#halstead!reader

You were sandwiched between both of your brothers on the couch, watching the game with dinner on your lap. You were tucked under a blanket with fluffy socks and comfy PJ pants on. Jay and Will were focused entirely on the hockey game on the TV. You were chewing on a piece of garlic bread when Jay and Will started cheering at the screen.

You felt like your soul left your body from the fright. You should have been expecting them to start cheering, but you were too engrossed in your garlic bread to realize. You started to chuckle, trying to clear your throat of the garlic bread that had lodged there when you had gasped from the shock.

Will and Jay didn't seem to notice, you were always kind of jumpy. Especially when they started cheering loudly for their team. You coughed a few more times, only succeeding in getting the bread stuck in your throat more. You started to panic, now the bread was choking you fully, blocking the air you kept gasping for.

You coughed a few more times, grabbing Wills forearm and clenching tightly.

"You okay?" Will asked, giving you a few hard pats on the back.

You shook your head, grabbing your chest as your throat started to burn.

"Y/N?" Jay asked, turning his full attention to you and trying to sooth you with a hand on your back.

You were sure the world was moving slowly, the last few seconds were dragging so excruciating slow. Will started to get more worried when you stopped coughing, not gasping at all. He quickly got to his feet, pulling you up off the couch and trying to dislodge the bread with the heimlich. In the process you were sure he moved all of your organs but it was a fleeting thought that flashed through your oxygen deprived mind.

"Will, it's not working," Jay said, standing in front of you with a terrified look.

"I know, Jay," Will said back, just as panicked, "I know."

By now, you were sure thing were slowing down. In the corner of your eyes you could see the hockey game continuing, but it was like the the player were moving at half the speed they normally did. The sounds of the room started the echo and distort, your brain fighting your lungs for oxygen and not able to win.

Eventually, Wil gave up on the heimlich. Feeling you grow more and more limp in his arms. His brain was clouded with his own panic, he had to fight himself to help you and not freeze in terror. He lay you down on the ground, watching your face that was filled with panic.

He pressed two fingers to your neck, feeling your racing pulse beneath his fingertips.

"Jay," Will called, "I need you to get me a knife and a pen."

Jay hesitated, "A pen-?"

"Yes!" Will shouted back, "Just do it!"

Jay rushed out of the room. WIll could hear him frantically opening drawers and rummaging through them. Moments later he came back with the knife and pen, shoving the knife towards Will and waiting for his further instructions.

Jay had seen enough things on the job to know what was coming next. He watched you pass out, completely limp on the floor at his knees. Will ordered him to unscrew the pen, then get on the phone with 911 and get an ambulance there straight away.

Jay did what he was told, watching as Will cranked his little sister with the little supplies he had on hand. When Will had finished his makeshift crank, he breathed a few breathes into the pen to try prompt your body to breathe for itself.

What felt like an entirenity later there was a loud knock on the door. Jay raced to the door to let the two paramedics in.

"Dr Halstead?" Brett asked, shocked to see him hovering over his little sisters limp body.

Will started to rattle off what had happened, but he stumbled over his words unable to fully explain. He worked in a high pressure environment every day but now he was struggling to get the words out to help his own sister. Brett and Violet weren't at all fazed, just immediately started working. Jay and Will helped them transfer you to the stretcher then the ambulance.

Will climbed into the back, vaguely registering Jay say he would follow in his truck. Will's mind was racing, he wasn't sure exactly how long it took before he could get you oxygen again. It felt like forever, but it couldn't have been more than 4 minutes. What if it was 5? Will knew the likelihood of a hypoxic brain injury increased significantly after 3 minutes, he had no idea how this would turn out.

The drive to Med felt even slower, Will fumbled with his phone to call ahead to Maggie, knowing she would have things prepared.

"Hey Will," Maggie answered, the sounds of the ED almost overpowering her voice.

"Maggie," Will's voice broke, "i- uh"

Will had to pause, compose himself.

"I'm on the way with Y/n, she- uh, she choked. I need abrams," Will stuttered.

Maggie was silent on the other end for a few seconds, "How far out are you?"

Will relayed the question to Brett in the front, who called back, "4 minutes!"

"We'll be ready, Will," Maggie said.

Jay hadn't left your bedside the whole night. After getting you to med, Dr Abrams had completed a neurological exam that had given Jay a sickening sense of Deja Vu. It felt so much like what they had gone through with your dad. You had only been 6 when he had died, you knew nothing about what was happening. Jay and Will had to try and shelter you from it all. But now Jay had the same sinking feeling.

The only thing that was keeping him sane was the way Dr Abrams had said your results were promising.

Will came and stayed for a few hours, before an emergency had Ms Goodwin asking for his help in the ED. It didn't bother Jay, he knew Will was just outside the doors should he need him.

It was almost 3 in the morning when the monitors started beeping in a strange symphony. Jay looked over at the array of screens, but he knew nothing about what was going on. He got up quickly, pulling open the door and calling for Maggie.

Maggie took one look and sent over Dr Archer, ordering himaroudn while she paged Abrams.

Dr Archer took one look at the screens and declared, "She's overbreathing the vent."

He headed to the screen nearby, punching in some numbers or whatever he needed to do. Jay was more focused on you and how you were. He only looked up when Will came bounding into the room followed by Dr Abrams.

They conversed and decided on trialing taking you off the ventilator, knowing there would be a risk but ultimately it was worth it. Extubation went well, Dr Archer sutured the hastily cut crank and promised to check in later. Abrams had hovered as well, he mentioned something about a test but that he would have to transfer you to the neuro floor to run it.

Jay nodded along but understood little of what was being said. Will handled the doctor talk, just gently guiding Jay about what was happening once everyone had left the room.

Will stood at the end of the bed, "Doesn't this give you Deja Vu?"

Jay looked from your peaceful face and then to Will, "I can't do this again, Will. I can't."

Will nodded, he walked around the bed and pressed a hand to your forehead, smoothing back your hair from your face, "I won't let it."

When you finally came round your brothers had to use every ounce self control not to pull you into the tightest hug.

You smiled and gave a little finger wave, but were too exhausted to do much else. Jay pressed a kiss to your forehead, muttering about being relieved that you were okay. You let out a quiet reply but couldn't muster much of an answer.

Will did pull you into a gentle hug, holding you close but being careful not to squash you. He pulled away with a big grin, you could see the relief in his eyes.

Will relayed information to you about how Dr Abrams wanted to observe you overnight on the Neuro floor but that hopefully you would be able to. gohome soon after. You were much too exhausted to complain or argue, just nodding along and letting them transfer you upstairs.

Jay refused to leave your side, he stayed right beside you for as long as he could. You had gone back to sleep after being transferred and Jay hovered the whole time holding your hand or stroking your hair off your face.

Will came in at 5 am with coffees, dressed for his upcoming shift.

"How is she?" He asked, handing his brother the coffee.

Jay sighed, "Tired but okay I think."

Will nodded, taking a seat opposite Jay and looking over you, "She'll be okay."

Jay could only nod.

Your brothers watched you sleep for a few more moments before Dr Abrams came in and interrupted the peace.

"Dr Halstead," Dr Abrams started. It woke you up with a fright, the sudden noise clearing the drowsiness from your brain.

"Hey, hey," Will grabbed your hand and cradled your cheek with his other hand, "It's okay. Take it easy."

Will smiled as you relaxed again, sucking in a deep breath.

You let out a small yawn, "Sorry, i just... got..."

Will frowned as you paused in the middle of your sentence, staring off into space instead of looking at him like you were before.

"Y/N?" he said, trying to draw your attention back to him.

After a few seconds you blinked a few times, looking back at your brother and frowning, "What?"

Will looked startled, he looked from you to Dr Abrams, who looked just as surprised as Will.

Abrams came around the bed and stood at your side, "Y/N, can you tell me what just happened?"

You just looked at him with a frown.

Abrams gestured for Will to follow him out of the room, "I think what we just witnessed was an absence seizure."

Will scrubbed a hand down his face, "So what do we do?"

"We do an EEG, hope that it's a temporary symptom of the Anoxic Injury."

"But you don't think it's temporary do you," Will pressed. He worked with Abrams enough to know his bad news face.

"I don't," Abrams confirmed, "I've had patients who have TBI's have epileptic seizures."

Will couldn't form words, unable to even respond to Dr Abrams.

Before you knew it, Jay was right in front of you, pulling you into his arms and lifting you off the ground as if you were a small child once again yet you couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of you. A genuine laugh that you felt hadn’t left your lips in months.

“What are you doing here?” 

You gave him a look. “Seriously? We’re doing this out here? With my luggage?”

Jay smiled. “Give it here.” He took your carrier before he opened his door, pushing it open with his foot so you could step into his apartment.

Jay’s apartment was almost like how you remembered it, as if almost no time had passed since you’d gone off to study and decided to stay in Europe for some experience. You knew your brothers would have preferred for you to at least return to America but they also agreed that you needed to do what you felt was right. 

But it really was nice to be home. 

“Does Will know you’re back?” Jay asked, handing you a glass of water. When you didn’t answer immediately, he narrowed his eyes. “You went to his place first, didn’t you?”

You let out a small guilty laugh at his accusatory tone and shrugged. “I figured he was the one with more regulated hours. But I couldn’t find a Halstead there. He moved?”

Jay nodded. “Yeah, you know things happen.” 

You nodded absentmindedly. “At least you didn’t.”

“That’s kind of the reason I didn’t.” Jay said with a smile.

You looked up. “What if our baby sister couldn’t find either of us?”

“I’m not a baby.” You shot back.

Jay let out a chortle. “You will always be a baby.” He teased gently.

You didn’t let on the exact reason why you were back and although Jay knew something was a little off, he didn’t push. Instead, he called Will, with a vague phone call so that you could surprise your oldest brother as well.

“Jay, I’m coming in!” Will said, his strained voice from the other side of the door telling you that he was a little worried.

The door opened, Will freezing in the door frame for a second before a look of surprise with a happy smile. “Y/N!”

You allowed the oldest Halstead to give you a tight hug, enveloping you in his arms and you felt another wave of security as well as ease wash over you, reaffirming your decision to come home.

Jay ordered in, so the three of you could spend some quiet time together, Jay’s apartment resounding with laughter like it usually did when the three of you were together.

“How long are you back for?” Will asked, taking a sip of beer.

You shrugged. “I might be staying.”

You didn’t miss the sparkle of hope in both their eyes as they glanced at each other.

“I mean if I can crash here.” You said, a slightly cheeky tone slipping into your voice. 

Jay rolled his eyes. “You can have the whole freaking apartment if you want.”

You laughed. “Yeah, I just… well I missed you and I thought it was time. But I came here with no plan so you’ll have to feed me until I find a job.”

Will smiled. “I think the ED has a spot.” 

You raised an eyebrow. “As long as you promise to not breathe down my neck.”

You’d taken the job.

There’d been a bit of a turnover lately and Maggie needed an experienced nurse, which was just as well. You were sure being a Halstead also helped.

“Remember what you promised me.” You said through gritted teeth on your first day.

But working at Med had turned out much better than you’d expected. Other than the fact that Will had kept his promise and tried his best to keep out of your way, the people you worked with were really great. Even the paramedics and firefighters that came in were a hoot, and you’d quickly become friendly with almost everyone. 

So things seemed really good.

Until it started up again.

It had seemed mostly innocent enough, getting a few missed calls from unknown numbers while you were on shift. You’d barely put any thought into it, letting the phone ring as you moved quickly through the ED, from room to room, just another day in the ED.

The mistake you made was picking up one day after your shift.

“Hello?”

When you were met with silence, you paused and repeated the greeting. “Hello?”

Now, there was a slight crackling. You frowned, pulling your phone away from your ear to make sure the call was still connected, before you took a quick screenshot and tried one more time. When there was no response still, you disconnected the call, slipping your phone back into your pocket.

You didn’t give the call much thought, especially since there were plenty of scam calls going around and you figured this was just one of those calls. 

But the calls didn’t stop and you’d even asked Jay if there was anything that could be done but the numbers kept changing and based on what Jay could do at this point of time, considering there was no apparent threat, it didn’t lead to anything much.

Of course, you’d kept the frequency of the calls from Jay, which was why he wasn’t as worried as he probably should have been. You’d even kept the weird “I see you” texts from Jay since you figured it was probably some prank or a wrong number.

It only hit you one day when you were heading out of Med, alongside Will, when you thought you saw a familiar figure standing a distance away.

Your head whipped around and you felt that familiar feeling of dread, a feeling you hadn’t felt for months since you’d been back in Chicago, surrounded by friends and your brothers. 

“Y/N?” 

Will looked slightly concerned as he glanced over your head from where he towered over you, trying to see what had caused your reaction. 

You looked back at him, before glancing over your shoulder again, where there was no one. 

Maybe you were just imagining things. Maybe it was just one of those empty deja vu feelings. 

You shook your head at Will with a smile. “I just thought I saw…”

Will looked like he was waiting for you to finish your sentence but you shook your head with a smile. “Come on, let’s go. Jay’s gonna complain if we’re late again.”

Will looked slightly unconvinced but smiled. “I bet he’s not even there yet.”

You didn’t respond, pulling your brother to his car, once again unaware of the pair of eyes that were watching you from afar.

Jay glanced up at the clock with a sigh. The bullpen was already empty and he’d wanted to be home slightly earlier today so he could have a meal with you. But looking at the time, you’d probably be at least half asleep by the time he got home. 

His phone buzzed just as he pushed his chair back, stretching as he did. With a small smile, he leaned over to answer the call on speaker, sure you were just going to whine over the phone about him being late and probably asking for some late night snack.

“I’m leaving, I swear. What can I get you?” Jay spoke with an amused smile, grabbing his jacket.

But the words that bounced back at him made him freeze in his tracks.

“What are you doing here?”

Your voice shook slightly with an emotion that sounded a lot like fear. 

Jay frowned, quickly shrugging on his jacket, grabbing his phone and rushing down the steps. He couldn’t hear much of what the other person was saying, so he just pushed himself faster, speeding past the front desk his phone still pressed against his ear, barely hearing Trudy’s “Where’s the fire, Halstead?” comment before he was out the doors.

What was at most a 15 minute drive felt like forever, as Jay sped through the streets, finally pulling up outside his apartment building, not even bothering to wait for the elevator.

The door to his apartment wasn’t even shut properly, the door merely resting on the frame. Jay pulled his gun out as he’d done so many times at other places, except that he could feel the bad feeling turn his stomach over.

Jay nudged the door open with his foot, pulling his focus forward and using trained eyes to glance around his apartment. 

Stuff was strewn all over the floor, pieces of broken glass from a shattered cup, leaflets spread across the floor. He knew what he was seeing - a struggle. Most definitely.

“Y/N?” He called, even though he knew it was useless. This wasn’t a random robbery or attack. You’d known the person who’d come in. You had been the target. 

Even so, Jay cleared each and every corner and room, before he called Will to get him to come over before he called Voight.

It was only after he’d finished calling everyone he needed to call that the information he’d already known finally clicked into place, settling into a dark place in his chest. 

Someone had taken you.

Jay could hear people talking but he wasn’t processing anything, his mind trying to sift through the few months since you’d been back, trying to figure out what it was that he’d missed or what you hadn’t told them. 

“Jay.”

Kim touched his elbow gently and he glanced up now, realizing he was supposed to provide some sort of response. 

“What?”

Kim exhaled gently before she repeated herself. “Adam’s taking Will’s statement. I’ll try to make this quick, alright?”

“I’m working this.” Jay responded, looking Kim straight in the eye.

Kim nodded. “I don’t think Voight’s taking you off. Just talk to me, so we can work this together. That’s the fastest way we’ve got to find her. Because we will.”

Jay exhaled before he nodded, letting Kim ask the questions, swallowing down the annoyance of feeling like a victim’s family.

“She didn’t tell us anything. But she was jumpy, everytime her phone rang. She stuck a little close to us when we were out, even at Molly’s, as if she was five all over again. Damn it, I should have wrangled it out of her.”

Kim glanced up at her friend. “Jay, let’s focus, alright?” She paused and he nodded. “So she didn’t say anything?”

Jay shook his head. “She didn’t even really tell us why she was back. I bought the whole ‘new environment’ excuse for a bit, but things were a little different.”

Kim nodded. “Okay, tell me about the phone call.”

Jay exhaled slowly. “She knew this guy, I’m sure of it. But I couldn’t make out what he was saying…”

Jay looked back almost helplessly at his friend and Kim nodded. “Listen, we’ll find her.”

Jay nodded again, glancing back at the bullpen now where Will had just emerged from Voight’s office. He turned to glance at Kim again. “Let’s do this.”

You glanced up now, feeling the defiance in you rise to almost the same level as your fear, the figure pacing in front of you now a familiar one. Your hands were fastened securely behind your back, the cable ties so tight they were cutting into your skin. 

This was the reason you felt the need to return home standing right in front of you.

“You followed me here?” You asked, doing your best to keep your voice steady, not to betray even a sliver of the actual fear that you felt. 

You were pretty sure that your frantic call to Jay had gone through, even though your phone was now probably still stuffed in the corner of the couch, where you hoped Jay or someone would find it. Which gave you a sliver of hope that was only present because of the fact that you’d returned home. At least you were in Chicago. Jay and Will would find you. You just needed to hang on until then.

“You wanted me to find you.” 

You exhaled slowly, not really succeeding in blocking out his voice, the memory of the first time you’d met Tobias Mills still clear in your mind.

He’d come in after an accident in a lot of pain, so you’d done what you did best. As you assisted the doctor on call in the ED, you connected with the patient. Except that this time, it had backfired. Mills had become totally obsessed with you, so much so that you’d been forced to get a restraining order. But even that hadn’t stopped him. He’d watch you from across the street, or send you messages. To this day, you still had no idea how he’d even gotten your number. So as a last resort, before you lost your last shred of sanity, you’d left, packing your bags almost overnight and taking the first available flight straight to Chicago.

But now he was here.

What was worse was that he’d somehow managed to follow you all the way to Jay’s apartment, picked a night Jay was late and practically taken you by force. 

“I should have known.” He muttered as he paced in front of you, as if he’d forgotten you were there. “This was why you turned me down. But two of them?” 

His voice raised at the last question and he looked furiously at you.

“Two?!” 

You flinched, even though you were trying hard not to. Even so, your brain was already putting all the pieces together. He’d stalked you, seen you with your brothers and put everything together into his own narrative. Again.

Jay put down the phone a little harder than he’d meant to, but the rest of the bullpen barely flinched, like they hadn’t heard it, the sound of furious typing and vague telephone conversations not pausing.

Jay could feel his anxiety mounting as each second ticked past but he glanced towards the pantry where Will was sitting, looking down at his hands and reminded himself that at least he was able to do something and that the both of you were counting on him.

He closed his eyes for just a second, even though he knew Kim had looked up and was watching him now.

There was something missing and he knew it. There was something he was not seeing and he just needed one piece to put it all together. At least that’s how he felt. 

With not much to go on, seeing as they weren’t able to find much prints, the team had tried to backtrace your steps but even finding your phone was futile because the burner phones were practically untraceable. After exhausting all possibilities in Chicago, Jay was pretty sure it was something that had followed you home from Europe. Or someone. So Intelligence had put in more efforts to try to connect with the contacts you had had there.

But there was still nothing. Jay had no idea why someone had taken you, what they wanted. He couldn’t think of anyone who wanted to hurt you, but if it was someone who wanted to hurt him, there would have been a ransom call, a message, something. The silence, the lack of knowledge, it was killing him.

Jay heard the door click open, Will motioning towards him with a flick of his head. Sighing, he pushed back his chair, knowing that nothing good would come out of going to his brother with little to no answers.

“Jay, you have to tell me something.” Will said, before the door was even fully closed. “I’m climbing the walls here.”

Jay exhaled, before he looked up at his brother. “We don’t have a lot to go on.”

There was a pause before Will spoke again. “You’re telling me you have nothing.”

Jay didn’t answer.

“Jay, you have nothing? Nothing that could help us find her? She’s out there, somewhere, scared out of her mind and there’s nothing?”

Jay couldn’t even blame Will for raising his voice. Frustration, that was all the emotion behind Will’s voice, frustration that Jay himself couldn’t even express since he was in no position to at this moment. He couldn’t, he had to focus. 

Jay exhaled gently. “We’re working on it, Will.”

Will knew that, he’d just let his frustration get the better of him. He hadn’t meant to make Jay feel worse but just as he opened his mouth to tell his younger brother so, the door opened. 

“Jay. I think you need to take this call.” 

Without another word, Jay gave his brother a look before he headed back for the bullpen and Kim led the conversation. “Hey, Stacie. It’s Kim. Can you repeat what you just told me?”

Jay listened with quiet building anger as the girl on the line talked, explaining that she had been your roommate and had also worked alongside you at the hospital. Then she talked about the patient who’d come in and formed an unhealthy attachment to you, how he waited in front of the apartment building, how he came to the hospital, but she didn’t have a conclusion for the team.

“I don’t know what happened after that. I tried to convince her to continue staying with me so that I could look out for her but she said she didn’t want to create trouble for me. She was worried that he’d do something to me too, so…”

Kim’s eyes flicked to where Jay was gripping the edge of the table so hard, his knuckles were turning white. That sounded just like you, and that really tore at Jay. He didn’t know why you didn’t tell him, or Will. Why didn’t you call to say you were having a tough time, or tell them when you’d come home?

But Jay spoke anyway, keeping his voice so steady, a stranger wouldn’t have realized they were talking about his sister. “Do you have a name?”

Tobias Mills.

Jay was now staring at the records that they’d barely managed to wrangle out of the European authorities. 

Stalking. Threatening behavior. But nothing that could get him convicted.

“I got him.” Adam broke the silence, finally looking up from where he had been studying the airport footage for almost an hour.

“Facial recognition missed him because of what he’s wearing but I’m pretty sure that’s him. Right?” Adam asked, playing the footage again.

Jay gave a grunt of acknowledgement before he studied the footage playing. Tobias had reached Chicago slightly two weeks after you had and someone had met him at the airport.

“I’m on it.” Kim said, before anyone else could say anything, already running facial recognition on Mills’ acquaintance as the rest of the video played out. 

Ben Mason.

Facial recognition popped quickly with a record that didn’t make Jay feel any better. Multiple counts of assault, misconduct, illegal firearm possession, the list went on.

“The money trail. Mills must have paid him for his help.” Kevin said quietly, glancing at Jay.

Jay growled, the worry blooming in his chest. What exactly had Mills paid for?

But thankfully he didn’t have much longer to blindly worry. “Mason’s uncle owned a factory that’s now out of business. As far as we can tell, it’s been abandoned for at least a year. It’s under his mother’s maiden name so…”

Kevin didn’t finish his sentence before Voight nodded. “Gear up.”

You could feel your heart pumping in your chest, feel the adrenaline working through your veins as you now lay on your side, unsure where the pain was coming from, other than the cable ties cutting into your skin. Maybe the roots of your hair were still smarting from when he’d pulled your head back roughly to look at him, or maybe it was when he’d raised his leg to kick you in the chest in his frustration, making your entire body topple backwards. Or maybe it was just the ache from having your arms pulled backwards for such a prolonged time.

“If I can’t have you, no one can.” 

The words echoed in the empty area, bouncing off the walls as if to intimidate you further, even though he’d left a while ago.

Mills had been prepared. That, you knew. Maybe he’d hidden you somewhere no one else would find you. Maybe that’s why Jay hadn’t come for you yet, because you had no doubt that Jay would be here if he knew where you were. 

There was a slam, which signalled his return and you felt your breath pick up. You were sure that if Jay didn’t come soon, things were going to get ugly soon. He was either going to do whatever he wanted with you or kill you in a fit of rage - you didn’t know which was worse.

You tried to breathe slower, reminding yourself you weren’t going to show him fear no matter what. You didn’t raise your head as the footsteps got closer, and you wondered what he was up to. If you didn’t know any better, the footsteps sounded… tentative.

“Y/N!”

The voice you’d been waiting for, the sound of safety you’d known your entire life and you raised your head now, slightly worried that you were imagining things.

His name felt like it was stuck in your throat, the energy suddenly sucked out of you as you felt the adrenaline drop all of a sudden.

“Oh my god.” His voice swept past you, landing on you gently, just as he reached you. You heard his knees hit the ground as he bent over you. “Are you hurt?”

You still didn’t answer him, the fog in your brain worried that it wasn’t true, that when you looked up it would be Mills again. 

But the pressure on your wrists lifted as Jay sliced through the cable ties. “Are you hurt?” He asked again, pulling you up against him, his eyes scanning you up and down.

“Jay?”

Jay nodded now, a small frown forming on his face. “Yeah, it’s me. You’re okay. We’re here. Will’s right outside.”

You didn’t answer but your body now slumped against your brother’s.

Jay turned and nodded at Kevin so that he could bring Will in. Jay knew it would be better to take you outside but he was a little worried about any injuries you might have and if moving you would make things worse. You couldn’t even seem to articulate if you had any injuries.

“Jay? Y/N!” Will’s voice reached you now, as he got to his knees next to Jay, his fingers going straight to feel your pulse, peering at your pupils now. 

“Y/N, does anything hurt? Look at me, Y/N.”

You raised your eyes now to meet Will’s before you shook your head, the fog finally pushing back down again. “Will.”

Will let out a breath that sounded like relief, before he nodded. “Okay, if you’re not hurt we should get you out of here first. Come on.” 

Jay nodded, as Will put an arm around you as well, helping you up. Jay let Will take over as he repositioned his hold on the gun in his hand, getting to his feet as well.

But what threw a wrench in their plans was the back door opening.

Both you and Will looked up at the sound of a door opening and you saw the look on Mills’ face change, the absolute wrath that crossed his face as he saw you pressed against Will’s side. Will felt your hand close around the shirt he had on, the material crumpling in your hand. Jay pressed down his confusion that Mills had gotten past the patrol cars that were supposed to be stationed out there, raising his gun.

“I told you. You’re mine.”

His sentence was cut off by a simultaneous growl from both Jay and Will as you coiled backwards.

Will’s eyes caught the flash of metal first as Mills raised the gun in his hand.

Instinctively, Will pulled you against him and turned, as if he’d done this a thousand times. You let out a sharp inhale, confused for a moment if it was really Will who was now standing between you and Mills, before the gunshot rang out. 

You could feel the fear that gripped at you so hard that it felt like it was hard to breathe. You were afraid to even turn, afraid to know if Will was hurt because of you. 

“Y/N, you okay?” Will’s voice in your ear.

“Will, you…”

You felt Will shake his head. “I’m okay, are you…”

That’s when you felt the energy leave your legs, your body only supported by your oldest brother’s arms around you. 

You turned but Jay stepped behind Will now to block your vision. “It’s over, let’s get you out of here.”

Your brothers took you to the hospital to get checked out. But other than some bruises, pain that would last a few days and some dehydration, you weren’t badly hurt. 

No one had told you much details, but you were sure that the gunshot you thought was Mills shooting Will was from Jay. And if it was between Mills and Will, you were glad Jay had shot the bastard, even if it made you feel dirty inside for even thinking it when someone had died.

You could hear Jay’s voice behind the closed door, raised as he questioned someone on the line.

“What the hell do you mean? My brother and sister could have died! Any one of my team members could have been shot!”

Will turned to look at you now, giving you a small smile. He looked like he was about to say something when the door slid open, Jay stepping in and closing the door behind him.

Your brothers exchanged a look like they’d already had a discussion among themselves without you.

So you knew they wanted to talk, wanted to ask you something. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jay broke the silence first, unable to keep the sadness out of his voice.

You glanced up, surprised. You thought he’d be pissed, like really pissed. Maybe just slightly less than the anger he’d shown while he was on the phone outside.

When both of them didn’t say anything, you let out a short breath. “The whole point of a new environment was for me to grow up. I was supposed to grow outside the shelter the both of you had created for me since I was a baby.” You paused glancing up at them. “I didn’t want to worry you. I thought I could handle it, I didn’t think he would…”

Will moved first, heading towards your side and pulling you tightly against him before he sat on the side of your bed facing you. 

“You’re our younger sister. Worrying us is part of your make up. Jay worries me all the freaking time.” Will said gently, earning him an annoyed puff from the younger Halstead. 

“Yeah, says Dr Halstead who got beaten up within a day since he returned to Chicago.” Jay slightly mocked, moving closer as well.

You laughed, the chuckle bursting forth and making your side ache a little. 

Jay smiled at you. “Promise me something.”

You glanced up at your older brother.

“Don’t keep such serious things from us. Once it starts feeling funky, you tell one of us. Tell Kim. Tell Sylvie. I don’t care who, just tell someone.”

You were quiet for a second, before you nodded. “I promise.”

They both leaned in at the same time, Will putting a hand on the back of our head gently as they squashed you between them, the three of you emanating the same feelings, glad that you were all here together.

Home.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

He hung up before I could respond, and I sighed, rubbing away the seemingly ever-present ache behind my collar bone. Anxiety was a bitch, or more specifically, I was it’s bitch. But I could handle an hour or two of time wasted with my brothers in a firefighter bar.

I’d do anything for my brothers really. They were the whole reason I was living in this god-forsaken city anyway instead of my safe little town of 5,000 people. I was twenty-two when I found the letter my mother had written for me, outlining the story of my birth. An apparently tumultuous affair between her and an Irish laborer on loan from the union out of Chicago. He went back to Chicago when I was five months old and pretended the whole thing never happened. My mother was a drug addict, and she began to slowly ease her way back to opioid pills after he left. I believe she truly did love him, and she never got a part of herself back from that mess.

She overdosed when I was fifteen, and I was left to be raised by her mother, my grandma. She was my favorite person in the whole world. When she died of cancer I was eighteen,I was left wholly alone. I went to college on the social security money my mother never got to spend, and at twenty-two I was sent a letter in a safety-deposit box that was closed out in my mother’s name. A letter addressed to me, outlining the story of my birth that was withheld from me my entire upbringing. There was my father’s name, and the name of his wife and two sons, their address written out clearly in blue ink on a piece of college ruled notebook paper.

After graduation, I took my Biology degree and convinced myself it would be worth it in the end. I drove to Chicago and found a dingy, studio apartment above a bakery in Canaryville that I was semi-certain I would die walking to and from my car. I spent 6 months stalking and researching the lives of my biological family. I realized I was too late to meet my father, having passed at the hands of an arsonist’s fire months before my arrival.

When I finally decided it was time to eat the bullet, I wrote a letter and delivered it to Sergeant Trudy Platt to give to my second oldest brother, Jay Halstead, who is a detective in the 21st District. That was a mistake. She nearly bit my head off and announced it was a common mistake to confuse the uniforms, but the badge and gun on her hip did in fact make her a police officer and not a postal worker. I worked to not pass out and meet my eldest brother prematurely as I sputtered an apology and ran out of the police station.

Regardless, Sergeant Platt did as I asked and both of my brothers followed the directions in the letter and met me for breakfast to meet officially and discuss…well…whether or not they would like a sibling relationship. Lucky enough for me, they both did. There was nothing I wanted more in the world than a family. And as a woman who did not want children, was socially inept, and an orphan, siblings were pretty much my only hope.

So here we are, over a year later, I’m twenty-four years old living in a city I hate with two brothers I didn’t know I had two years ago, but love so desperately. I’d do anything for them. Even sacrifice an hour of my time at a bar knowing my heart rate is going to be through the roof and my anxiety is going to tell me everyone hates me and every move I make and every word that comes out of my mouth is wrong.

I showed up to the bar twenty minutes early, because even though I’m anxious and don’t want to be here, I can’t stand to be late to anything. If anyone is going to be late, it will be my brothers, because both have jobs with demanding amounts of overtime and very unpredictable schedules. I can only hope they show up within the next half-hour or so.

Instead of waiting in my car and reading my book like I’m tempted to do, I decided to be brave today and wait for my siblings inside the bar. Mostly because I clock Sylvie Brett’s car parked a few up from mine and she is one of the few people I would consider my friend, and not just solely by my sibling’s associations.

When I walk inside Brett immediately gives me a hug and a soft smile, inviting me to sit with her and Matt Casey at a table to the side of the bar. My heart rate immediately ratchets up a notch at the prospect of another person, especially male, but I just scratch at my chest and accept their offer with a shy smile. Matt is safe, I know he is. Pretty much every person in this bar is, but old trauma dies hard.

“Long time no see partner,” Sylvie starts in that soft-spoken voice of hers, “do you want something to drink or are you waiting for your brothers?”

I smirk fully at Sylvie, comforted by someone knowing me so well, “I’ll go ahead and get something, who knows when those two will show up. They run on infinite OT.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Matt chimes in with a grin. “You don’t drink right? You want a soda? I think Stella keeps fancy carbonated water in the back cooler.”

“Oh it’s okay! I can get it, I was just gonna drink a Sprite or Sierra Mist or something.”

Matt smiled again, he always had an easy-going nature to him it seemed, “I was getting us another round anyway, I’ll grab you something too.”

Matt, Sylvie, and I chit-chatted for a half an hour before my brother’s arrived. Matt was telling me about this call his ex-wife went on once, she was a paramedic in the FD and responded to a man down with an apparent venomous snake bite.

“Shay was acting all big and bad like she could handle it but she just crumpled. She handed the hook to Gabby and she managed to corral it into the bathroom and use the hook to shut the door. Hands down one of the craziest calls I’ve ever heard about.”

“So, so glad I was not her partner for that one,” Brett chimed in in response to Matt’s story.

“It’s people like that that give me a job.” I smiled as I took a sip from my straw. Sometimes it was crazy, but working for an exotic animal rescue that worked in rehabilitation and conservation efforts was my dream job. “I never thought I’d stay as busy as I do in Chicago, but people keep all sorts of animals as pets they really shouldn’t.”

Our story time was interrupted by both my brothers appearing behind my back, one behind each shoulder. An angel on one shoulder, a devil on the other. I’ll let you decide which brother liked to play devil’s advocate most often. Except when it came to dating, then it was 20 pages of background checks and “Oh! Ask him if he wants to come on a ride along! No, it will be fun! I definitely won’t handcuff him and leave him at central booking for three hours to assert my brotherly dominance.” Yeah, definitely not.

“Hey guys, sorry to steal her, but if you don’t feed her she gets sassy.” Jay quips as he tugs on a curl of dirty blond hair on the back of my head.

I decided to ignore that comment in order to address more pressing matters, “Food?”

“Will brought pizza, just don’t tell Hermann.”

“Deal,” I agreed, every knot in my shoulder’s unwinding at the thought of pizza and being in both of my brother’s presence

I followed my brothers, soda in hand, waving over my shoulder goodbye to Matt and Sylvie, as we made our way to our table. We met up with Hailey who was bringing the boys and herself their own drinks over from the bar.

“Hey kiddo,” she greeted me before whipping open the lid on the pizza box, “I promised Severide and Kidd a slice each to garner their silence.”

“Hefty price, Severide won’t be happy with just one. He’ll come snooping back around for seconds.” Jay shot back, eyebrow raised at Hailey as he took a swig of his beer.

“Speak for yourself, I do have some manners,” a deep, raspy voice spoke from directly behind me. I jumped, knocking my hand against my glass of Sprite before reaching out to catch it. My heart thumped painfully in my chest as I swiveled around, placing my back into Will’s chest so it wasn’t out in the open.

Kelly raised his palms in surrender, “Sorry Maeve, I should know better by now.”

I smiled up at the man softly. I knew he was safe, but sometimes I couldn’t help my body’s reactions. “I know Kel, it’s all good. And for the record, you can have two slices. No way we eat a whole thing ourselves.”

Severide smiled triumphantly, raising his hand for a fist bump which I shyly returned as he took his three bargained slices and returned to his bar stool.

The rest of the night went rather smoothly, I even stayed for a full two and a half hours, chatting with my siblings and Hailey. I also managed to have a small conversation with Kim about the pros and cons about getting her daughter Mikayla a pet of some sort. I was able to talk her out of a guinea pig, emphasizing just how much space and diversity in diet they actually needed to live a happy and healthy life.

Throughout the whole night I enjoyed the time I spent with my siblings and their friends, but I could not ignore the dagger of pain that tore through my breast with every inhale. The pain in my chest had been on and off for almost two years at this point. I figured it had to be another symptom of my ever present anxiety. B​​ut as the night wore on and I escaped the object of my anxiety, I expected a reprieve. None came.

When I decided to take my exit and Will walked me to my car, I was furiously rubbing at my chest. I couldn’t take deep breaths at this point without causing a ripping pain to cascade down my sternum.

Will, ever the ER doctor, noticed immediately, “Maeve? What’s going on? You’ve been doing that a lot recently. I thought maybe it was an anxiety thing but it’s been almost non-stop tonight, and you were pretty relaxed, especially for being out with us.”

Deny. Deny. Deny. Denying keeps you safe.

I knew that I wasn’t fifteen anymore, DCFS and foster care couldn’t be used as a threat to keep me quiet any longer, but old habits die hard, “I’m fine, Will. It’s probably just heartburn or something. Maybe from the pizza.”

It was a lame excuse and we both knew it. Will leaned me against my car and snagged my car keys from my hand, “Nope, try again. Look me in the eyes and tell me you feel okay enough to drive this car right now.”

I looked up at Will’s stoic face, brow scrunched in concern, brown eyes staring down at me, doctor brain running a hundred different scenarios of what could be wrong right now. I met my brother’s stare, trying to tell him that I didn’t know what was going on, but something was wrong. My chest, my heart, it wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right.

My gray eyes rolled back into my head as my knees gave out, Will catching me before I hit the pavement. As if from a million miles away I could hear my brother calling my name, calling for help. I’ve never been drunk, or been to a club, but take away the pain I was feeling and add tunnel vision and this is how I imagined it. It felt like my vision was coming and going to the beat of a song only my heart knew the rhythm to, only it didn’t really know, and it couldn’t quite figure out the beat.

Every now and then my vision and hearing would clear. There was Jay and Will, Jay’s strong hands supporting my head and neck while Will kept track of my pulse at my neck and hammered on my chest. It hurt. I wanted him to stop. My heart was beating… I think? Isn’t CPR only for when my heart stops? Stop Will…please…It’s still beating…I’m here…

When I came back to again I was in an ambulance, a mask over my face, and the lights were way too bright. I tried to pull the mask off, cover my eyes. But something kept my hand from moving…JJ? I could feel him tuck my hair behind my ear, he was crying. I wanted to tell him that it would be okay. Surely I would be fine, our brother was a doctor for gods sakes. I had just found my siblings, I wasn’t leaving now. Then things sped up again, the tunnel narrowed and the horrible pulsing picked up. I could hear Will yelling, he was talking in his doctor voice. Then the shocking, oh the shocking. It hurt worse than the chest pains… Please stop. Will make them stop.

This was bad…I could tell. The pain radiates down my arms and legs, but nothing compared to the shocking pain pulsing through my chest. We were rolling again, darkness clouding my vision before the lights flared up as the yelling increased tenfold. It sounded like someone was screaming in my ear. Was it a banshee? Was I dying? The only Irish my father gave me was my name, my bloodlines, and my love of mythology.

Tears continued to stream down my face as the screeching reached a new octave. It felt like this banshee knew me, and she was coming specifically for me. Coming to claim me. Was it my mother? Was she angry that I was so happy with my brothers, that sometimes I didn’t even miss her? I couldn’t take it anymore. The shocking, the pulsing, it was too much. I felt my body tense with one last pulse before it relaxed into the bed.

It was quiet. It felt like all the weight in the world was pressing in on me from every direction. But then, as if echoing from the back of a cave, I could begin to hear it. A steady beep. The low whispers of my brother’s voices in a rhythmic back and forth. The whisk of a curtain being moved back in place. Feeling came next. The warmth of a hand squeezing mine, the pull of something tugging at my skin, someone stroking my hair, tucking bangs behind my ear.

It felt like I was cracking the seal on a jar of glue that had long since dried shut as I tried to peel my eyes open. It took me two or three tries before I was finally successful, only to be rewarded by blinding lights overhead. As I squinted my eyes shut and blinked away tears, my hearing started to come back in fragments. There was a cacophony of beeps, a subtle whooshing from an undisclosed air source, and the unmistakable sound of Jay’s snores from across the room.

It was only when I tried to twist my head to find Jay when I noticed the restriction to my breathing, or more so, that something was breathing for me. The realization forced a gag from my throat and I struggled to cough to rid myself of the blockage even as my mind began to realize that I was in the hospital, that this was probably a ventilator, and it wasn’t going to come out with a couple of well dispersed coughs.

My coughing did the trick in one way at least, rousing Jay from his slumber as he rose to my left side. He smoothed the hair back from my face as he shushed me, trying to calm me as tears continued to stream from my eyes.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. Will’s on his way up. You’re okay. Don’t fight the vent just let it work for you okay? I’m right here.” Jay kept whispering rushed reassurances in my ear as he hit the call button and we waited for someone to answer. We didn’t have to wait long before Will and Connor both rushed into the room, Connor pulling on gloves before putting a stethoscope to my chest and listening. Will bypassed him and came up on my other side, taking Jay’s place in pushing back the hair from my head and whispering assurances. I kept my eyes locked on my brother’s as my senses slowly started sharpening. I became more and more aware of the ache in my chest, the pressure in my throat from the vent, and most importantly the sound of my brother’s worried voices as they tended to me.

“Maeve,” Connor’s voice interrupted the stare down I was having with my brothers, and I swiveled my head to meet his gaze, “we’re going to go ahead and remove the vent okay? It’s going to feel uncomfortable, but try not to cough until we get it out okay?”

I nodded my head and Connor began the process of unclipping leads and wires and tugging the ventilator out of my throat. I managed to hold my coughs in until the tube slipped from between my lips, gasping for air as my lungs stuttered before regaining function on their own. Will and Connor raised the head of the bed and helped me sit forward a little before Will adjusted the pillow behind my back and forced me back down. Jay was there next, forcing a straw between my lips and encouraging me to take small, slow sips.

When I was finally adjusted, I looked around bewildered, but no one seemed to want to be the first one to break the silence. So in a raspy, cracking voice I asked simply, “What the hell happened?”

Jay let a little smirk sneak past his lips before he looked to the doctors in the room to explain. “Well, you had a bit of a cardiac episode after leaving Molly’s the other night. What do you remember?” Will started the conversation off.

“I remember my chest hurt a little more than normal, even though I wasn’t that anxious. You walked me out to my car, you wouldn’t let me drive. Oh…” I stopped as everything rushed back, the pain of Will pounding into my chest and the apparent shocks I had received either in the ambulance or when I had arrived to Med…

“Go ahead, tell us everything you can remember, this helps us figure out where you are cognitively too.” Connor urged.

I looked up at Will and saw him watching me intently, and I could tell having to do CPR on his baby sister had killed a part of him… “ I remember collapsing, my chest hurt really bad. I could hear you yelling, but I couldn’t make myself move. Then I could feel you pounding on my chest, I guess you had to do CPR… I remember thinking it didn’t make sense, that I thought CPR was only for when your heart stopped, but I could still feel mine beating, it just wasn’t beating…right. I had tunnel vision and it was like my heart just could not figure out a rhythm and stick to it. Then I remember Jay and more lights and the shocking starting. That hurt the worst, I felt like I was a kid again getting caught by the electric fence but so much worse. Then I don’t know…It was like someone was screaming in my ear…and then I woke up here.”

Will’s eyes were red with the effort of holding back tears as he met Jay and Connor’s eyes over my bed. Jay’s grip tightened on my hand that didn’t have an IV in it as Connor brought a light up to my eyes and asked me to follow it without moving my head. After a few more simple tests, Connor began to explain what happened in detail.

“You had what we call ventricular tachycardia, which eventually lead to full cardiac arrest. Will could tell your heart wasn’t pumping correctly at Molly’s, so he started supportive compressions.” I looked up at Will and grabbed his hand with my other hand gingerly, knowing he was hurting in his own way too. “By the time Sylvie and an ambulance crew got to you with an AED you were having significant events of ventricular tachycardia. The shocks you remember was them trying to revert your heart back to a normal rhythm. Eventually, about the time you got here, your heart fully stopped, before restarting. From there we rushed you up to surgery. With some help from Jay and Will piecing the symptoms they’ve noticed you’ve been having, and having been your dad’s surgeon, we determined you have a genetic condition called Familial Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. This causes a thickening between the left and right ventricles of your heart, which made it a lot harder for your heart to pump blood around. It was working double time, add in your anxiety, your heart rate flew sky high. You’ve probably had the condition for years without having too many problems from it. But it just all culminated and finally your heart couldn’t take it.”

I didn’t know how to react. I supposed a normal personal would be crying and shaking, feeling like their life was over. A terminal diagnosis. But all I could think about was my brothers…

“You said genetic, what about Will and Jay, do they have it too?”

My eyes roved back and forth between Jay’s blue ones and Will’s brown, worry creasing between my brows.

“The physical work ups for the army and CPD are pretty extensive, so we don’t think so for me, but Connor’s putting me on the schedule to double check just to be safe,” Jay tucked another stray strand of blonde curls behind my ear and tightened his grip on my hand. I looked to Will next,

“We practiced EKG’s, pulse rates, and heart sounds on each other all the time in med school and I’ve never come across anything but same as Jay, Connor’s gonna work me up too.”

I sighed with relief and relaxed against the pillow as Will ducked a kiss against my forehead and Connor smiled.

Knowing that my brothers were most likely safe, I finally dared to ask, “So what exactly was the surgery for then?”

Will exchanged a glance with Connor, before Will nodded his head, gesturing for him to explain, “When you came in we knew your heart was not beating correctly, and would not start back up correctly on its own. By the time we had an idea of a diagnosis, we decided the most efficient thing to do would be to open up your chest and take a physical look at your heart. Will and I suspected the thickening of your septum between your left and right ventricles, and I believed we would need to perform a septal myectomy anyway to shave away some of that. When we got in there and were able to confirm, Will and I decided it would be best to also implant an ICD, a cardioverter defibrillator. It is a small little box that sits near your heart and monitors your heart rate. It will be able to monitor continuously for any abnormal rhythms and shock it back to a normal rhythm if need be.”

I pulled my hand from Will’s to move the neck of my hospital issue gown out of the way and gaze at my chest. A piece of gauze about 4 inches long rested down the center of my chest, covering what I figured would be a good 40-50 stitches.

I smirked a little as I met Jay’s gaze, “I bet I’ve got you beat for the gnarliest scar now.”

“Bullshit, bullet wounds are always cooler than surgery scars.”

I laughed a little before wincing in pain at the way it pulled at my stitches. Will reached over and smacked Jay over the head for making me laugh before Connor piped in, “You could at least wait for me to leave the room before dissing my stitch work.”

My grin got wider with the banter around me, seeing the weight lift just a little bit off my brother’s shoulders.

“So how long was I out?”

Will straightened up again, tucking the blanket back around my waist, “Just around 24 hours with surgery and everything included. It’s about 6:00 now on Wednesday.”

They waited for me to absorb that information before saying anything else, “Did someone call my boss and tell them I’m out for a bit? We’ve already been short-handed lately.”

Jay nodded the affirmative, “I let them know this morning what was going on, Julie said to take all the time you need.”

This time I looked over to Will and Connor, the latter of which had shifted to stand at the end of my bed, “How long am I out for?”

Connor shook his head in amusement, “Those Halstead genes run strong that’s for sure. Four days in here at least, and a few weeks off work to recover fully. We might look at some outpatient rehab before you get back to work but we’ll know more in a day or so when we run a few more tests.”

I sighed before resting my head back against my pillow, “Might wanna have Dr. Charles stop by too because I’m gonna lose my mind not working for weeks.”

Will and Jay laughed with me but I knew they agreed, we all had the same stance on hospital stays and extended time away from work.

I smirked a little more before meeting Jay’s eyes, challenge lighting my features, “Zeus is due to be fed Friday, it doesn’t look like I’m gonna be out in time, looks like you’re gonna have to be his favorite uncle and take care of all his needs.”

Jay looked at me in distaste, he was not a fan of his ball python nephew, “I’ll beg Hailey to do it. We all know she’s braver than me.”

I frowned at the mention of Hailey, her absence suddenly becoming very apparent from my brother’s side, “Where is Hailey?”

“She’s on her way over now, she was on a dinner run. You jump started the extubation process. We weren’t thinking you’d come off the vent for another couple hours,” Jay responded.

“I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”

Connor and my brothers all just shook their heads before Connor bid his goodbye, returning to his rounds. I looked over at Will and noticed he was in his burgundy scrubs as well, “Are you working? Do you need to get back?”

“Goodwin knows what’s going on. I’ve been splitting my time up here checking on you and taking a couple cases down in the ER. Hailey should be back any second with dinner so I’ll eat before I go back,” Will replied.

I nodded in understanding, and not two seconds later Hailey walked in with to-go bags from a deli a couple blocks over. She gave me a gentle hug before laughing at Jay’s insistence that she feed my snake instead of him. My family ate around me with an easy conversation floating between them, I could almost see the weight lifting off their shoulders from the stress of the last 24 hours.

I had a few visitors from the 21st and the firehouse over the next few days, Sylvie was especially teary eyed, and even Platt threatened me not to let it happen again. I reassured them all that while I was pleased with Connor’s surgery skills, I didn’t feel the need for a return visit.

Before I knew it I was discharged, appointments set to return for some light therapy but I was on my way back to normal. Stronger than normal. Without the ever present pain in my chest, the weight of my anxiety seemed to lift with it as well. I still had my triggers, but the ease of being in public with my brothers and their community of friends became something I cherished.