#yards

plastic artificial grass has got to be one of the most inhuman things someone has ever invented. It was not enough to tear out all the flowers and shrubs in order to completely cover our yards with grass so that no bug may survive in them. It was not enough to coat the grass in pesticides so that any non-grass life that may somehow survive in this man-made green and symmetrical wasteland gets killed anyway. In order to finalize our execution of mother nature we had to exterminate the final form of life that remained in the yard, the grass itself. Every blade of artificial grass is a middle finger pointed up at the gods. Every perfectly symmetrical lifeless lawn that has been created was created in the image of man's hubris. Climate change will boil our blood before we ever see the stars.

I don’t get people who want only one species of grass in their yard. You don’t want blankets of purple and white violets in spring? You don’t want a carpet of clover in summer? Are you opposed to the pop of color and texture you get from dandelions and Indian paintbrushes and a hundred other little flowers and plants? No wild chives in random clumps behind the woodshed??? They’re all just unwanted weeds to you? What the fuck is wrong with you. Freak of nature (derogatory).

Shoutout to people who don't mow their lawns and no, I'm not kidding.