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I’m beginning to suspect that the experiment with the Bad Medication is responsible for my nearly daily, frequently multiday migraines that have been happening since shortly after starting.
I’m gonna be really pissed off if a second medication experiment ends up absolutely nerfing me (I am creating a hell for Effexor to burn in forever), but even if this isn’t normal, it’s been weeks and I’m so fuckin tired of it
I wish more games had a photosensitivity mode that removed strobing effects. There’s nothing worse than getting really into a game only to suddenly have a flashy animation go off that immediately triggers a massive migraine.
i feel like the worst part of having this ocular migraine tonight is the fact that i feel guilty at the mere thought of calling out tomorrow because it’s going to create some serious problems for other people.
but like i also need to take care of myself. and this is easily the worst ocular migraine i’ve ever had.
ugh. i don’t know. i’ll see how i’m feeling in a few hours.
"LOL Aleve, that's cute."
This could not be more relatable...
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So. Deleted like, SWATHES of oversharing tonight.
Just. This month I'm making the first earnest overtures in YEARS into "wanting actual medical/mental/etc" health aid and appointments. I've got 2 of 4 appointments I want scheduled (VA scheduling is apparently much more vibes-oriented than like, timing and availability than I was used to back in my AD military days?).
I spent like,almost a full hour today reassuring the mental health folk I wasn't interested in killing myself or harming anybody else, and just the basic fucking fact of another human (one I have never fucking met in person) caring if only for professional reasons that I'm functionally, temporally, okay genuinely brought me to fucking tears?? Like, I made SUCH a point of reassuring the MH nurse and doctor I spoke to today that I'm not actively suicidal or interested in hurting anybody else, and still spent 40-min plus just answering basic "yeah hi, I'm super not okay" style questions to the point they all but insisted on a telehealth appointment because they could schedule one of those sooner than an in-person appointment.
And like just. Writing this out. I'm teary-eyed. Because strangers who don't know me. Strangers who if I had never reached out to make an appointment. Would never know I existed. Are making an effort to help me so I don't hurt myself more than I already have. Sooner than later. I told them time and again I'm not actively suicidal, and that I've never been any flavor of homicidal, and they still insisted on the telehealth option to speak with me in greater detail sooner than later.
We as a species are inherently good, is the thing. I am, in fact, teary-eyed an hour after that migraine-inducing by-design phone call that strangers who yes, their job IS in fact to make people like me not do anything extreme, but they do it willingly? Eagerly? Scheduling earlier than I anticipated??
Just. Jeez. These are good tears and I'm still overwhelmed. We're a good species, ain't we? Oh god I'm Actually Crying again and have nothing beneficial to add at this point, just that I'm so :'-) about our species? We are good, as a whole, actually? Like political hellscape aside, if I went to literally any of my neighbors with a problem beyond my control even though I don't know any of them and aren't their friends, I trust they would help me to the best of their ability because people are inherently good?
Life can be good. Life can be okay. Life can be better, oh god, life can be better than this
It would be just. So cool. If one single phone call didn't rip my brainstem in twain for 2-4 days
I'm sorry you're hurting this week 🥺 hope you feel better soon ❤️🩹
#migrainesolidarity
All us chronic migraineurs are lurking in dark rooms evading madness by the skin of our teeth and quiet activities and my darlings dearest most beautiful f.lux and Dark Reader
