#mcwilliams

me when my friends have shouted an explanation of smth but my sensory issues still didn’t get it so I just smile like I did

I'm talking Buddie, Merthur, McWilliams, just to name a few. Don't get me wrong, I 100% love and ship these ships, and yes, I think we need more queer representation in media, and I still think that all these couples have the ability to be viewed through a romantic lens. But I also know that in media, one of the only things rarer than a healthy queer couple, is healthy male friendships.

Buck and Eddie are basically raising a kid together, the casual touches between Steve and Danny, Merlin and Arthur spending all day together and never getting bored of eachothers company. All things that can simply be part of a strongly, platonic relationship, but has been made largely unreachable for many young men based on the fact that media almost always attaches romantic innuendo on these ideas.

The central conflict of the schizoid is between his immense longing for relationship and his deep fear and avoidance of relationships (PDM Task Force, 2006). As Akhtar (1987) notes, while the schizoid is outwardly withdrawn, aloof, having few close friends, impervious to others' emotions, and afraid of intimacy, secretly he is exquisitely sensitive, deeply curious about others, hungry for love, envious of others' spontaneity, and intensely needy of involvement with others. When in relationships, the schizoid maintains a pattern of oscillating towards and away from intimacy, alternatively desiring, and being excited at the chance for contact, and becoming claustrophobic, smothered, choked, imprisoned and terrified of being devoured or smothered by the other. The schizoid then must break free and recover independence (Guntrip, 1969). The oscillation in and out of relationships is the real world enactment of these conflicts around involvement. The schizoid’s legendary avoidance of relationships reflects his assessment that abandonment of others is a lesser evil than facing engulfment and loss of self, despite his longing for relationships (McWilliams, 2004; Seinfeld, 1991). 

Figure 5.1 below illustrates the dynamics. On the one hand, the schizoid chooses to be alone, reveling in self-sufficiency and omnipotence, but remaining deeply lonely and empty. On the other hand, the schizoid may choose to enter relationships but then feels pulled toward symbiosis, engulfment, and servitude to the other. This basic dilemma has been called different things by different authors. For example, Wilhelm Reich discussed the wish for and against involvement (Reich, 1933), H.R. Guntrip referred to the ‘In-And-Out Programme’ (Guntrip, 1977), Ralph Klein discussed the ‘Schizoid Compromise’ (Klein, 1995), Henri Rey referred to the ‘Suffocation-isolation preoccupation’ (Rey, 1979), and others describe ‘approach-avoidance’ conflicts.