im sorry for sneaking but i needed
to learn. Im still in the deep end
the shallow is a left turn
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im sorry for sneaking but i needed
to learn. Im still in the deep end
the shallow is a left turn

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IX ⬝ III ⬝ MMXIX
Everyone this weekend was talking
About how you didn’t know how much time was left
How much time you would have left here.
With us.
And I don’t think anything would break my heart more
Than not having my grandma and grandpa
At my wedding.
So please,
For me,
At least meet my fiance.
At least be around for me to introduce you.
Because I can’t stand the thought.
Of not having either of you here.
Of not having either of your approval.
April 29th, 2018
So I gave in and tried to have single play time today. I legit couldnt get myself off. It was absolutely insane. I tease my daddy saying I cant, but I have once or twice when I’m off and he isnt just for the trill. I’m just so needy, and I cant have play time. I am hoping that tomorrow, when we both have the day off, he will give me some. If I’m really lucky, I can coax something out of him tonight, but I dont think I will be that lucky. He usually likes to relax after work, and I have to go to bed once he gets home.
On another note, my manager comes back to work tomorrow, and I work a super short shift so I can really go in, show her all I’ve done, maybe work some freight, then go back to bed! I’m hoping they will let me leave an hour early ( even though I’m only working 3 hours ) because I have an hour of Over Time I can cut.
My mom is taking me out for ice cream tomorrow as well, and I am super excited for that. I want to enjoy my day off as much as I can, even though I’m waking up early to go to work for a few hours. I am sure I can come home, and get right back into bed and sleep. Tonight we celebrated daddy’s fathers birthday, and when I pulled the knife out (cuz my birthdays next) I wished that I could get cuddles tomorrow. I hope this doesnt count as telling my wish, because I really really need some proper cuddles.
Journal entry # 12?
I feel unfocused and am dissatisfied with everything I write. I feel off today and was beginning to yesterday. I hope I have not lost any piece or essence of myself... Something is wrong -- different, and it is crucial -- critical.
7:45 PM August 30
Who is Exxius. What is he. When will this stop. Where is he. Why is he doing this. How do we stop him.

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June 29, 9:33 AM
It wasn't a note today. I got two letters instead. One from Nife and another from the note sender, Robert. Of course, he would be the one telling me to stop. He knows what I'm doing and the outcome of most of his influence on my choices.
January 11, 2014. 2:15 am (events of January 10, 2014)
Didn't do much today. Swept, took care of the dogs, did laundry. Played some guild wars 2. Nothing special.