He took a step forward. âThatâs not what I meant. I didnât want you in danger. I didnât want you anywhere nearââ
âNear what?â I snapped, rising from the couch. âNear your life? Near the truth? Near whatever hell you were going through?â My hands shook as I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. âI couldâve helped, Spencer. I wanted to help. But you didnât even give me the chance.â
He looked stricken, breath catching, his voice quiet and earnest.
âI know. And Iâm sorry. I didnât think it was fair to drag you into something that could hurt you. I justââ He swallowed. âI thought I was protecting you.â
I let out a hollow, trembling laugh. âWell, it didnât feel like protection. It felt like abandonment.â
His face collapsed, guilt hitting him like a physical blow.
âI never meant for you to feel that way,â he whispered, barely audible.
But I couldnât stay thereânot with my chest tight, not with my pulse pounding and my eyes burning.
âI need air,â I muttered, stepping back.
âWaitââ His voice cracked. âPlease donât go. Please, can weâcan we talk about this?â
I shook my head, grabbing my coat with unsteady hands.
âI canât. Not right now.â
He took a small, helpless step toward me, hands lifting before falling back to his sides.
âPlease,â he said again, but it was quiet, defeated. âI donât want to lose you.â
I froze in the doorway, but the pain was too fresh, too sharp.
âYou shouldâve thought about that before you shut me out.â
And with that, I walked outâleaving him standing there, rigid and hollow-eyed, like the door closing had taken the last bit of warmth out of the room.
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The elevator doors slid open, and I walked straight into the BAU conference room before anyone could stop me. Emily, JJ, Rossi, Luke, and Garcia were huddled around the screens, Spencerâs name and case files spread across the table like a wound.
Their voices died the second they saw me.
Emilyâs expression shifted firstâsurprise, then concern. â(Y/N)⌠you shouldnât be here.â
âI need to be,â I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. âI know whatâs going on. I know Spencerâs in trouble. And I want to help.â
Rossi set his pen down. âThis case is dangerous. You getting involved could make things worseânot just for you, but for him.â
âI donât care,â I shot back, louder than I meant to. âI donât care about the danger.â
Garcia stood, twisting her fingers nervously. âSweetheart⌠I know you mean well, but this isâthis is a whole other level of awful.â
âI know,â I said, voice shaking. âAnd I still want to help.â
Luke crossed his arms. âThis isnât something you can just jump into. Weâre trained for this.â
âAnd Iâm not?â I snapped. âI may not be FBI, but Iâm not helpless.â
Emily stepped closer, her tone soft but firm. âNo one thinks youâre helpless. Weâre trying to protect you.â
I swallowed hard, breath trembling. âEveryone keeps saying that. Protecting me. Keeping me safe. But nobody seems to understand that I donât want safety if it means being shut out of his life.â
JJâs head tilted slightly, her eyes narrowing with empathy. âYou care about him a lot.â
Something in me cracked open, the truth slipping out before I could catch it.
âHeâs the love of my life.â
The room went still.
Garciaâs mouth dropped open. Luke blinked. Rossi lifted his brows in quiet surprise. Even Emily froze for half a second before regaining her composure.
I felt heat rush to my face, stunned by my own confession. âIâve⌠never said that out loud before.â
JJ stepped forward, her voice gentle. âI donât think he knows that.â
âI didnât even know that,â I whispered back. âBut I do. I really do.â
Emily exhaled slowly, folding her arms. âOkay. Then listen carefully.â
She met my eyes with that cool, steady look she used when she was making decisions that werenât up for debate.
âYou can be part of this,â she said. âBut only from the inside of this room. No fieldwork. No undercover work. No contact with suspects. Nothing that puts you in danger.â
Rossi nodded. âIf you want to help analyze, strategize, or give insight into Spencerâs behavior or routineâyou can. That would actually be valuable.â
Garcia stepped forward, her voice softening. âBut youâre not going near the physical side of this. Not a foot outside the line. Deal?â
I looked around the roomâat their worried faces, their protectiveness, their willingness to bend the rules just enough for me.
I nodded slowly. âDeal.â
Emily gave a small, approving nod. âGood. Then pull up a chair.â
For the first time in weeks, I felt a flickerâtiny but realâof hope. If the BAU was letting me in, even a little⌠then maybe I wasnât as powerless as I thought.
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Rossi and Emily confronted the real perpetrator. Garcia found the digital trail that cleared Spencer. Luke and JJ tracked down the missing witness. And you sat there every day, eyes burning, voice raw, helping them reconstruct every detail of Spencerâs routines, fears, patternsâanything that could help them understand how he was set up.
When the judge read the words âAll charges dropped,â Spencerâs knees nearly buckled.
He was free.
The team brought him home; the bullpen erupted in relieved smiles and shaky laughter. Emily hugged him harder than she meant to. Garcia cried. Even Luke looked misty-eyed.
But as Spencer walked into the common area, eyes scanning every cornerâ
You werenât there.
He paused, the air around him changing. The excitement on his face softened into something small and wounded.
âSheâs not here?â he asked quietly, tryingâand failingâto hide the disappointment in his voice.
JJ stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on his arm. âShe wanted to be. She worked herself to exhaustion, Spencer. We had to send her home a couple hours ago.â
Spencer frowned. âHome? I⌠I should call her.â
Garcia shook her head. âShe hasnât been sleeping. Like, at all. Sheâll probably be out cold for hours.â
Something in his chest tightened.
He murmured a soft thank you and practically ran out of the building.
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At your apartment
He knocked. Then knocked again.
No answer.
He tried callingâstraight to voicemail.
Worry settled into him, heavy and sharp. He pressed his forehead to your door for a moment, breath catching.
âPlease be okay,â he whispered to no one.
He was about to give up when something familiar tugged at himâa tiny memory of your voice once teasing him:
âI feel safer sleeping at your place anyway.â
His heart stilled.
Of course.
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Spencer fumbled with his keys, breath uneven from runningâhe pushed the door open and froze.
There you were.
Curled up on his couch, one of his old cardigans draped around you, hair messy from days without sleep. A stack of case notes sat on the coffee table, covered in your handwritingâall the work youâd done trying to clear him.
You had waited. You had stayed. Just⌠here.
His throat tightened, eyes burning as he stepped closer.
You looked so small, so exhausted, but so heartbreakingly familiar. His home looked like it had been lived in againâlike it remembered him, because you had been there.
Spencer sank down onto the edge of the couch, watching your chest rise and fall, slow and peaceful for the first time in days.
He brushed a strand of hair away from your face with trembling fingers.
âYou were here the whole time,â he whispered, voice cracking. âYou waited for me. You⌠stayed.â
He swallowed hard, overwhelmed.
âI donât deserve you,â he murmured, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to your temple. âBut I love you so much.â
You stirred slightly, leaning unconsciously into his touch.
Spencer let out a shaky, emotional laugh as tears filled his eyesârelief, love, grief, everything at once.
âIâm home,â he whispered. âAnd youâre here.â
For the first time since prison, Spencer Reid finally felt safe.













