#kokonomi

Taglist : @jenophilia @sassyong @scftharu @moanwalk @sicluvz @yutaalove @bluejaem @a10vely-yutazen @ki6hyun @mirohtron @ikigyu @koishua @baekybaeky @artstaehg @bingyuu

Jeno was flawed. He wasn't strong, neither did he have the courage- his heart was fragile and he tended to get it broken easily. Over and over again. Jeno feared loss, every kind of it. Yet, you fell in love with him- and his flaws became what you adored the most.

You smile, fingers tangled in the soft, brunette locks of his hair, playing with it. Jeno hated it when people touched his hair. But you were an exception. It made him want to forget about his flaws-- and touch you until his feelings are reduced into nothing but numbness. But he shifts away from the heat of your body.

You frown at the boy standing in front, back pressed against the wall of the school's rather forgotten corner in the halls. It was quiet, too quiet for your liking.

"I…." Jeno looks away, refusing to meet your eyes. "I don't deserve you."

It was a statement. Clear and determined.

"What?"

"I don't deserve you."

"But I want this, really."

Silence.

You lean in close to cup his face in your hands  and stare into his dark brown orbs, your breath washing over his face like water on the seashore. Jeno feels his breath hitch at the lack of space between the two of you.

You were too close. So close that he could smell your perfume. You smelled of bergamot and soap, of honey and sunsets. And Jeno was so, so lost. 

The air seemed to grow heavier with the passage of each second, the only audible sound being the loud beating of your hearts. And Jeno, yet again, is the one to look away first "You should be with--" but he feels your hand grabbing his-- the other flying to his mouth, refraining him from saying whatever he was about to say.

"Shush," you chide in a hushed tone. And he obeys.

"Listen to this."

And Jeno tries. He tries to listen to whatever you'd asked him to listen to. And all hears is the faintest beat of your heart, definitely faster, louder than his own.

"You know who it's beating for?" Your voice shatters the silence. And Jeno loses track of the pattern he'd started picking up in the beating of your heart.

He looks at you, eyes waiting for an answer.

Your hand finds its way back to his hair again. "You," you reply with a smile.

"It's beating for you, you idiot."

It doesn't take a second for Jeno to swoop down and mould his lips against yours. It takes you by surprise, of course, but you too- were quick to converse your own feelings into the kiss. You exchange warmth and affection through the heated kiss, both melting the kiss like chocolate dripping off a cake. And Jeno knew what it all, what you meant to him. He sighs into the kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

“Hmm…g’morning,” rubbing his nose against y/n’s hair in an attempt at affection before making himself something to eat, Jungwoo hummed in surprise when a set of arms snuck their way around his waist.

“Morning Woo~” bending to meet their fatigued boyfriend’s eyes with a loving smile, y/n pressed a kiss to his lips before pulling Jungwoo away from the counter and to the island stool, “let me make breakfast today, hmm? You look exhausted; busy day yesterday?”

“Mhm…when did you get back?” Rubbing the rest of his sleep out of his eyes, Jungwoo watched as y/n wrapped an apron around their waist and made a start on making breakfast, a pleased smile on their face that only appeared on the head chef’s face once they were in their element. Answering Jungwoo’s question with a hum of ‘one a.m.’ and finishing off the rest of the cooking, y/n went about plating the food, the breakfast Instagram-worthy.

“Woo, get the plates?” Pleased with his task, Jungwoo set the table, accepting the kiss to his cheek with a bashful smile.

“Let’s eat~”

Draped over the living room sofa with the TV turned onto some programme he didn’t have the energy to pay attention to, Jungwoo laid his head in y/n’s lap and gladly accepted the head scratches sent his way. His limbs were nothing more than lead bars and unless there happened to be a natural disaster outside of his door, the idol had no plans to get up whatsoever.

It was his off day. Nothing was going to get him to do anything.

Equally as relaxed and exhausted, y/n kept themselves occupied with the ends of their boyfriend’s hair, gentle hums as they turned the ends of Jungwoo’s hair into mini braids. The chef had luckily taken a day off, and chances to spend quality time with the man in their arms without interruption were few and far between. Any and every opportunity to cuddle, was more than worth it.

“Y/n, baby?”

“Yeah? What is it love?”

“I missed doing this with you,” tilting his head back to meet y/n’s eyes, he grinned, a lazy smile that reached the corners of his eyes. He really did miss laying around on the sofa with y/n. “should we order take-out later?”

“Take-out sounds good. It sounds really good.”

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Years later and the three of you haven't grown apart.

“You look like you want to eat him,” Doyoung comments as he drops into the seat next to you.

“I would.” Taeyong has his eyes on the boy and you know it’s time to give up on this one. It isn’t any fun once Taeyong steals someone away, only to leave them behind soon after. “You’re lying to yourself when you say you wouldn’t.”

“I didn’t say that though.” Neither you or Taeyong fail to hear the words Doyoung mutters and you share a smile.

Doyoung has evolved to the point where he could admit his desires, even if he’s yet to act on them. It’s a drastic change from how he used to be a year ago. Taeyong and you have been the bad influence he needed, and he's finally let himself linger close to the dark side.

People comment on how strange it is that Taeyong spends his time with Doyoung. They find you so forgettable that they don't even mention you.

It’s hard to abandon the friends from your early years if they are always around and all you've ever really known.

All three of you miss classes, though Doyoung is the only one who bothers with formalities like getting permission first, while Taeyong and you simply bunk class and sneak off.

"Kiss boys. Break hearts. Fuck life." Taeyong holds up his imaginary drink. You pretend to clink yours against it.

"Cheers."

Of course, you find Taeyong passionately making out with the boy later that day. When he meets your gaze without stopping his performance, you want to rip him apart. Instead you show him a finger. He responds by slipping his hand under the boy’s shirt and pulling him even closer. Fuck him.

“I’m prettier,” Doyoung says with a huff as he walks up to where you’re leaning against the tree. He takes his spot on the ground beside you and places his head in your lap. “And you’re the prettiest.”

You pat his hair. “Is baby jealous?” You smirk.

Doyoung snorts. “As if you aren’t.” He closes his eyes.

I. Taeyong's Body:

Everyone loves Taeyong- including Taeyong, especially Taeyong. 

"With a face like mine," Taeyong smiles. "I deserve to be a star, don't you think?"

Doyoung says if people got to know Taeyong they'd not like him, and maybe it's true since the only friends he actually has are you and Doyoung.

Even Johnny didn't stick around and he was the closest Taeyong ever got to making a genuine friend besides you two, although Johnny continues to hang out with Taeyong enough for the publicity. 

"Say you love me," Taeyong whispers when you lie next to him. 

When you say you do, he smirks and turns away. You haven't heard him say that he loves you, and probably never will.

He has the face of an angel, but behind that lies a demon. 

“Am I supposed to sell my soul so that the masses love me?” Taeyong asks. He empties the water bottle by pouring it over himself, then throws it straight into the trash can. “I mean if I were you I’d think about it.” 

You ignore the jab. 

Taeyong goes on about how you are a disappointment, a failure, a fucking waste of space. You tune out the rest of it. 

Doyoung walks into the room, mumbling about something he’s seen on his phone. 

Taeyong snatches Doyoung’s phone out of his hands, ignoring his protests. “The fucking hell?” Taeyong’s eyes light up with fury. He flings the phone out the window, and starts cackling. “If anyone needs to sleep their way to fame you know who it’d be." He points in your direction. "What a joke.” 

With Doyoung mourning the loss of his phone, you’re the one who has to figure out what's up with Taeyong. 

He’s being a colossal jerk with no regard for anyone else including his supposed best friend- and all that’s relatively normal these days. There’s still something off about him, and you’re determined to figure out what.

"I think something's wrong with Taeyong," Doyoung says one morning, about a week later. 

"Obviously," you agree. "It's Taeyong." 

"No, that's not what I mean." Doyoung waves his hands in the air as if that makes things clearer, when it actually does nothing to help. "Yeah, well, you weren't the one who walked in to find him shoving a cake into his mouth with his bare hands. Which wouldn't be scary if Jungwoo did it, since that happens every time there's a party- but this is Taeyong. Our Taeyong doesn't stuff food into his face with both his hands like a barbarian at two in the morning."

"Why were you up at two anyway?"

"Fuck, that's the least important thing that I've said. I'm almost always up around two. I have trouble sleeping." 

"Oh. Maybe he's going through something too? Should we talk to him?"

"I guess. When I tried, he grinned at me with his mouthful of cake. I think I saw something dark oozing out of his mouth. But it wasn't a chocolate cake, was it? Might be imagining things." Doyoung rubs his forehead.

"You know what? I bet this is just the culmination of all your sleepless nights. You need sleep." And that's that.

Except that night you spot Taeyong devouring raw meat straight out of the freezer. You sprint to Doyoung's room and storm into the room. 

"There's this thing called knocking, you know?" Doyoung's voice comes out muffled from where he's buried in his blankets. "Would be nice if you'd try it sometime?"

"Yeah, well. Taeyong being depressed or deranged isn't the problem here. For fuck's sake, he's demonic."

Doyoung’s head pokes out. "The hell are you on about? Demonic? Are you sure you're fine?" 

You waste no time in narrating what you saw. 

"Okay. So, eating things you're not supposed to be, well, that's called pica. Not sure if there's a cure though."

"Yeah whatever, professor.” You scoff. “That's helpful."

II. Interlude:

There have been a lot of things that had to be buried when it came to you three, especially Taeyong and you. 

The rumors and scandals have gotten frequent enough that it’s turned into a running joke your fans like to call Misfit's ‘scandal of the week’. 

Yours are mostly about who you might be dating, Taeyong's tend to involve City 127, the idol group he was almost apart of, and Doyoung gets caught smoking. 

Your fans are quick to come to your defence. You are adults allowed to make your own choices and deal with the consequences- just because you’re an idol that shouldn't have to change. 

For all the people that support you, there are those who spew words of hatred and venom which turn into shards sharp enough to pierce through your skin. 

It isn’t doing anything besides making you feel worse, but you can’t keep from checking what people post about you. Their comments start getting to you when Taeyong interferes and pulls your phone out of your grip. 

On the days when you bleed insecurity, Taeyong's arms hold you and his hands heal the invisible wounds. He keeps you distracted so that you forget about the terrible thoughts that creep around your mind.

Taeyong softens around you. Those little actions of his show that he does care about you, somewhere deep inside. When he playfully snatches your phone away after he notices you scrolling through and letting the hate get to you, not giving it back until he’s managed to drag you out of the spiral you'd been sinking into. When he pushes a plate of food he's prepared in your direction when you sit down for breakfast, and it’s your favourite made just the way you like it.   

But then he does something that ruins it, and leaves you wondering why you even like him. 

You’ve barely locked the door when the clearing of a throat draws your attention to the man seated on the couch. 

"Back so late, huh? Let me guess- you were with Ten?"

He doesn't deserve an answer if he is going to be like that. You storm past him down the hallway and into the safety of your room.

"Sure. Hide away," he calls out. "Real mature."

You toss your clutch onto the bed, quickly changing into comfortable clothes and throwing the door open. 

"It's none of your fucking business," you hiss. "You can't demand that I stay away from him."

"He's an asshole. Did he seduce you? Is that all it took to-"

"One, he's less of an asshole than you. Two, just because you have to seduce people to keep you company doesn't mean everyone does the same. Three, you're an asshole. Fuck you."

III. Taeyong's Body:

You aren’t unfamiliar with spilt blood. It isn't the first time you've driven a knife through a man. 

But whatever's seeping out of Taeyong almost seems sentient- something stranger than anything you've ever seen before.

Yanking the blade out of his back, you let it drop from your hand as you back away from Taeyong who is grinning at you. A grin that once would have promised pleasure is now an omen, the promise being of pain. 

You're a backstabber, literally, but Taeyong's a demon and that's the greater of evils. Sometimes you need to back off, and this is one of those moments.

Your adrenaline levels spike, heart thumping in your thorax, and you become more conscious of your breathing with each passing moment. Your feet won’t budge, frozen in place like they’re nailed to the floor. 

The nerves- or perhaps it’s Taeyong’s doing- let go of you, and you stumble away to put a door between him and you. 

"Save me," Taeyong gasps. "I don't want to die again."

You slam the door shut on his clawed hands. It won't stop him, not even do much to buy time really. Taeyong doesn't seem eager to attack you though, and that’s the reason you are alive- for now. 

You pull Doyoung into an empty room and lock the door. 

“Oh gods, what if you’re the killer? Is this how-” Your hand over Doyoung’s mouth halts the rambling. 

"Taeyong's evil." You blurt it out before you realise the words are rolling off your tongue. 

Doyoung nods slowly like he suspects this is a trick question, despite it being neither a trick nor a question. "Yeah." He rubs his chest which you pretty much headbutted. 

"No. Like straight up demonic evil," you clarify. Not that it's helpful or believable. Then again, you've said stranger stuff before that Doyoung had no problem going along with. "He's possessed or some shit."

"Oh. Okay." Doyoung looks torn between disbelief and relief and horror. "There's something I need to tell you." 

You wait for Doyoung to continue but he stays silent. You'd like to say you're patient, but you're really not. You clear your throat, prompting Doyoung to break out of the trance he seems trapped in.

"Well, give me a minute, alright? I saw things that I brushed off as nightmares and now I'm processing that all of it was real. Shit." Doyoung's nervous energy was peaking. 

"Yeah. We're fucked."

"So Taeyong showed up one night covered in blood," Doyoung recounts. "And I don't think it was his, either? He looked perfectly fine the next morning so I assumed it was one of my nightmares-"

"You dream about Taeyong often?"

Your comment is ignored. "And he was puking this weird ass dark goo and it was gross and he slammed me against the wall and growled and leaned in close and-" Doyoung takes a breath. "Then he backed off. Left the building."

"Oh fuck. Doyoung, I'm sorry." You're glad it wasn't you. "How the hell did I sleep through that shit?"

"A marching band wouldn't wake you up- you're basically Sleeping Beauty who can't wake up until the curse is dispelled. Lucky you don't have to wait for a kiss when your alarm clock does the trick."

IV. Interlude:

"So," Doyoung starts slowly as if he’s thinking over what he's about to say and whether it's worth the potential punch he’s going to get. "How come you hang out with Ten?"

If Taeyong had asked the question, you'd have gotten defensive and it would have ended with you ignoring each other for half a day at the very least.

Except it's Doyoung. 

"He's cool," you say. Not really an answer but open-ended questions allow for this kind of reply. It's not like you could be honest with Doyoung. Or maybe you could if you avoided specifics. "It turned out that we have common interests."

Doyoung hums. He's not entirely satisfied. However, he doesn't push further. Unlike Taeyong he respects boundaries. 

It bothers you though, that he doesn't want to dig deeper and discover the truth you’re trying to hide.

"Ask me,” you say. “What's on your mind?" 

"Why don't you ever take me along? I don't hear much about Ten from you. You don't have to tell me, of c-"

"It's one of those things where I'd probably have to kill you if I told you."

"You're an assassin? Don’t tell me you started a fight club?"

"First rule of fight club- don't talk about fight club. So yeah, I won't tell you I started a fight club."

You burst into giggles. Doyoung stares at you in disbelief, before a smile slowly forms on his face. 

"You can have your secrets. Just know that I'm here whenever you need me."

"I know." You kiss his cheek. "Thank you. You're more than I deserve."

He swats at you, but he's also blushing and unable to meet your eyes. He's really not subtle. It's a little sad. 

You can't force feelings that aren't there. It'd be perfect if you fell for Doyoung and left Taeyong, but life doesn't work that way and hence you’re trapped where you are. 

V. Taeyong's Body:

"You're killing people?"

"No," Taeyong says. "I'm killing sasaengs. And it's for a good cause." He gestures to his face. "It's part of my new beauty routine."

You really don't know what to say to that. Doyoung doesn't either, if anything, he looks close to puking.

For once, Taeyong actually volunteers information and tells the two of you a bit about what happened to him. But he's Taeyong which means he finds pleasure in making you squirm, of course. Doyoung gets up and leaves midway, leaving you alone with the monster. Which is kind of shitty of him, but Doyoung's always been more of a scaredy-cat and you can't hold it against him.

You are three organisms in a symbiotic relationship- though Taeyong insists you are a parasite leeching off the success of him and Doyoung and your other acquaintances. 

Yet it's Taeyong who needs the blood and flesh of others to survive, so who's the parasite now?

"It's still you," Taeyong says with a mouthful of, well, you don't want to know. "I'm a predator. Top of the food chain. You can't beat that."

Even predators get eaten up when they're dead and decaying though.

Taeyong's dead. And if he isn't consuming human flesh, he's decaying. 

He isn't invincible. Nothing ever is. Taeyong is no exception. 

Doyoung thinks that too. He also thinks a lot of things that are useless outside of his head, as far as you’re concerned. Like when says, "I guess he's like Dorian Gray except he has to feed on humans instead of a portrait absorbing all of his sins."

"Dorian who?"

"Oscar Wilde? The Picture of Dorian Gray?” Doyoung says it like it’s a crime not to know the Oscar guy. “We even had to read it for Literature class- oh right, never mind. You never bothered."

"Not everyone can be a goody two shoes, Doyoung." 

"Please. You were a delinquent."

"You were boring. You only have one life. Live a little?"

"Some people have goals and want to be successful." 

"Well look at us now. We have the same job. Congratulations,” you scoff. “What use is your degree now? I didn't even graduate high school."

"Well if this doesn't work out then I have a backup plan. Can you say the same?"

"Ugh. Stop saying things my parents would tell me. I hardly talk to them anymore for a reason." Your mood falls momentarily. 

“Ok. I figured it out," Doyoung announces. "We’re stuck in a horror movie and Taeyong is the monster, I’m the protagonist and you’re the supporting character that dies halfway through.” 

“Fuck you, Doyoung." You can't hold back your laughter. "That’s you.”

If Doyoung was the hero, could you be the love interest? You shouldn’t Doyoung or yourself hope, yet sometimes you let yourself wonder.

“You started smoking again?” You snatch the cigarette from Doyoung. “Even if it keeps Taeyong away, it’s still killing you.”  

“I wasn’t using it as a Taeyong repellant.” He pauses and eyes the cigarette you're holding, probably trying to figure out how to get it back. “Though that does sound appealing now," he concedes. "If I have to choose my poison, I’ll take cancer over being brutally ripped apart to be devoured by a demon wearing my best friend’s face.”

You put out the cigarette and pull Doyoung close. You lean near enough to whisper in his ear, then you turn so that your lips brush against his jaw. 

Doyoung shifts so that his lips hover over yours. He doesn't go further than that. Where Taeyong does whatever he wants, Doyoung waits for things to fall into place. 

It's tempting, being so close. 

You move away, taking a moment to catch your breath. “Stop smoking,” you call before pushing Doyoung aside to go back inside. 

Smoke isn't enough to keep Doyoung safe from Taeyong.

VI. Interlude:

Arguments with Doyoung are usually over Taeyong. There's a bitterness you can't wash away no matter how hard you try. 

“We already got married when we were like six.” You groan into your pillow. “And you two exchanged rings ages ago. Why are we arguing over this?”

“This isn’t an argument! That’s not what I meant.” Doyoung runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “It’s just that we, you and me, never did anything special. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”

You roll onto your back. “Hey, come here.” Doyoung climbs onto the bed, and you pull him onto you. “What we have is special, and it always will be. You know what Taeyong is like. He might go easy on you, but he’ll destroy me. He already does.”

“He’s a fucking asshole. You deserve better.”

“He’s your fucking best friend! It’s not like you tried to stop him.”

“You think he listens to me? You were his best friend too and look what happened. He’s a selfish bastard.” Doyoung's voice rises, and suddenly he's choking on tears. "I can't pretend anymore. It bothers me more than you realise. I-"

"It's between me and Taeyong. You've stayed out of the way all this time. Keep looking away, acting like nothing is wrong. That's all you have to do." You huff and move towards the door. "Perform."

"Wait," Doyoung calls weakly. "I love- I'm in love with you."

You don't stop walking away, though it makes you falter. "I know," you whisper. "I'm sorry. You're the prettiest," you laugh through the tears. "It's just-"

"You don't love me."

"No," you insist. "You mean so much to me. I love you, but my feelings aren't the same as yours."

If you could stay and say what Doyoung desperately hopes for, you would. But you can't bring yourself to lie to him anymore than you already do. He deserves that much. 

VII. Taeyong's Body:

Ten is still asleep when you step out of the bedroom. Barely a moment after you leave the room you find yourself shoved against the wall with a hand closing around your neck. 

“Are you having fun without me?” 

"No one could replace you," you gasp when he loosens his grip. "Not even Doyoung."

Doyoung. You miss Doyoung.

"Wow. You've come a long way for sure. Lying to my face. How bold of you." The hand tightens, leaving you struggling to breathe as Taeyong watches with a grin. “I could snap your neck now, but that wouldn’t be fun, would it? Ah, I’m hung-” 

You drive the blade into him, however he's fast enough for it to miss its mark. It's left sticking out of his shoulder.

"Ouch." Taeyong winces as he yanks out the knife, dragging it out to mock you. The wound doesn't take long to heal itself. "Well that hurt. Looks like our friendship isn't going to work out after all. I hope you're ready to be torn to bits. I'll swallow you and regurgitate you. Surely my stomach can't handle something as disgusting as you."

"Nice to see you're still a dick."

"A dick you love, darling. Weren't you in the middle of confessing your undying love for me a minute ago?" Taeyong flashes his teeth. "You're such a masochist. Guess we're lucky that I love to see you suffer. Although I think I've let you live too long already. It'll be nice to finally get some rest, hmm? Enjoy your last breaths, bitch."

"Undying love is going to be dead love soon."

"Too late. I'm already dead."

"Undead, actually. But you won't be for much longer."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Bore me out of existence." Taeyong rolls his eyes. "Seeing as you're no good with a kni-"

Taeyong peers down to see the stake sticking out of his chest. “Ouch.” This time it's gone straight through his heart. Even a hydra has a limit when it comes to regeneration. Taeyong's Achilles heel happens to be his heart. 

As the life- or whatever was animating him- left Taeyong, he reaches a hand to caress your cheek. You could have flinched away, maybe you should have, yet you didn't.

"I love you," Taeyong rasps. "Forever." 

He traces a heart on your cheek. You grab onto his hand as it drops. Cold and limp it may be, but it's the hand that held onto yours through the good and the bad and the worse. 

Sandbox love never really dies. 

"As much as I support young love with all its flaws and faults," Ten drawls. "I think someone called the cops with all the ruckus you made. We're short on time, sweetie. You can meet him in hell or when you reincarnate or whatever."

You're not sure if you feel relieved, enraged or disappointed that you weren't the one to put an end to the terror that was Taeyong. Ten's right, there'll be time to think later.

The sound of sirens in the distance is your cue to leave. 

Epilogue: 

Doyoung slowly pushed open the door and stepped into the flat. It was unnaturally quiet, besides the sound of steady dripping.

It had to be a faucet that someone forgot to close properly. Doyoung didn’t want to think about the alternatives.

That's probably when Doyoung should have walked away. Fled out of the house and never looked back. Maybe then things would have ended up differently.

Taeyong wasn’t supposed to survive and limp home, but he did.

Doyoung screams and writhes in pain. Your head is pounding, your sight fading and you’re left gasping for air. Taeyong cackles and watches the two of you suffer with glee, before he goes out to feast on unsuspecting souls.

“He bit me,” Doyoung whispers in horror. He tries to grab the knife but you get to it first. “You need to kill me. I can’t turn into a monster.”

“We don’t know that yet.. You’re still alive. It isn’t the sa-”

“That’s the thing. What if-“

“No.” You don’t want to consider the possibility that Doyoung has died. But you’d believed it until he’d gotten back up.

You’ve already lost Taeyong. You can’t lose Doyoung as well.

If you could go back in time to the days when you didn’t know bloodlust and Taeyong’s heart hadn’t been ripped out and Doyoung hadn’t gotten caught in it all, you’d keep resetting until all three of you got out intact.

You'd been scratched however there haven't been any changes since then.

It’s possible it was like a disease where the symptoms hadn't showed up yet, and will appear later. Or perhaps you have a natural resistance to demonic possession, if that’s even possible. It is unlikely you’re that fortunate though, so you assume it’s the former and you'll show changes any day now.

It’s not fair if Doyoung succumbed to it, yet you survive.

Life’s not fair.

You are in love with Taeyong.

Doyoung is in love with you.

Taeyong is in love with himself.

News articles pinned on the rotting wall of a musty, old room in a broken down house:

Yuta's gruesome death at the hands of the Idol Killer

City 127's Johnny: the Idol Killer's next victim

Misfit and its miserable end

What really happened to Misfit?

Misfit- 2 dead, 1 missing

Kim Doyoung's corpse goes missing

Violent deaths, vanishing bodies- what's next?

City 127 disbands

Taeyong sightings- hoax or haunting?

To this day, no one's sure what truly happened with Misfit and how they met their mysterious end.

You’re not completely sure about how it all started.

It’s a petty thing, really, and not one you should pay as much attention to as you do, but, as you realize the moment you stare down at the bright yellow paper in your hands, it’s not one you can get off of your mind. He makes your patience run out and your skin crawl, and it surprises you, because the mere thought of him has you biting the inside of your cheek in desperation.

You shouldn’t care. You really shouldn’t care, because, thinking about it, it’s not even that big of a deal. Right? It’s just paint cans. Yeah, paint cans right beside your door. Paint cans, right beside your door, almost making you trip. You do care.

“Prick,” you mutter under your breath, sticking the post-it note in the (nearly empty) bulletin board that hangs right beside the apartment complex’s door. “Asshole.”

Hey, 10B, pick up your spray-paint cans and I’ll give you back your blue mug… untouched. Fail to comply, and Pocchaco will suffer the consequences!

Nestled deep between a couple of big flyers, you realize it doesn’t really stand out much. It’s a small note, barely half of a normal post-it note, but still, bright yellow. And, most importantly, a note he’s probably gonna be looking for… especially after the one he’d left.

It had become a bit of a tradition, complaining to each other through small (and petty) notes via the complex’s bulletin board. It’s all trivial stuff, really; him asking you to not play The Smiths at top volume past two in the morning after going through a couple of sleepless nights, you asking him to not leave his paintings out on the hallway all night after suffering one too many headaches from the smell of fresh paint, and so on.

To be completely honest, in any other setting, it’d be almost entertaining. If only it was a song, or a movie, perhaps, and you’d be all about the classic Picking Dumb Fights With My Neighbor story. You’d even laugh at what the fights have been about, because, looking back, you probably wouldn’t have been in danger of tripping over his spray-paint cans if only you had been paying a bit more attention to your feet and a bit less to fixing the volume in your walk-man.

These dumb fights, however, do happen to you, and that way, it’s really not that entertaining. It’s infuriating, almost, because you really could go on about your day without having the urge to hide inside your apartment the moment you hear the door opening across the hall, simply because the thought of your neighbor stresses you just so much.

“You could just confront him, you know,” your roommate, Taeyong, says from next to you. He’s picking up pieces from an almond croissant with his fingers and eating them with each step he takes, coordinating the movement of his hand with the one of his feet. “Just go out there and stick the post-it note in his face. Say ‘Hey! Give me my T-tool back because I’ve been driving my roommate mad with how much I’ve asked for his!’”

“I thought you didn’t mind lending me your T-tool,” you reply, rolling your eyes. “And I’m not… I’m not talking to him. Ever. In fact, I wish I could pretend he doesn’t exist. If I ever saw him, I think I’d just... ”

“You’d just… what? I mean, for all you know, he might as well be a figment of your imagination,” Taeyong laughs. “You’ve never even seen the guy’s face. How do you know it’s not just me pulling one on you? Plot twist: that time you thought 10B had the slippers you had forgotten outside, it was me you had to bribe with chocolate milk to get them back!”

“I know it’s not you because I know you value me not letting your plants die,” you say. Taeyong gasps next to you, nudging your side with his elbow. “And you don’t like chocolate milk.”

“Nah, I just don’t like the one you make. Way too little cocoa powder,” he laughs, taking another piece of bread into his mouth. A little bit of the powdered sugar that tops the treat stays in the corner of his mouth, and he quickly wipes it with his tongue. “You could be a little more generous when you’re making it, share some more of your love with me, your best friend.”

You cross the street as Taeyong finishes his croissant, scrunching up the white paper bag it was in and putting the paper ball inside the pocket of his hoodie. He stops as you reach the sidewalk, turning so he can walk towards the record shop he works a morning shift in.

“Yeah, best friend, I’ll keep that in mind,” you smile. “So, I’ll pick up the pizza tonight after class and we’ll meet back home, right?”

Taeyong nods.

“The veggie one, but ask for extra peppers,” he smiles. “You know, to make up for the chocolate-less milk. I’ll be sure to tell you if 10B complied, and you can finally give the poor guy his mug back.”

He waves as he begins to walk back, and when he’s out of sight, you put a set of headphones over your ears. Reaching into your bag, you press play onto your walkman and “I Can’t Be With You” by The Cranberries flood your ears. The cold morning air rustles between the trees and crashes against your face, cool and crisp, and smelling like fall. The leaves in the ground crumble when you step over them, and with the music in your head, the walk down the street feels more like a movie with every step.

Coffee Tuesdays have become a sort of tradition for you and Sicheng.

Long ago, back when you were kids, there was not a single moment you and Sicheng ever spent apart. You had grown up together, being neighbors and childhood friends, but his family had to move away and even though you had both promised to, neither of you kept in touch. You had meant to, and even sent a few letters and postcards at first, followed by a couple emails, but time had passed and life had moved on. And then, so did you.

He had still been there, in the back of your mind, and you’d remember him in the pink hues of an afternoon sky in the winter, and in the thick, white wisps of steam from a cup of hot chocolate after a long day. He had still been there, in the summer breeze, and in the whispers of secrets and shared, secret jokes. He had still been there, in a friend’s smile after a long day, and there, too, in a warm, comforting hug. He had been your best friend, and your most trust-worthy confidante and, even though he never knew, your first (majorly unrequited, or at least, to your knowledge) love.

And then, there he was, too, one year ago, sitting in the only un-crowded table in the library with his headphones on and his walk-man buried between a stack of papers. He was there, in a comfy-looking hoodie, hair tousled from all the times he’d ran his fingers through it, and you had not recognized him at first.

Okay, yeah, to be completely honest, you hadn’t been paying much attention. It was almost one in the morning before your last final exam, and you had quickly asked him if the seat in front of him was free. He’d given you a polite nod, eyes not quite leaving his paper for anything more than a quick glance up and down your frame. It hadn’t been until almost an hour later, mid-Aerosmith’s Special Hits mixtape when Taeyong had waltzed in, placed a bag of chips in front of you and wished you good luck on your studying that Sicheng had actually looked at you.

“Wait, is it really you?”

“Oh my God, Dong Sicheng?”

He’d looked at you, and you had looked at him, and suddenly you were back in his backyard after school, trying to decide who had collected the coolest rock on the way home. He’d asked about you and you had joked with him, and the two of you had laughed, wholeheartedly, until you were eventually kicked out of the library and forced to study in the back of your dorm’s crowded cafeteria.

And now you’re here, hanging out after actually keeping in touch, still not exactly sure about how you have been able to live life without him.

“God, I don’t even know how to start,” Sicheng whines, throwing his head back, his shoulders relaxing upon the top of the seat. “Help me brainstorm, please. Here, you get a fry for every idea.”

“Didn’t you say it’s an abstract piece, Win?” You ask, drinking a sip from your coffee. It’s overly sweet, but you’ve been having the same drink ever since Sicheng had gotten the idea you’re a caramel latte aficionado, and you’re not really sure you have it in you to tell him he’s been buying you the wrong thing this entire time. “I don’t know how this entire art thing works, but doesn’t it come from your heart, or something like that?”

“That’s the thing,” he says. “All my heart is telling me these days is ‘Sicheng, you’re not rich enough to live on your own yet. Do not murder Hendery in his sleep, remember he pays half of the rent.’”

“Ah, all you need to do is leave Ivy boyfriend-less! Problem solved! You’ll get an A on your project once you get your focus back and you’ll be left with a full month of rent, but I think we really have to keep our priorities in check.”

“Do you promise to be my get-away driver?” He asks, grabbing a fry from the plate in front of you. “I’ll even let you play that weird mixtape you were listening to the other day.”

Resting a finger on your chin, you pretend to consider. You let out a hum, but you break into a soft laugh when Sicheng rolls his eyes at you. Leaning over the table, you steal one of his fries, taking a bite before he can say anything.

“I’d always be your get-away driver, Win,” you say, winking in his direction before finishing the fry. “No, but really. Why don’t you just give it a try? Pick some colors, see where they take you.”

He smiles, nudging the plate of fries closer to the center of the table. “Ah, I don’t know. The other option sounds quite nice right now.”

“He ate your leftovers, didn’t he?”

“It was Ivy’s Mexican food,” he explains, voice raising softly at the end of the sentence. “But I guess he’s the only reason Ivy gives us Mexican food anyways, so I’ll think about forgiving him while I work on my project. I don’t know, I might change my mind.”

“Such a proactive man,” you tease. “You know, that rhyme you did moments ago… you could become a poet, it touched my heart and warmed my soul and all. Dong Sicheng’s Selected Poetry: how I discovered my true passion during my roommate-less senior year of school.”

“Yes, what could I ever do without your support,” he smiles. “I was about to say I’ll send you a copy of the first print, but I think I’ll let you help me with the full rent I’ll have to pay by making you purchase your own.”

You laugh at his words before stealing another one of his fries, and when he nudges the plate a little closer to your side of the table, you think about just how lucky you were to have run into Sicheng once again.

The entire apartment smells like paint.

It’s a Sunday, a quarter past two, and the rain that had fallen since morning has finally stopped. There’s a quiet tune flowing in the living room, music emanating from Kunhang’s record player (or, well, his girlfriend’s record player) and sounding like a 70’s love song. It’s soft, and melodic, and before he can even think about it, Sicheng is moving his body along to the calm beat of the music as he stares at the canvas in front of him.

Two days after your meeting, he still hasn’t figured his piece out. He’s been playing around with colors, mixing in different amounts of pigment in the search of a divine strike of inspiration, but even after fanning out different shades of yellow, he’s back on square one.

Truth be told, he can’t just quite focus. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the fact that he told you about it, and now can’t think of it without thinking of you, or if he has actually, seriously, lost every bit of artistic sense he once possessed. God, yeah, it must be the latter one.

“Still no luck?” His roommate, Kunhang, asks as he comes home from a quick walk to the store. He heard the dangling of the keys before he even heard the door opening, but still, the younger boy’s voice makes him jump in his seat. “You’re lucky that’s due in two weeks, or else you’d be fucked, my dude.”

“Your faith in me is comforting,” he replies. “Maybe it’s the full hour of Joni Mitchell I’ve been listening to, though. I know Ivy swears by this album, but man, I haven’t had my 70’s genius enlightenment yet.”

“Nah, it’s definitely you,” Kunhang smiles, reaching inside the pocket of his hoodie and handing Sicheng a pack of peanut M&M’s. “Joni is sort of Ivy’s muse, you know, but this album is actually a revelation. Trust her, hear her calling and she’ll help. She helped me pass my Econ final last semester.”

“That was you actually going to class,” Sicheng laughs, placing the paint palette down on the table and opening the packet of sweets. “I actually don’t know what to do, though. I’ve been sitting here all morning and my brain is as dry as my canvas — god, no, whatever joke you were about to make, keep it to yourself.”

His roommate lets out a loud laugh, walking towards the kitchen with a can of Coca-Cola in his hand. Sicheng hears a soft “pop” over the music, and turns his focus towards his canvas again.

“Didn’t you say your friend was gonna help you?” Kunhang asks, voice loud. He stops for a few seconds, and when he speaks again, Sicheng can just hear the smirk in his voice. “Oh… or is that why you can’t focus?”

He knows he’s out of sight, but when Kunhang’s words bring a blush to his cheeks, he still bites on his lip and turns towards the big window on his right, as if trying to hide.

“Weren’t you gonna go have lunch with Ivy today?” Sicheng asks, trying to distract his friend, but he knows it’s not going to work before he even says anything.

“No, not today,” his roommate responds, returning to the living room with a cup in hand. A rainbow straw rises from the center, and through the clear plastic of the cup, Sicheng can see the contents of the can Kunhang had just bought. Coke with a straw? “That’s not gonna… You’re not gonna distract me, Romeo. Tell me, is their face the only thing you see when you think about art?”

“God, shut up, stop talking, never speak to me again.”

Kunhang sits on top of his red beanbag, coming face-to-face with his friend. The hood of his sweatshirt is still over his head, with his long, black hair falling out and fawning across his forehead. And, god, he’s grinning.

“I just wanna help you, Win!”

Picking up the palette, Sicheng wets his brush on the cup of cleaning solution he had poured out (in hopes of actually painting), and squeezes in a drop of white paint next to the mustard yellow he had managed to mix. He sets his eyes on the paint, trying to visualize the way the light bounces back on the paper of the books you read, golden and warm, and he doesn’t even fight the way his thoughts just seem to go back to you once more.

“No, but really,” Kunhang says, sipping loudly from his rainbow straw. He alternates between sipping and blowing bubbles, and Sicheng isn’t sure about just why the younger had felt the need to drink Coke with a straw. “You should think about it. Consider following my advice, my young padawan.”

Sicheng hums. He doesn’t really pay much attention to his roommate’s words, much too occupied with bobbing his head to the rhythm of the music. He keeps his eyes trained on his palette, carefully watching the colors mixing in as he stirs his brush in the paint. He raises it a bit, enough for the sunlight to hit the color completely, before he resumes the action.

“You’re not listening to me,” Kunhang whines. He shakes his drink, the loud sound of the ice cubes crashing against the plastic distracting Sicheng from the task at hand. “It all gets better once you confess, you know. You can finally be happy!”

“Okay, you’re saying that like you have any experience in it,” Sicheng laughs. “Didn’t Ivy confess to you? You know, asked you out on a date and kissed you afterwards because you were taking oh so very long in actually admitting your feelings?”

“Yeah, they did, and their life has been significantly happier since,” Kunhang smiles, sipping the last of the Coke before setting the cup down on the coffee table. Hard. “It doesn’t make my words any less true, you know. We’ve all seen you pining, bro. Just rip the band-aid off, channel your inner Shakespeare and enjoy eternal smooches or whatever the hell you’re into.”

Sicheng sighs just as the song changes, and he listens to the opening riff in the Pixies song before finally turning to look at his friend. His canvas still lays untouched, a million thoughts running wildly inside his brain. A million thoughts; wild, reckless, and all of them materializing in the shape of you.

“We’re just friends,” he says. It’s a lie, and he knows. Kunhang does, too, and he lets out a soft laugh in response. “Hey, it’s true! We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“And then you lost track of each other for, what, ten years?” Kunhang asks. “Look, my bro, heed my advice: sleep on it. Think about it while you paint, consider it as you walk to uni, do whatever you need to do to finally come to terms with the fact that you’re painfully in love with your best friend before it’s too late for you to do so.”

Before he can reply, a loud guitar riff interrupts his thoughts. He closes his eyes, lets out a quiet groan, and throws his head back before knocking on the wall once, twice, and three times, until his neighbor (and nemesis) finally ends up lowering the volume of Queen’s Stone Cold Crazy’s guitar solo.

“God, you must be kidding me! I’m seriously gonna — It’s Sunday, come on!”

“Don’t say anything Win, unless you want your Keroppi mug to go, too. I just saw you left it outside with your brushes,” Kunhang lets out a laugh. “You kind of deserve it, though, I saw the T-tool in the kitchen and I know you don’t skate.”

“Wait, they still haven’t returned Pocchaco? I cleared my cans when I saw the note!”

“So, how’s the painting going?” You ask.

“Oh, don’t remind me,” Sicheng replies. “I’ve even been trying to manifest some focus by following Kunhang’s partner’s advice and listening to sad 70’s songs while I stare into nothingness. Yeah, I’ve gone insane. Got some pretty nice yellow hues, though.”

It’s Monday, the sky is cloudy, and you and Sicheng have just run into each other after class. It’s not too rare to see him around campus, though usually, both of you are too busy with trying to get to class or enrolled in conversations, so the interactions barely go beyond a quick wave or a hurried ‘hello’. It’s funny, though, because never would you have guessed you two have almost the exact same schedule, and thus, the same free spaces in your day. Now that you do, though, you’re sure to make the most out of it.

“Sad 70’s songs?” You smile. “Well, why don’t you listen to something a bit happier? You don’t have to change the decade if you really like the 70’s, just make it a bit more cheerful. Do you have anything in mind for the yellows?”

“Not really, but I think I’m just gonna roll with it,” Sicheng replies. He looks around and guards his hands in the pocket of his hoodie, shivering a little from the cold. “I might get something nice.”

“Oh, that’s for sure,” you say, nudging at his side. “If there’s anyone that can make art out of a sea of yellow hues, that’s you, Win.”

If he were to be completely honest, Sicheng has always known he’s in love with you.

Even when you were kids, and even during the years you spent apart, you had always been in the back of his mind like the melody behind a love song or the inspiration behind a poem. And even during the moments when he wasn’t feeling so poetic, during the moments that he wished he could just, for once and for all, gather enough courage to finally admit what he was feeling, he kept thinking of you as he looked for signs.

A sign in your voice, or in your eyes, or in your smile. A sign in a memory, or in an action, or in whatever little thing he could think about that could maybe make him think that you could, maybe, feel the same.

“Ah, now you’re just being nice,” he says, looking to the side. He can feel the tips of his ears go hot, and he’s completely sure, his face is an entire hue of red and a half. “What about you, though? Did you manage to get the takes you told me about the other day?”

You throw your head back with a sigh. “Taeyong didn’t have enough time to help me this week, and now I’m model-less and a month away from the deadline.”

He chews the inside of his cheek, feeling the wind crash against his skin as he tries to make up his mind. He quickly finds, though, that there’s not really that much left to think about. All of his commitments, all of his nerves — it all quickly transforms to you. You make it all worth it.

“I’ll help you,” he says, quickly. “It’s a short film, right? I’m pretty sure I could just squeeze it in.”

You quickly turn to look at him, mouth opening wide. Sicheng shrugs, a soft smile on his lips, trying to look as smug as possible under your surprised stare. He’s not sure if you buy his confident act, but you don’t really say anything about it, so he keeps it up. What was that Kunhang had always said? Oh, yeah, fake it ‘til you make it.

“Win, no, you’re pretty busy yourself,” you shake your head. “Besides, Taeyong owes me from that time I helped him with his final essay, and I wouldn’t want to take your time from you.”

“It’s no problem, really, it’s way better than the times Kunhang asks me to hold stuff for him while he hot-glues them to his models. I’m pretty sure that’s where most of my time goes these days. Besides, you told me you have the script already, right?”

You let out a laugh, soft. “Yeah, I’ll photo-copy it for you. God, Win, I don’t think I can thank you enough for this. You’re really about to save my life.”

He turns to face you, smiling at you from the side. He doesn’t need it, really, because seeing you as happy as you are right now, by his side, is more than enough. As your friend, as your boyfriend, as the model for your film, he doesn’t care — he just cares about being there with you.

“Are you going home? I can walk you in case it starts raining,” Sicheng offers, hands still balled up inside the pocket of his hoodie. As if on cue, loud thunder cracks from up above, and you can begin to smell the upcoming rain as you walk. “Or if you have some free time, we can go for a coffee? I could really use something warm right now.”

Your smile fades a little. “Oh,” you begin. “I promised to cover Taeyong’s shift at the record shop today. Roommate privileges and obligations, or whatever. Rain check?”

“Tomorrow?” He asks, and when you nod, he’s sure he can feel his spirits raise a bit. “I mean, we usually hang out on Tuesdays anyways.”

“It’s a date,” you say. You smile wide again, biting your lip as you hope he catches the tone in your voice. “We could go out for dinner if you want to, you know, change it up a bit.”

Sicheng blushes, a bit too hard for you not to notice, and he lets out a quiet giggle. He runs a hand through his hair, trying to anchor his nerves in a physical action, and you have to restrain yourself to not mention just how handsome he looks when doing that.

“Yeah,” he nods. He smiles, feeling his feet rising from the ground in his mind, because he thinks about your words and he feels like he’s flying, and he looks at your mind and he realizes that he never wants to come down. “Yeah, it’s a date.”

Taeyong’s coffee maker is loud.

You can faintly hear the bubbling of the water as the coffee brews, even over the music, and just as you’re about to comment on it, the scent starts reaching your nose. It makes your mouth water, and you turn towards the kitchen to see the little red dot still lit on top of the machine. You let out a quiet groan. Taeyong’s coffee maker is loud and slow.

It’s Tuesday, the clock marks a quarter to six, and your date with Sicheng feels closer and closer with every passing second. You had tried to not think about it during the first half of your day, but the reminder had you daydreaming as soon as you had stepped out of the shower in the morning.

“God, you’re just as dramatic as Johnny,” Lily, your best friend, comments. She’s sitting next to you on the living room couch, her flowy pink sundress pooling against her legs. “Five more minutes without coffee isn’t really going to kill you guys.”

“Says you,” Johnny comments, smiling at his girlfriend. “I’ll be sure to remind you of this the next time your quesadilla takes too long to grill, baby.”

“Okay, you do that on purpose though!” She exclaims, pointing in his direction. “I hear you laughing from the kitchen every time!”

Johnny gasps loudly, slapping a hand to his chest. “Me? Your loving boyfriend, doing that to you? To your quesadillas?”

His laughter betrays him, though, and he throws his head back mid-giggle as the coffee maker lets out a loud beep. Finally! Johnny smiles as he rises from one of the single couches by your side, quickly taking your place next to Lily as you walk towards the kitchen.

Grabbing two mugs from a shelf, you bop your head softly to the music coming out of the record player. The album, Prince’s Purple Rain, had been a Christmas gift from Jaehyun and his girlfriend, the third pair in your friend group, and something you had started listening to as a way to try and calm your nerves. It had been a sort of tradition when you still lived in your dorm and you visited Taeyong, Jaehyun and Johnny’s apartment (before the later two moved in with their girlfriends), and now that you share a place with your best friend (and the only single one out of the three), you keep that tradition going.

You hadn’t admitted it to your friends when they had asked (although you’re pretty sure they’re able to tell), but the idea of actually, finally, going on a date with Sicheng still has your heart beating wildly against your chest. What if things went wrong? Or worse, what if he suddenly realized you two are better off as friends? You’re not even completely sure he thinks of it the way you do. When he said yes, had he thought it was a friendly date? What if he had never intended to say yes, romantically, at all?

God, are you overthinking it? Yeah, you probably are.

“No, that’s just too many shots in a single coffee,” you hear Lily laugh, the sound breaking you out of your daze. “That's why you can't go to bed early! Isn't it too many shots?”

“Huh?” You turn, facing your friend. Johnny has his arm draped over her shoulders, but she’s still looking at you over the edge of the couch. “Are you asking me?”

“Ah, you’re right, I forgot you probably drink just as much coffee as him,” she smiles, bringing a hand to her head to smooth out a strand of her pink hair. “Where is the other tea lover when I need him?”

“He had a double shift,” you answer, filling both cups with steaming coffee. “He said he’d meet you guys for dinner here, though.”

You leave Johnny’s black, but you sprinkle in a packet of brown sugar in yours, shaking the cup a bit as you walk back to the couch. You quickly regret your action when some of the liquid inside the cup spills from the side, hot against the inside of your hand.

“Oh, you’re not staying?” Johnny asks, confused, as you hand him his cup. “I can’t believe it! Come on, I even brought the Beatles Monopoly for after dinner like you asked! You're telling me I carried this giant box around for nothing?”

You can’t help but laugh at his dramatism. Lily, next to her boyfriend, nudges his shoulder with hers.

“I, uh,” you begin, walking towards the chair Johnny had been using. “I thought Lily had told you. And that box isn't even that big, Johnny.”

“I did,” Lily responds, smiling. “I told him the moment we got off the phone. I’m so excited for you!”

“I swear I never heard it,” Johnny giggles, bringing the cup to his lips and putting it back again when he realizes the temperature of the beverage. “But you can tell me now! And don’t you dare skip any details!”

You’re sure you can feel your cheeks heating up, a smile threatening to break on your lips as you attempt to hide it behind your cup.

“It’s Sicheng,” you begin. “We — well, I sort of asked him out yesterday, when we were getting out of class. I… I didn’t know how, but I asked if he wanted to go for dinner today, and that’s why I’m skipping on your amazing Beatles Monopoly.”

“Oh god, I never knew you were crushing on Sicheng!” Johnny exclaims, accidentally spilling a few drops of coffee on Taeyong’s mustard yellow rug, but not paying it any mind as he grins at you. “I see it, though. He’s cute, and totally your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” you say, huffing. Lily giggles, raising her eyebrows at you, and Johnny simply points in your direction. “I don’t! I’ll tell Taeyong you both bullied me and we’ll see if he gives you his Chow Mein recipe.”

“He made Chow Mein?” Johnny asks, completely distracted from the previous topic as he begins to think about dinner. “God, his cooking is so good! You know, when we lived together, he used to collect all these scrapings from food magazines and sometimes when he couldn’t sleep he would randomly pick one from a hat and — ”

“As much as I’d like to hear that anecdote, we have more important matters to attend to right now, baby,” Lily says, smiling, cutting Johnny off before he can continue explaining Taeyong’s random recipe story. She looks over at you, her smile growing when your eyes meet hers. She gets up from her seat, smoothing out her dress as she makes her way over to you. “Let’s get you ready, or you, my friend, are gonna be late… and you have a guy to sweep off his feet.”

You’re still nervous.

All ready and repeating Lily’s pep talk, you still can’t help the way your hands shake by your sides as you walk down the hall. You’re not entirely sure what it is; the fact that you don’t know Sicheng as a lover or the fact that you know him too well as a friend, but still, the nerves behind the possibility of the night going wrong are, in a way, blocking you completely from thinking it could go right. God, you like him too much to screw this up.

Lily and Johnny, and eventually Taeyong (when he had finally gotten home), had tried to make you see just how good it could be. Yes, nerves were normal, and especially in a situation like this, but they had seen Sicheng around you, and they were sure he was just as infatuated by you as you were by him. Easier said than believed, though. Still, it was nice to know they were there to cheer you on, no matter just how their words seem to have fled over your head as soon as they had changed the topic (Taeyong had, apparently, told Johnny about Doyoung, the economics student he’s been sitting next to in the library and doesn’t, really doesn’t, have a crush on).

Just a typical Tuesday night — except for your date with Sicheng, of course. Oh, you just had to remember the date.

“Jesus, calm down,” you mumble to yourself, trying to smooth out the front of your sweater as you reach the elevator. You press the button as you try to remember Lily’s words to give yourself a pep talk. “It’s Sicheng, come on. You’ve seen him with green paint all over his face, it’s gonna be alright.”

And, I mean, what could actually go wrong?

“Hold the door!” Someone calls from outside in the hall, and you quickly set your foot in-between the elevator doors to stop them from closing, keeping your eyes on the faux marble lined floor. You hear a set of quick footsteps and loud breathing as the person who had called finally gets inside the elevator, and you can quickly tell that they’re panting. “Thanks, God, I really couldn’t have just waited for another one right now.”

The guy next to you rants about how long it takes the elevator to come up and down again, even telling you about how his roommate had used up all the hot water even when he knew he had to get ready for his date. The voice sounds familiar, but you don’t really give it much thought. Or at least, you try to, but it only serves to remind you of the very thing that has you twirling the ends of your sweater around your finger about. He sounds so much like —

“Sicheng?” You ask when you finally look up.

Next to you, Sicheng stands up straight, having placed his hands on his knees in an effort to regain his breath, and he freezes up on the spot. You’re not really sure what it is about him that makes your breath get caught in your throat. Is it the sight of him in a black turtleneck? Is it the confused look on his face? Is it the fact that he’s here, in the same elevator as you, of all places he could ever be at? What is he even doing here?

“Oh, hey,” he breathes out. From the look on his face, you can tell he also doesn’t quite understand what’s going on. He rests his back against the wall behind him in an effort to look a bit less nervous. Mission? Failed. “I… what are you doing here?”

“I live here,” you say. There’s a quick silence shared between you two as you listen to the jazz-y elevator music neither of you had ever liked. “Are you visiting someone?”

“No, I live here too,” Sicheng answers. “You… I have never seen you ar—”

He stops mid-word, a look of understanding dawning upon his face as you let out a loud gasp. You turn to look at each other completely, raising your hands so you’re pointing towards each other’s frames as realization strikes the both of you like lightning.

“Wait!”

“God, okay, so you’re really telling me that all this time it’s been you who I’ve been shading on the bulletin board?” You laugh, throwing your head back as you do. “I stole your Pocchaco mug?”

The night is chilly, and the sky is clear, and you can practically feel the stars glowing all around you (okay, maybe it’s the city lights, but the hopeless romantic in you doesn’t really care). The crisp smell of chilly wind brought by the beginning of the fall brings a smile to Sicheng’s lips, which is only widened by the warmth that envelops his hand when it grazes against yours.

“Yeah, and I think I stole your T-tool,” he answers, laughing with you. “It’s been sitting in my kitchen counter for like, what, three weeks?”

“Yeah, Taeyong hasn’t really let me forget about it,” you say. “I’ve stopped asking him for his because every time I do, he starts telling me how I should go out to the hall and finally confront you face to face.”

He nods, grazing his hand against yours once more. You’re sure he’s doing it on purpose, swinging it a bit too far away from his body for it to be coincidental, but you’re not about to stop him.

“Kunhang always says the same thing when you don’t let me sleep with how loud you play your music,” he rolls his eyes, still smiling. A giggle hangs on the edge of his words, and you’ve known him long enough to know he’s only teasing. “Do you think they know? I mean, Kunhang knows I like you, but I’m not sure if he also knows I low-key hate you.”

“Oh, I’m sure they do,” you laugh. “Lily and Johnny probably know, too! Actually, now that I think about it, I ran into Kun once in the hall and I never saw him again… I really should have guessed. He helped me with my groceries and all.”

“God, I see Johnny and Lily around all the time and I know they don’t live there, but I never would have thought they were visiting you,” he adds, laughing and shaking his head. “We’re both idiots! Like, actually. I even know what your handwriting looks like!”

You break out in a fit of laughter, stopping dead in your tracks, and Sicheng joins you shortly after, almost even falling over you as he closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy the moment. You laugh right next to each other, loud and completely free, and there’s nothing more comforting than knowing he’s the person behind it. It’s a weird feeling for the two of you, but then again, not really. Sicheng and you have always felt like home to each other.

And then, even when the laughter dies down, there’s still an aura of pure, unfiltered happiness hanging all around you that brings a blush to the boy’s cheeks. He’s never felt happier, or more in love, and he knows it’s all due to you. He knows it’s always been.

You’re both a little out of breath when you stop laughing, turning and finding each other’s eyes under the bright city lights.

“I meant what I said, you know,” he says when he’s finally facing you. His voice is soft, as if he’s telling you a secret, but it’s loud enough for you to hear, as if he doesn’t mind the entire world knowing it. “I like you a lot.”

You don’t really notice the moment you both move towards each other, standing so close you can feel each other’s warmth against your chest. There’s the look on his eyes as they meet yours, and you don’t know if you will ever be able to think about anything else. Anything that isn’t him, and him and you, and the way he makes you feel.

“I like you a lot too, Win,” you answer, smiling when he slips his hands around your waist. “A bit too much, I think, considering I almost fell on my ass the other day because of your cans and I still really want to kiss you right now.”

Time seems to freeze for the two of you. For a moment, the world stops spinning and the entire moment is turned into a still-frame. You’re sure, that even if it’s just for a second, there’s nothing beyond the space that your bodies occupy, because the only thing that’s real is the feeling of your hand on his.

“So, what do you say, 10A?” Sicheng asks. “Truce?”

His breath falls hot over your lips, and you close your eyes the moment you feel his forehead touching yours. He smells strongly like mint and faintly like paint, and it’s everything you would have ever imagined. It’s everything you would have ever wanted. It’s everything.

You smile when you feel the ghost of a kiss against your lips.

“Truce,” you say.

It’s 1997, and you and Sicheng have been friends. It’s 1997, and you and Sicheng have been (sort of) enemies. It’s 1997, and you now stand somewhere in the middle, and it’s love, the most magical kind of it.

you sit across him, legs tucked beneath you. a curious expression adorns your face, eyes tracing jaehyun's features. jaehyun thinks you look comically innocent.

"what?" he asks, voice raspy. "why are you looking at me like that?"

your eyes snap up to meet his before abashedly looking away. you chew on your lip for a moment before replying.

"what does it taste like?"

"hm?" jaehyun arches his eyebrow. he leans forward slightly, head cocking to the side.

"what does...your cigarette taste like?" you repeat, albeit a little less sure than you were a moment ago.

jaehyun's expression morphs into one of confusion before a smug smile tugs on the corner of his lips. a deep laugh emerges from within his chest.

"don't laugh at me!" you scold him pathetically, hiding your warm face behind your hand.

jaehyun sets aside his cigarette and tries to pull your hands away from your face. your resisting him, but he's just a little bit stronger than you and manages to wrap your arms around his neck. he pulls you on to his lap.

"you're so cute, you know that?" his lips graze your cheek before you pull away shyly.

"don't be so greasy, dude." you whisper, not meeting his eyes.

"i'll be as greasy as i want," he mutters, burrowing his face into the crevice where your shoulder and neck meet. you smell good, he thinks. like summer days and bright skies, with a faint hit of alcohol and smoke; his influence on you.

"do you still want to know?" he asks after a few beats of silence. you perk in his lap.

"know what?"

"know what cigarettes taste like, silly!" he chuckles, punching your shoulder playfully. he calls you overdramatic beneath his breath when you feign hurt and rolls his eyes.

"hmm, okay,"

you turn to face him, excitement filling your bright eyes. jaehyun is reminded of how innocent you were before you met him, how you never used to skip class and get into fights with people. he remembers thinking how much of a square you were back then, how he swore he'd never get along with people like you.

but he's always said that promises are meant to be broken.

"come here," jaehyun beckons softly, adoration filling his heart when your eyes drift down to his lips. he holds your chin between to fingers and brings your face to his.

you let out a little 'hm' when your lips meet his. jaehyun smiles, your eyelashes tickling his cheeks. you taste sweet, like fresh cherries. he loves it.

(he loves you.)

when you pull away, jaehyun's heart tugs him back to you and he leaves one last peck on your lips.

"so?" he waits for you to answer.

"it tastes like..." you trail off, hands moving excitedly as you try to gather your thoughts. when nothing comes up, you slump in your seat. "it tastes like you."

"really? and what does that taste like?"

you purse your lips into a thin line and crawl up next to jaehyun. he opens his arms and lets you lay on his chest.

"like, summer nights and bonfires," you trace a shape on his hoodie-clad chest. "and like honey and cherries. have you been using my chapstick?"

jaehyun laughs, the sound vibrating through his chest. he cups your cheek with his hand. "well, do you like it?"

"i love it."

The both of you had held hands before and so you thought it wouldn't be awkward when you got together, but as dates went by, you saw yourself and him acting obliviously towards any sort of sexual attraction, even if it was very much present in the room, like this moment.

The movie was just an excuse to make Mark sit beside you and watch the one sappy romantic movie you knew, so that when the couple on the screen kiss each other, he looks at you with loving eyes and kisses you too.

This however was an entire contrast to what you had expected for a movie date, Mark was actually pretty serious about the movie selection. He had chosen to watch a Sherlock Holmes movie, and was very focused on the movie, he hadn't spared you a single glance and his hands were constantly busy with the bowl of popcorn.

"Interesting, isn't it?" Mark said and plopped a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

"Sure babe." You said, trying to suppress a yawn.

You just couldn't take it anymore, so you decided to take charge of this very lost cause of a movie date..but how would one possibly do that? If you interrupt, Mark might get disturbed because he's invested in the movie. Your feet grazed along the patterns of the foot mat beneath you as you thought to yourself what you could do to make your boyfriend look at you.

"Oh fuck it." A part of your brain said and your hands involuntarily reached the remote and paused the movie, snatching the bowl of popcorn from his hand and pulling a tissue from nearby, your body leaned in towards Mark's and you draped your legs around his waist. You took the tissue and wiped his face, his eyes absolutely wide in surprise.

"Why are you so dense?" You said and wiped the remaining cheese powder from his face.

"D-Dense?" Mark said and looked at anywhere but your face. "Look at me, thickhead." You said and pinched his cheeks. "Now kiss me." You whispered softly, startling the man beneath you, his breath stopped for a minute and then his arms slowly secured you in place, his eyes now strictly on your face.

You bent down and kissed him, the hint of some cheese powder still on his lips, your tongue swiped clear off it all and you smiled in between the kiss, hands travelling slowly to his hair. You tugged at his hair and he pulled back, breathing heavily and his eyes then met yours, a slight blush decorating his cheeks.

"More." He whispered slowly. "I thought you didn't want any of this." 

"No!" His voice raised and he looked at you in the eyes, his hands slowly pushing strands of hair behind your ear, "You don't know, I wanted to kiss you the day we started dating, but I thought you'd not like it and it was probably just me who wanted-" 

"Thinking is not your department, idiot." You said and poked the mole on his cheek, "Why wouldn't I?" You said and pecked his cheek, his head collapsing in your shoulder.

"Look at me like you looked at that dumb movie." You said and pulled his face up, his face lit up when those words escaped your mouth. "Anyday." He said and gripped your thighs, taking you to your bedroom.

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