Jason: my bad. I got kidnapped

Dick: what masochist kidnapped you?

Jason: the police

Jason: Why dont we shoot the Joker?

Dick: How will that help us in an alien invasion?

Jason: It would be really funny

Dick:

Tim: I know.

Dick: -because you have a high risk of infection-

Tim: I’m aware.

Dick: -because of your missing spleen-

Tim: you don’t say.

Dick: -and with how many energy drinks you consume-

Tim: Dad, I know, you don’t need to-

Tim: …

Dick: did… did you just…?

Tim: no. I didn’t.

Dick: Tim…

Tim: I’m going to put water on my wound now.

Dick: Tim, it’s okay! I won’t make a big deal out of it- wait no! Bad, Tim! No water!

Tim, actively speed walking away: what I can’t hear you

Dick, also speed walking: listen to your father!

Tim, now full sprinting: SHUT UP

Dick, also sprinting: DONT RUN WITH YOU STOMACH INJURY!

~later~

Damian: how come he gets to call Dick dad…

Alfred: pardon, Master Damian?

Damian: Dick and Tim were running in the cave even though there wasn’t an emergency.

Dick: yeah?

Tim: Sooo... if someone were to hypothetically steal a sculpture called "The Hand". Would they call the heist, "The Hand Job"?

9-year-old Dick, sitting at the table eating ice cream: Because I’m in the kitchen.

Bruce tiredly, digging out some coffee: And why are you in the kitchen?

Bruce: And what do you do if you get stopped by the cops?

All of the kids: let Tim or Jason deal with it as the two white passing ones.

Tim: My life is a little too much fall out and not enough boy.

Jason: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance

Damian: My life is a little too much imagination and not enough dragons.