#actuallyszpd

Light Yellow: Masking

I used yellow for it because yellow stands for friendliness, and is also one of the brightest colors, and then I dulled it. Which signifies that people that mask use a personality that usually includes being more interactive and more interested in others. (please note that not everyone masks/can mask but there is no flag that has it included yet)

Darker Yellow: Generally not interested in platonic or romantic relationships.

Yellow again for friendship, but dulled because friendship seems dull.

Light Grey-Blue: Detachment

For feeling like you're just going through the motions of life, dissociation, etc.

Dark Blue: Elaborate and excessive internal fantasy world, daydreaming, and introspection.

Blue is a color associated with imagination and depth.

Black: Apathy

Please note that this flag may not resonate with everyone with szpd! It is mainly based on my experience with it.

As the “true” self in schizoids becomes separate from the rest of the psyche, (in some cases masked with a false persona as a form of compromise with the external world, ie. “secret” schizoids), it is turned away from the concrete physical world and towards the abstract. This more or less means it’s actually possible for schizoids to feel deeply intimate connections comfortably, if these connections are formed on higher levels of abstraction – ie. abstraction itself becomes a vehicle for connection. This also leads to what Akhtar has named ‘idiosyncratic thinking’, or odd thinking.

Example of concrete vs. abstract: I tell Bob a personal opinion about something, and Bob has a bad reaction to it, tells me I’m a disgusting person, and refuses to talk to me further. A neurotypical person would be upset about the immediate interpersonal reality of that situation – ‘oh no, Bob thinks I’m a disgusting person.’ Schizoids, if they get upset at all, instead tend to get upset because the situation reminded them of an abstract phenomenon which they have a hard time dealing with – ‘oh no, some people take opinions seriously to the point that they are willing to cut others out of their life instead of coming to some sort of mutual understanding or compromise, which gets in the way of problem-solving or beneficial discourse, something that should be everybody’s primary concern.’ Out there? Yeah, but that's kind of the point.

Neurotypical signals of affection lose meaning and feel empty because they can’t connect to the repressed/abstract self. If a consistent demand is put on the schizoid to meet what they see as superficial expressions of affection, they can get feelings of being forced to play a role which is psychologically demanding to keep up with yet yields next to no emotional rewards and satisfies none of their actual needs.

Adding to this, when schizoids then attempt to communicate their own needs or to express abstract, existential feelings, they’re more often than not met with misunderstanding, ridicule, neglect, and dismissal. The schizoid’s thinking is treated as being too abstract to have any real bearing on reality, whereas to the schizoid themself sees it as integral to reality. This happens with family, friends, coworkers, partners, as well as medical professionals/psychologists – it is a near universal phenomenon.

This culminates in the schizoid reality wall – the core difficulty in actually connecting to other people.

Essentially, the feeling for schizoids is that they often try to meet others on the terms of those others, ie. through concrete and grounded conversations, but that nobody does or even tries to do the same for them. This leads to feelings of futility, hopelessness, animosity, and a stronger need and desire to self-isolate.

You’re reminded of that barrier [all the time]. You’re reminded of the reality of your situation, which is: They can’t hear me. And I can’t hear them. And I’m trying to hear them, and I’m trying to listen – but no one is trying to listen to me. So why should I keep trying? What purpose does it serve? [...] It's not magical thinking that's occuring here, it's well-thought-out thinking that is being placed against a backdrop of a world that is telling you, 'No. No, that thinking is not the right thinking.'

- from this