#incorrect mcu

*the Thunderbolts all struggle into a group hug*

John: who took my wallet?

Ava: Can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

Franklin: *grabs a hold of your shirt and looks you in the eyes while baby babbling*

You: Johnny come save me your nephew is staring deep into my soul.

Franklin: *laughs and smiles as his tiny fists grab at your shirt*

Johnny: *staring at you adoringly as you fret to keep Franklin in your arms securely as his nephew clung to you like a koala* marry me

You: what.

Johnny: what

Peter: Called it.

Peter, sleep deprived and frantic: I have too many dads

MJ: ... what

Peter: Father's day is coming and I have too many

Ned: You need to elaborate, man. You cannot expect us to get what you mean

Peter: alright so I got my dad dad right? So I'll visit his grave for the day and then uncle Ben was basically my dad so I'll visit his grave right?

MJ: this is a morbid start

Peter: and that used to be all of it but now I have Mr. Stark who's also kinda like a dad figure, you know? He calls me his kid. Takes care of me. Treats me like his kid. He smiles when people mistake me for his son so like I will get him something right. And like Happy should get something too right? He's dating May after all and he's looked after me so a small gift for acknowledgement for all that

Ned: sure yeah that seems reasonable

Peter: BUT then I got thinking

MJ: see that's when you messed up

Peter: Ha ha very funny. Anyways so if Mr. Stark counts for father's day then like Dr. Strange does too. I mean he acts like he doesn't care but he always tries to keep me safe and and he checks up on my injuries if I get hurt.

Peter, pacing the room: so Dr. Strange and Mr. Stark. That's good. But like Dr. Banner is also amazing and he's always been such a nice and comforting pillar and like he deserves to be acknowledged. Not to mention he's so understanding of all the weird biological stuff that comes with the spider bite and we've been spending a lot more time together so like I'm counting him. He deserves it.

MJ: oh I see where this is going

Peter, walking on the walls: but like now I already have 2 avengers on the list and I mean if we're counting just about any male guardian figure then like for spiderman I'd say the rest also work pretty well, no? I mean Hawkguy always has a blast with spiderman and is a greater teacher. He taught me how to aim better with my webs and he's already a dad which makes him give off those parental vibes. And like Captain America is like well he's captain America. He always makes good talk with me and wants to know about stuff and he also helps me train my strength and learn when to hold back. He's got the responsible dad energy

Peter, pacing on the ceiling: and now that's like every avenger. So Thor should count too right? I mean he's not very dad-like in a parental sense but he's still great and helpful in his own way and I appreciate that and I know he'd like a gift no matter what it is.

MJ and Ned: ...

Peter: so like that's everyone from the avengers. But like if I'm going over everyone from Spiderman's perspective too then the guys from the fantastic four deserve to be acknowledged too right. Mr. Fantastic is always so helpful and understanding and Thing has always had my back

Peter: However I need to count Deadpool and Daredevil. Team Red has always been there for me. The two are always on my six and they have the protective dad energy too you know? They bicker with each other but they always agree on making sure I'm safe and I want to give them something for that.

Ned: alright take a deep breath okay? How many do you have so far.

Peter, jumping back to the floor: uhh wait so we have my father and uncle ben. Mr. Stark, Happy, Dr. Strange, Dr. Banner, Hawkguy, Cap and Thor. Mr. Fantastic and Thing. Deadpool and Daredevil. But that's not including-

MJ: No for now we stick with that. What are you planning to do with everyone

Peter, nodding: For Mr. Stark I have a small hand made gift cause he gets sentimental over those and I'll spend at least a few hours with him, you know? Quality time, he appreciates that

Peter: Dr. Banner it's the same. I have this comfortable pajama set I think he'll like and a book he'd enjoy. I'll probably just have tea with him and spend some time, maybe an hour max.

Peter: Dr. Strange will be hard because he likes to pretend he doesn't like me so I'll break into the sanctum before he can think of an excuse, give him his gift and a bonus gift in the form of a promise to not do anything too stupid or dangerous for the week and dip before he can try to give me back the gift

Peter: For the other avengers I've been working overtime at the lab to make them something they'd like and find useful. Same with Mr. Fantastic and Thing.

Peter: For Deadpool and Daredevil I'll meet up with them during late night patrol and hand them their gifts. And treat them to the deli burger.

MJ: right... *Sighs* and you plan to do all this in one day?

Ned: can't you spread it out? Make it a few days isntead

Peter: No! It has to be father's day. My gifts and everything else has the proper impact if it's on father's day. It's to show appreciation and what they mean to me and it has to be father's day

Ned: alright alright I get it man. It has to be father's day. Got it

Peter: yes. It has to be. I have it all planned. Look

Peter: *pulls out giant schedule from the ceiling*

MJ: oh god

Ned: all this...for one day

Peter: it'll all work. If I spend exactly 4 hours in the lab I can follow it up immediately by going to Dr. Banner. However for that I need to get up to leave at 3 hours and 15 minutes in because it always takes over half an hour to actually get out because as previously mentioned, Mr. Stark appreciates quality time. And then I can spend an hour with Dr. Banner and have some tea and talk about stuff before leaving. Following that-

MJ: he's lost it

Ned: I'm so worried

MJ: in the span of a few years he's gained so many father figure

Ned: it's like he attracts them like flies to a flame

MJ: ...it's moth

Ned: what?

MJ: it's moths that are attracted to a flame

Ned: oh

MJ: yeah anyways I think you're right

Ned: I think I could write a research paper on Peter's tendency to attract father figures

MJ: that'd actually be something I'd be interested in

Ned: we should look into that

Peter: and if all of that works I will be having a late night snack with team red at 3 am.

MJ and Ned: ....

Ned: that's great

MJ: perfect it'll definitely work

Peter: yes yes of course. It has to. Yes it will....