Little.

I know its been forever, a lot has been going on. I started a new job working sitting in an office in a cubical all day on my ass, where its boring as hell and I get to play on my phone. Its been great. I really feel like an adult having an adult job, making way more an hour, and getting to support myself. I get to buy things I never thought Id be able to. 

Then in October, I got in an accident. Totalling my 2006 saturn ion, I am now driving a Trax, and am feeling myself so much more now. As winter comes closer, I do feel my little self coming out more than it was in summer. I do always see myself feeling littler and cuter in winter, and calling my CG daddy more often. I do think its because he acts more loving and cuddley around this time of year. 

So today, I checked my voicemails, and one was from a lady from a company I have had three interviews with. I called her back on my lunch, and she offered me the position I had been interviewing for. I could not be more excited, I was bouncing outside as I listened to the girl offer me the position. They are sending me the offer letter officially tomorrow, and I could not be more ready to get the fuck out of my line of work. 

They are not only offering me about $5 more an hour, but it will be in a nicer, established company, and it will be geared more towards what I want to do for the rest of my life; hide in a cubical with the AC blasting.

I think things are really looking up for me, I can see myself paying off my bills even faster now. The biggest hump right now, is that I have plans at the end of the month, a concert that me and a friend are staying  in a hotel for, and the hotel and concert is already paid for. I am going to have to explain to my new employers about this,and I hope they understand.

It has been a pretty steady few months. I go to work, I come home, I go on tumblr, I go to bed and repeat it the next day. I have been more actively taking care of my skin, and trying to drink more water. I do want to feel more confident, as I feel like daddy feeds off of my emotions. When I am excited, he gets excited, when I am down, he seems to be down. Admittedly, it could be the reverse, and I suck up how ever he is feeling. He has been up lately, which is nice, and I have been feeling up. I have to admit that I have been pretty up despite a lot of change and emotional craziness at work. I thrive under pressure. 

Me and daddy have been doing really well this week, we have had playtime twice this week. I think since he is feeling so good, and I have been, plus working more similar shifts have been helping a lot. We have just been doing really well, havent fought in a while, and its been nice. 

I have been making an effort to dress more nice on my days off when I am heading out. Wearing a shirt and a sweater, looking cute, as opposed to a sweatshirt and leggings on my days off. I do wear PJs once I am in for the day, but who can blame me?  I havent been feeling very little as of lately, and havent called daddy by daddy in quite some time. I think its just the seasonal stuff, and once the sun stays for more than a day, I will feel myself again. Daddy hasnt been fostering my little side so much as of late either, but maybe he is just growing out of it a little? Sometimes he will call me little, but doesnt really try to put me in little space. 

I’ll be making an effort to write here more often, I just feel like I havent had much to say. Despite a lot happening in my day to day life, I just... havent felt the need to say it out loud, yet put it to paper, so to speak. 

I am not even going to TRY and get you updated on everything that has happened. Maybe a few bullet points? Ive been at my new job successfully, my daddy is doing amazing at his job. He does have this cashier than he thinks is super cute, and he has SAID that he wouldnt leave me for her cuz she has a boyfriend, and isnt sure that she would leave her bf for him. Ugh. 

But me and daddy got in a fight the other night because when I complained about needing to pay my car to get fixed for its inspection, he told me I should have been saving blah blah. We have this fight a lot, because instead of being supportive, he is trying to lecture me. All I want is a supportive boyfriend, someone who can be there for me and tell me “yeah, i get it” instead of  trying to tell me what to do. If I asked what I should do next year, by all means give me some advice, but I wish he would just be supportive and hug me and tell me we will figure it out.

We then got in another argument last night, cuz he said that he would have to ask his mom for a few bucks, since he didnt have enough money to pay his car payment this month. Instead of me telling him about how maybe he should get a cheaper car, or how he should stop buying Subway for lunch every day, I just told him that sucks, and held him. I told him “see how it feels to have a supportive partner?” and he got all upset with me and got worked up.

Ugh, it was rough. I just wish he understood, I get lectures from my mom, and other family members, I just want him to be supportive. He gets this way every time we are around my family too. If we are alone, most of the time he is lovey, and holds me, and calls me cute and boops my nose. When we are around my family he is rude, and puts me down. I wish I could talk to him about this without him getting all worked up. 

Daddy started a new job at a different location, in a manager position, at the same place we used to work. I quit my job, and started training yesterday. Its been an exciting few weeks. Daddy works really far away, and his hours are stupid long. He is gone from like 10-10 if I am lucky. He is supposed to work 11-8, but its a 45 minute drive to his new place. 

I have had a lot of down time since I quit, and have been having training, since training is only from 9-3 most days. I am exciting to actually get to work, making money. Especially since I just finally settled my final loan, with a $300 a month payment, which is stupid high and like almost an entire paycheck. Thank god I get paid every week at this new job. 

I did get to see my baby Stella the other day, I took one of my new friends Emily there. We got to see baby bunnies too. They are so stinking cute, and every one has a different personality. Stella is such a good girl, I cant wait to take her home. I already have a blanket, a bag, and some treats here. Just need to get a few things, like a cage from Michelle, and food hay, food bowls. It wont be too much of a money drop like getting Shannon was. Even if I do have to get a cage, it will be fairly less expensive than Shannon’s was. Plus, I know what I need to get, and wont have to spend $40 on a new blanket for her. 

x rated info

Happy birthday to me! It was my birthday friday. I had so much fun! I had an amazing party with some family and a few friends. It was a lot of fun, and I had a fair amount to drink. I did not throw up. The next night I went out with a ton of coworkers, again drank a good amount and did not throw up again! I am super proud of myself. I really feel like it was just because I knew how much my daddy hates when I get unhealthy drunk. He was really nice and kind the entire time, didnt get frustrated or mean.

I had a really good time. Got to party with a lot of friends, had some delicious food. My daddy got me a google home, and my name is baby girl on it so when I get home it says “welcome home baby girl” then plays whatever song I have set. I told daddy I wanted a rose gold one I saw at a walmart, partly because it was rose gold, but also because my siri is broken on my phone. I love it. Its so stinking cute. It makes me want to get an android phone so I can have everything connected seamlessly.

Daddy wants to take me to the fair this weekend, and take me to get a build a bear! I have a coupon for 15 dollars off, and the bear I want is only like 17 dollars. Daddy said we can probably stop after the fair. I am super excited to experience a ton of summer things with daddy because we didnt do all too much last year. We started dating like two weeks before my birthday. I just am so happy to experience all of these things with my daddy, its been such an amazing life with him.

On a sad/then happy note; my bunny love first began when I bunny sat a bunny that was a Christmas present for someone. They had to pick the baby bunny up a week before Christmas, so I watched him until it was time to give the gift. I then asked daddy if I could get a bunny and that was the story of how I ended up with my love for bunnies! The owners daughter is my friend and messaged me that they tried to drop the bunny off at the aspca, because they already had a boy bunny, and two boy bunnies cant be in the same cage together, they fight. The baby bunny was making the older bunny stress pee, and they were both losing hair. So I picked him up this last Sunday, and brought him to the rescue lady. I got to see my soon to be daughter, and the bunny is doing so much better now. He is going to get an amazing life with someone who can truly care for him. 

This weekend was exhausting. Saturday, I had to leave work early so I could go to a wedding with daddy. Me, daddy, and our friend spent like 6 hours dress shopping Friday so I had something to wear. I got two dresses that look absolutely amazing on me though! I got so many compliments at the wedding, and this one guy was even flirting with me omg!

Today me and daddy drove out to the bunny rescue to sell the resin keychains I’ve been making during an event. I make bunny ones, and pawprints and hearts that say ‘bunny love’ and stuff like that. I sold about 16, at least thats as many as I counted. I didnt take any money, though I am hoping the lady I know from the rescue gives me some since a few of my keychains were paid on a card. I am just really happy to help, but to get half of what I made would be awesome too. 

We went to popeyes after going to the rescue, and daddy got to talk to a lot of volunteers at the rescue. He officially gave me a more solid date as to when I can get the bunny I have on hold with Michelle, the rescue lady who lives only half an hour away from us. As opposed as to the 2 hour drive into the next state to the rescue location, haha! Daddy said we can start the new year with a new bun. He isnt super excited at the idea of us having the bunny before Christmas, but if I commit to really paying the care credit off, I might be able to convince him to let me have her as a Christmas present. 

Today is me and daddy’s anniversary! I had to work, and he is sleepin right now, but I am gonna probably wake him up soon and make him take me on a walk. We went to the zoo yesterday and it was totally awesome. We got to see a ton of cute animals, and he took a picture of me with a big stuffed polar bear on display. It was nice. We went with another couple, so I couldnt be as little as I wanted to, but it was fun. I packed a lunch, and we ate it, and it was really nice. 

I am doing better with work. Getting done what I can without getting super stressed out. I am feeling very good about it. It sucks that I cant get as much done, and I am not getting the pay. But I have made the decision within myself to just do the work until something good comes up. I am proving myself, and doing the work I wanted to do. I like having projects so its definitely that. Being on a Facebook page with other Cosmetics Department Managers helps too. Knowing I have people around I can ask for help from is nice. The assistant managers have been a lot more respectful too, but everyone is jsut getting back from vacation so it might be that... Whatever it is, I think I am in a pretty good place right now. 

Wow, its been a while. Daddy’s parents were gone for two weeks, so we had a lot of fun. I cooked him breakfast a few days when I was off, and he worked. I made dinner when I worked and he was off. It was nice not having to worry about getting in someones way, or someone getting into my way. We spent time outside, lit of some sparklers we got at Walmart.

Friday, I went shooting with him. He has two big guns, and likes going out to shoot them. I went to watch. It was pretty boring, not gonna lie. But mostly because I was doing nothing for 3 hours, watching daddy to the same thing over and over again. I got super sunburned. But daddy is gonna get me a little canopy for next time, and I decided I am gonna get a little bb gun so I can shoot with daddy! Im super excited. We are planning on going out Friday, since I get paid Thursday, so I can get my gun, and the canopy and stuffs. I am probably gonna get myself a chair too!

Busy day for me. It wasnt a lot of insanely business during work, I got a good few things done. After work I did a ton of running around. Took my brother to the vape shop to get some new stuff, got myself a new set up. Then we went to pick up my Shannon’s ashes. 

I didnt want to open it without daddy. So I waited until he got home, and we opened it. It had a card with everyone apologizing for our loss. It also had a little leather-type book with her pawprints, and a sweet poem about a place where our pets go to run around, eat, and play until we can be with them again. Daddy made me read it out loud because he couldnt read cursive, and I cried the entire time. We then opened up the urn with her ashes. Daddy put the fur from her hair cuts inside it. I havent thought about her too much lately, been trying to move on, focus on work. I cried so hard today, I miss her so much. Not having my little girl here is hard. 

Tomorrow, I take daddy to meet my family. I dont think he has really met anyone besides my grandparents, and my mom and brother. Between us working, and not being invited to family events, I havent even really seen my cousins in about 2 years. Its going to be nice to catch up. I am excited to introduce him to my family. To show them the amazing person I have in my life. Ever since I was young, and felt excluded at family events, I always dreamed about bringing my significant other, feeling like less of an outsider, of someone who didnt belong. 

Admittedly, right now I dont feel so excited. Daddy came home, and now is playing video games. I feel like he doesnt want to bond with me. I have a friend on instagram who customizes pacis, and offered to trade me all of my excess resin pours that I have zero use for, for a custom paci. I texted him about it, and got zero response. I dont know if he thinks its too weird, cute, or creepy. I would really like to have a paci again, as I loved the one I used to have. It used to help when I was overly stressed with work, or sad. I just wish he would talk to me about how he feels about it, instead of ignoring me. Id love to be able to have someone use the pretty resin pieces I made, and get a cute paci in the process.

Its been a while, but not a lot has happened. Me and my daddy got in a fight, but it was sort of worked out. He apologized, but we havent really talked it all out. He has been doing a few nice gestures lately, like getting me my hot chocolate k cups I love, and got me a sub, and made plans for us for Tuesday to go out with our friends. Ive been working a lot, and i feels so tired. Emotionally drained. I decided that I want to get out of my position, and go back to my side of the store. 

Me and daddy have been having a lot of play time. Like very other day, every two days, and its better and better every time. I love it when he goes fast, but last night he was hard, and rough, and it hurt so good. I could feel how much he wanted me, and it was absolutely amazing. He just shoved himself in me, and it hurt soooo good. 

I think we are in an alright place, though I really think we need to spend more time together. Going out for walks, or out for dinner. I really want to go to a beach with daddy. I might try and have him take me Saturday, since we both have off all day, and my grandmas picnic later, like 5:00ish.

Sorry I havent been on in a while. Saturday morning my sweet bunny passed away. She was so skinny, she couldnt hop in and out of her litter box. When I woke up to go to work Saturday, she looked like roadkill in her cage, laying on her side. She couldnt move her front paws, or hold herself up. I held her in my arms, and she stiffened, her legs stretched and her head tilted up. But I swore I felt a heart beat, so I thought she was still alive. I cried and cried, and I had my daddy take her to the vet. They confirmed she was gone. 

Its been a hard week. I’ve gone two days without crying about her. I met another sweet girl I would like to bring into my heart once I have all of Shannon’s bills paid off. I have 1000 total to pay off before daddy said I can get another bunny.

 The new bunny’s name is Stella, and she is just the sweetest. I went to visit the rescue lady and give her all my bunny stuff, and I got to see all the bunnies she is fostering. I met a ton of cuties, including Stella. I leaned down to talk to her, and she booped her nose with my nose. It was like all the bunnies, including this super timid baby named Asher, could tell I had so much bunny love in my heart, and they were all so excited to see me. I fed two of them a treat, and it was really nice. It made me feel a lot better. We took down Shannon’s cage though, and cleaned the room really well. I am getting a lot better, especially at the thought of having another baby in my life soon.

Today was the first time in a long time when I saw my reflection while out and about, and wasnt instantly disgusted. When I catch my reflection in the window door, or mirror, I feel an instant of disgust with my looks. I see my big stomach, or my fat thighs. Today was the first time I saw myself, and I was proud. Its usually only an instant that I think that before I just push the thought out of my head and move on with my day.

I was really proud when I saw myself. Maybe it was because I was wearing black, and black is slimming. I was just happy with how I looked for the first time in a long time. I dont know if its because I lost weight, or that I finally feel confident with myself. Either way, I am just happy with that satisfaction that I felt when I saw myself.

I was in a really bad place after my concert I went to Friday night. When I go to these concerts, I am brought back to how I feel when I was in high school. Standing in the crowd, I feel small, scared, and insecure. I have grown so much since that point. I have become more confident, and brave, and bold. I hate feeling like that scared, stupid, idiot. I was insanely depressed my freshman year, and I was a scared, insecure girl. I didnt know who I was, I didnt know if I even had a purpose in life. I was so lost, in friendships that were toxic to my mind as well as my general well being. I was brought back to that point when I went to the concert, and felt even worse when I got home. I got home insanely late, and I was so tired, and feel absolutely awful. 

I called into work, mostly because I just felt like actual shit. I felt like that 14 year old. My daddy had off, and when he came home, cuddled me for a little bit. I just wish he spent more time with me, and less time on his video game. I know its his thing, but I just hate how alone I feel when he is sitting two feet from me. 

I got really heated texting a new friend about all the crap Daddy’s mom has all around the house. She made some shady comment about me not bringing more stuff to the house, which is shitty, cuz I’m living here, but whatever. It made me think about how much shit she has in the house. It got me so mad thinking about how much shit she has she could sell, or toss, that she keeps for stupid reasons. All the dumb shit she does during the day, she could start going through things. Throwing out old clothes no one will wear. Tossing expired cleaning supplies and food. It takes her MONTHS to clean out the fridge. At my house when it went a week, we would stress and then clean the fridge. I cant imagine living like this. 

It high key makes me wish she would move out, so we could clean. I would have a BLAST cleaning all this shit up. It makes me get excited at the thought of cleaning. About having a whole house to put my stuff. The house would be so clean, and so organized, and not cluttered. She is wasting an amazing house by cluttering it with shit. I cant imagine living like this my entire life. Its the no. 1 reason why I hate to walk around, go outside of the bedroom, because I have no control over the clutter. I have never had my OCD act up as bad as it is right now. I’m getting a headache thinking about how bad I want to clean all the shit out of this house.