Stay with me a minute okay? I know what I mean, but let me just see if you can too. It’s not the type of tired which is “I’m tired with life right now” you know? Or maybe it is, but it’s not just that. It’s the type of tired which comes back around when you’ve seen that things need to change in order to ensure your own survival. So you take every ounce of your life and redirect the energy which is being ripped away from your heart to pushing your existence up a hill. It’s the type of tired which you find after you find your freedom. But you know, finding freedom doesn’t just happen once, this won’t be the only time you have to do it. And you know, I think we’re all guilty of it. We become complacent and we fall into line, thinking we know ourselves and therefore we accept what we’re given. And then it hits us like a ton of bricks that we’re actually trapped. Again. And again. And, you know it just keeps going. But until that moment comes again, you’re here. So yeah, you acknowledge that now you can be free. And it’s the most UGH, you know, it’s the best feeling. For a moment. Like that feeling doesn’t last. Because with freedom comes “okay so what do I do now?” You know? Because you’ve all these chances and all these opportunities, so you’re like “what the hell can I do with this? I’ve got to find purpose, I’ve got to find a place to belong.” All this stuff that we think we don’t have enough time to find. And that becomes overwhelming and you believe you’re not gonna find all that makes you a functional human being, whatever the hell that means, and you shut down and seclude yourself. You don’t want to waste all that time finding stuff for it to be wrong you know, you’re protecting yourself, you don’t want to get even more hurt because you’re afraid of how much of you that feeling will rob you of. Then, just like that, it happens. There’s moments, there’s people, there’s chances and you think “this could be it.” Like, “this is mine” and you don’t want to lose it. And we’re told we’re gonna regret the chances we don’t take, so you take them all, every single one. You’re afraid of missing out, you’re afraid that if you don’t take it you’re not gonna be using that freedom as much as you should. That’s so damn exhausting. SO exhausting, like you wouldn’t believe. But for that moment of “this is what I’m meant to be” you’re willing to do it all. And then, you’ve done as much as you can, and suddenly you’re comfortable. And that fear of missing out isn’t there because you’ve made your spot where you want it right? And THAT is what this tired is. It’s what your anxiety teased you about and made you lose sleep over, that you were going to miss out on life. So now you’re allowed to laugh at your anxiety, because you have done EVERYTHING you possibly can. You’re not gonna lose this, you’re not gonna lose the life you made for yourself. You’re tired, and you CAN afford to rest, because you know when you’re rested you can just go back into that life, but for now you can just rest.
