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As Iâve mentioned before, itâs seriously my absolute favorite trope when tough characters like this break down. Her love for Adam is visceral in this whole song, but especially these two frames. You can visibly see her misery and sadness and grief all bubbling up to the brim and overwhelming her entirely. It threatens the very essence of her demeanor, and even then, the only person she feels comfortable spilling that all out in front of is Adam (even if it isnât really him.)
Like despite all the fronts and facades she puts up, all she really wants to do is collapse into him and let everything else fade away. He was her only true place of sanctity, and now? All thatâs left in his wake is a hallucination.
Lute is such a strong character, and seeing her in such a different light like this is so heart wrenching but also so necessary. Her depth is unmatched and I love characters like this so much. Her strength isnât undermined by moments like this either, if anything itâs amplified. And thatâs what makes characters like her sooooo well-written.
I really hope she gets the vengeance and closure that she deserves. But above all else, I genuinely hope Adam returns and these two have their angsty, heartfelt reunion.
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Notes: Welcome back to another accidental three-parter. Not beta-read.
Rating: M
Length: 5.6K
Warnings: Yearning (a frickin lot); slow burn; coworkers to friends to lovers; angst; fluff; canon-typical medical chat; fluff; POV switches a couple of times; Reader is roommates with Ellis; Jack 'Prolonged Eye Contact' Abbot
Summary: Abbot didnât make you uncomfortable, per se. But the nerves that had welled around him during your first few weeks at the Pitt had never really gone away. If you were hard-pressed to examine and classify your feelings, you would (grudgingly) sort them into the mild to moderately romantic category. You blamed him for that entirely.
It wasn't fair, of course. He was handsome, knowledgeable, charming when he wanted to be. He was an amazing physician, an excellent teacher. And it wasn't his fault you had a bit of competency kink. Abbot had never made you feel anything but valuedâand nervous.
Besides, it was embarrassing to admit that you had a crush on a man that youâd hardly looked in the eye for the last few years.Â
It started when she was an intern.Â
Jack was fully aware of his tendency toward strong eye contact. It helped him make sure he was fully getting a point across when he was guiding residents in the ERâso long as their focus wasn't meant to be elsewhere.Â
He managed to meet her eye fully exactly twiceâand maybe it was odd, but Jack could remember both times clear as day.Â
The first one was her first day at the Pitt, when sheâd shook his hand, introduced herself with a nervous tremor in her voice. Her palm had been a little sweaty, and cold, but her eyes had held his.Â
The second had been a week or so later, the first time sheâd lost a patient. Heâd clapped her on the shoulder, reassured her that there was nothing more she couldâve done. Heâd tacked on, âDonât let it happen again,â and heâd been kiddingâbut she had balked, ducked her head, apologized, and hurried away.Â
She had rarely met his eye since then.
At first, heâd figured that she was shy, and that sheâd grow out of it. Then, heâd thought that maybe she was more reserved at workâsome people simply kept their personal and professional lives separate.
But those notions had been disproven time and time and time again: when she palled around with her fellow residents; when she watched and communicated with Walsh attentively; when the senior resident that was clearly hitting on her leaned just a little too close for Jackâs liking in the staff room.Â
She hadnât backed down from a single one, hardly batted a damn eyelash.
But any time she spotted Jack, her eyes would lower or dart awayâto the floor, to her hands, to a chart, to the sandwich cart, to a counter.
Now, Jack was not a man to take these things personally, but after all these years, it stuck in his craw. He didnât think about it most days, had learned to take it in stride, found ways to work with it. It had never caused a hold up during a procedure, or in the event of an emergency. She was always active in communicating with him, she justâŠNever looked at him.Â
âYouâre going to burn a hole through her head.âÂ
Jack hadnât realized he was staring until Lena said so. He glanced toward the nurse, eyed her knowing smile, and redirected his focus to the computer in front of him.Â
âNo idea what youâre talking about.â
Lena snorted, turning back to the desk as someone approached to ask her a question.Â
Jack only half-listened, unable to help his eyes drifting toward her again. She was hunched over her own computer, and seemed to be fighting back a smile at something Shen was saying. Another comment or two from Shen, and then her chin was tipping up, a bright smile on her lips as she held Shenâs eye.
Jack huffed a soft laugh through his nose at the sound of Shenâs cackling laugh, and it was like watching ripples in a pondâher head tipped, her brow furrowed, and her eyes darted in Jackâs direction. The smile flattened when she caught him looking, her focus lowering to her keyboard as she hurriedly straightened. She seemed to point to the charge board, mutter something, and turned on her heel, striding away with purpose.
Jack couldnât help a swell of petty disappointment. What the hell was that? There was no way sheâd heard him laugh. It was like sheâd sensed a disturbance in the force. Jack shook his head, trying to refocus on the chart.Â
Did she panic because he had been smiling? Had he been staring at her as long as Lena implied? Did he look like some dirty old man?Â
Jack pushed off of the desk, eyeing the charge board with purpose. Whatever it was that made her skitter away like thatâwell. Heâd forget it by tomorrow.Â
--Â Â
âHey. You headed in?âÂ
You glanced back, doing a double-take at the site of Ellis standing in the kitchen doorway.Â
âUhâYeah, just packinâ a few snacks. You need anything?âÂ
âI got something to ask you.âÂ
âSure, whatâs up?â You turned to face her, folding your arms expectantly. In the entire time you and Ellis had been roommates, youâd never seen her look concerned like thisâand she usually didnât bother trying to be delicate when broaching a difficult subject.Â
âParker, what is it?â You pressed.
âIs something going on between you and Abbot?â
Your brow furrowed, mouth falling open as if to answerâbut what the hell kind of question was that?
âExcuse me?âÂ
âYou and Abbot, whatâs going on?âÂ
âThereâs nothing going on.âÂ
âYou sure?âÂ
âI think Iâd know if something was happening between us, El. Where the hell did this come from, anyway?âÂ
âShen said the two of you were weird yesterday, that Abbot looked at you and you bolted. Andââ She shrugged, âYou kinda always seem like that. Did something happen?âÂ
âNothing happened yesterday! I realized I needed to go check on a patient, Iâd just gotten their results back.âÂ
âAnd all the other times?âÂ
âI have no idea what youâre talking about.âÂ
Ellis gave you a long look before she relented, holding her hands up in surrender with a mutter of, âAlright.â
âGreat.â
âIf you insistââ
âI do insist.âÂ
âBut you know what they say about people who protest too much.â
âCap it, Hamlet. You on tonight?âÂ
âYep,â Ellis nodded.Â
âSee you in there.âÂ
âIf you wanna wait, Iâll drive you.âÂ
âNah, itâs okay,â You shifted your bag onto your shoulder. âThe walk is good for me.â
âWeâre gonna be on our feet for the next twelve hours.âÂ
âI like a warm-up,â You insisted. âSee you in there.âÂ
Slow and steady, that was how you left the apartmentâeven steps, a measured pocket-pat-down at the door to make sure you had your phone, keys, wallet, ID badgeâŠAnd then you were out the door.
Out the door, and down the stairs, and cursing under your breath as you stepped out onto the street. Where the hell did Ellis get off, asking something like that? Implying that something could be going on between you and Abbot? You hardly spoke to the guy. Hellâyou felt like you barely said more than two words to the man that didnât have anything to do with work. The implication that the two of you had something going on was categorically insaneâand it twisted your gut up in a knot.Â
The closer you got to the Pitt, the worse the feeling got, until it was bordering on nausea. You stopped a block away, drawing in a deep breath and puffing it out between your lips, trying to shake yourself of the feeling. Damnit, whyâd you let Ellis get in your head that way?Â
You drew in another steadying breath as you started forward again, trying to shake the nerves out of your hands. This shift was going to be fineâas seamless as the ones before it. Â
--Â
âYou doinâ okay?âÂ
It was a fair question asked by the last person you wanted to hear it from. The shift had been hell. Patient after patient seemed to have some hitch. You were slower to respond when Abbot asked you questions, prompted you. It was only made worse by the feeling of Ellis and Shen watching every goddamn interaction.Â
Now, the test results were back for the patient you were least looking forward to seeing. The patient herself was sweet, but you were getting nowhere with her overbearing husband answering nearly every question for her.Â
You pushed yourself to straighten up.Â
âFine,â You insisted flatly. âThanks.â You straightened fully, hesitating as you heard him take a step away. âActuallyââÂ
It was out of your mouth before you could stop it. You saw Abbot go still in your periphery, and your hands flexed around the iPad in your hands.Â
âIâm having trouble getting answers from a patientâa woman with a head injury. She said she slipped and whacked it, but based on where the cut is...I don't think it's possible. And her husbandâs an overbearing ass. Iâve got a bad feeling about him.â
âAbusive?âÂ
âI think so. Could you run interference?âÂ
âSure. You have one of those pens, one of theââÂ
âI always keep a couple in my pocket.âÂ
--
She steeled herself before she went into the examination bay. Jack had seen her do it time and time again when she could. He wondered how it steadied her, savored the way that she closed her eyes for a split-second, drew in a deep breath, and then slapped a smile on before pulling the curtain back.
"How are we doing in here?"
Her chipper tone did nothing to reveal the concern that she'd shared with him moments ago. Abbot followed close behind, taking in the young woman laying in a hospital gown on the bed, and the man standing just beside her at the head. Abbot took another step toward the bed, then stopped as the woman seemed seemed to shrink back, attempting to make herself smaller.
"She's fine." The man's voice was gruff in his insistence, his hand curled into a fist just by his wife's head. Abbot's eyes skated across the bruises and scrapes to the knuckles there, his own hands wringing behind his back as he took another step closer.
Jack saw her glance back toward him before she gestured, "Dr. Abbot, this is Nick and Amanda Alpers. Mr. and Mrs. Alpers, this is Dr. Abbot. He's the ER's foremost expert on head injuries." An easy fib, and it seemed to be a necessary one.
"Aren't you all trained on the same shit?" Nick grumbled. Abbot took a couple of steps closer, taking in the slight matting of hair on the wife's head, the dark clotting of blood.
"We all have our own experiences that inform how we practice," Abbot passed easily, taking one more step. "Mrs. Alpers, would it be alright if I examined theâ"
"It's just a scrape, really!" The insistence was hurried, and left the poor woman in a squeak. Abbot forced a small smile, giving a conceding nod.
"May I examine the scrape?" He conceded.
Amanda's eyes seemed to dart to Nick for permission, and only after a hefty sigh did Nick wave Abbot closer.
He couldn't help but note the way his fellow doctor rounded the bed, caught on the slight flurry of her questions as he gloved up.
"Are you feeling any pressure?" He asked, gently parting the hair to get a better look at the bloody, raised bump on her head.
"N-no. No more than usualâI mean! No more than anyone ever usually feels," Amanda hurried to answer. Abbot's eyes lifted to the doctor on the opposite side of the bed just in time to see her fingers tightening around her iPad.
"Any sensitivity to light, sound...?" Abbot went on, drawing his penlight out of his pocket and shining it from one eye to the next.
"Nn-nn."
"Hm."
"If that's all, can we go?" Nick groused. "Already been a waste of a night."
Abbot straightened, sizing Nick up. He waited for his fellow physician to say something, butâNothing. He looked at her, certain she was eyeing the chart, but realized immediately that it was a mistake. Her eyes were right on his, widening pointedly as they darted to the creep beside her. Abbot cleared his throat, doing his best to focus on the patientâthough he knew he'd be tucking that look away for himself.
"Nick, can I have a word?" He asked, gesturing toward the nurse's station.
"What for?"
Abbot pushed a short breath out through his nose as he rounded the bed, taking even steps so as not to raise the brute's hackles.
"There are some things that I'd like to discuss with you. Things that, you know," He nodded, "Women shouldn't hear."
Watching understanding wash over Nick's face made his stomach turn. It was a wonder the man had brought his wife to the ER at all if that was the attitude he held.
"We won't go far?" Nick pressed, though he was already moving.
"No, no," Jack insisted, following him out, "Just a few feet." He gave her one last look, and a quick nod before tugging the observation curtain closed behind them.
--
The knot that had formed in your stomach only tightened, but it wasnât for your own nerves or panic anymore. You didn't like letting her go, hated seeing her leave with him. Abbot came to a stop beside you, and for a moment, the two of you just watched Nick steer Amanda out of the ER.
"What'd you say to him?" You asked.
"Distracted him with football."
"I didn't know you watched."
âSometimes. She take the pen?â He asked.Â
â...Yeah.âÂ
âItâs a start.â
âMight be too little, too late.âÂ
âSheâs got a good head on her shoulders.â
âYou think so?âÂ
âSure.â
â...I gave her my number, too.âÂ
You saw Abbotâs head turn toward you, and you froze, biting the inside of your cheek.Â
âYou shouldnât have done that.â It shouldâve been more of a scold, but you couldâve sworn his tone was tinged with admiration.Â
âI know.â
âWhat were you thinking?âÂ
âI wasnât.â You turned away from Abbot. âThanks again for distracting him.âÂ
â...No problem. Will you tell me if she calls?âÂ
âYeah,â You nodded, turning to look at the board. âHope she doesâand soon.âÂ
âWas that all that was bothering you?âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âYou seemed a little off earlier. Just making sure everythingâs okay.âÂ
Well, Abbot always was the observant type. It was one of the things that made him such a good doctor. You shouldnât have been offended by his question, but in that moment, his concern was as unwelcome as Ellis probing had been just a few hours before.Â
âJust one of those daysânights,â You corrected, âYou know.âÂ
âTake a couple minutes, get some air.âÂ
âIâm alright.â And before you could stop yourself, you gave him a grateful smile before turning away. In truth, you weren't entirely sure where you were headed toâyouâre more distracted by the fact that youâd met the guyâs eye more in the last twenty minutes than you probably had in the last two years.Â
--Â
âHere.âÂ
âThanks,â You took your beer as Ellis set it down and settled into the seat across from you. âJohn on his way?âÂ
âYeah,â She nodded, âAnd uhâŠDonât kill me, but heâs bringing someone.âÂ
You frowned, shaking your head as you waited for her to explain. Ellis didnât elaborate, merely tipped her brows up. It only took a second for you to put the pieces together, and you groaned, sliding down in your chair as nerves flooded your stomach.Â
âParkerââÂ
âItâs just a coincidence!â She took in your unimpressed glare, corrected, âMostly a coincidence. We always ask, he almost never says yes. Itâs as hard to talk him into coming out as it is to talk you into it. Besides, itâll help!âÂ
âThereâs nothing here that needs helping.âÂ
âItâs slowing things downââ
âWhen has it ever slowed anything down?â
âLast few shifts, heâs waited for you to look at him when you answer and nothing. Itâs making shit weird. We leave that messy personal bull for the day shift.â
âYou barely look at the guy. We all notice it.âÂ
âHeâs so big on frickinâ eye contact, like,â You glanced around the bar, âItâs intimidating.âÂ
âIntimidating?â
âYeah.â
âIntimidating.âÂ
âYes! I barely even like making eye contact with you, but I live with you, so itâs mostly unavoidable.âÂ
âYou love it.â
âSure. Who wouldnât want to be adopted by the meanest lesbian in the ER?â
âI thought that was Garcia.â
âNo, sheâs the meanest lesbian in surgery.âÂ
Ellisâ smile widened before she perked up, waving at someone behind you before she leaned in just a touch.Â
âJust be yourself, be cool.â
âPick one.â
âYou know, I bet he thinks you hate him.âÂ
âWhat?â You hissed, âWhy would he think that? AndâWhy would he give a shit, plenty of people hate their boss. Not that I hate him, I donât, justââ
âHey!â Shenâs voice cut over your nervous chatter, and you couldnât stop your knee-jerk reaction of turning to look at himâand spotting Abbot just a couple of steps behind. Shen patted you on the shoulder, settling down beside you as Abbot rounded the table. Your eyes glued to your beer instinctively as he shrugged out of his jacket, sitting down beside Ellis. And you thought youâd just managed to be subtle enoughâuntil both Shen and Ellis kicked you lightly under the table. It took everything in you not to kick back, instead lifting your head to meet Abbotâs eye, plastering a small smile on your lips.Â
âHi.âÂ
âHello.â There was a little lean to his lo, a friendly tease that you felt like you hadnât earned. And there was eye contactâheavy, steady eye contact as he folded his arms on the table. You tried to ignore the traitorous little flip in your stomach as you hurriedly lowered your eyes to the table, picking your beer up and taking a swig to try and drown the flurrying butterflies. Â
âWe miss anything good?â Shen plied. Ellis shook her head.Â
âWe were just talking about renewing our lease.âÂ
âI forgot you two were roommates,â Abbot commented. Ellis mustâve told him, and you couldnât fathom why heâd remember.Â
âWhatâs the verdict?â Shen asked.
âWeâre gonna stick,â You reported as you looked at him. âRent is going up, but, like, barelyâŠBarely.â
âAnd the location is too good,â Ellis tacked on. âHalf an hour to the Pitt walking, fifteen minutes by carâutilities donât suck, either.âÂ
âDecent space,â You added, âAnd allows dogsâif this one goes through with getting a dog.â
âIâm still in research and development.âÂ
âArenât you allergic?â Shen nudged your arm.Â
âYeah, but not deathly. And if she picks a breed that doesnât shed much and has a low can f 1 geneââÂ
âI want to adopt from a shelterââÂ
âSo Iâll probably be moving out as soon as that happens,â You teased, âBecause god knows sheâll wind up with a mutt.âÂ
âAnd sublet?âÂ
âSure, John. You can move into my room, Iâll move into your place. Even trade.âÂ
âI donât know about thatââÂ
âBetter rent, better location.âÂ
âYou wonât mind being further from the Pitt?â
âNah,â You shrugged, âI like a long walk.âÂ
âSure does,â Ellis rolled her eyes, âI donât know anyone that spends more time just wandering around on their days off.âÂ
âIs it a crime to enjoy being outside when the sun is up?âÂ
âYou ever think of switching to day shift?â
Abbotâs question caught you off-guardâit was like youâd fallen into such an easy rhythm with Ellis and Shen that you'd almost managed to forget that he was there. Your fingers tightened around your beer as you forced yourself to meet Abbotâs eye again.Â
âNot once.âÂ
It was the truth, and it made Abbotâs smile widen in a way that felt dangerously vindicating. Unnerving quiet wrapped around your shared gaze, and Ellis clearing her throat was what finally snapped you out of looking at him.Â
âSo, hey,â Shen jumped in, âDid I tell you guys about my latest acquisition?â
âJesus fucking christ,â You muttered over Ellisâ low whistle.Â
âAnother ebay war?â She asked.
âNot a war, an easy buy,â Shen insisted, âYou know, forââ
âYeah, your shank bank, we remember,â You insisted, smile pulling wide as both Abbot and Ellisâ laughter catches from that side of the table. âThat weird-ass collection of antique medical equipmentâfucking medical history nerd.âÂ
âI keep them as a display!âÂ
âMust really get âem going on a date night. Nothing hotter to a woman than rusty scalpels,â You batted back, nudging Shenâs shoulder with yours. You didnât mean to catch Abbotâs eye on your way back to looking at Ellis again. And this look didnât hold for as long as the one before itâbut it was just long enough to reawaken the butterflies, even as Shen insisted,
âThis one isnât even rusty!â
--Â Â
As you turned in for the night, Ellis teased you, insisted, âSee, it wasnât that bad.âÂ
You didnât argue, because she wasn't wrongâit wasnât the worst way to spend an afternoon out. But it wasâŠDifferent.Â
Your aversion to Dr. Abbotâs attention had started your first week at the Pitt, when heâd stuck close during an intubation. He hadnât been breathing down your neck, but his steady focus had made you so damn nervous. You were used to your attendings being just a little scattered, torn in six different directions. And other matters had vied for Abbotâs attention, sure, but he hadnât heeded them until the patient was in the clear.
Youâd started to avoid his gaze after that, and it had just become second nature. Avoiding eye contact turned into avoiding him during the quiet moments of your shifts, which turned into a patient-treatment-only conversational focus. Abbot consulted on your cases, made recommendations, listened to your rationalizations.Â
When he did insist on meeting your eye, you gave him just a long enough look to show that youâd heard him, but never anything more. Youâd avoided palling around with him, even though you palled around with your fellow residents, and with other attendingsâbut you were comfortable with them.Â
And Abbot didnât make you uncomfortable, per se. But the nerves that had welled around him during your first few weeks at the Pitt had never really gone away. If you were hard-pressed to examine and classify your feelings, you would (grudgingly) sort them into the mild to moderately romantic category. You blamed him for that entirely.
It wasn't fair, of course. He was handsome, knowledgeable, charming when he wanted to be. He was an amazing physician, an excellent teacher. And it wasn't his fault you had a bit of competency kink. Abbot had never made you feel anything but valuedâand nervous.
Besides, it was embarrassing to admit that you had a crush on a man that youâd hardly looked in the eye for the last few years.Â
You could understand how Abbot mayâve thought you didnât like himâif he really thought that. But he didnât seem like the kind of guy who needed everyone to like him. It probably helped, sure, but you were positive that your countenance had never caused a slow-down or a hitch in the ER, no matter what Ellis said. You were just focusedâand since when was that a bad thing?Â
Either way, today had been kindaâŠokay. Youâd made nice with Abbot, made eye contact multiple times without Ellis or Shen kicking you in the shins again. Whatever wound up happening, youâd tried, and they couldnât take that away from you, right?Â
You settled in bed, letting your eyes slip closed, drawing in a deep breath to relax yourself.
For all your initial irritation, Ellis was rightâit wasnât that bad.Â
But it didnât stop Abbotâs warm gaze from lingering behind your eyelids when you closed them, and it couldnât keep the mirthful roll of his chuckle from playing through your mind as you tried to drift off.Â
--Â
You decided to make it a little experiment, approach it as something that you could train yourself out of. Seeing him over drinks had laid the groundworkâand you had managed to look at him twice a few shifts ago, hadnât you?Â
You went into your next shift determined to look Abbot in the eye three times.
You only managed it once when you passed him by the boardâa glance and a small wave.
The smile that he returned flustered you so much that you nearly walked into the sandwich cart, and it scared you out of looking at him for the rest of the night. As a matter of fact, it scared you out of it the next shift, and the one after that.Â
You talked yourself out of the whole foolish endeavor. Youâd managed to work with Abbot perfectly well before, why change things now? Especially when looking at him seemed to awaken something girlish and fluttering inside of youâand you couldnât afford to be girlish and fluttering at work.Â
--Â
She was doing it again.Â
Jack had thought they had turned a corner after Shen and Ellis had invited them all out together, but things seemed to be moving in reverse. It had gone beyond sticking in his crawâit was almost nagging at him now, and worse now that he knew what the full force of her focus was like. It was easy to brush off before, but these days Jack was hard-pressed to admit that he felt something in him wilt whenever she avoided his eye.Â
She was making a meal of it now, focused stalwartly as she instructed Javadi on setting a bone. Heâd seen her head tip in his direction a couple of times, but sheâd always given her head a little shake before refocusing. Was the shake for Javadi? For him?Â
â...You didnât hear me, did you,â Ellis asked, forcing him to refocus. He had heard herâand he could feign that his silence had been fueled by contemplation. He turned away from the treatment bay, arms folded across his chest.Â
âSee if the OR can take Mr. Tosches yet," He instructed. "I donât want him down here too long. You follow up with the raccoon kid?âÂ
âThatâs my next stop.âÂ
âPerfect, thanks.âÂ
âSureâHey, are you coming by this weekend?â
That weekend. Heâd been dodging giving Ellis an answer for the last couple of weeks. Sheâd invited him to the last four get-togethers at the apartment, but heâd never made it to one, either because he was working, or because he just wasnât in the mood to socialize.Â
He wasnât sure he was in the mood now, butâŠA fleeting smile flashed through his mind. Theyâd seemed to come easier to her when they were away from the hospital. And his therapist had been nagging him about leaving the house moreâŠ
âYeah,â He nodded. âYeah, I can make it.âÂ
Ellis didnât cover her surprise well, but her, âkay, sweet. Iâll text you the address," Told him that she was just as surprised by his answer as he was.
Abbot nodded, casting another glance toward the treatment bay before turning away fully. It was just an experiment, he told himself. He would see if her smiles for him came easier outside of work, or not at all.Â
If it was not at all, heâd let it go, once and for all.
--Â Â
âIs there any coffee?âÂ
The question made you freeze in front of your cabinet. Your eyes darted through its contents, but you didnât take in a damn thing. He was in your kitchen. He never came to these things, why the hell did he come to this one?
âUhââ You turned, looking around your kitchen as though youâd never been there before. âItâs umâYeah. Right there. It might not be hot, though. I can turn the pot back on.âÂ
âIâve got it.âÂ
âYou're on shift tonight?â
âMhm.â
You nodded, turning back to the cabinet. Hell, what did you open it for? Goddamn, but you came in here looking for somethingâYou huffed, shoving the cabinet door closed as you scrubbed your hand across your forehead. He wasnât allowed to do this, he wasnât allowed to make you feel this out of sorts in your own damn kitchen.Â
âEverything alright?âÂ
âYou know, I feel like half the time you talk to me, youâre asking if Iâm okay.â It was out of your mouth before you could stop it, and embarrassment sprang up the second it did. âI should, umâYou need a mug, donât you,â You muttered, turning to the other cabinet, and glancing back toward the living room when you heard a swell of laughter. Damnit, but Ellis sent you into the kitchen for what? Napkins? Napkins would be in the cabinet.
âWell forgive me for being concerned when one of my best residents seems to spend half of her shifts avoiding me.âÂ
You whirled around, too stunned to do anything but meet Jackâs eye. The steady contact seemed to catch the both of you off-guard. Your mouth worked wordlessly for a moment as your mind reeled. What the hell could you say to that? Wellâwhat would you say if you were talking to Ellis or Shen?Â
â...Just one of your best residents?âÂ
Abbotâs brows lifted, his lips quirk with a smile, and your stomach filled with that girlish fluttering again.Â
âYouâre certainly not avoiding me now.â
You press your mouth together, gaze instinctively dropping to the floor.Â
âI donât avoid you at work, either. Iâm justââ You turned back to the cabinet, reaching into it for a mug. âIâm focused when I'm at the Pitt.âÂ
âSeem to be focused right now, too.âÂ
âDo you want a mug for your coffee or not?âÂ
âOh, that old excuse.âÂ
âFine, drink it from the pot. Thatâs Parkerâs machine, anyway. Sheâll kill you.âÂ
âShe wouldnât. Weâre short-staffed as it is.âÂ
âWell, thatâs true.â You crossed the kitchen, holding the mug out. And, though you knew the answer, you asked, âDo you need milk or sugar?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âAlright.â You turned, reaching for the cabinet by the coffee machine. Maybe it was something in there.
â...You donât really think I avoid you," You plied, unable to stop yourself.
âCertainly avoid looking at me.â
âFocused.âÂ
âUh-huh.âÂ
âYouâre fine to look at.âÂ
âOh?â
âGoodâGood toââ No, nothing in that cabinet. Check the next one. At least, you needed to get a few feet away from Abbot before you said anything else stupid. âYouâre fine.âÂ
âThanks.â
âSure.âÂ
â...Look at me.âÂ
It was so firm that you went still in front of your cabinet again, hands on the knobs, doors half-open as your heart leaps into your throat.
âExcuse me?â
âWeâre not at work, you canât need to be that focused. If Iâm so fine to look at, look at me.âÂ
Your fingers flexed around the knobs, palms growing sweaty.Â
âEllis asked me to grab something for her and youâve already distracted me enough.â
âIs that so.âÂ
âYou can be very distracting sometimes.â For fucksake. What was it about being alone with this man that had your head so horribly scrambled?
âI suddenly feel like I oughta apologize,â He commented.
âI feel like youâre making fun of me.âÂ
âA little.âÂ
You scoffed out a laugh, your nerves only worsening when you heard Jack take a few steps closer, saw him lower his coffee onto the counter beside you.Â
âIt wonât take long,â He reassured, raising his hand to close one of the cabinet doors. âOne quick look.âÂ
You drew in a deep breath, planting your hand on the counter and turning to face Jack with wide eyes. You were prepared to stare at him pointedlyâbut you faltered at the look on his face. His eyes were softer than they had any right being. They searched your expression, sweeping over your nose, across your cheeks, to your lips, and up againâas if he was seeing you for the first time.Â
â...See?â He murmured. âThis isnât so bad.âÂ
You struggled to swallow, throat dry; your face was flooding with heat. If this was a cartoon, you were certain that your heart would be beating out of your chest.Â
âNo,â You finally managed, shaking your head a little, unable to tear your eyes from his, âNo, it isnât.âÂ
Jackâs smile widened as he leaned against the counter a touch, fingers skimming against yours. And you knew that you ought to look away, go ask Ellis what she sent you into the damn kitchen for in the first place, but you couldn't bring yourself to move.
âYou just gonna keep staring at me, Jack?â You murmured. His brows jumped slightly at the use of his first name, lips quirking with a smirk.
âYouâre staring, too.â
âMaking up for apparently avoiding you.âÂ
âVery kind of you.â
âDo what I can.âÂ
Maybe it was better that he was looking at your face, anywayâif he looked down, he might see the goosebumps sweeping up your arm from the gentle sweep of his fingertips against yours. It felt pathetic to get so worked up from such a simple touch. Goddamn, did he look at everyone like this? Did everyone feel like this when he looked at them? There was no wayâif it was, nothing would ever get done at the Pitt.Â
âHey, did you find the Triscuits?âÂ
Ellis bottle snapped you out of the trance-like stare, and you whirled away from Jack like he was trying to set you on fire. The Triscuits, son of a bitch, that was what you were sent to look for.Â
âI justâI just saw them,â You fumbled, pulling the cabinet open again.Â
âMy fault,â Abbot spoke up. âI asked for some coffee.âÂ
âYouâre on tonight?â Ellis frowned, and you were relieved to hear her come deeper into the kitchen. âI thought you were taking the day.âÂ
âWe had two call outs. Matter of fact, I should get going.â
You glanced doggedly back toward Jack, watching him pick his mug up and take a deep swig. You busied yourself with poking through the drawer beneath the cupboard, vaguely catching Abbot saying his goodbyes to Ellis in the background. Jeez, did the Trisuits fucking evaporate?Â
You glanced toward the mug as Jack set it down in the sink, and, against your better judgement, met Jackâs eye when he turned to look at you.Â
âThanks for the coffee.âÂ
âSure,â You nodded. âHave a good shift.âÂ
âGood luck finding those, uhâŠâ He glanced toward Ellis. âTriscuits?âÂ
âUh-huh,â She nodded. âThanks for coming, man.âÂ
âHave a good night.âÂ
You listened to his retreating footsteps, marked the opening and closing of the doorâŠAnd tried not to die from complete mortification when Ellis tapped your shoulder, then pointed out the box of Triscuits where it was sitting on the counter.Â