#highlysensitive

Please note: NF = Intuitive Feeler in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or the “Idealists” in Keirsey’s typology system. NF personality types tend to overlap with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs).

Many NFs struggle to find their calling in life – and usually, for NF people they are searching for a calling, a life purpose. Generally NFs don’t just want a job, they want a meaningful career and vocational direction. Of course, for various reasons NFs may have to work at a job they don’t find particularly stimulating or rewarding. Some may work at a fairly mundane job to support their family, or to fund other creative, spiritual or community service pursuits. I have found NF people to be quite adaptable and are found in all kinds of different workplaces – not just the typical “recommended” careers for their type.

Of all the types, NFs have the most difficulty dealing with jobs and career choices, because the things which NFs at excel at are generally not all that profitable. NFs are typically most interested in and most skilled at various forms of creative arts, music, psychology, social justice, advocacy and community service work. Unfortunately these jobs are often less profitable than many other career paths, and the skills of NFs do not immediately lend themselves to make a great deal of money. This can lead to all sorts of problems, like the “starving artist” syndrome.

Nevertheless, many NFs do not aspire to be affluent, and do not find money or conventional forms of status to be terribly motivating. Yet it is a necessity of life, and it can be frustrating when you can’t find a job in the area that you are most passionate about. Personally, I have experienced conflicting feelings about making money from the vocational areas I’m interested in. Sometimes there is a sense of guilt, or a feeling that these things are too important to make them into a business. I get concerned that money may interfere with my motivation, or somehow detract from the real purpose.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that making money can be a positive thing, as long as it is done in an ethical way. Also, making a profit can be a really good thing, as it enables me to be more generous and give to others. As the successful artist and entrepreneur, Stephanie Rose Freeman says, money amplifies who you are. 

But I do think that dealing with the business side of things can make NFs uncomfortable, as many of these areas – for instance the music industry – are very profit-driven, and this conflicts with NF values in many cases. There is also a common frustration that our culture and society does not always value and is not always willing to pay for the things which NFs view as important and essential to life.

It does seem that the perceiving types have more difficulty making a decision about what to study or what career path to follow, compared to the judging types who are a bit more stable in their sense of direction. As an ENFP, I know that I change my mind a lot – and I’ve also noticed many INFPs do the same thing. I heard one middle-aged INFP lady proclaim, “I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up!” If you are wrestling with this and feel like you should know by now, then you are not alone. It’s not just a challenge for teenagers and young adults – people of all ages have trouble finding direction and knowing what they want to do with their life.

So what is the solution? I won’t claim to have any instant or simple answers to “finding your true calling”. Besides, the concept of “calling” will vary from person to person. For some people, it might mean a spiritual purpose or mission. For others it is more about a career or a particular area of study. Still others see their purpose and goals in life to be more about marriage, family and relationships. For most NFs, I think the idea of “calling” embraces all the above areas, but some people emphasise one aspect more than others.

I would like to share some tips, suggestions and ideas that I have found helpful. This is not professional advice, so feel free to take it or leave it! I have a keen interest in psychology and counselling, but I am by no means qualified. The only qualification I have is that I am an NF, and I’ve observed a many other NFs throughout my life.

Here are eight factors to consider:

One: Write down your dreams and goals, and be willing to brainstorm all kinds of ideas – even the ones that seem wild and wacky. Some people find it helpful to do something creative, such as making a collage of their “ideal life” or the things they are passionate about. Others may be inspired by images on Pinterest, which reflect their hopes and dreams for the future. I once made a slideshow of images which music, which reflected my desires for the future and my sense of identity.

Don’t just consider your long-term goals here, but consider what would your ideal day look like. What would you be doing? How would you spend your time? This can help you get more granular and gain clarity about what you would like to be doing on a day-to-day basis. For instance, you may love painting, but if you’re an extrovert then being isolated on your own in a studio may not be an optimal situation long-term.

Two: Remember there are different seasons of life, and in each season there may be a different focus. In one season of life, I may be focusing primarily on my studies. In another season, I may put more effort into my friendships and community involvement. There may be seasons of travel, searching and self-discovery. Many will go through seasons of investing in their marriage and children. Allow yourself to go through these seasons, and recognise that each one is valid – even if other people do not value them or think you are wasting your time.

Three: Some people make the idea of “calling” all about having your dream job or career. This can be wonderful, but don’t be limited if you are stuck in a mundane job right now. Is there some volunteering you can do which would be rewarding? What creative areas can you pursue in the mean time? Do you have a business idea you would like to explore on the side? Is there a course you could study part-time? Try to see your calling and purpose in a more holistic way, and embrace different ways of finding fulfillment.

Four: This one is particularly for the ENFPs and INFPs: cut yourself a bit of slack. Most NFPs take longer than others to really work out their true calling, purpose and mission in life. People may judge you as unstable, flighty or uncommitted – but don’t take it personally! Many people, especially SJ types, will not easily resonate with NF values. They may find it hard to see the connection between all the different jobs and areas of study you have engaged in, but you will see a common thread among them. Don’t internalise the judgements of other people, hard as it may be.

Five: I really like how Mike from NF Geeks describes NF “path finding” and his recommendations. Mike advises NF types to look for careers that embrace the values of ‘transformation’ and ‘transcendence’. (See link at the bottom of the page.) This can be found in many different types of work, but those principles are important to keep in mind when choosing a career direction or path of study. Also, don’t just consider the kind of job you prefer, but the type of lifestyle and relationships you want.

Six: Be open to different types of careers and various ways of gaining an income. Some people have a couple of part-time jobs, or run their own business on the side. Many NFs enjoy being an entrepreneur, as it gives them lots of scope for flexibility and creativity – as well as doing something more meaningful. For instance, I’m sure that many self-employed life coaches are NFs! I’ve been really inspired by Marianne Cantwell’s book ‘How to be a Free Range Human’ which explores various unconventional career paths.

Seven: Consider what gives you energy and what drains your energy. When do you feel excited, energised and inspired? What gets your juices flowing? Introverts may want to be careful of jobs that require too much extroversion, as they will often end up very drained at the end of the day and will not have much energy left for their friends and family. Extroverts may get too lonely and feel isolated working from home all the time. Personally, I’ve found jobs that require a great deal of attention to detail can be draining, as generally these are areas that Sensors excel at.

Eight: See if you can find people living lives that inspire you – preferably someone you know. Get to know them and ask them questions. Find out how they got into their particular vocation or career. You might even be able to find a mentor who can encourage you and give you wise advice. However, be careful of trying to emulate someone else who may have very different skills and talents from you. Remember to appreciate your own unique gifts and calling, rather than copying another person.

Further Resources:

Puttylike: A Home for Multipotentialites

NF Pathfinding Video by Dr Mike Boudria

150+ Art Careers – The Ultimate List

Live Your Legend: Change the World by Doing Work You Love

How to Be a Free Range Human by Marianne Cantwell

Misunderstanding others and not having a reliable working memory gives others a chance to take blows that can make it even more challenging for an nd person.

When I hear a criticism of one of my actions, whether its one I've been working on to change or something completely new I wasn't aware of, post-recieving criticism typically involves a great deal of consideration on my part.

•If I hadn't noticed it as a problem, It's typically worse for me,

•Is this something I need to worry about? Is this actually occurring or did someone misunderstand my action?

•How long have others been perceiving this about me?

•How much of a habit is this thing?

•Is this something I've received criticism on before?

•Have I been hurtful because of this?

•If I forget about keeping this in check in the future what might happen?

•I've found myself asking, Is this Gaslighting? Or Is this just me? Am I doing this to myself? (Which also feels like gaslighting)

Thoughts can spiral and I can end up painting myself in a negative light for not being aware of an issue. Having my perceptions of myself challenged is a huge struggle for me, but I feel like it's a normal part of growing alongside others.

I want to be able to acknowledge possible problems regarding myself but it's hard to not deep dive into trying to understand the problem. Because that's the only way I feel like I can actually avoid it.