#mhawareness

In honor of MHAM, I decided to share some things that have personally helped me get through some of my panic attacks. Of course, some of these may not help everybody (we’re all different, after all!), but my hope is that what helped me can help others.

Now I know some may say “oh by that logic then it’s not okay to use that trend for SH” but self harm acts like an addiction. It affects your brain the difference is that a self harm “addiction” is a behavioural addiction rather than a substance addiction. It acts in the same way as an addiction as many professionals note it as having emotional triggers and urges that can cause a relapse. In-fact UKAT the UK Addiction Treatment service states

“Studies suggest similarities between self-harm and addiction, noting emotional triggers, strong urges, and criteria overlap with substance dependence. However, unlike substance use, self-harm is primarily perpetuated by negative reinforcement, and its recurrence is better explained by emotional processes rather than addiction mechanisms.”

Self harm is an issue whether we can count it as an addiction or not.

I simply dislike this full trend due to the fact that it can make people take addictions less serious, an addiction is not a quirky thing, it’s an illness that affects you and the people around you.

Mental health matters, whether you’re an addict, suicidal, or just struggling. Reach out to someone.

You were strong for whatever amount of time you stayed, for whatever you might have had to fight through.

As of late I have been distracted and seemingly lazy.  My spirit has been stagnant, as if waiting to see if anyone is going to go back to the busy life that we previously had.  Of course I fear this. Who in there sane mind would want to go back to a life that is full of poverty and no hope of getting out of it.  This is why I pray and hope for the resistance.  I pray and hope that we do not go back to the injustices of before and more than ever I trust that we will be much more willing to outwardly fight against the oppression that exists.  The only issue I have experienced is that the fire in my soul needs some oxygen and this fire needs it desperately before it dies.  I know though that the wolf inside is just waiting for the correct moment to attack, but still I grow weary of its quietness.  As too, I hope our opponents are thinking they have also squelched us out.  Let this not be, for the sake of the people are at stake.  Amen.  

Also, as I am sitting here in the darkness of my kitchen typing. As the sky outside appears gloomy and the mood has brought a sad sprinkle to come to the earth.  As I sit in the quietness of the my mother and stepfather’s kitchen table I am thinking of what life would be like if I were free.  What would life be if I were as free as the cardinal perched on the back deck of the house? Would I worry as much? I refuse to believe that I would worry at all.  Why would I not worry? I wouldn’t have to because I would have a right to access everything and anything that I sought my eyes on.  Let us be free again. AMEN.

So what happened this morning? I had an interview with a teaching fellowship in Baltimore, Maryland.  How exciting! Excuse me though, if I struggle with excitement these days.  I am a single male and I quite frankly am done being “professional” and feel so exhausted because of it.  I am sitting here in this quiet house without a job and I could not care more.  This excuse that I should have to get a job is the most unjust excuse we all know to exist.  Instead, I watch people go to work and fake their happiness.  I mean, let us be honest for a few seconds.  Let everyone be honest--we all hate this life.  We are all miserable in this life and are so oppressed that we get exhausted when we face that reality? Why? Why am I supposed to not face the truth?  Why should you tell me that I should fear death, when all most of us want in life is to not exist?  What is wrong with me you ask? I suppose I could have a chemical imbalance. Or maybe I am messed up and am holding onto a truth that is painful.  Maybe everything that you say about me is true. Maybe I am God, maybe I am Satan, maybe I am an angel, or maybe I am a demon.  Maybe I should kill the metaphysical realm and just accept my surroundings or maybe I should be an emotional-less being.  Maybe I should just focus on being and animal, but then death does not matter and I am not subject to any law.  Once again, maybe I am everything I can be and everything I cannot be.  Maybe this explains my issues.  Maybe this explains truth.  Maybe I am free and I am not free.  Maybe I am a mystery waiting to be explored.  Maybe I do live in a world that wants to keep me in chains.