#lexlala

"Might've picked up some happy weight but I still look tf good." MGM National Harbor, Fort Washington, MD - 2017. IG: snapsbyashphotography

Fighting, fussing, and cussing - but no loving When the arguments arise it's like the reasons that made you so close no longer matter in that moment Selfish actions and troublesome words And it's like nothing's coming out right, nothing's getting fixed At that point, what matters and what's worth it? Man of your dreams, is it worth being more mad than loving hard? Woman in your life, is it worth picking and prying if the end result just makes you both feel bad? If love is what brought you together, why is hate what tears it down? It's like a double sided coin that just keeps flipping as the fight progresses And you don't wanna fight You don't wanna argue You don't wanna hate But evidently, that's what it comes down to So at the point where everything becomes so delicate And everything becomes distorted, because when you're mad you don't see anything, just red What will you do? Will you fold? Will everything that was good about your union become an incessant fight? ...will you leave? Ifuleave tells no lies when they say you'll miss me Is it deep enough to leave? Or is the relationship just that immature that it can't stand hard ground? Find out what matters and what you value before you make that call Before you break their heart, think about how much yours would be intact too And if it wouldn't be, ask yourself Is it worth it?

Aesthetics.

The insanity to think we need validation from outsiders.

Sometimes you gotta get with the fact that not everyone deserves a seat at your table Not everyone can pull up when you're ready Sometimes they might not pull up at all But the ones that do deserve a hand clap because they did what you asked of someone else, but you never asked of them in the first place Sometimes you gotta let go of what you thought was... ...and accept that it's not, and you'll be okay; maybe even better Sometimes you gotta go without just so you know what it's like to have It's a time where you gotta struggle to know how it feels to make it; "you'll see it eventually", they say Sometimes you gotta leave the canvas blank and stop making the picture before it makes itself There's a reason you can't plan every moment, every mistake, every mishap - why would you want to? Sometimes, just sometimes, it's okay. To be okay, to not be okay. To try and to fail. To learn and live further. Sometimes, just sometimes, it is what it is. Let it be, let it breathe. Don't force what's meant to be loose. Don't recover what's meant to be lost. Sometimes...not every time, but sometimes.

I finally figured out why I like taking photos but deny myself any chances of modeling professionally... taking photos, creating concepts, it all gives me a free range method to express myself without feeling limited to anyone's boundaries or boxed-in ways of thinking. I get to play around, get dolled up (or down) and just be myself once the cameras on me. Lately I've been asked if I'm with management or whatnot, and honestly I wouldn't want to be unless I knew I had the full opportunity to be myself and break said boundaries that not only Black females have, but females in general. I'm not a full-fledged feminist, but I don't believe in the only art I could produce is something where I'm halfway naked, in a bed, or something scantily clad that could be seen ANYWHERE. But hey, that's just me 💛

Speed up to the present, separate space, separate time All I can say is, I’m doing just fine