#hersilentlanguage

Instead, have another ‘I’m Sorry Your Christmas Gift Isn’t Ready Yet’ gift!

Summary: Evie is hosting a Christmas party and demands that her castle be clean - including the people who live in it. It’s going to take a Christmas miracle for Evie, Mal and Carlos to give werewolf!Jay a bath.

---

“We should be hosing him down in the backyard.”

“That was our plan a couple of years ago, remember? He runs farther than the hose can reach.”

“Let’s get this over with then. Is the door reinforced?”

Mal mumbles and waggles her fingers at the doorway for a moment. “It is now.”

Jay, who has been watching them, begins to growl. He had been brought into the master bathroom when Evie had asked for his help with cleaning up for the party, her big brown eyes and fluttering lashes made it impossible for anyone to say no.

But the door had swung shut as soon as Evie pulled him in, revealing Mal and Carlos behind the door, the bathtub full of warm water and a row of scentless soaps and a plethora of towels.

“Oh, Jay.” Evie coos and wraps her arms around him. “It’s okay, I promise. We’ll make this quick.” She kisses his nose and his anxious features relax. “As fast as can be.”

“I’m not...I’m not taking...a bath.” He doesn’t pull away from Evie, but he does glare at the water as if it did something horrible already.

“Just keep using your words, dear. We’ll talk you through everything.” Evie tries to pull him to the tub, but he doesn’t move.

“You smell like garbage.” Mal tells him, much less sing-songy than Evie’s voice. “You can’t smell like that at the party tomorrow.” She grabs Jay’s other hand and begins to tug him along.

Jay refuses to budge. “No bath.”

Carlos pops up behind him and digs his fingers into Jay’s side, tickling his ribs and make Jay squirm. “Come on, it’ll be so fast. There’s no smells in any of the stuff. We’ll soap you up, shampoo you, rinse you and we’ll be done.”

Between the three of them, they have moved the werewolf a whooping six inches closer to the tub.

“Why is our - ugh - bathroom so - agh - damn big?” Mal grunts as she yanks on Jay’s arm.

“Not. The. Time.” Evie’s feet are nearly sliding on the floor as she throws all her weight toward the bath.

“Jay!” Carlos shoves at his back and nudges him a few more inches forward. “Seriously!”

As they near the tub, Jay growls and doesn’t respond to their words.

“We’re officially,” Mal stops to pant, “non-verbal. I think.”

“Good.” Evie wipes at the sweat forming on her face. She’ll be showering closer to the party itself. “Less attitude to deal with.”

“That’s funny coming from a succubus.” Carlos would stick his tongue out at Evie, but he’s already tired and it’s only been a few minutes. He rests his head against Jay’s trembling back. “I think I’m just going to tackle him into the tub.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” Mal asks.

“I think all of this is a bad idea.” Carlos gestures around to the room, and probably outside of it, as he was not keen on the idea of hosting any party at all, but saying no to Evie is never really an option. “But my bad idea will help this bad idea be over with faster.”

The tub is large and deep, a major requirement when Evie was still castle shopping. She needs a place to soak in her bubble baths and bath salts and essential oils. She also needs a place to bathe a very uncooperative werewolf, but she hadn’t mentioned that part to the realtor.

“They’ll be quick, they’ll be fast,

Cushion their fall with a splash.”

Mal chants as she holds one arm and Evie holds the other, effectively securing Jay in place for just a moment as Carlos dashes forward into Jay’s back and sends them both careening into the tub.

Jay howls as he falls forward into the water, Carlos falling in with him. The water is still warm and Mal’s spell saves any injury, but the shock of water and wet clothes keeps it from being a pleasant trip.

“Move, move, move!” Evie rushes forward with Mal, dropping to their knees by the tub. She specifically told Jay to wear old clothes he didn’t care about because they would ‘get messy and sweaty with all the cleaning’ before the party. (The logic was only halfway there, but she had kissed Jay in gratitude, so he didn’t question her.) Evie picks up the scissors she had stashed behind the toilet and makes quick work of ridding Jay of his old shirt.

Mal squirts shampoo into her hands and tries to lather it into Jay’s hair, but he thrashes. Carlos is still clinging to his back, preventing Jay from grabbing onto the sides of the tub to stand, and offering what distractions he can, like stroking Jay’s neck and peppering his shoulder with kisses.

“Stay still, damnit!” Mal snaps as she leans over the tub to reach Jay. She is soaked already, the splash of the boys falling into the tub had gotten everywhere, but she also had made sure to wear clothes she didn’t care about - an old Auradon Prep t-shirt and some baggy shorts she often wore while painting - because Jay’s claws tended to make an appearance during times like these. Mal scrubs the shampoo into his scalp, ignoring the way Jay flashes his teeth at her. She knows him well enough to call him on his bluff.

(And because Jay knows if he bites her, she will bite right back.)

“You’re doing such a good job!” Carlos squeezes Jay’s shoulders. He is no match for Jay’s strength, but he clings to his shoulders and lessens how much Jay can fight this. “Good boy, Jay!”

The praise is lost as Jay continues to growl and flail in the water.

“Did he get this feral last time we gave him a bath?” Evie asks as she begins to work on cutting through Jay’s pants. He’s writhing too much for her to want to hold anything sharp near him, so she makes a fast cut at his waistline and rips the rest of the way down with her hands.

“The last couple of times,” Mal grunts as Jay makes a half-hearted attempt to bite at her hands, “we just took him swimming in the enchanted lake.”

“That’s it?”

“Well, I’ve been - don’t even fucking think about biting me - using some cleaning spells on him too.”

“So when’s the last time he got a real bath?”

Mal freezes in thought, as do Carlos and Evie. The only sound is Jay’s growling from deep in his throat.

“Fuck, before the summer, at least.” Mal offers.

“Maybe late May?” Carlos furrows his brow in thought.

Evie looks nearly sick. “And we’ve been sharing a bed with someone who hasn’t bathed in months?”

“He cleans himself in wolf form!” Mal argues as she leans toward Jay to finish up his hair. He dodges her hands and snarls a few times before Mal sighs and yells “fuck it” and gracelessly joins him and Carlos in the tub. “Hold him,” she instructs Carlos as she stands in the water, so small that she hardly towers over Jay even as he sits, and scrubs the shampoo into his hair with a new vigor.

“Hold on!” Carlos grunts. “He’s tensing, he’s about to sha-!”

Jay whips his hair wildly, his whole body vibrating as he shakes in Carlos’ grasp. Water and suds and shampoo bubbles are sent flying into the already disastrous bathroom. Carlos hides his face in Jay’s back, shaking with Jay, and Mal shields her face and groans as her t-shirt is further soaked.

Evie, however, yelps loudly and turns her face away. “Shit! Ow!”

Mal lowers her arms. “E?”

“Damnit, shampoo!” She goes to wipe at her face, but her hands are covered in soapy water from cutting Jay’s pants off. “Towel, please!”

Mal awkwardly shuffles out of the tub, slipping on the wet floor, and reaches for a towel and shoves it into Evie’s flailing hands. “Shampoo in your eyes? Are you okay?”

Whatever Evie’s response was, it is cut off by Jay’s vicious snarl as he lunges for the shampoo bottle on the edge of the tub. Carlos is dragged along with him, helplessly trying to keep Jay still, as Jay snatches the bottle in his mouth and shakes it like he could kill it.

“Don’t eat the shampoo!” Carlos shouts as he tries to wrench it out of Jay’s mouth unsuccessfully.

Mal hops back into the tub, also trying to pry the bottle from Jay. “Bad boy!” She yells and tries not to slip in the tub as she wrestles the shampoo from Jay, Carlos helping by digging his fingers into Jay’s jaw and loosening the grip he has. With one hard yank, Mal rips the bottle from his mouth.

Jay makes a noise that isn’t quite human, but isn’t quite feral, and licks the roof of his mouth several times and snarls.

“You punctured the bottle, dumbass!” Mal inspects the little holes at the bottom. “How does it taste? It looks like it tastes like shit.”

Jay growls at the bottle in Mal’s hands, still trying to get the taste of shampoo off his tongue. He’s still now, entirely focused on the evil bottle, no longer fighting Carlos or trying to free himself.

Evie, with red and watery eyes, sets her towel down. “My big, scary protector.” She murmurs, voice cracking. It had stung more than she thought. “You really showed that shampoo who’s in charge, didn’t you?” She reaches for Jay’s shoulder and smiles at him.

Jay turns away from the bottle and to Evie, his growling now silent and his eyes are big and sad. He whines and nuzzles into Evie’s hand.

“No more shaking, okay? Let us finish this.”

He doesn’t agree, the English language lost on him at this time, but he doesn’t move as Mal finishes shampooing his hair and turns on the faucet to get clean water to dump on his head. She is slow and gentle as she moves, an attitude she’s grown more accustomed to in Auradon, making sure to tilt Jay’s head back and shield his eyes.

Carlos loosens his hold on Jay, still sitting close behind him, and hands Evie the scentless body wash. “You’re being very good right now,” Carlos tells him, “a great wolf. You’re even being better than Dude right now.” He kisses Jay’s temple.

Jay’s new good behavior isn’t perfect. He only lets Mal rinse his hair a few times before beginning to growl again and Mal decides that her work is good enough. Whatever shampoo is left in their will dry eventually, right? She got most of it anyway.

Evie makes quick work of his shoulders and back, and Jay only fights her a little bit on lifting his arms and letting her scrub him.

They all know if they allow Jay to stand so they can clean his legs, he’ll just try to escape, so Mal takes a washcloth and scrubs his calves and thigh and feet. “I don’t get paid enough for this.” She grumbles.

“You’re getting paid in the chocolate dipped strawberries I got for the party.”

“Oh... I didn’t know we were saving those for the party.”

“Mal!”

“Shhhh,” Carlos shushes them and Jay, who is growing impatient again. “We’re almost done, right?” He scratches behind Jay’s ears. “Is there anything else?”

“I want to do a leave-in conditioner.” Evie eyes the split ends of Jay’s ear with irritation, “but...I think we can let him out of the tub.”

Jay doesn’t wait for anything more, jumping out of Carlos’ grip and diving over the side of the tub. He lands in a mess of limbs and water and unruly hair and snaps his teeth as a warning before shaking again.

Mal, Carlos and Evie all cover their faces this time as Jay continues to shake. Nothing in the bathroom is dry, not the walls or the mirror or the mountain of towels laid out.

Carlos unplugs the drain and lets the water rush out and Evie gives him a hand as he steps out of the tub, Mal following him.

“Are any of those towels salvageable?” Mal asks. “Do we even bother drying him off?”

Jay whines and scratches at the door, still not back to his level-headed self. Well, as level-headed as Jay ever is.

Evie sighs. “No, we still have to clean anyway.” She marches over to Jay, only slipping a few times. She puts a hand on his head and forces him to look at her. “You stay off my furniture until you’re dry, got it?”

Jay blinks at her.

“Good enough.” Evie unlocks the door and opens it and Jay runs down the hallway, still naked and wet and wild.

“Let’s all...take a rest before we clean everything up.” Carlos looks at them with tired eyes and the girls agree.

“Did we lock the doors to the outside?” Evie asks quickly.

Carlos and Mal look at each other, then at Evie.

“Jay!”

---

Thankfully, Jay in this state of mind can hardly figure out door handles, let alone locks. They find him pacing by the front door, eyeing the outdoors through the window.

“No rolling in dirt for at least a week!” Evie scolds him. They are wet footprints all down the halls and kitchen and foyer, but she doesn’t care at this point. They’re out of the bathroom and Jay is starting to lose that wild look in his eyes. “Come sit in the living room, let me brush your hair.”

Jay refuses to leave the window for several minutes. As his breathing evens out and he stops pacing, his words come back in spurts.

“You guys...suck.”

“And you smelt like you rolled in dog shit.” Mal fires back. She has stripped of her wet clothing and opted for a dry bathrobe, purple of course, with horns on the hood. “Now you smell just as bad as every other dude on the planet.”

“I don’t smell!” Carlos panics and sniffs his shirt, which smells like wet dog, and he blanches.

“No, C. You are the exception.” Evie pats his shoulder sweetly. “Come on, Jay. Let’s go do your hair.”

Jay allows Evie to pull him away from the window, whining at his chance of freedom. They all pile onto the carpet in the living room, where their Christmas tree sits in the corner. Evie had wanted a giant one, as tall as the ceiling, to decorate with tinsel and ornaments and candy canes, but Carlos had shyly picked out a smaller tree, with some branches missing and some naked spots, and said Evie could make anything beautiful. She had accepted the challenge and now their tree, no taller than Mal or Carlos, has a elegant skirt at the bottom and bright lights on the branches and star crafted by Mal herself at the top.

The four of them sit down on the towels placed out in preparation. Evie picks up her brush and settles behind Jay. She had even thought ahead to grab the conditioner she wanted to use on him, also scentless. She massages it into Jay’s scalp and he groans. “Such a pretty boy,” Evie tells him. “All clean and handsome. You’re going to look fantastic tomorrow.”

Carlos sits in front of Jay and rubs their faces together. It’s not an action that means anything to him, but Jay likes to nuzzle them, to scent them. “You did very good.”

“No, he didn’t. He did terrible.” Mal scoffs, but sits next to Jay. “But we love you anyway.”

“I didn’t smell that bad.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You really did.”

“It was pretty bad.”

Jay scoffs. “Whatever, you guys just don’t appreciate musk.”

Evie begins to brush his hair, evenly distributing the conditioner. “Well, it’s all behind us now. We can dry the castle and focus on cleaning and then we can all snuggle tonight.”

“Wait, is that why you guys haven’t let me spoon you?” Jay turns his head to look at Evie. “Because I stunk?”

“I mean...yeah.” Mal tells him with a shrug. “But now you don’t stink, so now we can sleep like normal.”

“Oh.” Jay is silent for a moment, like he might be offended. “Okay.”

“And tomorrow, we’ll have all of the new Isle kids and some Auradon friends over and tons of food and presents for everyone.” Evie pulls Jay’s hair back. “It’s going to be the best Christmas party ever.”

“And we’ll get more chocolate covered strawberries.”

“I will get more chocolate covered strawberries and hide them from you.” Evie points her brush at Mal.

“And we can all take a picture in front of the Christmas tree in our outfits.” Carlos tells them proudly. He and Evie have been working on their clothes for weeks. “And we’ll all look great and we’ll have a great picture and a great party to remember it by.”

“And I’m going to get an extra present for the bullshit I had to put up with.” Jay tells them all, shivering as Evie pulls his hair back into a loose braid.

“Yeah, right.” Mal rolls hey eyes. “Us going through that bullshit to make you look presentable was our Christmas gift to you.” She flicks Jay’s nose and he playfulls bites at her fingers. “You do look very handsome already.” Mal tells him after studying his face solemnly.

Jay sits up straighter and preens.

“Gorgeous.” Carlos nods.

“Perfect!” Evie tells him and hugs him from behind. “Now let’s work on getting you dressed and setting up. We have a party to throw!”

---

This ended up being waaaaay fluffier than I expected!

@hersilentlanguage you bring so much positivity and light into the fandom, I hope this gift shows how much I (and so many others) appreciate you!

Shut uuuuup why are you so cute?? As if I could love you anymore and then you do cute shit like this and make me anyway 💞

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Ugh, Harry/Jay. 100% with my whole heart. They just don't sit right with me. It's like a good twin/evil twin hooking up with each other, if that makes sense? They're too much alike that it makes it weird. I can't even handle them as exes. They're just antagonists to each other, and not in a flirty/sexy way. They give me the icks together 🤢

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Jaylos/Malvie always, but I answered that for @moorsgrimhilde so I'll add a few new ones here. Platonic: Carvie are the most precious babies ever together, so I obviously love them. Romantic: The Core Four. Their dynamic together is unbeatable.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

I still say Jal for this one. I love how well they play off of each other with their tough exteriors and soft, gooey insides. They care about and want to protect each other but go to hell and back trying to hide it from the other. And their banter is so fun to write. I love them.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

There's no one I really hate, per se, but I'm pretty meh about Chad. I have to say though, he was a great physical comedian in the movie, with his actions and facial expressions, so he's very entertaining to throw into fics just to torment. There's something about messing with Chad that's just too fun to ignore.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I was just listening to Matilda by Harry Styles, and I've never actually thought about this before, but it's very accurate in describing the Core Four. You can't blame them for leaving and growing up, and for them creating their own family that always shows them love. They left their family and found love with each other. And now I'll think of that every time I listen to it 😿💖

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

I'll forever believe that Mal loves little self-pampering beauty activities like painting her nails and styling her hair, but she hides behind the idea that she does it for Evie. So of course she ALWAYS suggests it when Evie needs cheering up. And Evie eventually catches on and begs Mal regularly to have spa nights in their room, to which Mal *reluctantly* agrees to every. single. time. 😉

Hello Sparrow!!! <3 This week so far has been interesting lol I hope yours is going well!! DREAM HOTELS MATCHABLOSSOM SONG IS SO GOOD SHDHJSJSJS I LOVE IT SO MUCH

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

if darlings are characters, not really? i usually write happy endings and those are pretty contingent on little to no dying.

if darlings are sentences/paragraphs/dialogue that i really, really like? absolutely. i have rewritten so many things just because the plot didn't work like i wanted it to. so many beautiful turns of phrase lost to the backspace key... and no graveyard, so they're just lost forever, i'm afraid (and if you can't tell, i do grieve. lots)

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

oh boy. picture this: summer of 2020, first year of the pandemic. i'm sitting at home bored out of my mind. i open ff.net and read my first fanfiction. i write some stuff. i get tired of ff.net and go to ao3. i write more stuff. i publish the stuff.

and thus, a writer is born.

no but really, the reason i started writing was because i was bored and i had inspiration about the stories i wanted to tell in the fandom i wanted to tell it to with the characters i wanted to tell it about. it's been frustrating at times—writer's block is very, very real and happens too frequently for my liking—but i think where my writing is right now is already so much better than it was two years ago because i had to figure out how to get past that mental block. hopefully where i'm going is to longer and longers fics (no hate to short fics, but i love longfic) that other people find interesting and like to read!

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

it really depends on the story. anything that doesn't need to be fleshed out, virtually nothing; anything that requires me to understand how the larger world works (usually the bigger the fic, the more i need to plan), the prep work is meticulous. i'm talking outlines, timelines, schedules for each day, birthdays, days of the week, location trackers, historical accuracy research, pretty much everything so i can avoid having even the smallest plot holes. it's very fun but also time-consuming, so i only do it for the projects i really, really care about.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

i don't think i'm ever out of a character's head ALJFLSDJFLSDJSL. it's more like i push them to the back of my mind so i can focus on real life problems, but they're always there if i find myself with enough spare time to daydream. i don't really regret going in there because that's how i understand them enough to write the story properly, so whatever happens in there, it's all for the greater good.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

man, that's the question, isn't it?

a lot of the time it's spite, which i know sounds like a terrible way to function, but i only use it to give myself a jumpstart of sorts so i can get to writiing again. also a lot of the time it's the knowledge that only i can tell this story the way i want it to be told, so if i don't write it then no one will.

@hersilentlanguage Thank you!!!

First off, Carlos coming home with visible injuries is unsettling for Mal. She's used to Carlos being injured. On the Isle, Mal could count the number of times she encountered him without an injury on one hand and still have a finger (the middle one, of course) left over. the injuries were hidden, though. A slight limp that he masked by sitting most of the day, or a wrist held protectively at his side. Scanning Carlos for these hidden injuries was actually the first thing Mal did when she saw him; it became so second nature to her, she didn't even think about it. (This habit continues in Auradon, but there are fewer things to find.) She says nothing about these hidden injuries, though she catalogs them in her mind and recites her revenge list each night like a prayer.

So when Carlos shows up with a visible injury, Mal actually loses her composure a little. "What the hell happened?" is usually the first thing out of her mouth as she marches over to him, forgoes all sense of personal space, and gently but forcefully inspects the injury. (She always does this - if it's his arm, she grabs it; if it's his face, she holds it. She needs to be close to him in those moments, or she panics. The first time, he didn't know how to react, so he just stood there, frozen, but now he understands and he lets her.)

Carlos is just as cruel as Cruella, maybe even crueler. When he steps out of his abusive mother's shadow, what will Carlos create? And how will he prove himself worthy of being saved/rehabilitated?

send me a character and i’ll answer with the below!

also for @hersilentlanguage​ <3

first impression: it was something like, good dancer, funny scenes, i could already tell that he’s the character who fandom tends to be all “aww he’s my pure soft cinnamon roll :((” about and i was right. MISCHIEVOUS. and again FUNNY although to be fair the entirety of d1 is hilarious. good aesthetic and color scheme

impression now: like the rest of the rotten four he grew a looooot on me (i’ve probably mentioned this before but the sea three were actually my instantly-fall-in-love characters for descendants so even though i mostly talk abt the core four now i still have a big soft spot for sea3.) back to carlos I LOVE HIM DEARLY he’s caring and blunt and determined and judgmental and soft and smart and uncertain and mean and funny he’s so funny. i love that he’s into stem and i love that he loves dogs and i love that he loves chocolate and think he deserves THE WORLD even though he probably wouldn’t really want it he’d just want to be at home poking at his latest contraption gadget building project he’s working on so instead i will simply think about jay or mal or evie giving him little metal parts or jewelry or handmade clothing or kisses bc i love him and them

favorite moment: to list just a few: the part when he plops down on the lawn and is like come on!! sit down!! sit Dooown. and then immediately goes :I ok now what. WHATEVER was going on in ways to be wicked i’ve said this before but i support everything and anything that wtbw!carlos does. his entire thing there was just. off the charts insane amazing incredible. d1 museum scene “you’re welcome 🙄” and NUMBER ONE FAVORITE MOMENTS are his judgment faces. holy shit.

idea for a story: he builds a booby trap for the gang’s hideout while everybody is out, but he doesn’t tell the others because this is just another one of his many new side projects. cue one of the core four coming home earlier than expected and obliviously walking straight into the partly-finished booby trap and setting it off and probably having a near-death experience, however the trap does not work as expected because carlos had messed up a little. the person who nearly died is like WTF (not because it was a near death experience bc there are plenty of those to go around on the isle, wtf because the hideout is supposed to be a safe spot so this is totally unexpected). carlos is like omfg you almost died that was NOT supposed to happen im sorry and also a omg thanks for walking into the trap!!! that was rly helpful, now i know where there’s a problem in it so i can fix it! and there’s a in-hindsight LMAOOOO did you see the LOOK ON YOUR FACEEEEEE element to it. whats the point of writing a carlos fic where he isnt at least a little mean.. at least a little taste of it

unpopular opinion: carlos is a nerd but he doesn’t follow rules when he doesn’t care for them and the pros of breaking the rules outweighs the cons, meaning he doesn’t do his homework when he thinks it’s stupid and a useless waste of his time because he’ll rather work on his own actually useful projects. *insert [carlos never does his homework in one class because the teacher only assigns busywork but then he turned in his 100% correct extra credit assignment because the teacher had actually made the extra credit difficult and interesting] situation*. also he’s not an all-rounder the way evie is.. he doesn’t have much lasting interest in like. the humanities.

also carlos is equal parts soft and mean! i stand by this! sometimes i feel like interpretations of him lean too much one way or another but he is both! just because his arc is about overcoming his fears doesnt mean he’s not mean himself and just because he’s a vk and not an ak doesn’t mean that he can’t be soft. (also the way he treats chad vs the way he treats jane in scenes that are literally back to back in d2 is objectively hilarious it KILLS me. wonderful stuff)

favorite relationship: rotten four!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!!