#messy mind

🖖🏻 ▭ㅤㅤ 𝐼𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑒 ཛྷᡃ 🌊 #𝖁ㅤㅤ 🏐

(PS: Listen to the fuckin fire I dropped at the bottom while reading thank yewww x)

-> Shoji Mezo: It's in the stillness that I find peace.

The shudders of tree branches, the soft quiver of their leaves, the icy tickle of the laughing breeze.

The forest, forged outside steady mortar dorms of hero students, breathes and groans with each push and pull of the wild, witty wind.

Breaths, deep and controlled, rooted in the pulse of the soil itself... that is what your own drawn breaths reached to mimic. To dig and seed such strength and peace in your own heart. To tame the ripping, heated rage of whirling thoughts in your brain, to comb through with introspection as sharp and icy as the winds nipping at your frame.

The cold was no bother, you welcomed it. Its shuddering grasp pulling around you as a blanket of peace, of calm and quiet. It is what you needed, when your mind couldnt bare to deal with itself anymore, when it ran so rampant the heat of steam painfully melted you down. Down to someone unrecognisable.

You needed the cold. Its stable and grounding grasp.

And you found it. Right here, outside glass doors that keps the winds out, you sat still, frozen, on the concrete of the balcony. On the other side of the glass gates, lay Shoji... your peace amongst the chaos that is 2-A, your home.

Eyes locked onto the early whisps of mist and fog, the first light of loose amber streaks melting into deep ocean skies, you failed to take note of faint footsteps.

The doors rolled wider, his towering frame puching through at an angle before gently placing himself alongside you.

There were no words, no intent of tearing through the silent peace that you had kept all to yourself untill now. Instead, the deep, unwavering and rooted, rythm of breathing continued... now with a new addition to its web of life.

Two statues, say as still as stone monuments, minds resting and tangled in the white noise of the wind, of the trees and its branches, of the stuttering leaves.

And finally, as the gleaming sunrays kissed your skin, you peaked a subtle glance, gaze lovingly resting in calm adoration, on an unmasked Sho... the sharp edges of his rippled and torn mouth curving to a peaceful smile.

Maybe... the still hold of the biting cold wasn't just your own sanctuary. Maybe, it had more visitors alongside you.

Me: -> Hahahaaaa first post lets gooo? I guess? I dunno..

I had this picture floating around in my heat a lot. Often times I go to calm in areas that are so simple yet feel so surreal. Its not only calming, its exhilarating.

I get these days and mornings, just stuffed with dread, with fears and anxiety, thoughts that threaten to bubble over and spill. And to combat them, I use stillness, the stillness of my body to bring my mind into gear before tackling my days.

I don't want a lot

Until I do...what to do with

My moody to-and-fro self?

When the longing for more

Starts to grow, so does the guilt:

Of being a restless mess,

An incorrigible ingrate,

A wide-eyed whore

So I try to ignore every craving till

I get so thirsty, I drink too much

So hungry, I devour too much

So sleep-deprived, I crash too hard

Falling too far to connect

The dots back to start

Only sensing I was trained

Somewhere between being treated

Like a precious commodity and

Denied any actual affection

Maybe one cannot die of touch

Starvation, yet this feels like

Afterlife