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Sorry that I have been gone for so long. Keeping this journal is harder than I thought. Ill fill it in tomorrow. Night

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@perhapsmyfuture-blog
Note
Sorry that I have been gone for so long. Keeping this journal is harder than I thought. Ill fill it in tomorrow. Night

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January 13, 2014. 12:40 am (events of January 11 and 12)
January 11- I didn't do anything. I'm sick and I sat around and just watched Chuck for hours in bed, and played Guild Wars with Amy. I'm really nervous about talking to Alex. But i hope it will go well.
January 12- I'm really happy with today. I love Alex and Carter so much. They are such good friends. I'm still sick, so I woke up and played Guild Wars for a few hours. So around 12 I went over to Alex's and waited for Carter to show up. Eventually Carter showed up and the 3 of us went on a hike, while Amy stayed home. We hiked for a few hours, and Carter and I kept trying to bring up the whole Amy thing, but we just felt so awkward about it. I personally was really afraid Alex would be mad and not want to talk to us again. So we didn't talk about it all during the hike.
We went and got red tomato, and then Carter suggested we go to the view. So we went up there, and the 3 of us started smoking cigarettes. It was really nice. I miss it so much. I really like Alex when Amy isn't around. I miss the him when Amy isn't around. So eventually Carter brought it up, and we talked about it and Alex completely understood. Amy had actually told him the same thing that we did (that she was holding him back) and so he felt really bad about it and he was nervous about thinking about it and we walked around and talked for a few hours about how we all felt about the whole situation. And then we all came back to Alex's house, because he feels a little awkward about the situation, and now we are just chilling, listening to music, and playing minecraft. I missed this so much. I missed them. I'm happy that i have them.
January 11, 2014. 2:15 am (events of January 10, 2014)
Didn't do much today. Swept, took care of the dogs, did laundry. Played some guild wars 2. Nothing special.
January 9, 2014. 11:56 pm.
Back in town. Tired. Long night. Watched tv and ate pizza. Just want sleep. Night.
January 9, 2014. 12:30 am. (Events of January 8th)
Today was fantastic! Stew and I woke up around 10 and headed to Hollywood at 11:30. We got there in 20 minutes, and the play didn’t start till 1, so we walked up Hollywood boulevard taking in the scenes.
We went in the pantages and it was incredibly grand. Everything about it screamed ritzy. Our mezzanine seats were amazing, and the play was breathtaking. The vocals and the acting and the costuming all came together seamlessly.
After the play we walked to ameoba and I got a Modest Mouse record. Stew got an Arctic Monkeys vinyl. It annoyed me a little because it was all the money he had, so I had to pay for dinner, but he has payed for me for so much I was alright with it.
We then went to Citywalk. I love it there. Everything is neon and bright and happy. Some of my best memories with my dads side of the family are there. Stew and I ate dinner at Johnny Rockets, which was spectacular. Then we went upstairs and sat on the balcony and just enjoyed the view of the lights. It was cool to just relax, not have any worries about jobs or girlfriends or school. Just enjoy being somewhere that I don’t go and to enjoy being with a friend outside of temecula. It felt like life should always be nice and relaxed and just stress free.
We came home and Tina was there. She was surprisingly pleasant. Seth, Christian, Cassidy, Stew and I all went downstairs and played ping pong. I won all the games! Then we came upstairs and just chilled.
It was an amazing day. I wish that all days could be like this, but I guess that wouldn’t make them special anymore. Back to temecula, home, and sadly reality tomorrow.

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January 7, 2014. 11:50 pm.
Woke up today and packed for grandmas. Drove all the way to Los Angeles with stew, and that was a lot of fun. We are staying at my grandmas and tomorrow we are going to go to the Lion King at the Pantages theater, Amoeba record store, and Citywalk! It’s going to be such a good night.
Tonight we just chilled, played board games, and chilled in the Jaccuzi. I feel so free from the worries that I have in temecula and it’s so nice to chill with stew. I’m glad I was able to bring him with me. Hopefully tomorrow goes as well as I plan!
January 7th, 2014. 12:15am. (Events of January 6th)
I had my interview at chipotle today. I think it went really well! I talked to James, the general manager. He seemed to really like me! Then some other guy came out, and then Des (the owner) came out and talked to me. She was so passionate and so driven about her work. She loves her employees and she cares about each one of them. I was so happy and honored to meet her. Lets hope I get the job! Things seemed to be going well. If I get it, they will train me to be manager. That's all that specific store does, and I really hope I get it. I saw Susie after the interview. I care for her so much. We went to old town and just talked for an hour. Then we shared a Sunday at some restaurant. I had on my leather jacket and it just felt like a scene out of a 50's movie. She makes me so happy. Just seeing her and holding her. I'm glad I am with her. She's fighting with her parents. She is so afraid to lose them and that makes me sad, but i know she won't lose them. Parents never fully give up on their kids. Or at least most don't. Ill be there for her no matter what. Tomorrow I'm leaving to Los Angeles with stew. Going to see the lion king on Wednesday. Should be fun. I wish grandma could make it but her hip is still hurting her. I hope she gets better soon. I really wanted to spend this time with her. But that's how things work. I love her and I hope she recovers fast. Maybe we can to see a different play together.
January 5, 2014. 11:49 pm.
Today was a good day. Got home from dad's at 10. Tried to avoid Darrin but he ended up coming and talking to me. He apologized and everything. It's on me now to forgive him, and I hate holding grudges, but i'm still rather upset about what he said. I can't let it go just yet, even though i want to.
I took a nap around 12. I was really tired. Alex flaked on cutting my hair today. Tried to tell me he was out of town, and then later said he was at Albertsons and could be home in 5 minutes if i really needed the haircut for my interview. I told him to forget it and just let Stewart's mom cut it. It's super short, but i think i like it. If not, i'll get over it. There are worse things in life than a bad haircut.
Tomorrow I have that interview. I really hope that I get it. I need it. And i think i have a good chance! They are hiring 10 people! So lets hope. Carter is spending the night tonight. Gonna play some League. Maybe grab coffee with Blayne in the morning. We'll see. Lets hope tomorrow goes as well as today!
January 4, 2014. 11:22 pm.
Got a new hide for Freya. I'm glad that I can get rid of that bamboo shoot in her cage. She is so hard to get out of it. Going home tomorrow from dads house. Gotta shave and get a hair cut for my interview at chipotle. I really hope I get the job. I need mom and Darrin off my back. Oh! And a spot might be opening up at Carter's work so that would be great. Opportunities are coming my way. I'm starting to be happy with Susie again. I don't regret getting back together with her. I think that breaking up with her made her realize that her parents control her too much. She's been fighting with them lately and I feel bad about that. But she is trying to grow up and gain her independence and they won't let her. I hope they do soon.
January 4, 2014. 11:03am
At the reptile convention. They have some really cool stuff here. Having fun with Michelle and Marcus. They’re thinking of getting a snake! Today is better. Overall, things are improving. Just a bad week I suppose.

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January 3, 2014. 5:45
Today wasn't so bad. My feelings towards Darrin haven't changed at all; I'm still rather pissed. I just can't believe some of what he said. But that isn't what today is about.
I went over to Amir's today. He's been my friend since the 5th grade and he has always been there. We don't have much in common, but now that he is in college and I don't see him every day, I actually enjoy the few times i do get to see him. It's nice being able to catch up. He seems so much happier, and that is nice. We went to the clubhouse and played games. I beat him at air hockey and foosball. He beat me 2 games to 1 in pool. Then we went back to his house and watched Zombieland. It's such a good movie.
My sister just showed up. Her and marcus and I are going to my dad's to spend the night, and tomorrow we are going to the reptile show. It should be fun. Though i'm sure my dad will find some snarky comments to make. I'll post again tonight probably. All in all, not a bad night.
January 2, 2014 10:42 pm.
Today was awful. It didn't start off that way. Went and grabbed lunch with Carter and that was fun. It's always nice to hang out with him and see him. Though i feel bad when he buys me stuff (like food) because i usually don't have money for stuff, and i don't want him to think that i mooch or anything like that. But we went to his house and chilled. Biked from his house to Alex's and hung out there for awhile. He just kind of bothers me now. I like him, and I want to keep being his friend, but he'll say stuff about me or about Carter that really bother me. But he made dinner for Amy and I and it was really nice. We hung out for awhile and I went home.
When i got home the first thing that Darrin said to me was "So, go out looking for a job today at all?" No. "Do you ever plan on it?" He pretends like he knows what I've been doing. I went out this week and followed up a few jobs. The managers weren't in at starbucks and chipotle was so busy. But i turned it in at freebirds. I was so pissed. He assumes he knows what I am doing. He doesn't even bother to talk to me most of the time. Went upstairs pissed, and of course, my mom follows me and starts defending him. We got into a giant fight like always, about how she thinks i'm not trying hard enough to get a job and I think i'm better than everyone and I'm acting like a child.
Seriously, sorry for having a social life. Yes, i don't go out every day to look for jobs like maybe i should. But having friends is new to me, and having a social life is nice and i refuse to give it up. Then Darrin comes upstairs and tells me i should sacrifice more for my mother to make her life and if it was him he would be out every day so that my mother wouldn't have to work so hard, and that I think I am better than my mom because I won't sacrifice some time with friends to get a job so she doesn't have to work so hard.
Who the fuck does he think he is? I love my mother to death. When my father left, she raised us the best she could. She worked so hard, and everything I've ever done, my straight A's, my staying out of trouble, my help around the house, every single thing i have done is to help her and make her proud. Usually Darrin is so great and I look up to him but I lost all respect for him tonight when he dared to question how much I care for my mother and to say that I think I am better than her. He is still someone I love and he always will be, but for the time being, he can go fuck himself.
I get he was trying to make me angry to motivate me to go get a job. Well congratulations Darrin, you did, so I can move out and get the fuck away from both of you. I love you to death, and you helped save my family from poverty and there is no man i look up to more than you, but tonight, you really hurt me and I can't even fathom how much this changed our relationship. Maybe i'll get over it, and maybe we'll go back to the way we were before, but for now, I don't think I can look at you the same way. Of course i'll be civil, and polite, because I love you so much, but the trust and respect I had for you... I don't know where it is anymore. So yea, you succeeded in making me want to get a job and in motivating me to do it. But was it worth what i've now lost for you? I hope you think so....
January 2, 2014. 12:05 pm.
I just woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I was in England with some friends that I had met over there. We all were sittin in a pub eating dinner, and I said we should drive to France, so everyone gave me money for gas and we said we would meet up the next day and leave. For some reason only a guy named chase showed up, and we went to France and it was snowing, and we just chilled on this bridge and were relaxing when suddenly these people started chasing us. Then I woke up. It really makes me want to get out of this town. I need a job and I'm afraid that I'm a failure and won't be able to get one. Hopefully that will change.
January 1st, 2014. 8:20 pm
First day of this thing. I’m going to make it unedited and just whatever is in my mind. It might be scattered and it might be weird but i really don’t care. I think that when i look back at this later, i’ll be really happy i did it.
I just got back from Michelles house. I never know why I go there. Charles always screams and is super obnoxious and it just bothers me. Plus her and marcus always fight. But i guess that’s how things go isn’t it? I might get to see susie friday. I wish i had stayed broken up with her but i’m so afraid of being alone. I couldn’t handle being without her. But now i feel like i let myself down and i don’t want to be with her but i don’t want to break up with her after just getting back with her. It’s hard. I do care for her but we have no future. She is so good and nice and anti-drug/sex/illegal anything. I’m the guy that smokes cigarettes and weed and does whatever the fuck he wants. I’ll have to break up with her eventually. Or i’ll end up cheating on her, and i don’t want that. Well, i’m off to watch a movie with my parents. Be back tomorrow.