#inpa

[I’m assuming it’s been long enough now that we can get away with posting Age of Calamity spoilers.]

Scene: Zelda, Link, and Impa, along with the diminutive guardian, have just escaped Hyrule Castle and look back from a distance as the swirling cloud of malice engulfs the royal structure.

Zelda, realizing the depths of her own failure, begins to despair…

BotW Zelda: I have … failed …

She falls to her knees.

BotW Zelda, crying: All of Hyrule … my friends … even my father … It’s my fault! Why won’t it awaken for me?!

As the princess cries, the little guardian approaches and attempts to console her with her mother’s lullaby.

BotW Zelda: Everything … Everything I’ve done … Ultimately … all of it was for naught!

The princess’s tears continue to flow, one falling onto the guardian’s eye and causing it to surge with power. A surge of light bursts from the guardian and splits the sky.

In the next moment, Zelda feels a hand rest on her shoulder. She looks up to see …

Samus, giving a thumbs up: Don’t worry princess, we got your back!

BotW Zelda: Who…? How…?

Samus: When we heard this game had time paradox shenanigans going on, we decided to use the mansion’s time and space twisting properties to intercept and lend a hand.

BotW Zelda: Mansion? What?

Samus: Er … nevermind that for now. The important thing is that we’re here to help.

Smash Link: That’s right!

BotW Zelda: HOLY SHIT did Link just TALK?!

BotW Link: …

Smash Link: …

Impa: … did the princess just swear?

BotW Zelda: *turning red*

Samus: … I vote we pretend this never happened and move on to the rescue mission.

Everyone: AGREED!!

—————————

Meanwhile, inside Divine Beast Vah Medoh …

Revali: Hmph. I suppose you think I should be thankful. Not that I was in need of any help, mind you.

Falco: Get off it. You were completely getting your butt kicked before I showed up.

Revali: I was merely testing the monster to identify its weaknesses. I assure you I would have dealt with it single handedly in a matter of moments.

Falco: Get real, Einstien! You were completely ineffective without me. You need me to intervene just like everyone always does.

Fox, firing his blaster wildly at Windblight Ganon: IF YOU TWO ARE QUITE DONE POSTURING I COULD USE SOME ACTUAL F@#%ING HELP OVER HERE!

Revali: Not until he admits that I don’t need his help.

Falco: And not until HE admits that he can’t do this without me!

Fox: Dear god how did I get stuck with TWO of them?!

—————————

And inside Divine Beast Vah Naboris …

Urbosa: That’s it! Come on boys, we got this demon on the ropes!

C.Falcon: Oh my god, she is so amazing! Ren, I think I’m in love!

Joker: What? I thought you said you were gay.

C.Falcon: I am, bro, I am. I’m one hundred percent gay for her.

[This quote based on a real conversation]

—————————

And inside Divine Beast Vah Rudania …

Daruk: Ha ha ha! Boy am I glad to see you kids. I thought I was toast for a minute there! You sure pack a punch for some little guys!

Meggy: What can I say? We’ve gotten pretty good at “smashing” things.

Ness: Yeah! We got this!

Lucas: As long as we work as a team, I’m not afraid …

Ashley: I’m just here for moral support.

Daruk: Alright! This firey punk is running out of steam. What do you say we kick this guy’s butt back to the abyss he crawled out of. I believe in all of you, let’s do this!

Ness: Okay Dad!

Lucas: …

Ashley: …

Meggy: Stripes, did you just call him “dad”?

Ness: Look, my real dad is a phone.

—————————

Meanwhile inside Divie Beast Vah Ruta, the battle against Waterblight Ganon has been overcome, and Mario is speaking with Mipha away from the rest of the group.

Pit: Wow, that wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. Of course, that might be mostly because we brought this guy along.

Waterblight Kirby: Poyo!

Young Link: Ha ha … yeah …

Pit: Is that nervous laughter? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous before.

Young Link: Ah, it’s just … I’ve kind of had some bad experiences with zora princesses in the past.

Pit: Really? But Mipha doesn’t seem that bad.

Young Link: Yeah, she seems pretty sane. I’m sure I’m just getting nervous over nothing.

Mario and Mipha return to the rest of the group.

Mipha: And I should thank you warriors for your assistance as well.

Mipha, looking at Young Link: Hmm, you know, it’s peculiar, but for some reason you strongly remind me of someone I had a crush on in my youth.

Young Link: RUN! ABORT! ABORT!

Young Link immediately throws himself from the divine beast into the water below.

Mipha: ????

—————————

Meanwhile, within the malice-darkened walls of Hyrule Castle itself…

Sephiroth: So, possessing a robot, huh? Gotta say, not exactly what I was expecting.

Ganondorf: I must say, I never cared for the Calamity form, being so mindless and bestial, but attempting to take over two timelines at once? I’m actually quite impressed.

Bowser: But I don’t get it, if you’re the embodiment of all Ganons, shouldn’t you already know about everything that’s happening? Why is this all new to you?

Ganondorf: Calamity Ganon isn’t really “me”, it’s power and malice that has been leaking out of me that has accumulated enough to take on its own form. Remember, the REAL me is sleeping trapped deep beneath Hyrule Castle.

Bowser scratches his head in confusion, as Sephiroth nods sagely. Ganondorf then gives an evil smirk.

Samus: So, this is your OG Hyrule Warriors version?

Link: Yup.

HW!Link: Also known as Shounen Protagonist Link.

Samus: Huh, makes sense. You do seem to be the most blatantly OP of the Links.

HW!Link: Really I’m just the most stylish. All the Links operate at roughly the same level of OPness. I mean-

Lana, entering the room: Linky! I made you a bento!

HW!Link: Oh, thanks Lana. You’re a great friend.

Lana, smiling through the pain: Yup. That’s Lana.

Cia, bursting through the room: Link!

HW!Link: Oh no.

Cia: I have aquired this mighty sword for you my love. You would look... ravishing with it.

Samus: Isn’t that Soul Edge?

Cia: Ah. You are... the Boba Fett rip-off who has bewitched the amalgam of my beloved.

Link: Well... that seems a bit harsh.

Marin, entering the room: Linky! I wrote a new bell song for you. Would you like to hear it?

Samus: Dear Gods... it’s not a Shounen Anime... it’s a fucking Harem Anime.

-

Corrin: So, you’re a dragon?

Volga: Yes.

Corrine: Are you a savior?!

Corrin: A religious figure?!

Corrine: A leader of armies and heroes?!

Volga: No.

Corrin: Then... what do you do?

Volga: Mainly I just sit in my volcano hating everyone.

Corrine: So... you’re like the Grinch?

Volga: Pretty much. Now, *draws his spear and an aura of flame erupts around him* SHOW ME YOUR STRENGTH!

Corrin: So cool! So... sexy.

Corrine: No.

-

*At the League of Villains base*

Ganondorf: So if we attack their farming industry, that would leave us in a good position to-

Zant: MAAASSSSTTTTEEERRRRR!

Ganondorf: Oh sweet and salty Christ no.

*Zant bursts through the doors*

Zant: Master! I finally found you! How could you not invite me to your cool evil villain club!?

Ganondorf: Because you’re annoying. Now leave.

Zant: But I’m really good at being a villain! I conquered nearly all of Hyrule in your name! I trapped the HEro in the form of a beast!

Ganondorf: Instead of killing him.

Zant: Well... yes... but at least I only got my ass kicked by him once! Ghirahim lost to him so many times!

Ghirahim, teleporting into the room: true, but I lost with style. You threw a hissy fit.

Zant: Please master! I can do the thing really well!

Ganondorf: Uggh. You know what? Fine. You can join, IF! If, you fetch me the Boots... of... Kaldamarch. The Boots that will give its owner the power to conquer any foe.

Zant: I shall not fail you! *rushes off*

Bowser: Boss, there’s no such thing as the boots of Kalda-whatever.

Ganondorf: Maybe Zant will find me a pair. They sound fantastic.

-

Linkle: Alright everyone, who wants to play with the cucoos!?

Kids: YAAAY!

Linkle: Yeah! *brings out Golden Cucoo, Brown Cucoo, and Cucoo chick*

Ness: They’re so cute!

Lucas: I wann hug them forever!

Golden Cucoo: Three years of Juliard... for this...

-

Impa: Young Link? *she finds him hiding under a desk, trembling* What in the name of Nayru has gotten into you?

Young Link: Shh! He’s out there! He might find me!

Inpa: Who are you-

Tingle, from in the hall: Liiiiiink!

Young Link: Do not let him know I’m here!

Tingle, getting closer: Liiiiinkjy! I can sense you!

Com entrada gratuita, o ator Ítalo Rui apresenta “Borboletas bebem lágrimas de tartarugas” ao ar livre pela primeira vez Depois da estreia no Teatro da Instalação, agora o espetáculo “Borboletas bebem lágrimas de tartarugas”, dirigido e interpretado pelo ator Ítalo Rui, chega aos espaços naturais para exibição ao público. A própria montagem é fruto de uma inspiração em um hábito de espécies da…