January 2, 2014 10:42 pm.
Today was awful. It didn't start off that way. Went and grabbed lunch with Carter and that was fun. It's always nice to hang out with him and see him. Though i feel bad when he buys me stuff (like food) because i usually don't have money for stuff, and i don't want him to think that i mooch or anything like that. But we went to his house and chilled. Biked from his house to Alex's and hung out there for awhile. He just kind of bothers me now. I like him, and I want to keep being his friend, but he'll say stuff about me or about Carter that really bother me. But he made dinner for Amy and I and it was really nice. We hung out for awhile and I went home.
When i got home the first thing that Darrin said to me was "So, go out looking for a job today at all?" No. "Do you ever plan on it?" He pretends like he knows what I've been doing. I went out this week and followed up a few jobs. The managers weren't in at starbucks and chipotle was so busy. But i turned it in at freebirds. I was so pissed. He assumes he knows what I am doing. He doesn't even bother to talk to me most of the time. Went upstairs pissed, and of course, my mom follows me and starts defending him. We got into a giant fight like always, about how she thinks i'm not trying hard enough to get a job and I think i'm better than everyone and I'm acting like a child.
Seriously, sorry for having a social life. Yes, i don't go out every day to look for jobs like maybe i should. But having friends is new to me, and having a social life is nice and i refuse to give it up. Then Darrin comes upstairs and tells me i should sacrifice more for my mother to make her life and if it was him he would be out every day so that my mother wouldn't have to work so hard, and that I think I am better than my mom because I won't sacrifice some time with friends to get a job so she doesn't have to work so hard.
Who the fuck does he think he is? I love my mother to death. When my father left, she raised us the best she could. She worked so hard, and everything I've ever done, my straight A's, my staying out of trouble, my help around the house, every single thing i have done is to help her and make her proud. Usually Darrin is so great and I look up to him but I lost all respect for him tonight when he dared to question how much I care for my mother and to say that I think I am better than her. He is still someone I love and he always will be, but for the time being, he can go fuck himself.
I get he was trying to make me angry to motivate me to go get a job. Well congratulations Darrin, you did, so I can move out and get the fuck away from both of you. I love you to death, and you helped save my family from poverty and there is no man i look up to more than you, but tonight, you really hurt me and I can't even fathom how much this changed our relationship. Maybe i'll get over it, and maybe we'll go back to the way we were before, but for now, I don't think I can look at you the same way. Of course i'll be civil, and polite, because I love you so much, but the trust and respect I had for you... I don't know where it is anymore. So yea, you succeeded in making me want to get a job and in motivating me to do it. But was it worth what i've now lost for you? I hope you think so....
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