#internal pressure

You don't have to take responsibility for every little emotion or reaction that another person has. Though you can be empathetic toward them, their feelings and emotions, and toward what they are going through, you cannot be responsible for how they came to feel the way that they do about whatever it is that they are feeling it about.

Today was okay. It started with me staying up alway too late and getting up super late, which was fine because I didn’t need to be at uni before 12:30, but I had wanted to work on some law stuff. But that’s okay.

I made some progress in my maths group and - to my huge surprise - found out that I would be getting a present from some of the girls in my year (for my birthday). Which to me was kind of unexpected as I didn’t think we were all that close, but that made me smile.

Then my economics class was cancelled, which meant no classes after three and resulted in me staying in the library for an hour to try and figure this law essay out, an assigned which was published today.

That’s when things started to get tricky. I’ve mentioned yesterday that this is a class i regularly skipped and it’s sort of difficult to figure out on your own. I’ve made some head start on the assignment and it’s sort of working but I’ve felt extremely anxious ever since.

If I’m being honest anxiety was never a thing for me, not in school before exams or presentations - sure there were nerves, but that was all. During my A level exams it got really bad, mostly due to internal pressure and a fear of failure. Ever since I’ve been back from home and I guess “on my own” anxiety has lingered in my bones. It’s always there, creeping up at the most random times - the doubt, the fear, the pressure. My stomach is in knots, panic shooting through my veins and there’s this weight on my chest.

You don't have to take responsibility for every little emotion or reaction that another person has. Though you can be empathetic toward them, their feelings and emotions, and toward what they are going through, you cannot be responsible for how they came to feel the way that they do about whatever it is that they are feeling it about.

I think the reason is: that other blog is meant to be more of a showcase, and I haven't felt like my stuff is showcase-able? Or I'm not sure how to showcase it?

So I might try posting them here instead (and maybe some other time, post them there too).

It feels weird to have this pressure (albeit self-inflicted) to write in a certain way. Like, I try to write more "professionally" there, try not to complain or nitpick, and try to show off my work. But I want to also be able to just go, "Hey I made a thing!" with no, like, expectation of professional conduct?

Internal pressure in athletes rarely announces itself. Instead of screaming or demanding attention, pressure builds quietly through repetition, comments, tone, and environment. Over time, external expectations turn into internal narratives that athletes carry every day. That is how pressure sneaks inside. Once it settles in, it stops feeling like pressure and starts feeling like identity. How…