#infold why

The sound of giggles and squealing filled the cushioned space. It was the summer break of your first year in college. Despite the cacophony of cicadas waning as the sun went down, the topic of secrets and crushes came about.

Sitting in a circle, your friends took turns talking about their secret crushes and their code names. Some were silly while others diabolical. Soon, they’ll ask you about your secret romance (to which you had none).

“Okay, okay,” Your friend next to you began, “do you remember that one senior…?” Before she could continue, she excitedly kneaded the pillow on her lap. 

Your other friend raised an eyebrow and asked, “We had so many good looking seniors.” You nod absentmindedly at the statement. “Which one are you talking about?” 

She leans forward. “You know!” Her mind is working to remember the name of the boy. When she reached her conclusion, she clapped her hands and pointed. “The brown-haired guy that seemed attached to you!” Your eyes followed where her finger was pointing, acknowledging it was in your direction.

Wait. Your direction?

You spit out your water like in one of those sit-down comedy shows. Your friends erupt in laughter. You try to recover after choking on your water. What was Caleb doing in this conversation?

You grab a handful of tissues and distribute them to your friends. “I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean to spit on you guys!” Worry tones your voice. As the laughter subsides, you realize the space has gotten quiet. “Is everyone-”

“Wait. Did you and that senior…” Your friend wiggles her eyebrows and grins, leaning in closer. Her intense gaze causes you to avert your eyes. Quickly, you bring your hands to create a shield from her upcoming questions. 

“Ah ha, I knew it!” Your friend blurted. “So you did have something with him!” She backs down, giving you space to (somewhat) relax. Her arms cross before she continues. “Those tiny glances from afar and the way he’d pat your head before he left! Those are tall-tale signs of a secret rendezvous!”

Baffled, you straightened yourself up. Before you were about to oppose her comments, you suddenly realized something. Hearing from your friend now, she made all his little actions seem so significant. Of course you had gotten used to his touches because you’ve known him almost your whole life. However, you didn’t realize that his simple gestures were viewed as romantic gestures from an outsider’s perspective. 

You retort. “There’s no way, we’re just childhood friends. Sure, we’re close, but that’s it.” 

“Just childhood friends?” Your friend pitches in. You sigh at their harmony in this manner. Teaming up to tease you. “That’s it?” Your friends look at each other, communicating with glances. 

They’re not going to give up until I give them an answer. An answer they want. Maybe I should make up something… Caleb wouldn’t mind it! At least I don’t think he would… 

Clearing your throat, you pretend to reminisce about your “romantic” past with him. “Fine, we did have something, but it was fleeting.” Your friends lean in to hear your story. “He was…” You think of traits that made people’s hearts clench, “considerate, made daily chores fun, offered me snacks even when he was fatigued, braided my hair…” 

Your mind recalls a time where you argued with one of your friends. Caleb gave you the support you needed. His care was cautious yet accurate. A simple arch in your eyebrows and he could tell you were frustrated. Unbeknownst to you, Caleb made it a goal to cheer you up when you were upset about anything, even if that meant taking money out of his own pocket. 

You stare at the water in your cup. Your friends take a hint and hug you. “He took good care of you, hm?” Your friend asked. Nodding, you take another sip of water to ease your aching soul. The mingling voices of your friends blurred in the background as you stared at the bottom of the plastic cup. 

We’re just friends. Childhood friends. That’s all.

But even that confirmation didn’t settle the uneasiness in your heart.

A school year passes and you go without seeing Caleb for some time. Becoming a student at the DAA and making occasional rounds meant time was preoccupied. Your short week breaks that were usually spent catching up with him were now replaced with calls and a regretful Caleb calling to say, “Sorry pipsqueak, can’t make it. Maybe next time.” Before you knew it, daily contact with Caleb turned into bi-monthly calls. 

Eventually, graduation came around. It was a sunny day, fit for graduating students. From your seat, countless caps cover the surface of the field. A few move as they look for their loved ones from the stadium. Thinking of Caleb, your eyes turn towards the bleachers.  

“Hey! You’re supposed to go now!” A voice whisper-yells, pointing at the increasingly large gap between you and the students lining up to walk across the stage.

After the ceremony, graduation caps were thrown in the air. A rouse of yelling, crying, and laughing filled the air. The rush of students waiting to take pictures with their loved ones. As you gather your things, your tassel moves in your vision. Before you could move it, a shadow loomed over, quickly adjusting the tassel.

Your heart leaps in joy.

You turn around, it really is him. His brown hair and genuine smile greets you in the warm sunshine. “Caleb!” Your arms wrap around his neck. 

“Woah,” he takes a step back to balance you in his arms. “You’ve gotten taller.” As you let go, his eyes have a twinge of frustration and guilt. At the moment, you’re not sure why he wears that expression, but you shake your head to get rid of any negative thoughts.

“You really came…” Tears threatened to spill out. A goofy expression appears upon your face as you try to contain the tears. He bends down and pats your head gently. It took him so long to get here. His face distorts to pain as you pinch his waist. 

“Ow.” He lets out a weak sigh. “That wasn’t very nice.”

You grin. “I’m really glad you were able to make it today.”

“Me too, pipsqueak.” Caleb reciprocates your smile with a nod. “Although, your manners need some work. Who knew you would still be childish as an adult?” He removes your cap, brushing back the strands of hair clinging to your forehead. Caleb mysteriously pulls out a water bottle and opens the cap for you. “Do you feel hot? Should I tie your hair?”

Before you respond, you hear a group of familiar voices. “Oh my god, we finally found you! This place is so-”

“Is that Caleb?!” One of your friends exclaims. Caleb looks at you and uses his chin to point towards your friends. 

Uh oh.

“Ah- he-” Your brain malfunctions. Crap, you didn’t tell Caleb about that one sleepover thing. How you used his name to get you out of a situation. “Uh, yes, this is Caleb.”

You don’t see it, but Caleb raises an eyebrow before putting up his perfect smile.

“Hello, you must be their friend.” Caleb greets. “Congratulations for graduating.”

Sweat pools at your neck. Not even Caleb’s shadow, which is blocking the sun, is helping it disappear. 

Your friend smiles. “Thank you! It’s good to see you here. They tell us a lot about you!” 

Caleb’s interest appears. He makes a teasing smile at you and looks back at your friends. “I wonder what they’ve said about me. Hopefully it’s good, right?” 

Your friend, unaware of the elephant in the room, chimes in. “Yes! Aren’t you their ex-boyfriend?” 

Who says anything good about their ex-boyfriend? You silently cursed yourself.

Caught off guard, Caleb laughs. That’s not what he was expecting to hear, but he had to keep the conversation going. He places his hand on your waist and pulls you closer to him. “I just couldn’t leave them. I got too attached and now I find myself clinging back to them.”

Your friends are in awe at his response. All you could do was pinch his waist. 

He grunts before awkwardly laughing it off. “Sorry, did you need them for something?”

A lightbulb clicks in your friend’s head. “Oh, we wanted to take a group picture with them! Do you mind taking the picture for us?”

“Sure, why not.” Caleb shrugs, gently pushing your back and placing the cap on your head. Your friend hands him their phone and runs back to where the rest of you are. As you and your friends figure out your spots, Caleb quickly takes a quick snapshot of you before adjusting the lens of your friend’s phone. “Ready? Three, two, one.” 

Your friend reviews the pictures and smiles. “Um, do you want me to take a picture of the two of you?” You quickly mouth “no”, but Caleb’s verbal “yes” overwrites your reply.

You adjust the flowers (your friends rushed to give you) and stiffly stand beside Caleb. 

“Hey! Why do you look so stiff!” Your friend yells. Embarrassed, you move a smidge closer to Caleb before he pulls you in by the waist again. 

He leans down to your ear. The proximity between the two of you closes. 

“Smile.” He whispers, and you could hear the camera click from afar.

After the ceremony, you and Caleb decide to walk back home instead of getting on the train to make up for all the time lost. 

“Ex-boyfriend, huh?” Caleb suddenly says. You pause in your path and look at him. Upon seeing your distraught expression, he laughs again. 

“Caleb…” You mumble. “I didn’t mean to use your name in that way. My friends-”

“Right, right, I understand.” Caleb interrupts, poking your cheek and steps in front of you. “Good job on graduating.”

His considerate words warm your heart. “Thanks, Caleb.” You pause. “Also, sorry for using your name again.” 

Caleb grabs your hand and pulls you along to a nearby playground. Your feet skid across the concrete and then woodchips. You settle down on the swings as he holds the chain steady. 

“I’m not bothered that you used my name.” Caleb acknowledges. “However, I wasn’t expecting to be a previous lover of yours.” 

“The situation just called for it.” You rolled your eyes and looked up at him. His shoulders move as he suppresses a laugh. 

“Then, you’ll give me another chance, right?” Caleb asks. Your eyes widen. Another chance?

You raised an eyebrow. “Another chance? You didn’t do anything wrong though.” 

Caleb smiles. “No, another chance to redeem myself as your boyfriend.” Oh.

His hand moves under your chin, tilting your head up. Before you realize what’s happening, he leans in and pauses right before he makes contact with your lips. The silence is loud. He’s waiting for your signal yet his actions are betraying him. As you close your eyes, the distance between you closes. You can hear the swing screech as you move in the plastic seat. 

“Caleb-” Your exclamation is interrupted by another kiss on the corner of your lips. 

The humid weather breezing past manages to cool you down as Caleb’s kiss warms you up. When Caleb moves away, his eyes look down at you. They're vulnerable and innocent. 

“Wait.” Caleb covers his eyes and laughs. “Don’t look at me like that.”

You’re equally flushed. “What… What do you mean?!” Caleb removes his arm that’s covering his face, grabs the sides of your face, and reels you into another sweet kiss.