#merzost

Ruin and Rising- Chapter 9 (Leigh Bardugo)

Why?

I want an explanation.

When Nikolai is infected with Merzost, the only one who can comfort him is his queen.

You were sprinting down the hall.

You could hear him, screaming, screaming your name as you made your way to his rooms. The guard outside merely stepped in your path, a troubled look on his face. You couldn’t catch your breath; you felt like you’d vomit as you heard Nikolai’s scream of pain, his voice catching on a sob.

“Open the door.” You gasped, feeling desperate. “Open the fucking door.”

“I—I cannot, Your Majesty. The King has requested no one—”

“I am his wife. If I wish to enter I will.” Nikolai’s sob split the air around you and you almost threw the guard to the floor. “Move or so help me God, I’ll kill you myself.”

The guard’s throat bobbed.

Your husband was barely around anymore. You’d been traumatized at the coronation and were desperate for his attention. And yes, while he saw you in the day, he didn’t feel fully with you anymore. He hadn’t shared a bed in almost a month, and you couldn’t take it.

That’s when you’d heard his scream.

“Move.” You commanded, voice shaking, and the guard slowly stepped to the side.

You almost ripped the handle as you shoved the door open, a shriek leaving your lips at the sight in front of you. Nikolai was chained—chained—to his bed, black tendrils of dark power wrapping around him. He was trembling, sweat beading on his brow as the power seemed to dull.

“Y/N,” he was shaking. Shaking. “you can’t be here.”

“What is happening to you?” Your voice broke as you moved forward, trying to ignore his flinch at your approach.

“It’s in—inside me.” He panted, shaking his head. “Don’t come near me, Y/N. Please. It’s fighting—” he bent double, back bowing towards his knees as a cry of pain left him, every muscle tensing. Nikolai sobbed, gritting his teeth, and you saw that the clenched fingers of his hands were tinged with black.

“My love what—”

“Go!” He shouted, yanking at his own chains as he panted through clenched teeth. “Go, Y/N, I never wanted you to see—”

“Nik.” You choked on a gasp of pain and dropped to your knees in front of him, grabbing his face. He shook his head wildly, eyes wet and squeezed shut as he fought your grip. “Nikolai it’s me. It’s me.”

“No, no, no.” He shook, still attempting to scramble away as you held him fast. “Don’t touch me. You have to leave.”

“I love you, Nik. Please, please let me help you.”

“I’m insane.” He sobbed, the black slowly vanishing as he collapsed roughly into your chest, his locked muscles releasing. His hands strained painfully against the restraints, but they were the only things holding him up. “I have lost my mind, Y/N. I cannot live in this way. I am dangerous to you you need to leave—”

“I will not leave you.” You fought, running your hand across his sweaty brow, forcing those gorgeous eyes of his to meet your own as you gripped his chin. “I am not weak. Am I weak, Nikolai?”

He swallowed.

“No.”

“And have I ever left you?”

His eyes shuttered.

“No.” Nikolai’s face crumpled as he shook, dropping his head against your shoulder as you held him. He was gasping for breath, shaking his head lightly back and forth, muttering to himself. “Get it out of me.” He whispered, and your heart cleaved inside your chest. “Get it out. Get it out. Get it out.” He yanked at his chains and let out a scream of anger and pain, shaking in your desperate hold as tears ran hot and fast down your face.

“I am here. I am here.” Your hands gripped his hair, your body pressing him to your own, feeling your nightgown soak as he cried out of frustration.

“I cannot control it.” He wept, wrists raw from struggling as he attempted to calm himself. “I cannot control my own body—my own mind. I will hurt you. Do not allow the one thing I love left to be lost. If I hurt you—” he sucked in a breath and you gripped his head again, pulling his tear stained face off your shoulder to peer up at your own.

“If you cannot control it,” you said, voice trembling as you stared down at the raw blue gaze of your King. “then I will be your control. I will be your anchor.” You wrapped your arms around him, mouth wobbling as you kissed his head. “I will be your tether to this Earth. I will ease your suffering, Nikolai.”

“Please.” He whispered, but was pressing as close to you as he could get. “Please do not leave me alone tonight. Please.”

“I will never leave you alone.” You promised, and when he had calmed enough to attempt to sleep, the clasps still around his wrists, you curled up on the couch, your mind racing and your heart heavy.

this theory goes against the regular Grisha power "inheritance" rules (if you're Grisha, one of your parents was the same type as you), but I don't care, bc neither Alina nor Aleksander were really "normal". & that shit w/Zoya & Juris still makes me salty (no spoilers though), OP ugh.

ANYWAY--

imagine the Darklina kid having the power of gravity, kinetic energy, or merzost itself (w/o the harmful effects). let me explain.

gravity is unseen. stars are basically just balls of plasma held together by gravity & a lot of movements/phenomena we study concerning outer space is thanks to the gravitational pull of a star on other stuff. also, Aleks controls the unseen, in a way.

kinetic energy = movement in general. Gambit/Remy LeBeau from the X-Men (Marvel Comics) controls this, so he can make objects spontaneously combust OR slow things down. cue the ultimate form of Etherealki!!

merzost is, in short, forbidden magic that everyone finds unpredictable & costly. but Ilya Morozova had a pretty good handle on it. he was able to resurrect his daughter using it & his exposure to it altered his blood/DNA/whatever enough to give his descendants a new Grisha power (IDK why HE didn't become a Shadow Summoner). so a merzost Grisha might be an advanced Healer, able to completely resurrect & reconstitute people. maybe they could speak to spirits. tbh merzost is just witchy jurda parem.

I've seen lots of fics about the Reader being a "Star Summoner" or a "Moon Summoner"...if you use these ideas, please tag/credit me! I'd love to see your take on these--

I'll never walk your path.

Also Alina two minutes later:

Mal: Alina, no. Merzost bad.

Alina:... 😕

Alina to David: What if I use merzost to create an army of light?? 🤨

David: Alina, no. Merzost bad.

Alina:... 😤

Alina to Baghra: What if I use merzost to create an army of light?? 🤔

Baghra: Alina, no. Merzost bad.

Alina:... 😠

Mal: Dies

Alina: Alina, YES 😈

I'm not sure if Morozova invented Merzost itself as I understand it Merzost is like a natural thing that can be manipulated the same way the grisha sciences can, the difference is that the small sciences feed the grisha and merzost feeds off them. I know that Morozova was the first known person to use Merzost as he used it to create the amplifiers.

In the books Merzost is another one of those plot points that is just full of holes and contradictions. We are told that it has an effect on Alina and that there is a price for using it, like Alina's hair turning white and her losing her powers, but despite being told that we never see it really having an effect on the darkling despite him using it for hundreds of years longer than Alina, the most we get is that Alina observes that using Merzost to control the Nichevo'ya weakens the darkling a little. Alina uses Merzost all of twice and the first time her hair changes a completely different colour and she is left feeling weakened and the second time she loses her powers. Yet there is never any significant effect on The Darkling so once again LB didn't follow her own laws that she established within the canon of the books.