#halstead sister

You were cooking dinner in the kitchen, your one-year-old sitting in her highchair eating and playing with her dinner on the table behind you and your husband working from home today, upstairs in his office finishing up with his final meeting for the day.

You were almost falling asleep at the stove. After a long day of working with a bunch of hormonal teenagers, you had to rush to daycare to pick up your daughter and then come home and take care of all the chores around the house that hadn't been done yet.

And you still had more to do: cleaning the kitchen, feeding your husband and yourself, washing dishes, showering and putting your daughter to sleep and then waiting for anything your husband needed till he would let you sleep.

He hadn't always been like this.

You met and started dating around six years ago, getting married after two years and having your baby four years later. You were more than thankful that after having your daughter, he wasn't too eager to have another, and it was more than likely that he would settle for a single child or would insist on having a son later down the line.

He'd been the perfect boyfriend, fiancé, and husband. So perfect in fact that your brothers had approved of him up until recently.

It was around the time, just before you told them you were pregnant, that they began noticing things that you failed to properly hide such as bruises, unusual behaviours and slips of your tongue.

You were very sure that they knew what was happening but were unable to get you to leave, especially since your daughters birth.

Right now though, with your heavy eyes, vegetables on the chopping board, baby babbling behind you and your husbands presence practically undetectable, that you took Jay's offer on getting you out.

All of a sudden, the sound of glass smashing broke you out of your daze, the shards exploding against the wall and ricocheting towards you and your daughter.

Her cries were instant. Despite being so young, no matter how much you tried to protect and hide her from her father, she'd also become a witness but was yet to become a victim to his hands.

Her cries wear ear piercing, definitely being heard by both your neighbours.

"Get it to shut up!" Your husband snarled, veins popping on his arms and forehead. You could tell he was drunk, gone beyond any sort of reasoning and how this escalated so far was beyond you.

Before you could even turn the corner of the island, he was snatching you up by the tightest grip on your forearm, his fingers no doubt adding to the specifically shaped bruises all across your arms.

You were in a daze, being thrown across the kitchen, head hitting the marble island counter, legs landing on the glass.

"Samuel please!" You tried to scream, pleading with him to stop so you could get to your baby. Usually you were able to de-escalate before it got to this extreme but something must've set him off.

Before you could reorientate yourself, he was pulling you back upright and pushing you against the stove, the burner very much still on.

You screeched, unable to try keep quiet like you usually would as to not alert anyone and your daughter followed suit, her screams and cries increasing to a shattering level.

Despite the dress you were wearing, not having the time to get changed after work, you could feel the burn through your back, the pain unlike anything you'd felt before.

You weren't thinking clearly, lost to the pain and innate need to protect your daughter.

It felt like you weren't present in your body. Using the hand that was free from his grasp, you felt around the counter for anything, barely registering the handle of what you were holding before you struck.

All of a sudden, blood splattered across your face, staining your skin, clothes and all the surfaces nearby.

Looking down towards your hand, you couldn't fully comprehend, only seeing the knife in his chest. Looking up, you were once again face-to-face with your increasingly paling husband, the gravity of the situation falling like a wave crashing over you.

Pushing him away from you, you scrambled away from him, stumbling on your bare feet on the still glass covered tiles to get to your baby whose cries were muffled in the fabric on your shoulder.

His body fell, smack down on the harsh tile, the sound making your head ache impossibly so.

Even with all the adrenaline still rushing though your veins, your legs were unable to keep you upright, your own body following his down to the floor.

"Shh, shhh, it's okay baby. Mummy's here, you're okay my love."

*****

The sun was just setting and Intelligence was pretty much finished for the night. Half was packing themselves up while the other half was finishing up paperwork and getting the final bits up for a court appearance they all needed to attend at the end of the week.

Jay was reading over a few bits the lawyer had sent over with Kim when his phone rung with an unknown number.

Groaning internally, he ignored everyone's eyes on him, all of them just wanting to go home and have an early night for the first time in months.

"Is this Detective Halstead? Y/N's older brother?" The voice started before Jay could say anything, their words putting him on edge.

At the sudden tension that was visibly filling his body, everyone was looking at Jay with stern faces and hard eyes.

"That's me, what's wrong with Y/N?" Jay slowly stood from his seat, already reaching for his keys and jacket while Hailey went to alert Hank.

"You gave me your card last year when I moved in, you said to call if I was ever worried about Y/N." The female voice spoke, another voice in the background was muffled as they also spoke. "Yeah, yeah- we heard a bunch of screaming and crying from Y/N and Mia. Gosh it's horrible, you can still hear Mia crying, I've never heard her like that before."

When Jay said his heart stopped, that would be an understatement.

He remembered giving your neighbours his cards when you first moved in, giving them again when one of them moved out and new ones moved in.

Him and Will were basically one hundred percent sure Samuel was abusing you but at every bruise they pointed out, you always countered. But, both brothers worked in professions where knowing these things were second nature and to see it happen to their baby sister who constantly denied it, even after the birth of your daughter, it broke them to know what he was doing.

And every time they tried to confront him, trying to gather evidence against him, you would be their backing him.

Now, to have your neighbour calling him, reporting that you and his niece could be heard screaming and crying, Jay knew exactly what was happening.

"Don't do anything - don't leave your house, don't go to hers or do anything whatsoever okay? I'm on my way."

Without even having to say much, everyone was following, rushing forward to their cars, stepping on it when Jay said, "It's Y/N."

The drive felt like a blur, Jay driving towards your house without even paying too much attention which was definitely dangerous, but you and your daughter mattered more.

Intelligence arrived first, the police that the other neighbour called yet to arrive.

Jay wasted no time in opening the door, using his spare key to get in.

The house was eerily quite when he first stepped in, Hailey and Kevin by his side as everyone slowly followed in from behind when he stopped in the hallway.

Everyone split up, half going upstairs whilst the rest remained downstairs with Jay who had his gun in hand as he went through the living room and towards the kitchen.

The scene before him caught him so off guard that Hailey bumped into his back in the doorway when he abruptly stopped.

Blood was splattered across the counters and floor, blood flooding the tiles from underneath Samuel's body where a knife was sitting in his chest. He was, undoubtedly, dead.

Glass was everyone, scattered like paint splatters making it impossible to walk without crushing it beneath their feet.

Across the island, sitting against the pink highchair was you. Your body was shaking, swaying as you whispered into Amelia's ear, calming the baby who was no longer crying and was almost happy to be so closely cuddled with her mother.

From where he stood, both of you were injured. Just at the sight of blood on both your bodies made Jay seethe.

"Y/N?" Jay said lowly, trying his best not to scare his younger sister. "Y/N it's Jay, is it okay if I touch you?"

After much coaxing, your eyes finally left your husbands body and landed on Jaywho was crouched a few feet from you.

At the sight of your older brother, you felt yourself losing composure.

"Jay." Your voice was hoarse from all the screaming. "Jay I think I killed him."

Jay didn't say anything, only coming closer to you, arms outstretched to hold you.

"Hey it's okay, it's okay." He shushed you, wiping a few tears away. "Don't thing about him, where are you and Amelia hurt?"

"Mia? She's hurt?" You gasped, pulling your daughter from where she was hidden in your neck to look for any sign on injury.

Your heart dropped from a ledge at the sight of red scratches all across her face. "Oh my baby."

You lightly caressed her face, trying not to touch any of the scratches. "Oh baby, mummy's so sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's probably from the glass, it went everywhere." You shuddered.

"Okay that's fine, easily treatable." Jay said reassuringly, looking behind you at Hailey at Hank who were already calling for paramedics and forensics.

"What about you Y/N? Where are you hurt?" Jay was almost too scared to ask.

"It hurts everywhere." You whispered, feeling a little shameful. "Arms, legs, back, head and stomach - everything hurts Jay."

It was reminiscent on when you were all younger, when you were always so clumsy and getting hurt over the simplest things, running to your older brothers who would always fix things and patch you up. You sounded so much life your child self no matter how old you were.

"Paramedics are here. Good for them to come in?" Hailey asked, looking at Jay who looked at his sister imploringly.

Knowing that your daughter was hurt, red marks and small lines of blood all across her chubby face, it was easiest question you'd ever answer.

*****

You hadn't let your daughter go.

Jay helped you onto the gurney, accompanying you in the ambulance while the others stayed behind to sort everything out, Hailey saying she'd drive to Med as soon as she could.

In the rush of everything, Jay hadn't been able to call Will, but Kim did.

As soon as they arrived, Jay got off first, easily finding his redheaded brother and he didn't need to say anything, his face said it all.

Will stepped aside so that Ethan could go forward and take charge, both brothers following close behind, Will listening closely to try make sense of what they were dealing with.

Parking you in the bay, no one could treat you with Amelia still in your arms.

"Y/N?" Will gently called, crouching slightly so he could be as eye level as he could. "Can I treat Mia while Ethan gets a look at you. I promise, we'll be right next door and no one's going to touch her but me, Jay and Maggie."

"She's not leaving our sight, we promise." Jay added, both brothers willing to put their life on the line for their niece.

Your arms were visibly shaking from the exhaustion and adrenaline crash as your fingers relaxed from its grip on Amelia's shirt, allowing Will to swoop in and pick her up.

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, Will smiled as much as he could given the situation and slowly moved away so as not to scare you too much.

Luckily for him, you were so tired and the pain was finally hitting you all at once, that you barely paid much attention to your brothers and daughter.

In the treatment room right next to yours, Will turned to Jay.

"Take Mia and sit down on the bed. These scratches don't look too bad so I doubt they'll need stitches, just some cleaning and she should be good."

Following his instructions, Jay gently cradled her in his arms, sitting on the bed, keeping a close eye on his niece whose wide eyes were watching her uncle bustle around and collect items to clean her face.

She cooed, watching with interest as Will snapped gloves on, opening multiple anti-bacterial wipes and gently wiped her the already scabbing scratches on her face.

At the cold sensation rubbing against her cheeks and forehead, Amelia giggled, her fingers trying to catch and hold onto Will's hand.

Both brothers smiled at their niece, a whirlwind of emotions painted on their faces, in awe of their niece who was giggling after the trauma she experienced but with deep sadness knowing that she was hurt due to her father's abusive tendencies towards her mother.

Eventually, Amelia's eyes starting drooping, Will's ministrations putting her to sleep, something which neither of them stopped, letting her fall asleep withing minutes.

Will sighed, cleaning the last bit of blood that managed to get on her neck before putting everything in the bin.

"He's dead." Jay said under his breath so as to not wake the slumbering baby on his chest. "No one's sure what actually happened but it's obvious she killed him in self-defence."

"God." Will looked conflicted as he took his gloves off. "From what the paramedics and Ethan said, she's been burnt, probably second degree, a concussion and lots of bleeding and bruising. Her ribs are also probably bruised from repeated trauma but we'll have to wait for her scans to come back."

The brothers fell into silence, relishing in the silence of the closed off room, content to watch the rise and fall of their nieces breathing.

*****

A few hours later, you were moved to a different ward, Jay sitting beside you with Amelia fast asleep on his chest.

You just finished giving your statement to Hailey, finally admitting to years of abuse that started just after you got married.

You didn't know what to think. On one hand, you were thankful, you were free from your husbands abuse, he could never hurt you nor could he even try to hurt Amelia but it was only because you killed him.

He couldn't be arrested, forced to suffer years behind bars for his horrific actions.

Both Jay and Hailey assured you nothing was going to happen to you, you weren't going to face any charges because it was clearly, from your statement as well as your neighbours and Will and Jay's admissions that they had been suspicious for a while now, self-defence.

As Hailey was writing the last few details in her notebook, you suddenly remembered something. You perked up, body screaming at you for the sudden action but the pain was slightly dulled by the painkillers.

"Cameras." You breathed out, looking at Jay and Hailey.

"Samuel installed cameras after we moved in, he put them all around the house so he could keep an eye on me when he wasn't working from home."

Without saying anything, both detectives already knew what you were trying to say.

"I'll call Voight and let him know." There was a certain gleam in Hailey's eyes that you sometimes saw in Jay's that let you know that this was a good things.

As Hailey walked out, Will walked in, several things in hand as he slide the door shut behind him.

"Okay so here's the extra blanket you asked for." He said as he opened it up and lay it on you, letting you adjust it to your liking.

"Also some water and cookies for later because you need to eat at one point." Will's eyes were stern when you tried to interject.

"I've also got some morphine if you want it and news about your scans."

Huffing, you said yes to both of them, letting him inject you before he settled on the bed by your knees.

"Like me and Ethan said before, your ribs are only bruised from repetitive trauma, there's no fractures or any sort of internal bleeding anywhere." He paused, waiting for you to nod before he continued.

"There's a mixture of bruises, scratches and gashes on your arms and legs. The bruising on your arm is quite severe so you'll have to stay in the brace for a few weeks and not put too much strain because it can get worse - yes, if that means getting help to look after Mia because you struggle to hold her, then so be it."

You didn't like the sound of that. You loved to hold your daughter and she loved being picked up and held by anyone, but you especially.

"You've got also got a concussion so I'll run you through the concussion protocol later. The burn on your back is a second degree burn so while it's treatable, there will probably be a mark left behind. It's severity, no ones sure about that, but if you treat it correctly and let us help you, then it shouldn't be too bad."

"That's it?" You asked timidly, voice still sore.

"That's it." Will nodded in confirmation. "We're keeping you overnight for observation, maybe the next day too but I've already discharged Mia. Her scratches weren't bad at all and there'll be no scars afterwards."

You choked back a sob hearing that. Knowing that she was technically fine and would be scar free in just a few weeks was the biggest relief.

"That's good." You finally let the tears fall. "That's really good, I'm glad."

Your brothers let you breakdown, surrounding you in a protective circle, shielding you from the outside world, whispering reassurances, gently carding fingers through your hair.

You weren't too sure how much time had passed, but there was a knock to the door that brought you out your sobbing.

Hailey poked her head in, making sure not to step in.

"Voight just got back to me. They found all the cameras and they're pretty much one hundred percent certain they can prove it was all self-defence Y/N."

All you could do was breakdown again, trying to muffle your cries as to not was your sleeping daughter but you couldn't help yourself.

“Incoming, Pedestrian versus... Horse?"

“Maggie?!”

“Dr. Choi, Dr. Rhodes, going to Baghdad!”

“Page Dr. Halstead!”

You could hear the shouting, vitals being rattled off,  tests being ordered, various machines needed.  Your vision was blurry, you could barely make out who was around you.

“On my count! One, two three!”

            You let out a grunt as you feel yourself lifted up and set down. The hard backboard was still underneath you, no give in it making the transition a little rougher.  You tried to turn your head, only realizing it was stabilized. A C-collar, as your brother would tell you.  Light was quickly shown in your eyes, making you stifle a moan at the brightness.  You closed your eyes, hoping it was all just a terrible dream.

“Bilateral chest sounds.”

            There was a pressure on your sternum, forcing you to open your eyes. Your eyes found the source of the pain, it was a familiar face, but you couldn’t quite make out who it was.  The pain your body was experiencing was making it hard to focus.

“Y/N? It’s Dr. Choi.  You’re at Chicago Med.  Will is on his way.”

“Not lucid enough to clear C-Spine, collar remains. Need to remove the back board.  Let’s get an X-ray neck, chest and pelvis, and a head CT.  Roll on three.”

            You were rolled onto your side; the backboard was removed and you could finally feel the bed beneath you.  You sighed, releasing your tense muscles.  The adrenaline was still coursing through you, elevating your heart rate and blood pressure.  After the backboard was removed, you started your mental checklist of your body since you couldn’t talk, let alone figure out what was going on around you between all the orders being shouted.

            Arms, hands, shoulders, check.  No pain that you could tell. 

Head, neck, positive for pain.  There was one strike. 

Torso, hips, positive.  Strike two.

Legs, feet, positive.  Strike three.

-------------------------

Will was up in pediatrics with Natalie doing rounds when he got a call from Maggie.

“It’s Y/N. Get down here now.”

            Will excused himself, not paying attention to Natalie who followed.  He impatiently pressed the down button on the elevator, wishing he could just teleport down to the ED.  Natalie gave a reassuring smile, knowing it must be important for him to be in such a rush. The elevator bell dinged, thankfully it was empty. Will forced the doors closed, pressing the button for the ED. An agonizing ten seconds until the doors opened, revealing the chaotic energy of the ED. 

            Maggie found him, informing him and Natalie briefly what happened.  The words barely registered in his mind.  He walked over to Baghdad, seeing Dr. Choi doing a sternum rub to bring Y/N to consciousness.  It wasn’t looking hopeful to Will.  He needed to call Jay, but right now he just needed to keep his eyes on you.

            Dr. Rhodes was barking orders at every tech and nurse in the room, everyone moving in controlled chaos as they got Y/N hooked up.

“BP 170/100, Sats at 90, HR at 112.”  April was listing off the stats from the machine, none of the numbers were looking good.

As the paramedics were walking out with the stretcher, Will stopped one of them.  “What happened? What was her GCS?”

The male medic looked back in the trauma room, shaking his head.  “Carriage accident.  Horse spooked, took off as she was walking around in front to get back on the carriage. Trampled her, the carriage wheels just barely missing her head. Vitals are the same they were in the field.  Her GCS was only a 6.”

Will nodded, thanking the medic as he walked away. Six wasn’t the absolute worst, but it definitely wasn’t the best either. 

            The radiology tech gathered the films of her neck, chest and pelvis.  There was no bleeding in her abdomen or chest, thankfully.  Her pelvis was shifted slightly, but with her SI Joint injury, it wasn’t worrisome.  What caught everyone’s attention was the neck x-ray. There was a compression between C1 and C4, and there was a fracture on C7, causing a lot of swelling.

            “Sats are dropping! 87, 84!” April shouted, pulling everyone back into action.  Will stood there frozen, his entire world slowly collapsing.

            Dr. Choi checked Y/N’s pupillary response again, confirming the loss of consciousness.  One of the other nurses pulled out an intubation kit, Dr. Rhodes positioning himself behind Y/N.  He got the tube placed, and began bagging.  Dr. Choi checked the placing of the tube, satisfied when he heard bilateral breath sounds again.  The oxygen levels began rising, settling at 95.

            “We need to get Dr. Abrams in for a consult, as well as ortho.  Let’s get her transferred up to the ICU for the time being. Let’s roll!” Dr. Rhodes kept bagging as the bed was wheeled out of the trauma room, multiple nurses following behind.

            Dr. Choi stood by Will as Y/N was taken away.  He gave a small pat on Will’s back, in attempt of reassurance. “She will be alright. Let us know if you need anything.”

            Will felt helpless, there wasn’t anything he could do since you two were together.  All he could do was wait.  He pulled out his phone, finding Jay’s text thread.  Through blurry eyes, he was able to get a quick message typed out, letting Jay know briefly what is happening.

—————————————-

            Sharon Goodwin was finally able to get down to the ED, Maggie informing her of what happened.  She spotted Will and Natalie, quickly rushing over to get the latest update.  Natalie excused herself when Goodwin arrived.

            “Dr. Halstead, Maggie informed me that Y/N was here.  What happened?” Goodwin always had a calm tone when it came to discussing loved ones in the hospital.  It was a tool of the trade that she had mastered.

            “She was doing carriage rides for a party today.  She normally doesn’t do them on this side of town, but she was feeling generous and said she would do it just this once.  Medics say the horse spooked as she was walking around in front of them, about to get back on the carriage.  Trampled her, the carriage wheels just narrowly missing her.”  Will shook his head, still unable to comprehend what all just happened in the trauma room.

            “She’s been doing carriage rides with this horse, and others, for years.  And today is the day that it could all end.”  He sniffled, lowering his head to hide the tears threatening to spill over.

            “You know she’s at the best place she could possibly be right now.  Why don’t you go upstairs and wait with her?  I’ll have Dr. Reese take over your patients, and I’m sure Dr. Choi wouldn’t mind shadowing her.”  Goodwin rubbed his arm, offering a small smile.  Her tone was serious, and Will knew he couldn’t argue with her.

            “If they won’t mind.  I’m going to go grab her go bag, I know she will want her favorite blanket when she wakes up. I have to go to the precinct and let Jay know, he hasn’t answered my texts yet.”  Will nodded, liking the sound of the plan he formulated.

            “Whatever you need.  Keep me updated on what happens, I’ll stop back by later.”  Goodwin walked off, finding Dr. Reese and Dr. Choi to let them know the plan had changed.

---------------------------

              It wouldn’t be for another three days before you finally showed a decent cognitive function that the doctors felt comfortable enough to lighten your sedation and wake you up. Jay and Will walked into your ICU room to find Dr. Abrams doing his neuro exam to test your cognitive functions.  There was slight improvement from when you were first brought in, but nothing significant.

            “Anything new?” Will asked, pulling Dr. Abrams from his notes on his iPad.

            “I think we can lighten the sedation a little bit today, see if she wakes up on her own.  She won’t be able to talk since she is still intubated, but we can get her weaned off the vent to where she can hopefully stay breathing on her own.”  Dr. Abrams typed away at his notes while updating Will, handing it over once he was finished so Will could read the updates.

            “I’ll page Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Choi; they’ll be up soon.  I’ll be back in a few moments.  Hang in there, she’s doing better than most.”

            Will only nodded, settling into the chair next to your bed and began reading the updates he may have missed.  Jay mumbled a small “thank you” as Dr. Abrams left. He was there for every check-in, so it’s not like anything major has been updated.  Will kept reading over everything from the last three days, looking at the CT scans that were done every day and the notes left by Dr. Abrams.  He was thorough in his reporting, Will gave him that. A light knock on the door startled Jay and Will, Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Choi walking in once their presence was acknowledged.

            “So, Dr. Abrams says we can start to wake her up.  Now we don’t really know the extent of her brain injury, if there are any.” Dr. Rhodes was mainly directing his statement towards Jay.  Will knew there would likely be deficits, and he was already mentally prepared for that.

            “We can go ahead and start to lighten the sedative, it will take a while for her body to metabolize everything still circulating, but she should start to come around.  Dr. Abrams caught us on the way in, once she shows movement or any sign of waking up, that's we need to get him in here.” Dr. Choi was messing with the IV pumps, punching in numbers and closing off lines. 

            Jay and Will stayed on either side of your bed, holding your hands in theirs and kissing your knuckles.  The last few days had been absolute hell on them, taking turns sleeping and getting food.  Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Choi stepped out of the room, documenting everything they did at the nurse’s station right outside your room. 

            Jay sighed. “I need to know that she will be fine.  That she will wake up and recover.”

            Will only shook his head, finally letting the tears fall that he had been holding back since you first came in.  He sniffled, “She will be fine.  She is strong and hardheaded like us.  She’s not going to let something like this stop her.”

            Some time had passed, neither of them knew how long it had been. Both brothers sat in silence, the steady pulse of the vent breathing for you filling the room. Jay felt it at first, but he didn’t say anything, as he didn’t want to get his or Will’s hopes up.  But then Will felt it and looked up at Jay.  They locked eyes, their breath catching.

Now was as good a time as any.

----------------------------

Antonio Dawson

The Dawson siblings… your parents had no idea they would have to deal with 3 souls that feared absolutely nothing. Being the youngest definitely helped you feel even bolder. Having Antonio and Gabby protect you from everything and everyone made you feel like the safest person on earth. Growing up is never easy, but being a Dawson prepared you for a lot. With Gabby being in CFD and Antonio in CPD, your parents wondered if you would follow your sibling's footsteps. When the moment came to choose your profession, they were worried that would be the case. You, however, have no idea where your passion lies.

“You don't have to be so worried about this, kid,” Antonio said from his spot on the couch.

“How can I not, Tonio?”

“Come here, sit down,” he said, patting the spot beside him. You went and sat beside him. “It's perfectly normal to feel lost about all this. It's not an easy decision. “

“It was easy for you and Gabby. You always knew what you wanted to do.”

“That means nothing. Do you think we never had doubts? That we didn't struggle?” Antonio held your face in his hands. “You have our support. Always. It doesn't matter what you choose to do.”

“He's right,” Gabby said, having arrived in the room just now. “We love you, and we're going to help you find your way.”

Hank Voight

Losing a parent is something that can change someone’s entire life. You and Hank had to deal with the loss of your dad when you were both too young to even understand why he died. You and Hank were really different, but you both shared the wish to become police. To protect the city like your father did. Being the oldest, Hank became a mentor to you. He was there for you in every step of your career, being your biggest supporter. Being police somehow strengthened your bond and you guys grew closer as the years went by. You could be yourself without any fear with him, and he felt the same. When your brother lost the love of his life, his wife Camille, you were the only person he would open up to.

“I don’t know what to do,” Hank stared at you for the first time that evening. He’s been avoiding you since the funeral that morning. You knew he was scared to pour out his emotions, afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep going if he let himself feel all that pain.

“I’m here, Hank,” you held his hands that rested on the table.

“Do you remember how you felt when dad died?” Hank asked you.

“What? No… We were so young.”

“Exactly. I don’t remember hurting his much, you know?”

You felt your eyes fill with tears at his words. You got up and embraced him in a hug, hoping to pass him some comfort. “We’re going to be okay, brother. I got you.”

Adam Ruzek

As surprising as it may sound, having an older brother who never leaves you alone and is devoted to annoy you is not that bad. You were a really introverted kid, and for years Adam was your only friend. You were still a baby when your parents divorced. This made things even more complicated between them, but Adam has always been there for you. He held your hand when you walked for the first time. He taught you how to ride a bike and how to play football. Your dad always watched you two with fondness in his eyes. The three of you were pretty close. Bob was not perfect, but he tried his best. He knew that Adam felt like he had to protect you from everything, but sometimes that went too far.

“Adam, for the last time, tell me where the hell are they!” Bob was starting to lose his patience.

“Dad, I told you I don’t know.”

“You’re 20, for god's sake! You should stop covering for them.”

Adam choose to stay silent this time. They’ve been at it for 30 minutes now, and he already used all his excuses.

“Fine, you want me to go to the police station? I can find them and cause a scene, sending police cars to wherever they are!”

Adam’s eyes widened at this, he knew it was a lost battle now. He told your dad about the party you went to, already feeling sorry for all the scolding you’d get the next days. Later that night, Adam apologized for not being able to hold your dad longer.

You looked at him with a big smile on your face, “It’s okay, Adam. Do you wanna know how my date went?”

Dante Torres

Life could be hard. Too damn hard. You and Dante knew that very well. From a young age, both of you had to learn how to survive in a world where kids like you two were constantly thrown under the bus. Being a foreigner in the US was hard enough, but also being poor and living with an abusive stepfather made things worse. Dante had to grow up faster than usual. He had to become someone that you and your mother could rely on, even though he was way too young for any of this. Juvie. Gangs. You never lost hope that Dante would leave that life, find a good job, and be happy. The day he got into the academy was one of the happiest days of your life. Seeing him later in Intelligence made you so damn proud.

“I can't believe they're giving you a permanent spot!” you were jumping into his arms before he could cross the threshold.

“You saw my message?” Dante said with a smile, hugging you back.

“Of course I did! You got the job, I'm so proud of you!”

“Where's mom?” Dante asked, stepping back from the hug and closing the door. You could tell he was a little overwhelmed with the news himself.

“She will be back soon. We have a surprise for you,” you said nonchalantly.

“What? You guys didn't have to give me anything.”

“Don't worry, bald head,” you used the nickname he hated so much. “We want to treat you, for everything you did for us.”

You approached him again and held his hand, “We love you, and we're so proud.”

“I love you guys too.” Dante smiled down at you. “But never call me bald head again.”

“Okay, bald head.”

Please accept this post as my apology for being MIA… I had this idea the other day so I decided to write it.

I’m aware that Adam has a sister that was mentioned in the show, but I don’t remember much about her, so that’s why she wasn’t mentioned. The same goes for his mother. For the others, I tried to include their parents and siblings as much as I could.

Chapter 4 of Upstead Foster Daughter is half written because I want it to be longer than the others, but inspiration hasn't hit me in a while.

You were a creature of habit. Always have been. So it didn’t take long for everyone to learn them. One particular habit was your nightly trip to Molly’s. The firefighter bar. You met Herrmann in the ER one day and you became friends. He was quite possibly the sweetest person you’d ever met. He was also the only one who knew your full past.

You weren’t always here in Chicago nor were you aware of your brothers, Will and Jay. Up until 9 months ago you didn’t know that they existed. You were an orphan, or at least that’s what you were always told and you had no reason to think otherwise. But sure enough, after a trip to Chicago and one freak accident that took you to the ER, you found them. Well one. Your older brother Will. How he found out, you still didn’t know but he did. Shortly after, you met Jay, who apparently is your twin brother.

You spent as much time with them as possible before leaving for your college graduation, promising to visit. Little did you know that they were coming back with you. You didn’t find out until they “dropped you off” at the airport the next day but with bags.

“You think we’d miss our little sister’s graduation?” Will asked smiling warmly.

"Seriously?" you asked, your face lighting up like a child's on Christmas morning.

Will chuckled, ruffling your hair, "Of course. We wouldn't miss it for the world."

As soon as your flight number was called, you all boarded the plane, excitement bubbling under the surface. You couldn't believe it. Just a week ago, you thought you'd be walking across the stage to receive your degree with no one in the crowd cheering for you. But now, you were going to have two people there, and not just anyone—your brothers.

As you settled into your seat, you glanced over at Will and Jay, who were chatting animatedly about the plans for the weekend. The reality of the situation finally hit you, and felt a smile creeping up your face. You'd spent so much of your life moving from place to place, rarely feeling like you truly belonged anywhere. But now, it felt like you finally did belong.

When the plane landed, you turned to your brothers with a smile. "I'll head home and change, and then I'll meet you both at the hotel with my husband," you said, still riding the high of excitement from the journey.

They nodded, and after a quick hug and a promise to catch up soon, you headed off towards your apartment. You didn’t live so far away, so you decided to walk. As you walked up the driveway, you noticed your husband's car was there. A small, happy smile crossed your face.

You unlocked the front door and stepped inside, calling out a cheerful greeting. "I'm home!"

But there was no response. The house was eerily quiet, and an uneasy feeling began to settle in your stomach. You walked through the hallway, your footsteps echoing in the silence. As you approached the bedroom door, you noticed it was slightly ajar. Pushing it open, your eyes widened in shock.

There, on the bed, was your husband—tangled up with another woman. It was almost too surreal to process at first; your mind struggled to comprehend what you were seeing. They both looked up, startled by your sudden entrance. Your husband quickly pulled away from the woman, but he didn't seem particularly shocked or apologetic. Instead, he simply stared at you. In fact, a look of mild annoyance was plastered on his face.

For a moment, you just stood there, frozen, as a tidal wave of emotions crashed over you—betrayal, anger, sadness. You felt like you had been punched in the gut. You'd been so excited to share your news with him, and now this?

You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to speak. "I'll be back for my things," you said, your voice surprisingly steady despite earthquake of emotions rattling inside you. You didn't wait for a response. You turned on your heel and walked out, grabbing your car keys on the way out.

As you got into your car, your hands were trembling. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you wiped them away and started the engine. You drove to the hotel in a daze, trying to shake the image of your husband and the other woman from your mind. How you didn’t have an accident was beyond you.

Needless to say, they were furious when you showed up at their hotel room in tears. You had tried so hard to hold it together, but as soon as the elevator doors closed behind you, the dam broke. The tears came fast and hard, and you struggled to keep your sobs quiet as you rode up to their floor.

When you reached their room and knocked, Will opened the door, his smile fading instantly when he saw your tear-streaked face. Without a word, he pulled you into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around you protectively. The warmth of his embrace made you feel better, even if just for a moment.

Jay quickly crossed the space between you, "What happened?" he asked, his voice tense.

You tried to speak, but your voice caught in your throat. The pain was too raw, the words too painful. Instead, you just shook your head, fresh tears spilling down your cheeks. Will held you tighter, his hand gently rubbing your back in a soothing motion.

"He... he was with someone else," you finally managed to choke out between sobs, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jay's face turned red with anger, his fists clenching at his sides. "What?" he nearly shouted; his voice filled with fury. He took a step towards the door, clearly ready to confront your husband. "I'm gonna kill him," he muttered under his breath.

Will, still holding you close, turned to block Jay's path. "No, Jay," he said firmly, "This isn't the time. She needs us."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," you said, more tears streaming down your face as the realization hit you—you were now possibly homeless. You felt the weight of everything, slowly crushing you. But you needn’t worry about anything.

Jay offered you a place to stay and went back with you to collect the rest of your belongings. He was also there when you filed for divorce. Despite his assurances that he didn't mind you staying with him, you started looking for a place of your own. When you thought you had found one, Jay insisted it "wasn't safe enough" for you. So, almost nine months later, you’re still living with him. It had been a long time since you had a brother around, and you'd forgotten how much of a nuisance they could be—but you loved it.

You're now a nurse at Gaffney, the same hospital where Will works. While you love being near your brothers, the ER can be incredibly stressful, and when it gets overwhelming, you find yourself at Molly's, sitting on your usual barstool. Herrmann could tell just by the look on your face which usual you needed. You had two orders: one for a good day and one for a bad one. Clearly, today was the latter.

You smiled as the drink appeared in front of you. "Thanks, Hermie," you said, picking up the shot glass and downing it in one go, welcoming the familiar burn.

"No problem, kid," he said, a gentle smile playing on his lips. "Wanna talk about it?" You shook your head, offering a grateful smile. He casually draped the towel over his shoulder and placed another drink in front of you, a glass of coke with double vodka, "You know where to find me if you change your mind."

You nodded once more as he moved to serve other patrons. You let your eyes leave their place on the glass and wander around the bar. Many people were regulars, in fact all of them were except for one.

He caught your eye immediately. He was quite possibly the hottest person you’d ever laid your eyes on. He was definitely older than you, by about 20 years but damn you didn’t care. His short, neatly trimmed hair was greying slightly but it only made him sexier. As you continue to admire him you could feel yourself being pulled from reality as your eyes trace his strong jawline. They then made their way further south to where the luckiest pieces of clothing hugs him. Especially the leather jacket. You love leather jackets. You’re not sure why but when they are wrapped around men like that, do you need a reason?

He must have felt your eyes on him because his flicked over to them. You quickly avert your eyes back to your glass, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks and you hope that it’s dark enough so no one can see.

You want to talk to him, but you feel you need some more liquid courage. You continued to drink your double vodka and coke and when you finished you signalled for a refill but just coke this time. You picked up the drink and made your way over to the man and sat beside him.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you here before,” you said, trying to make yourself sound like you weren’t completely freaking out on the inside.

“It’s not my usual place,” he replied with the deepest gravelly voice you had ever heard. You had to squeeze your thighs shut because of the effect it had on you.

Nevertheless, you try and ignore the feeling and held your hand out to him, “I’m (y/n)” you said with a small smile.

“Henry” he replied, placing his hand in yours. The rough skin on his fingertips felt good against your soft skin. You couldn’t help but think where else they’d feel good.

You both talked for a while as more people started to filter in. It started to get really loud and you wouldn’t mind going somewhere private with Henry. So you asked, “Hey, wanna go somewhere quieter,” you bite your lip hoping he says yes... And he does.

The drive to his was quiet, I left you to your thoughts. This wasn’t what you intended when you left the apartment tonight but hey apparently sex is a great stress reliever and you have a feeling you are about to be well taken care of.

You shoot Jay a quick text to let him know you are okay and as you press send you stopped. He’s a gentleman and opens the door for you and holds his hand out for you to take.

You take it and you get out of the car, following him into the house, his hand on the small of your back guiding you towards it.

The next few moments are a blur. As soon as the door shut, his mouth was on yours. The kiss started off tender but slowly got more passionate. You certainly weren’t complaining. He slowly guided you towards the bedroom, his lips never leaving yours. You had no idea where in the house you were until the back of your legs hit the cool sheets. His hands moved from your face to the zipper on your dress pulling it down swiftly. He slid the small straps down your arms as you fiddled with the buttons on his shirt. The dress dropped from your frame and pooled at your feet, leaving you in just your underwear. When you undid the last button, you slowly removed both the shirt and the leather jacket. You let your hands follow the garments until they landed on his belt. Your mouths were still attached. You could taste the whiskey on his tongue and he could taste the vodka on yours. You continue fumbling with his jeans until thy joined your dress. His hands glide down your body until they reach your ass, you moan as he gives them a firm squeeze before lifting you up.

He turned and sat on the bed, so you were straddling him. You could feel him beneath you and you couldn’t help but grind against him. When he groaned you felt your pussy yip as if it had just been shocked. Was anything this man did not sexy?

Your tongues continue to battle each other as your wet core rides his clothed hardness. Until you couldn’t take it anymore. You stood only to remove your panties. He removed his boxers quickly before you climbed back on top of him, wasting no time sinking down on him.

“fuck* you breathed, the word falling from your lips as your head falls back.

His hands hold your shoulders, slamming you down harder on him. You were already seeing stars and you had barely started.

His lips attached themselves to your neck, licking and nibbling at the soft flesh. They then trailed lower towards your still covered breasts. He kissed the valley between but made no movement to take off the piece of fabric in his way. So you reached behind you and unclasped it, discarding it with the rest of your clothes.

He smirked against your skin taking one in his mouth, sucking hard on the sensitive nub, his hand played with the other, rolling it between his thumb and index finger. Then he switched, giving them equal attention.

Without warning, he stood up and chucked you onto the bed, leaving you feeling cold and empty. Your hand went to your clit to give you something as he climbed towards you. Eyes locked on you as if you were his prey.

His hand slowly runs up your thigh until it reaches your hand. He looks at you and you move your hand and rest it on your stomach. His hand replaces yours. Teasing you. One finger gliding through the lips, dipping it ever so slightly into your wet hole.

“Please” you whimpered as his fingers continue to tease you.

With a smirk, he enters you fully, making you arch off the bed. He starts to move in and out, your body begging for more. You can’t help but let out a low moan that echoes through the room.

“Oh, baby, you like that?” he whispers in your ear, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

You nod your head, unable to form words as pleasure overtakes you.

He slammed into you, hard and fast, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the darkness. You dig your nails into the bed, trying to hold on as he fucks you into oblivion.

You’re not sure how long it goes on, but you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge.

And just as you’re about to go over, he pulls out and flips you onto your stomach, pushing your legs apart. You know what’s coming next, and the few second wait is almost too much to handle. He slams into you from behind, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he drives into you, over and over again.

You bite the pillow to muffle your screams as he takes you roughly, your body trembling with every thrust. You can feel yourself about to cum, and you know it’s going to be the best fucking orgasm of your life.

Finally, with one last, hard thrust, you do. Your orgasm rips through you like a tornado in a trailer park, leaving you a trembling mess on the bed. Henry follows shortly after, his own groan of pleasure muffled against your neck.

The two of you collapse onto the bed, both panting and sweaty. You lay there for a moment, trying to catch your breath, before you feel him roll over and wrap an arm around you.

The next morning you open your eyes, and you don’t recognise your surroundings. Your eyes squeeze shut as the bright light burns them and you become aware of the arm draped across your bare waist. Its then you remember the events from last night and it wasn’t just an amazing dream.

As your mind replays the sex a tone begins to sound. You knew it wasn’t your phone. The arm removed itself from your body and the sound stopped shortly after.

You turned to look at him, “hi,” your voice is small and unsure. You hadn’t done anything like this before so you didn’t know the protocol.

“Hey... I uh... Got to get to work,” he said removing the covers and going to get changed, “I’ll take you to get your car,”

“Thank you,” you smiled as you grab your outfit off the floor and quickly threw it on. You got your phone out your bag and checked the time, “shit,”

“What’s wrong?” Henry asked turning around as he continued buttoning up his shirt.

“Nothing, just my brother might have left for work already and he hasn’t given me a spare key,” you groaned inwardly. You couldn’t show up at the hospital looking like this.

As soon as you both were ready, as promised, Henry took you back to Molly’s to get your car. Much to your disappointment, plans were not made to see each other again.

You got in your car and drove as fast as you could without breaking the law but when you got there it was indeed too late. Jay had already gone to work. You got back in your car and headed to his workplace. What a first impression you were going to make. You haven’t met any of Jay’s colleagues and dressed in last night’s outfit and possibly smelling like sex.

You took a deep breath as you walked through the doors and up the steps to find a huge desk in front of you. You watched as the woman gave a sarcastic reply to a couple of patrol officers and you tried to stifle a laugh but failed. Her eyes flashed over to you, “Can I help you?” she asked in a tone that would probably send the uniforms running but you just give her your sweetest smile.

“I’m looking for my brother, Jay Halstead,”

“Oh, so you’re the mini-Halstead,” she said with the same tone, “Lets hope you aren’t like the other two,”

“Well, I’m a female,” you shrugged “Thats a difference,”

She pointed to another set of stairs leading up to a gate, “He’s up there,” she said resting her hand on the button waiting to buzz you in.

As soon as you hear it buzz, you open the gate and head up the rest of the steps. Jay spotted you before you got to the top.

“Look who decided to show up,” he called out. Everyone in the room turned to look at you and you kinda felt a little exposed. They probably thought you were a prostitute or something.

“Jay, I don’t have time for this,” you said walking over to his desk, your palm held out ready to receive the keys, “I’ve got to go to work,”

He fished the keys from his pocket and tossed them up in the air, a smug grin on his face, “Come home at a reasonable time then,”

“Or you could have gotten me a key cut, asshole,” you said rolling your eyes as you put the keys in your bag. When you looked back at your brother, he was looking at you funny, “What?”

“Where did you get that jacket?” he asked pointing to the leather jacket Henry gave you. You had forgotten you were wearing it.

You shrugged, “Just a friend,” you replied nonchalantly. Jay went to say something else when a voice spoke from behind you. A familiar one. You turned and sure enough, there he was, “Henry?”

It didn’t take a detective to connect the dots. You had slept with your brother’s boss. You hadn’t meant to. You had no idea who he was. But the thing is... You want to do it again. You want to fuck him again.

She hurried up the walkway and knocked firmly. “Chicago P.D., open up, please!”

A few seconds, though they felt like minutes, passed before the porch light flicked on.

The lights of the next house turned on as well, and a woman stepped out onto her porch, hugging a robe around herself. She looked around, confused by the number of officers in the park.

“What’s going on?” she asked raising her voice to be heard.

Without hesitation, Adam walked toward her, pulling up a picture on his phone.

“We’re searching for a missing girl” he said calmly. “This is the last place we were able to trace her. Have you seen her, ma’am?”

He held up the screen, showing Becca’s picture.

“I’m sorry, no,” she said, her voice tinged with worry. “But an elderly man lives in that house. I don’t think he has anything to do with it… do you?”

“We’re just trying to get any footage that might help us find her. Do you have a Ring camera or any other security system facing the street?”

“Oh, absolutely,” the woman said.

Adam nodded and followed her inside, casting a quick glance toward Burgess, who was still knocking on the neighboring door.

The door opened slightly for Kim, an older man peeking out, confused and uneasy.

“Can I help you?” He said with a shaky voice. 

“Sorry to bother you at this hour, sir. Detective Burgess, Intelligence Unit,” Kim said, flashing her badge. “We’re looking for a missing girl. I noticed you have a camera facing the street, we need to see the footage.”

The man hesitated, glancing past her toward the flashing lights down the block.

“Uh… okay. Do you have a warrant?”

“Sir, you’re not in trouble, and I’m not accusing you of any crime. We have a missing juvenile,” she replied, steady but urgent. “Time matters in cases like this. If your camera caught anything tonight, it could help us find her and bring her back to her family sooner.”

The man looked toward his neighbor and noticed she was also talking to a cop, then nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, you can check it. Come in. My son installed it for me, I just don’t know how it works.”

“Thank you,” Burgess said, already stepping inside. “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.”

Meanwhile, Becca kept walking through the cold, second-guessing every turn, no longer certain she was heading anywhere at all.

“I don’t remember this,” she muttered to herself, trying—and failing—to stay calm. “But we haven’t visited Mom in a while… maybe things have changed…”

Her feet were frozen, red and aching, but at the same time she could barely feel them. She wondered if taking off her wet socks would help, but she kept them on. She didn’t stop moving, because stopping meant getting colder.

“If I go back the way I came… maybe I can find Will’s house?” It was difficult to articulate, she was shivering from the cold. “No… no, I don’t think so. I’m really lost now.”

That thought brought back a memory, something familiar. A line from Alice in Wonderland, one of the books Mr. Olinsky had sent for her through Jay.

She had memorized it back then, when she’d felt just as lost as Alice. She muttered it under her breath, trying to keep her eyes open:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat. “I don’t much care where—” said Alice. “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat. “—so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added. “Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

The girl let out a weak breath. The exhaustion was taking over; she could fall asleep at any moment.

“Yeah… not the same,” she stuttered through the cold.

“We’re losing time. We should be moving now!” Jay insisted.

“Easy,” Olinsky said calmly.

“This is where you received her last call from,” Platt added trying to ease his anxiety. “There has to be something, anything.”

Jay forced himself to breathe. He was good under pressure, always had been. It was one of the things that defined him in the field, no matter how bad a case got, how messy or violent, he stayed sharp, focused and in control.

But this was different. This wasn’t just a name on a file. The cracks were there, impossible to hide in the way his hands wouldn’t stay still, the way his eyes kept darting, searching for something that wasn’t there. In the sharp edge of his voice every time he spoke.

The same questions kept rolling in his mind over and over again: What if she was hurt? What if she was alone somewhere, scared, calling for him? What if he was already too late?

He had worked in so many cases like this one… What if it was already too late?

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration and with that movement, his flashlight shifted and caught something in the grass.

“Hey, what’s that?” Olinsky asked.

It was shiny.

Hailey spotted it from a distance, her heart instantly picking up speed. She crouched down to pick it up and Jay stepped closer.

For a second, he didn’t react. He bent down and picked it up with shaking hands.

It was a bracelet. Small and delicate. It was familiar. He knew it, but didn’t want to admit it, still, his body reacted.

“This is hers.” he said urgently.

“Becca never takes it off.” Hailey pointed out.

The weight of that realization hit all of them at once.

“It’s good,” Voight argued, controlling his tone. “It means she was here. And there’s a chance she still is. So let’s move.” His tone increased in some sort of anger. 

But at that exact moment, their radios crackled. It was Burgess:

I’ve got something on the footage.

Within seconds, the team regrouped inside the house, crowding around as the Ring camera video replayed on the screen.

The image was grainy, but they all recognized Becca’s silhouette as she entered the frame on the sidewalk just outside the park.

“That’s her,” Jay said, leaning in closer. “No doubt.”

She was walking slowly, tired, her phone pressed to her ear, glancing around like she wasn’t sure where to go next.

Lost.

“She’s scared,” he added with a lump forming in his throat. He didn’t have to see her facial expressions to know that. 

“Play it again,” Voight ordered.

They watched as she hesitated, then turned.

“She saw something.”

“Wait,” Adam said with the second device in her hands and they all switched to the neighbor’s camera for a clearer angle. “I think I have her in this one too.”

A man entered the frame, walking toward Becca… too close to her.

Jay’s expression hardened.

In the video, Becca froze, then ran. The detectives went still as they watched the man take off after her.

Just like that, they were gone, out of frame.

“That’s him.” The neighbor pointed at the screen of her phone. “He lives a few houses down.”

“Which house?” Jay didn’t wait. He was already moving.

“Jay—” Hailey called after him, but he was gone.

Al tried to physically stop him, but it was useless.

The door burst open as Jay stepped out into the cold, the rest of the team rushing after them.

Adam didn’t hesitate—he followed right behind him without a word. He didn’t need to ask questions or be told what to do. He remembered that kind of desperation all too well—the way it took over, the way it made everything else disappear. The kind that made consequences feel irrelevant, that pushed you forward no matter what. He wasn’t about to let Jay go through that alone. There was no time to lose, he knew that. Right now, it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission, and he wasn’t going to let his friend down. 

“House down the block,” Adam said, catching up. “Blue porch light.”

Jay didn’t answer. They simply moved fast, in sync.

Detective Halstead pounded on the entrance once, then forced it open.

The man was already at the other side of the door, probably awake from all of the noise. 

“Hey!” he shouted, startled and backing up. “What the—?”

Jay grabbed him by the shirt, shoving him back and slamming him against the wall.

“Where is she?” he snapped.

“I don’t—what are you talking about?!” the man stammered. "Who are you?"

"We're the police" Adam threatened with his badge.

“You followed her!” Jay shouted.

“We saw you, where is she?!” Adam added, pulling up Becca’s picture on his phone. 

“That girl?!” the man said, panicking. “I do— I do remember her..."

“You made the wrong choice.” Ruzek continued. “She’s one of us, family.”

"I was trying to help her!”

“Adam, that’s enough,” Kim warned, stepping in.

But Jay shoved him harder.

“She looked lost, I swear…she ran away!”

They didn’t listen.

“You dared to touch her, where is she?!” Jay barked, his voice breaking now.

“Jay!” Upton warned. 

Jay’s fist tightened. For a second, it looked like he was going to swing. 

“Halstead!” Voight’s voice cut through the room, sharp and controlled. The sergeant stepped in closer, his eyes locked on him. 

Jay froze.

“Don’t do something stupid,” Voight said firmly. “You’re not thinking straight.”

He stepped closer, lowering his voice, but not the intensity.

“I get it. I do. But if you lose your head right now, you’re no good to her.”

Jay didn’t answer, his chest was rising and falling too fast. His blood was boiling.

“...And if you can’t get it together,” he added, sharper now, “I will pull you off this, no hesitation, son.”

That landed.

Jay let go and the man collapsed against the wall.

“She was scared,” he said. “She ran toward the main road. No shoes... I was trying to help her.”

Olinsky grabbed his shoulder. “Come on, kid."

Jay closed his eyes. Everything was spinning. Too many directions. Not enough time. He started to feel dizzy. The noise around him blurred: voices, movement, questions, all of it fading into something distant, like he was underwater. It wasn’t anxiety or panic. It was all the pent-up anger and fear he had been carrying inside him, mixed with the weight of guilt pressing down on his shoulders. 

“Chuckles,” a soft voice called tenderly.

He didn’t know how he had ended up outside on the street again, with Trudy Platt standing in front of him.

“They got a call from dispatch,” she continued. “A woman reported a lost girl. Matches Becca’s description, also no shoes, disoriented…”

Jay didn’t hesitate and came back to his senses. 

“Where?”

Voight stepped in beside him, already moving, locking eyes with him for a second.

“You’re riding with me.” He demanded.

For a fragment of seconds, Hailey didn’t move right away. Her eyes stayed on Jay, following him full of concern. She could see the storm he was barely keeping contained.

Jay gave a tight nod to the boss.

Connor knew something was wrong the second he walked through the door.

The heat inside your apartment was stifling, the air thick and constricting. The thermostat read 80°F, far too high for someone already burning up. A spike of worry cut through him like a knife as he scanned the dimly lit living room, eyes locking onto the couch where you were curled up beneath a pile of sweat-soaked blankets.

You were trembling, body wracked with uncontrollable shivers despite the heat.

“Y/N.”

Kneeling beside you, he pressed the back of his hand to your forehead, only to feel scorching heat radiating off your skin. His pulse jumped. This wasn’t just a fever—it was dangerous.

Your eyelids fluttered weakly, but your gaze didn’t quite focus. Your pupils were sluggish, the usual warmth in your eyes dulled by exhaustion and something far worse—delirium.

“…Jay?”

Connor stilled.

His chest tightened as he watched your eyes flicker past him, unfocused and distant.

You weren’t looking at him… You were looking through him. 

Your fingers twitched against his arm, grasping at something—or someone—who wasn’t there.

“You—you’re hurt,” you mumbled, your raspy voice barely above a whisper. “Jay… you need to sit down. You’re—there’s so much blood—”

Connor exhaled sharply, his throat tightening.

He recognized the signs immediately: delirium from hyperpyrexia. You weren’t just confused—you were trapped in some fever-induced flashback, reliving a memory you couldn’t escape.

“Y/N,” he said firmly, cupping your cheek, his touch gentle but grounding. “It’s Connor. I’m here. You’re sick, but I’ve got you.”

You let out a soft, distressed noise, your body twitching under his hands. Another tremor wracked your frame, and Connor barely suppressed a curse.

Grabbing the thermometer from the coffee table, he slipped it under your tongue, keeping a steadying hand at the nape of your neck when your head lolled slightly. The beep came too soon, and when he pulled it back, his heart dropped into his stomach.

104.7°F.

A fever that high wasn’t just uncomfortable—it was life-threatening. If it climbed much higher, you’d be at risk for seizures, brain damage, organ failure.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, already reaching for his bag.

Your pulse was racing beneath his fingers—easily over 120 bpm, a classic sign of systemic inflammatory response syndrome. You were dehydrated, tachycardic, and burning up.

He considered calling an ambulance, but as if sensing his thoughts, your weak fingers curled around his wrist.

“No hospital,” you rasped, voice barely audible.

Connor exhaled sharply through his nose.

He should’ve fought you on it. If this were anyone else—any other patient—he would’ve forced them onto a gurney and straight into the ED. But you weren’t just anyone.

You were you.

And he’d sworn to keep you safe.

“Okay,” he murmured, brushing damp hair from your forehead. “Okay.”

Your fingers twitched again, something close to a thank you.

But another violent shiver stole any chance of a response, your body curling in on itself as your muscles spasmed from the fever.

At that, Connor got up and strode to the hall closet, where he kept a more advanced first aid kit, which included IV kits and medications, since like your brothers, you had a severe tendency to downplay your injuries and illnesses. 

Connor moved swiftly, securing a tourniquet around your arm as he scanned for a vein. The cephalic vein, located just to the side of your bicep tendon, was faint but still visible, though it appeared slightly collapsed. The dehydration was complicating the process, so Connor lightly flicked the area he planned to use, hoping to encourage the vein to dilate and make the insertion easier.

“Stay with me, sweetheart,” he murmured, swabbing the site before uncapping the 18-gauge catheter.

The needle slid in smoothly. A flash of blood return filled the chamber, and Connor advanced the catheter before securing the line. He hooked up the normal saline IV, and put the IV bag on a hook that held a picture of you and him, that he took down temporarily. and opened the roller clamp, watching the fluid start to drip into your system.

Your body twitched at the sudden intake of fluids.

“There we go,” he murmured, keeping his voice steady even as his own pulse refused to cease galloping. “You’re gonna feel so much better soon.”

But your fever was still too high.

Connor pushed himself up and strode to the bathroom, twisting the faucet until lukewarm water began filling the tub. He tested the temperature with his wrist, ensuring it wasn’t too cold. Cooling too fast could cause vasoconstriction and worsen the fever response.

Returning to you, he placed the IV bag on your abdomen, and eased his arms under you, picking you up. You whimpered slightly at the change in positions, to which Connor replied, “Shh sweet girl. It's alright. I’ve got you.” He carried you into the bathroom, and gently set you in the water, and set the IV bag up on the shower curtain rod. 

The second your skin touched the water, a weak whimper escaped your lips.

“No—Jay—don’t—”

His grip tightened, steady but gentle.

“You’re safe,” he murmured, running a cool washcloth over your flushed skin. “I’ve got you.”

You let out another quiet sound, eyes still distant—but this time, you finally started to relax.

Minutes stretched on. The room was silent aside from the occasional ragged breath you took, the soft drip of the IV, the steady cadence of Connor’s voice as he whispered reassurances.

Slowly, the fever began to break.

104… 103.5… 102.6°F.

Still high. But it was no longer lethal.

Once he was sure your body had adjusted, he got you out of the tub, wrapped you in your favorite fluffy towel, and carried you into your shared bedroom and sat you on the edge of the bed. Quickly, he went into the closet,and got a pair of running shorts and a t- shirt. Connor helped you into dry clothes and laid you in bed. Your skin was clammy, your body still weak, but your pulse had steadied—no longer erratic, no longer dangerously fast.

Your fingers curled around his wrist, stronger than before.

“’M still here,” you mumbled, voice scratchy but certain.

His chest tightened.

Yeah. You were. And as long as he had anything to say about it, you always would be.

Recovery was slow.

For the next day and a half, Connor barely left your side.

Your fever hovered around 101°F, leaving you exhausted and barely able to keep your eyes open for more than a few minutes at a time. Even when you were awake, your words came out in a haze, fever-induced ramblings that broke his heart every single time.

“Jay, is… is that you?” you murmured weakly, your voice a rough whisper. The fever was still clouding your mind. It wasn’t until you saw the concerned, loving gaze in Connor’s eyes that you fully registered who was there. The next words that came from you weren’t words at all, just a strangled sob of relief that wracked your body and nearly broke him. He held you through it, not knowing how to fix it, but he knew he couldn’t let you go.

Connor forced you to sip electrolyte solutions, fed you small bites of soup even when you weakly protested.

“You haven’t eaten in two days,” he reminded you, his voice soft but firm, not willing to back down.

You scowled at him from beneath the blankets. “Bossy.”

He smirked. “Stubborn.”

It was hard to see you like this. You, normally so strong, so fiercely independent, now depend on him for even the smallest things. It made him feel like the walls were closing in, like the weight of his own concern was suffocating him. 

Eventually, the fever broke entirely. Your temperature finally dropped below 100°F, and the exhaustion that had weighed on you like a lead blanket finally began to lift.

Connor—still hovering, always watching—checked your pulse one last time, fingers lingering over your wrist.

Finally, he let himself relax.

“See?” you murmured, voice still hoarse but teasing. “Told you I’d be fine.”

Connor huffed, shaking his head. “You nearly cooked yourself from the inside out. Forgive me if I don’t find that too terribly funny.”

You sighed, squeezing his hand. “But I had you.”

His gaze softened, and he remembered why he fell head over heels for you in the first place. 

“Yeah,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. “You did.”

And you always would.

As you slept, Connor stayed awake, fearful you might take a turn down the wrong direction. the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest being the only thing keeping him sane. He watched over you, unable to shake the nagging fear that had lodged itself in his chest. But each breath you took, each gentle movement, was a reminder that you were still with him. And that was all that mattered.

TAGLIST:

"Morning," Hailey said, taking you out of your thoughts. She gave your shoulder a squeeze; she knew as well as you did what day it was. "How you holding up?"

You simply shrugged. You had been throwing yourself into graduate school applications and research experience and studying for the GRE just to have something to do over the summer. You even picked up extra shifts at the coffee shop you worked at. Because, you knew if you let your mind wander as it got closer to this day, that it would be bad news. Hell, you had planned on only applying to psychology doctoral programs that did not require the GRE, but with Jay gone and you worrying about his damn safety, you needed something else to struggle through. And, remembering high school math was just that thing.

But, today you had decided to not try to pick up a shift at work because you didn't know how you'd feel. And now you really wished you would have.

"I'm gonna go to the library soon," was what you decided to say to Hailey instead of telling her about your feelings. "Work on some stats problems and other math on the big whiteboards in the study rooms."

"Y/N, you know it doesn't hurt to talk about—"

"Hailey, I'm okay, really. I'm fine."

You knew she wasn't sleeping and was going on late night runs, so you didn't want to burden her with your feelings, too.

After all, crying to Hailey wouldn't bring Jay back.

She pulled out the chair across from you, sat down, and then her fingers touched your planner and she slid it towards her. She closed it and pushed it to the side.

You shook your head as a sad smile came to your face.

"Jay would've done the same thing," you said sadly. "Take away all the distractions and try to get me to talk."

"Y/N, I know you're upset. You can tell me—"

You quickly stood up. "Tell you what, Hailey?! That one of the two people in my family that I have left decided to leave without asking us and then extended his stay in a different country without talking to us? It's not gonna bring him back, Hailey! He does what he wants now without a care about anyone else! I don't know what has gotten into him, but that's not the brother I know!"

"Y/N—"

"I'm gonna go get ready and go to the library," you reiterated. "Keep the planner. I know what I need to do anyway."

When you walked into your room to get dressed, you saw Jay's stupid fucking Build-A-Bear on your bed. You had swapped Beary for Detective Blue when he left so that you'd each have a piece of each other.

You picked him up and threw him in your closet. And when you were done grabbing your clothes for day, you slammed the door, effectively keeping that bear out of eyesight.

The less things that reminded you of Jay, the better.

***

Hailey looked at her phone and debated calling Jay. But, would he even pick up? He said he'd be off the wire until Saturday morning, but did she mean her Saturday morning or his?

God, she hated this. The man who was supposed to love her as just as she was went running away.

"How screwed up am I and when do you cut your loses and run?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Hailey," he had said to her. And then, "eight months, maybe a little longer."

Well, extending his stay in Bolivia until after Christmas to be there for over a year was a lot longer than eight months.

Maybe he figured he should cut his losses and run after less than a year of marriage.

Maybe she needed to cut her losses, too.

She had her hand on her nightstand drawer where she kept the divorce papers when she thought she'd give him one more chance.

Hey, she typed on her phone. Give Y/N a call today when you get a chance. I know she's upset about you still being gone and she's shutting me out. Maybe you can get through to her.

She hit send on the text message.

She'd give him two more weeks, and then she too would be cutting her losses. Then, she moved the divorce papers to her closet because maybe not having that reminder next to her bed at night ould give her some clarity.

***

You were standing at a whiteboard in the study room you had booked struggling over some problems, so when your phone buzzed, it was a welcomed quick break.

It was Bri, one of your friends from work.

Hey, I know today might be rough for you, so wanna grab tacos and margs later? My treat? I'm off at 3, so we can meet at 4. Let me know! Hope you're doing okay!

You smiled. Bri was going into social work and was picking up extra shifts over the summer to work on saving some money because she'd be starting her master's degree in the fall. You know she'd make a damn good social worker. And, after the many shifts where it was only the two of you working open to close, you had formed a strong friendship built on sleep deprivation, caffeine, rude customers, and telling each other everything.

Definitely! you replied. Our usual spot?

She quickly replied confirming this and you went to put your phone down when it buzzed with another text. Assuming it was Bri, you looked at the text.

I know today might be rough. Can we talk?

It was Jay.

You huffed and shook your head, turned your phone on silent, and laid it face down on the table.

Talking wouldn't bring him home and wouldn't make the fact that he extended without asking go away. So no, you couldn't talk.

When you left studying to go get some food in you with Bri a few hours later, you saw his text. It was sent an hour after the first one.

Talked to Hailey. C'mon, Short Stack, talk to us.

If you weren't so pissed at him, you might have smiled at the use of your nickname. Instead, you typed out a quick reply.

Busy. Don't have time to talk right now.

***

It was now 9 pm and you were home from dinner with Bri and now with some alcohol in your system (like 1.5 drinks, you had been fine to drive), you finally had the strength to text Jay. It was 10pm his time since he was only an hour ahead of you, but maybe you'd get lucky and he'd be sleeping or off the wire unable to get service.

You just needed to say your peace. Jay was right, you just needed to let them in.

You shook your head at that last thought. Jay wasn't right! He hasn't been right about anything since the day he left eight months ago!

You opened your notes app and began to draft a text. Never in your wildest dreams did you think that you'd be drafting a text to your big brother—this was reserved for important emails and texts to supervisors—but you didn't even know exactly what you were feeling. So, how were you going to portray it to Jay?

After five minutes of writing, you settled on it.

Anger.

I'm pissed, Jay! You told me a date after you gave me, Will, and Hailey a couple of hours' notice about leaving and then you extended without even fucking talking to us! You didn't even talk to your wife! You want me to talk to you and all that but you never did that for us! You're being such a fucking hypocrite! Mom and Dad are gone, you're gone, who's next? Will? Hailey? Because everyone leaves me in the end. But, God, I never thought it would be you of all people who left.

Let me know when you see the real Jay again because the last time I saw him was before he got on that plane to Bolivia.

Then, you hit send, turned your phone on silent, and cried angry tears until you fell asleep.

***

You woke up the next morning at 9am and walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later. The minute you turned on the coffee machine, you heard the door open. Hailey must've gone on an early morning run.

Who knows, maybe criminals went to church early today, so she had to be at work and start dealing with their after-church crimes at 10am.

Luckily for you, you didn't have to be at work until 1pm, so you could try to relax...if possible. Or, you'd just study to have something else to focus on. Maybe even go for a run.

After all, you hadn't turned your phone back on to see Jay's text, so you might need to do something physically demanding once you read it.

"Jay would've been pissed you're not aware of your surroundings, you know that, right?"

You whipped your head around at the sound of Will's voice and put your hand to your hand to your heart.

"Jesus! You scared me. I thought you were Hailey!"

"Definitely not Hailey," Will answered. "You got time to talk before work?"

"Talk? You know you could've called me to talk, right?"

"Your phone went straight to voicemail. Wanted to check and make sure you're okay."

"Thanks. I'm fine. I just turned it off. Let me get some breakfast first. And, last I checked, Jay's not here."

"Y/N—"

"Breakfast first, then talk, Will."

Will rolled his eyes and muttered something about how you being hangry was the worst type of you, but pulled out a chair at the kitchen table, sat down, and then went on his phone.

"Oh, Hailey told me to tell you that she got called into work this morning because you haven't answered your phone," he said.

"Okay. Doesn't make a difference in my life."

"Y/N, c'mon now—"

"Breakfast isn't on the table so we don't talk yet."

Will sighed, but went back to his phone and quickly typed out a response to Hailey to tell her that he had told you.

Once you sat down and took a couple bites of yogurt and had a few sips of coffee, Will started talking.

"Jay told me what you said."

"Well obviously. Or else you probably wouldn't be over here," you quipped.

Will sighed out of frustration. "You know what I mean. Have you always been feeling like this since Jay left or is it just because he was supposed to come home yesterday?"

He was just going to keep pushing, so there was no point in letting him in on one small point.

"Since he extended, it's gotten worse."

Will nodded. "Yeah, I'm pissed that he didn't talk to us, too."

"You are?"

Will had never told you this. You thought he'd been fine with Jay extending.

"I told him that he's married now and he needs to talk to people instead of just bottling up his feelings like he did after his first and second tours. And, to do it soon before it might be too late for him and Hailey."

"Dr. Will Halstead, the love doctor," you joked after you swallowed a bite of your yogurt.

"Please never call me that again," he deadpanned. "And I told him that his actions had an impact on you."

Your head shot up from where you were stirring your peanut butter into your yogurt a bit better. "When did you tell him that?"

"Last night when I was talking to him."

"He-he called you?"

"Well yeah. When you didn't answer your phone, he called me."

"Why didn't he just call Hailey?"

"He did. She said you were home and didn't give him much more of anything to go on, so he called me."

At this, you raised your eyebrows. "So he called you to be nosy about my life?"

Will paused and pursed his lips to the side. "Well, when you put it that way—"

"He doesn't have the right to nose into my life anymore! I'm a grown ass adult! He lost that privilege of cop when he left and extended! He lost his protective privileges of big brother be-because he did what he'd never said he'd do: he left, Will."

Your voice cracked on that last word and that was all it took for the waterworks to start.

"I'm just so sick- so sick of people leaving," you stuttered.

Shit, you were a blubbering mess. This is not what you wanted.

Jay didn't cry over you or care about leaving you, Hailey, and Will, so why are you crying over him?

He doesn't care about you. He might pretend to care, but if he really cared, he wouldn't have left.

You frantically wiped at your eyes.

"Fuck. I didn't want this to go- to go like this," you said.

"Y/N, whatever you're feeling is okay," Will said. "I'm pissed at him, too, but I know we all have our lives and people leave as we get older. Doesn't mean they don't love you, though."

"So you're okay with him leaving because he's older?" you spat.

"That's not what I said—"

"Well it sure as hell sounded like it."

Will sighed. "Do you want to argue or do you want to talk about this?"

"Wow. So now you're trying to parent me, got it."

"Y/N, that's not—"

"Whatever it is you're trying to do, don't. It's not gonna bring Jay home. I'm gonna go eat my breakfast in my room now. You can tell Jay whatever you wanna tell him. You confirmed I'm alive and that I'm still pissed at him. That's what you came here for, right?"

Will knew he wasn't going to get through to you. "Fuck it. Whatever, Y/N. Go do whatever it is you wanna do."

"Cool. Not that I needed your permission anyway since you and Jay obviously don't take my thoughts and feelings into consideration, so why should I take yours?"

And then you stomped off to your room to see multiple texts from Jay and one from Hailey saying she got called in and didn't know what time she'd be home.

You decided to respond to Hailey's text and then shut your phone off. Jay would hear all about your conversation with Will from him anyway.

Once Will got in his car, he quickly shot a text to Hailey.

Can you slip away from the district for a while for lunch? It's about Y/N.

***

"I've only got about twenty minutes before the rest of the team starts texting me asking where their food is," Hailey prefaced when she walked into Steak N' Shake around 11:30.

"Ah, did this under the guise of running errands, got it," Will replied.

"I wouldn't exactly call it that, more like getting sustenance."

A waitress came up to them, and they both ordered milkshakes and Hailey ordered some food to go.

"Alright, what's going on?" Hailey asked. "Did you get through to her? Because me and Jay sure as hell didn't."

"Well, sort of. And then she lost it."

Hailey raised an eyebrow. "Lost it?"

"Said everyone leaves her and no one takes her feelings into consideration, and then practically cussed me out."

Haily shrugged. "Honestly, that doesn't surprise me."

"What?"

"She's been bottling up her emotions so much it's about time she lashed out. And, well, sometimes I feel the same way."

"Hailey--"

"Just don't tell Jay I said that."

"Your secret's safe with me."

A few minutes later, their milkshakes came out, and Will was still trying to articulate his thoughts to his sister-in-law.

"I'll talk to Jay. But, um, there's something else," Will began. "I've been talking to Natalie, and she said there's a job opening for an ED doc in Seattle."

Hailey sighed and felt her stomach twist into knots. "Tell me you aren't considering it."

"Hailey, I took the job."

"Will, what the hell were you thinking? Y/N's gonna be a wreck! More than she is now."

"I know, I know. I took the job a month ago and said I could start in a month. I thought, well, I assumed, Jay would be back by now."

"Because he hadn't extended when you took the job."

"Yeah."

"And you've talked to Jay about this?"

"I have not."

Hailey sighed. "I'm going to tell you this one time, and then I am going back to work, and then I'll talk to Jay tonight. Even though your mom and dad are gone, you three have a family relationship that I never had. And here both of you are throwing it away for some jobs." She had more choice words, but she was going to save those for Jay later tonight after Will told him that he'd be moving to Seattle.

"She's an adult, Hailey, she--"

"That girl has been through significant trauma, Will! You're taking away her support system and--" She took a deep breath. "You know what, nevermind. I need to get back to work, and you need to call Jay and figure out how to handle this and tell Y/N. Because don't you dare tell her the day before like Jay did. Don't you dare make her feel more abandoned than how she is already feeling."

***

"So, Will told you, huh?" was the first thing that Hailey said to her husband when she answered the phone later that night.

"Yeah, shocked he told you first, though," he answered, his voice tense.

"May have been a struggle to get ahold of you all things considered."

"Yeah, probably." He paused. "Uh, can you put Y/N on the phone? She hasn't answered my calls or texts."

"I can try, but she might not want to, Jay. She's hurting. Because of you."

"I- Listen, don't you think I know that, Hailey? I already signed the contract. I can't change it now."

She almost asked why he did it, but that was a conversation she needed to have with a level head. But, she sure as hell was going to have it in the next two weeks before she signed those divorce papers. Who knows if he'd even be honest about his reasons? But that would be their last-ditch effort. For their marriage. For them.

"I understand that. But, you-- you abandoned her, Jay. After everything that girl went through, you did the thing you swore you'd never do: you left."

"Temporarily."

"She doesn't know if it's temporary! Hell, I don't even know anymore!"

"Are we talking about Y/N or are we talking about us?"

"Hell, I don't even know anymore, Jay! And, I'm starting to understand why Y/N doesn't want to talk to you."

"And why is that?"

"Because we don't know you anymore, Jay! You're not the person you were eight months ago. You're not the man I--" She cut herself off before she could finish her sentence, using the last bit of self-restraint she had left in her.

"I'm not the man you what, Hailey?"

"I-- Nevermind. Do you still want to talk to Y/N?"

"She's still there with you, right? Not out partying, being self-destructive?"

"Last I checked, she's holed up in her room, studying for the GRE."

"She's safe then. So, no, I don't need to talk to her."

"Ok. Then, goodnight, Jay."

"Night, Hailey, I--"

But she hung up the phone before she could hear the rest of what he had to say.

I love you.

***

One week later.

"What's going on? You two are scaring me." Then a thought came to your mind. "Did Jay die? Is he hurt? What's going on?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Will quickly reassured you when you, Hailey, and Will all sat down at the table with a serving bowl filled with fettuccine alfredo in front of the three of you. Your favorite. "Let's eat a bit before we talk, though. I'm starving."

After five minutes of eating, Will broke the silence.

"I got a new job."

You looked up. "Didn't know you were looking for one." Not that you knew much about either of your brothers' lives now, apparently. "Where at?"

"Gray Solane Hospital. It's in Seattle."

"I- What? Seattle?" Your jaw dropped, and you looked into Will's eyes with a puzzled expression on your face. There was not a hint of remorse in his eyes. "When? When are you moving and leaving me, too?"

"I'm not leaving you! You can always come visit--"

"Answer the goddamn question, William," you spat.

"Three weeks. But I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go look at apartments out there for a few days."

You stood up. And you saw red. If someone asked you later on what you remember about that night and the next 12 hours, you'd say it's all a blur.

"Fuck you, Will! Fuck you! Do you remember when you said when I moved in with Jay? You both always said you'd be there for me, and you're breaking that promise! I might have been okay with it if you told me right away, but no! You waited just like Jay!"

"Y/N, I'm not waiting until the day before--"

"You're leaving to go look at apartments and then moving across the country, and you didn't even talk to me!"

"At least I'm still in the country!"

"Guys!" Hailey yelled, but it was no use.

"You don't get it! You're leaving me! I had no say in Mom dying, no say in Dad dying, no say in Jay leaving, and now you're leaving, too! No one gives a fuck about my feelings in this family!"

"Mom and Dad were different, and you know it!" Will yelled.

"But you and Jay aren't!"

"Okay, fine, we're alike in that, Y/N! What else do you want me to say?"

"I want you to think about someone other than yourself!"

"Wow. So you don't think I've thought this through at all, huh? Is that it?"

"That's not what I'm saying! I'm saying when people leave, you leave! You run away! Mom was dying, and you left! Jay's gone, and now you're leaving! You didn't care about me then and you don't now!"

"You know that's not true!"

"Maybe it's not, but now I understand why you and Jay didn't talk for years! Add me to the club, Will! Because right now, I hate you!"

And then you turned on your heel and ran to your room and slammed the door.

Will grit his teeth and then slammed his hands down on the table, causing Hailey to jump. His eyes softened. "Hailey, I—"

"I think you'd better go, Will," Hailey said, almost whispering.

Will nodded. "Understood."

Then, he grabbed his keys and wallet and walked out the door.

***

You stood stock still in your room, trying to hold back your tears. Your oldest brother was leaving, and you'd be alone. Sure, you had Hailey and friends and other family friends, but you didn't have your family, your true, blood family.

At this point, you wondered why you were even surprised. You scoffed at yourself.

Everyone leaves, Y/N. You think you're special, but you're not.

And it was true. Everyone did leave. So, if they left, maybe you needed to leave, too.

And honestly, with everything you had gone through in the past six or seven years, you were shocked it took this long to come to this decision.

Like Will had said to you and Jay regarding your dad's heart before he died, you were living on borrowed time. And, you were shocked that you made it this many years without seriously considering what you were about to do next. Sure, there were moments, but they weren't big, just for pain relief with no intent. But now you knew you were going to go through with it. And, while it scared you, you knew it had to be done. So, you laid in bed, listening to Hailey knock on your door, and tried to come up with the most painless plan.

***

"Y/N, c'mon, open the door. I know you're in there," Hailey said and knocked once more. "Listen, it's gonna be okay." She paused. "Who am I kidding? It's not okay that both of your brothers sprung these changes on you so quickly." At this point, she was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry they did this to you, Y/N. I'm so sorry. That's not what family is supposed to do." She listened at your door for any signs of movement. She counted to thirty. Nothing. "Y/N, I'm coming in. I need to make sure you're okay."

When she opened the door, she walked into your room and saw that you were already asleep with your back to the door, your chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

Hailey sighed. "Goodnight, Y/N. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better."

Then she walked out of your room, but not without muttering under her breath, "Now I have to go talk to Jay. Shit."

Once she got to her room, she dialed the familiar number. While it rang, she glanced at the door to her closet.

Not yet, she told herself. He still has some time. She rolled her eyes. But not a lot of time.

"Hey," Jay said when he picked up.

"Hey. You answered fast," Hailey replied.

"Yeah, um, I talked to Will this morning, and he said he was gonna tell Y/N he's moving today."

"So you were expecting my call?"

"Essentially, yeah. I was expecting either yours or Will's. You beat him to it." He paused, waiting for Hailey to say something, but she didn't. So, he continued. "How is she?"

"She's not good, Jay. She's not good."

"Define not good."

God, she really was gonna have to spell it out for this man.

"When I checked on her, she was breathing, so she's alive; she has that going for her. But that girl has been hurt and abandoned her entire life, Jay! And, I know you're gonna say your parents' deaths were different—which they were—but, Jay, you two are leaving, well, you left her already, with almost no warning."

"So, what are you saying, Hailey? That this is on me?"

"No, but- I just, I don't know, Jay. You guys have the family I never had, and maybe it would be different if you were home like you planned on, but Y/N's losing both of you at the same time and—"

"Hailey, breathe, okay? I'm right here."

She took a deep breath and then a shallower one and continued. "She can visit Will. She can't visit you, though. I always thought you were a good man, Jay. But now—" She abruptly stopped. "A good man wouldn't—" She took a deep, shaky breath. "I just—"

"Hailey," Jay began calmly. "Hailey, take a—"

"I gotta go, Jay. I'm sorry."

And then, she ended the call and put her head in her hands, all the while wondering if Jay Halstead would still be considered a good man.

***

You stared at the ceiling. It was nearing midnight, and you hadn't slept due to your mind racing. Sure, you'd had these thoughts before—especially when you went to a house party that turned into a mass casualty event and got shot in the wrist—but you knew you'd never go through with it then. At that time, they were just quick blitzes of thought that came to you when you were trying to fall asleep and couldn't, or when you'd wake up from a nightmare. But now, they were much more serious. They'd been swirling around your head for a while since you learned that Jay extended, like crows circling a dead deer, but never landing on the carcass. Now, however, the crows were diving. And they were diving fast.

12:03.

You strained your ears and listened for any movement in the apartment that would signal that Hailey was awake.

You didn't want her to stop you. You didn't want her to have you involuntarily committed.

There was no sound except for the steady white noise of your fan and the faint hum of the air conditioner.

You closed your eyes tight and clenched your jaw. Then, you opened your eyes and relaxed your jaw. It was now or never. Hailey would be awake in a matter of hours, and you wanted to be well out of Chicago by then, preferably to the west, because if Will was already in the air when it happened or if he was already in Seattle, it would be a faster drive for him if he drove. A closer and cheaper flight or gas money saved. The last thing you wanted to do was be a burden, even if you weren't breathing.

Maybe that's why your brothers both left.

Maybe you were a burden. After all, you ruined Jay's relationship with Erin, and just when Will and Natalie started to get along again, when she was still in Chicago, you went and told Will about the trial meds. Maybe she'd still be in the city if it wasn't for you. Maybe Erin would still be here instead of God knows where. Then, if Erin were here, maybe Jay would be, too.

Maybe your brothers' lives would be better if you were just gone.

So, you did what was in the back of your mind since you first found out that Jay was going to extend: you walked out of your room and grabbed your bag. From there, you made your way to the bathroom.

You looked in the mirror. You had bags under your eyes, and they were red and puffy, and stress lines were starting to show across your forehead. You opened the medicine cabinet and scanned the medications. There were your typical over-the-counter pain killers, allergy meds, and prescription medications, mainly Hailey's because Jay's were in Bolivia with him. At least, you assumed they were in Bolivia with him.

You hadn't ever given much thought to whether he could bring his Prazosin to the military with him. You hoped he was doing okay and wasn't getting triggered too much. You hoped his mind wasn't playing sick tricks on him at night when he tried to sleep.

You grabbed a few bottles of some of the over-the-counter medications. If you had any prescription ones, you probably would've grabbed those, too. But the only prescription ones were Hailey's, and you didn't want her to miss her meds and feel like shit physically or mentally, all because of you.

After throwing the bottles of pills in your bag, you made your way into the kitchen, intently listening for any sounds that would signal that Hailey was awake. After practically tiptoeing through the kitchen, you stopped in front of the fridge, stood on your tiptoes, and opened the cabinet where the alcohol was stored.

After grabbing a bottle of vodka and stowing it in your bag, you quietly walked towards the door and left the apartment, not without locking the door. You didn't want Hailey to think anything had happened; you didn't want her to worry about you.

Then, you made your way to your car, got in, put your bag in the passenger seat, and began driving, intent on going as far away from Chicago as you could before you ran out of gas so that no one could stop you.

***

An hour and a half later, you made a stop for coffee. Your eyes were starting to close, but you weren't far enough away from home yet to justify stopping. And, the last thing you wanted to do during this was get into a car accident and hurt other people. No, that pain was only reserved for yourself.

***

Four hours later, you were almost out of gas. So, you pulled over on the side of the highway, turned off your car, and picked up your phone.

You hoped they wouldn't be too heartbroken.

I love you guys. I'm sorry, was all you typed and then hit send. From there, you turned on your do-not-disturb and put it on silent, and muted the chat.

Then, you used the flashlight on your phone to rummage through your bag.

You twisted open the cap on the vodka bottle and took multiple swigs. It burned, and it didn't taste good without a mixer or a chaser, but you figured mixing the two would get you there faster.

Then, you uncapped the first bottle of painkillers, poured out a small handful, and washed them down with the alcohol.

***

You didn't know how much time had passed. All you knew was that your body was beginning to go numb, you were sweating and thirsty, and your heart was pounding out of your chest. You groaned as you felt a tightening and twisting in your chest.

Is this how you wanted to go? You thought it would be painless, but it wasn't.

Your thoughts turned to Will and Jay. Will would know how much pain you were in when you died. You imagined Jay asking him if it was quick and painless, and Will hesitating but telling him that it was. Jay would see right through his lie and crumble right then and there.

And what about Hailey? She'd be beside herself with guilt for not hearing you leave tonight and trying to stop you. Even though she'd tell Jay that she didn't blame herself, she secretly would, and she'd have constant nightmares for months.

You couldn't do this to them.

It took all your might to reach for your phone. You had to stare at your hand as you were moving it as there was no feeling at all left in your hands, forearms, and feet.

Somehow, you managed to open the dial pad. After pressing a few buttons, a voice came through the phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

When you opened your mouth to speak, you were shocked that any sound came out at all.

"I don't want... to die."

***

"Hey, Nat, what's—"

"Did you turn your phone off airplane mode yet?" Natalie asked quickly, cutting Will off.

Will definitely was not expecting that first question from Natalie after only seeing her via FaceTime and over coffee during the holidays after a year and a half.

"What? I found you didn't I?" He paused. "Wait, where's Owen? I thought you said he'd be with you."

"I had to go drop him off at the sitter's. Listen, Will, Hailey called me and- maybe we should sit down."

"Wait, wait, wait, Hailey called you? Is it Jay? Is he okay?"

"He's okay, but let's just sit down."

The two made their way to the seating area near a small cafe in the Seattle airport.

"Listen, Will, uh.."

Will cocked an eyebrow and then reached across the table for Natalie's hand. "Natalie, what's going on?"

"It's Y/N. Hailey called, and she said she was going to a hospital in St. Louis, and they found her in the car, almost unconscious and—" Natalie took a deep breath to settle herself. It was only then that Will noticed the duffle bag by her feet. "Will, she attempted to commit suicide."

There was a ringing in his ears. Was he going into shock? Were the intercoms malfunctioning? Did someone's phone have an annoying and loud-as-hell ringtone?

Natalie removed her hand from his and reached across the table to cup his face with both hands. "Will. Will. Look at me. She's in the hospital. She's in good hands."

He blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

"Do you know what happened?" he asked.

"All I know is that she was on the way to the hospital an hour ago."

"Did anyone call Jay?"

"Hailey said she couldn't get through, that he may have been off the wire."

"Did she try to call his sergeant?"

"She didn't say. But she said she was about to start driving to St. Louis."

"Okay, okay, so she probably didn't want to make multiple calls to Jay while driving. That- That makes sense," Will said, still not completely believing what he was hearing.

"Our flight back to St. Louis leaves in two hours," Natalie told him.

He needed to compartmentalize this. He needed to figure out where you were, what hospital to go to, he needed to rent a car when he got there, and figure out your prognosis.

Will closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and took a deep breath. When he looked back at Natalie, she saw it. It was the Will she always saw at Med: cool, calm, and collected (and a little risky) in the face of an emergency.

"I need to call Hailey and then get ahold of Jay."

***

Hailey was driving as fast as she could while trying to not get pulled over. She could throw on her lights and sirens, but she only had jurisdiction in the city, so it wouldn't matter much now that she was an hour and a half out of Chicago.

It was like her body was on autopilot for the past hour and forty-five minutes. She had woken up to a shrill ringing from her phone. She expected it to be Jay since he was an hour ahead of her, even though he said he'd be off the wire until late morning, so she blindly answered it. But it wasn't Jay. It was a nurse at a hospital in St. Louis.

"What? I don't know anyone there," she had said.

"Are you not Hailey Upton, Y/N Halstead's secondary emergency contact?"

That's right. After Jay left, Hailey made sure you changed your emergency contact when she did. Your primary was now Will instead of Jay, and your secondary was now Hailey.

The next fifteen minutes were a blur of getting information and an address, splashing water on her face, and brushing her teeth while she got dressed. Then, she was out the door.

But she needed to call someone. Maybe Will had service on the plane. She tried him, but no answer. So, she called Natalie and gave her a quick rundown and relayed the name of the hospital. Then, she tried to call Jay, but just as she suspected, he was off the wire. No answer.

Hailey's phone ringing snapped her out of her memories from this morning. She looked at her screen and saw it was Will. She saw an exit for gas and glanced at her gas gauge. A quarter of a tank. She needed to get gas anyway. It'd be better if she weren't driving for this. There couldn't be two Halsteads in the hospital, especially not hours apart from each other.

"Hey, I'm pulling off the highway and into a gas station right now," Hailey said when she clicked the accept button on the built-in screen of her car. She was shocked at how steady her voice was.

"Hailey, Natalie just told me. I-- we are getting the next flight to St. Louis. What happened?" He was holding back tears. "She's- she's alive, right?"

"Will, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't hear her wake up. I was finally sleeping well for the first time in who knows how long and--"

"Hey, hey, it's not your fault. Can you tell me what happened? So that I can call Jay?"

"Shit. I was gonna try and call Major Baxter, but I forgot and--"

"Hailey, it's okay. You're driving, and I still have a couple of hours to kill until my flight. Can you tell me what happened?"

***

Jay all but dragged himself back to base. After being awake and off the wire for eight hours throughout the night, he needed at least an hour to just lay down and rest his eyes. But he was stopped before he even made it back into the barracks.

"Major," Jay greeted.

"Halstead. I need you in my office. You have a phone call. It's urgent."

His mind went into overdrive. "Is it my wife, Hailey? Is she okay? Did she get hurt on the job?"

"Come with me, Halstead."

His heart dropped, but he quickly followed Major Baxter into his office, where he handed Jay the phone, but not without telling him that he may want to sit down for this.

"Halstead," Jay answered into the phone, staying professional for the time being.

"Jay, it's Will, uh, listen--"

"Is it Hailey? Is she okay?" Jay asked, feeling his heart rate begin to accelerate.

"Hailey's okay. She's driving right now, which is why I called you. It's about Y/N." At this, Will began to get choked up. "She-- uh, she- Y/N..." He took a deep breath and then let his next sentence out as quickly as possible. "She tried to kill herself, Jay."

Jay just stood there.

"Jay? Did you hear me?" Will asked.

"Yeah, I did. You said--" He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You said she tried, so she's alive?"

"She's alive," Will confirmed. "She's in a hospital in St. Louis."

"Missouri? Why is she there? What happened, Will?"

And so, Will quickly gave Jay the cliff notes of what he got from Hailey. "I'm gonna call the hospital after and see if I can get a prognosis before my flight."

"I, yeah, okay," Jay said. What was he supposed to do when he was thousands of miles away? "I'll try to get on a flight or something. I don't know. I don't know, Will."

"She's alive, Jay, that's all that matters now. Just...get your ass here. She needs you. Hell, she needs both of us. If I hadn't decided to take that job--"

"Don't,"  Jay cut him off. "Don't do that. If it's on you, it's on me."

Will took a deep breath. "I don't even know what to say that."

Jay shook his head. "Me neither. But, I gotta go. Gotta figure this out. Text me when you get the hospital info. If I'm on a flight, I might not get it, but I'll get it when I land."

Will wasn't the only good one at compartmentalizing.

Treat it like any other case, Jay told himself. Just a standard murder-suicide.

Except that there wasn't a murder. And the suicide--well, the attempted suicide--was his little sister.

After their goodbyes, Will ended the call, and Jay turned to Major Baxter.

"Major, my sister, she--"

He held a hand up, effectively cutting Jay off. "Your flight leaves in two hours. Your brother gave me the rundown when I answered. Go get packed."

"Thank you, Major."

***

Hailey ran into the hospital like a bat out of hell, badge in hand, just in case she needed it, and both her police and her personal IDs gripped between her fingers.

"Y/N Halstead," she said frantically as she pushed past everyone in triage. "I'm Detective Hailey Upton, her secondary emergency contact." She laid her badge, police ID, and personal ID on the counter in front of the nurse. "Her brothers are on their way and they--"

"Ms. Upton, take a deep breath. We'll--"

"Take a deep breath? My sister-in-law just tried to kill--"

"Ms. Upton," the nurse said so sternly that Hailey clamped her mouth shut. "I know you're worried, and for obvious reasons. We just need to chart that you are here and take a closer look at your identification, and you will be allowed to see her."

"She's awake?"

"Last I heard, she was just coming out of the sedation. We'll talk more in private once I call you back. It shouldn'tt be any longer than five minutes."

Hailey nodded. "Thank you. I'm sorry I lashed--"

The nurse held up a hand. "No need to be sorry. Your anger is understandable." Then, she lowered her voice. "Those who come and scream at me at 3 am for toe pain, well, they're the ones who should be apologizing, not you, my dear."

Hailey attempted to smile, but instead settled for a nod. She grabbed her badge and police ID, leaving her personal one with the nurse, and then went and sat down, not without getting cussed out by someone for cutting in line. But, to that, she just rolled her eyes. She had bigger problems at the moment.

She opened her phone and sent a text to both Jay and Will, telling them that she was in the hospital and that you were awake and she was waiting to see you. Will answered almost immediately, saying to call him the minute she sees you. He followed up by saying that he'd land in two hours and if Hailey was able to put a doctor on the phone to explain things, that would be great. If not, he'd just talk to them when he got to the hospital. Finally, he sent yet another text saying that he paid for wifi on the flight, which is how he could text.

There was nothing from Jay, but he told her that Major Baxter had gotten him a flight, so she assumed he was in the air but just couldn't pay for wifi.

"Ms. Upton?" Hailey stood up. "You can come with me."

***

The steady beeping was almost lulling you back to sleep. That and the quiet mechanical sound of the dialysis machine that you knew from asking Will a billion questions at work was used to filter things out of the kidneys, like when people drank too much or, in your case, overdosed. A doctor had come in an hour ago to explain what happened: you called 911, paramedics got you here alive but unconscious, and then they pumped your stomach. After that, they hooked you up to dialysis just to be safe. You knew Will would want more information, but all you knew was that you were alive and why you had needles in your arm. And that's all you wanted to know at this moment. You didn't want to think about whether Jay, Will, or Hailey knew yet because you wanted them to live in their blissful peace for as long as possible.

You cracked one eye open and turned just enough to get a view of the door when you heard it open.

"Y/N," you heard the nurse say. "You have a visitor."

"Hey," Hailey said gently and made her way over to the bed and crouched down. "I'm so glad you're okay."

She grabbed your hand, and you willed yourself to keep the tears at bay. But, instead of agreeing with her, you said, "Please don't blame yourself."

Her shoulders dropped, and she felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. "Oh, sweetheart..." She trailed off. You were in so much pain and going through so much internal turmoil, but the first thing you said was concerning her feelings.

You felt compassion and love for everyone else but yourself.

"I mean it, don't blame yourself for it, Hailey. It was..." You swallowed. "It was my decision. I--"

Hailey put up a hand. "No more blame game, okay? We don't have to talk about what happened if you don't want to. You just tell me what you need right now."

What you need right now? What did you need exactly? There was a laundry list of things, and then nothing all at the same time.

You wanted to know how long you'd be here. What would happen next? Did Jay and Will know? Can Jay come home? Does he even care? Is Will mad at you for messing up his apartment hunt? Will you ever feel normal again? Why did you do this?

Hailey watched as your eye movement started to speed up slightly, and the beeps of the heart rate monitor sped up a beat.

She squeezed your hand. "Y/N, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Jay's voice echoed in her head from that first night they told each other they loved the other.

I'm going anywhere, Hailey. Really. I'm not.

Her brain fought back.

Yeah, well, you did, she snapped back at her memories.

"I'm not," she reiterated, forcing her focus back on you.

"A hug," you finally answered quietly. "Can I..."

Before Hailey even registered what she was doing, she was pulling you in for a hug, trying her best not to avoid all of the tubes attached to you.

"I'm sorry," you muttered through broken sobs.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Let it out, Y/N. I'm--" Her voice broke. "I'm here."

***

Jay's phone buzzed the minute he got service when he landed in St. Louis, Missouri.

The first one was from Hailey.

Talked to Y/N. She was awake when I got here. She's sleeping now. Ugh. Then, there was an emoji of a broken heart. That message was from two hours ago.

Will's was more recent, from about 45 minutes ago.

She's still sleeping. Couldn't talk to the doc yet because, since she's conscious and alert, Y/N has to consent to give us her medical info now. Call me when you land. Hospital's close to the airport.

He responded to Will first.

Will call when I get off the plane. Just landed.

Will responded by liking the message.

Then, Jay stared at his wife's message.

What did he even say to that?

He finally settled on: Thanks, see you soon with a heart emoji at the end.

Because what did you say when your little sister was in the hospital, and the first person there to see her was her sister-in-law, not even her blood relatives?

***

Will and Jay got out of the rental car that Will and Natalie had rented when they got off their flight. Natalie had stayed back with Hailey while Will picked up Jay so that the brothers had a chance to talk. However, there hadn't been much talking as you were still sleeping, so Will couldn't get all of the details he wanted yet. He could infer a lot based off of what he saw in your room in terms of machines and fluids, but he knew Jay wouldn't take kindly to him guessing—even if they were very educated guesses— so he didn't say anything.

The two made their way into the hospital, and Jay showed his ID and was then allowed to go in.

However, when the brothers walked in, it was only Hailey in the room in terms of visitors.

"Nat went to get coffee," Hailey volunteered when she saw their curious looks.

Jay looked at his wife, really looked at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and the area around her nose was raw, probably from blowing her nose too much.

"Hails," he whispered as he sat down.

He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away and swallowed. Then, she looked down at the floor.

"The first thing she said to me was to not blame myself," she whispered.

"She's right," Jay said quietly. "When you gave me the ultimatum of going to therapy or finding a new partner, the first thing they told me was that I am not responsible for others' actions."

The two sat in silence. What was Jay supposed to say to his wife, who bore the brunt of this, and to his brother, who was trying to analyze things with his doctor brain when he hadn't even been here in a year?

"So, we don't know why she did it? At all?" Jay finally asked.

"All we have are the texts she sent us before," Will answered.

"She didn't say anything when she was awake earlier," Hailey added.

Jay sighed and put his head in his hands. "I can count on one hand—no one finger—the times I didn't know the reason behind her injuries within five minutes of being here."

"Jay, suicide is...complicated," Will said.

"Don't you think I know that? Fuck, I'd take her pneumonia over this."

This got Hailey's attention. This was the first time she'd heard of you ever having pneumonia.

"Pneumonia?" she asked.

"Yeah, when she first moved in with me, a few weeks after I got full guardianship, she had it. I thought it was just bad allergies, though. God, it was horrible."

Will shook his head. "That poor kid. You were about ready to kill Dad after that."

Jay chuckled slightly. "You're damn right I was."

It just hit midnight, and Jay looked in his medicine cabinet for the third time in three hours while he listened to you toss, turn, and cough.

He felt like he had the entire cough and cold section of the pharmacy in his medicine cabinet. He'd tried everything: DayQuil, NyQuil, Mucinex, Flonase, sore throat spray that he had no idea what it was called, cough drops...but you still woke up coughing and with tired eyes.

You huffed and sat up in bed and then reached over to drink some water from your water bottle. You took a sip and then realized that it was basically empty due to all the water you sucked down because of coughing, so you quietly got up and made your way out of your room.

Jay was returning to his room to give Will a call when he saw you coming out.

"Sorry," he said quietly. "Did I wake you?"

You shook your head. "Need more water."

"You hungry?" Jay asked. "I can make you a late-night snack. You barely even touched your dinner?"

You shook your head once more. "I'm okay. Just--" Cough. "Feeling really crappy."

"Any luck falling asleep?" he asked once the two of you were in the kitchen and you were in the process of refilling your water bottle.

You shook your head for the third time in two minutes. "I tried. But it's not coming. Even with the NyQuil, I still--" Cough. "Wake up coughing."

Jay grimaced. "I'm sorry, kiddo. Maybe some tea and honey will help?"

"We already tried that," you pointed out.

"Well, we're trying again," he announced and reached into the cabinet and pulled out a variety box of fruit-flavored herbal teas and then pushed it in your direction. "Pick your poison."

You selected a raspberry tea sachet while Jay busied himself with filling a pot with water and then putting it on the stove.

"You know, you could warm up the water in the microwave, right?"

"Maybe I want some tea, too." You raised an eyebrow. He hardly ever drank tea. "What? Gotta get the antioxidants in me so that I don't catch whatever you have."

"You can't catch seasonal allergies, Jay," you quipped.

"Well aware, but just in case."

You sat at the table and laid your head in your hands. You were so tired but knew that, if by some miracle you did fall asleep, you'd just wake up an hour earlier due to coughing. And, to make matters worse, you had to be up for school in less than 6 hours!

I'm so--" Cough. "Tired." Cough. Cough. Cough.

"Let it out, kid," Jay said as he turned from the stove and made his way to the table.

"I'm trying," you groaned.

"Well, if it's any consolation, you are not going to school tomorrow."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Thought I was out of sick days because of the court days."

"Those are different. And, they're excused. If they say something, I'll have Will write you a doctor's note."

"I thought--" Cough. "--thought he couldn't do that for family."

"Fine, I'll have Nat write you a doctor's note."

Jay walked back and put the honey in the bottom of the mugs, followed by EmergenC, added hot water to let the honey and the tablet dissolve, and finally put a tea bag in each one. Then, he made his way back to the table and handed you your mug.

"You know," he began, "you might be more comfortable on the couch, with the Hawks and Kings game on in the background."

You moved your head from its resting place on the table and cocked an eyebrow at him. "But it's way past my bedtime."

"And? We've already established you're not going to school tomorrow. Couch is more comfortable than the table anyway."

You shrugged and made your way to the couch. While he got the game set up, you stirred your tea and then took a sip because you deemed it had been steeping for long enough. You grimaced when you tasted the fake orange flavor.

After taking a deep breath, you said, "Did you put EmergenC in this?"

"Yeah, helps your immune system."

"Don't think it helps when I'm already sick."

Jay shook his head. "Humor me."

You huffed, but it turned into a cough. A wheezy cough that felt like it had to break through all of the phlegm in your throat. That was new.

"Gonna let me stay up late all the time or--"

"Not a chance," Jay laughed. "Now, drink your tea and try to get some sleep."

***

After fitful sleep, both on the couch due to falling asleep during the game and later, when you finally made your way to your room around 4 am, you finally managed to get some solid hours of sleep. That was, until you woke up with a jolt.

Your breath came in short pants, so you shakily took a few deep breaths to get it back to normal...okay, it took more than a few, but eventually, your breathing was back to normal. But now, it felt like someone was pushing on your chest. That was new. It wasn't hurting per se, just uncomfortable.

And what was the way to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling? That's right, to fall back asleep. So, that's just what you did.

***

Jay walked into your room around 10 a.m., shocked but relieved that you were finally getting some much-needed sleep. However, his relief only lasted so long because, as he got closer, he noticed that every exhale had a slight high-pitched noise to it, almost like you were a smoker who smoked two packs a day. When he looked at your face, he noticed that your brow was slick with sweat but that your teeth were chattering.

Gently, he touched the back of his hand to your forehead. Just as he suspected: warm to the touch.

You woke with a start when someone shook your shoulder.

"Y/N, wake up, kid. I think you have a fever. We gotta get some fluids in you."

That's when you felt it. It wasn't just uncomfortable anymore, but rather like an elephant was sitting on your chest.

Jay noticed your wild eyes, of course.

"Hurts," you sputtered.

Then, you started coughing again, not even having the energy to sit up or cover your mouth.

"What hurts?" Jay asked, beginning to become frantic.

"Chest," you wheezed out, and then pulled your hands out from under your blankets and grabbed at your chest.

That's when Jay saw them-- your fingers. The tips were turning a pale bluish color.

"Don't move," Jay urged.

"Wha--"

"We're going to Med."

***

Three hours later, after pacing so much that Jay met most people's step goal for the day, both he and you had the answer: pneumonia.

"How does this happen, Will?" Jay hissed to his older brother, who was sitting next to him. Thanks to the pain meds, antipyretics, and oxygen you were currently receiving, you were, for the first time in almost a week, sleeping peacefully.

"Could have been she caught a virus at school, and with her allergies, it exacerbated this and caused the pneumonia. Could be fungi or bacteria, such as mold, but it's probably the first one."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows, his brain working overtime as he attempted to put the pieces together. "Can it be dormant?"

"Not common, actually, it's rare for pneumonia to be dormant before someone shows symptoms," Will answered.

"But, it's possible?"

"Possible, yes. Likely, no." Will sighed. "What are you thinking, Jay?"

"You don't think it was at Dad's, do you?"

Will sucked in a breath. "It's possible." Jay quickly stood up and shoved his wallet in his pocket, and headed toward the door. "Jay," Will hissed. "No. Let's talk to Y/N first before you go all bad cop on Dad."

"I can go bad cop first, and then we can talk to her."

"So, what? You're just going to barge into Dad's house and accuse him of having mold without any proof?"

"Damn right I am."

"Jay, we'll know the cause of infection when the tests come back. For now, sit down."

"And then I can go all bad cop on him if the tests say it's due to mold?"

"That and if Y/N confirms there was mold in the house. And, if I go with you."

Jay groaned. He knew if Will came with him to their Dad's, he'd break everything up.

"There was," a small voice said, barely audible over the sound of the machines beeping.

Will and Jay turned towards you, and Will stood up and made his way over to your hospital bed. "Hey, you. How are you feeling?"

"Can breathe better now," you answered, your voice still scratchy from all of the coughing you'd done over the past few days.

"Glad to hear it," Will said. "Anything else hurt or feel funny?"

"My lungs still kinda burn, but that's it. And I'm cold."

Jay went to hand you another blanket, but Will quickly stopped him.

"Fever's still too high."

You knew what that meant: you couldn't have another blanket.

At this small, trivial thing, you began to cry.

Will quickly crouched down next to your hospital bed, similar to what he did with his pediatric patients.

"Hey, it's ok. You still have a fever, which is why you feel cold. But if you put another blanket on, your fever might not drop, and then you'll be in the hospital longer."

You rubbed your eyes with the heels of your hands.

"I know that, Will. I just..."

You trailed off. You felt bad for not telling them about the mold in your room, but you didn't think it mattered because you weren't there now and hadn't been for months.

You huffed. "I'm just cold!"

"I think the lack of sleep is taking a toll on you," Jay muttered before leaning forward in his chair and speaking louder. "Is there anything you wanna tell us? Maybe about the uh, the conditions at Dad's house?"

"Jay," Will warned with a glare.

"I already said there was mold!"

"When?" Jay asked.

"Two seconds ago!"

Will grimaced. "We could barely hear you because you talked so quietly. We're sorry we didn't hear you."

You sighed and threw your head back on the pillows of the hospital bed. "I'm cold, my lungs feel like ice, and I just- I just wanna go home!" Tears began to freely fall down your cheeks.

Will grabbed your hand. "Y/N, hey, look at me, kid." With teary eyes, you turned and looked at your oldest brother. "You're not gonna be here forever--"

"Even if it feels like it," Jay butted in.

"Not helping Jay," Will hissed. Then, he turned back to you. "Contrary to popular belief, you won't be here forever. You have pneumonia and a fever, so they're gonna keep you for 24, maybe 48 hours, so that your oxygen levels return to normal and your fever goes down. That's it. You don't have to be scared."

"Dad on the other hand--"

"Jay, I swear to God..."

Jay put his hands up in mock surrender.

"What he was saying is that he's going to go and have a civil conversation with Dad so that we can get someone over to his house to fix the mold problem so that he doesn't get pneumonia, too. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, and I'm going to do it without Will present."

"But, you're gonna stay here, right? You're not gonna talk to Dad right now?" you asked.

"I mean..."

"I think it's a good idea if you sleep on it," Will said. "Stay here for awhile."

"And of course, Will had to come with me to make sure me and Dad didn't start World War 3, so Erin stayed with Y/N for a couple of hours," Jay finished. "But I'd take that any day over—"

Jay was cut off by a knock on the door.

"Sorry to interrupt," a nurse said. "I just need to take a look at Miss Halstead's vitals."

Unfortunately for you, you were not asleep when Jay and Will were telling Hailey the story of your pneumonia, so you pushed yourself up on your elbows.

The nurse smiled at you. "Hi, hun. I'm just going to take your vitals real quick, okay?"

You nodded, and she wrapped the blood pressure cuff around your arm once you stuck it out for her.

After about two minutes, she was finished.

Will knew it was now or never.

"Y/N, can I look at your files? Maybe talk to the doctor?"

You nodded.

"Miss, I need verbal consent for whoever you allow to look at your file," the nurse said.

"Yes, Will and Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton-Halstead can look at my file. No one else." Jay looked at you with shock written on his face. "I knew Will would tell you anyway."

Then you rolled over and began ignoring everyone, even after the nurse asked if you were hungry.

***

Will had administered CPR on his dad, had his mom die from cancer, and seen his brother in the hospital from injuries in the line of duty multiple times. But nothing prepared him to read the words in your file: No heartbeat. Administered CPR for 3 mins. Alive on scene. Patient crashed in ambo. Patient said she didn't want to know anything about what happened. Passed off care to doctors at City Hospital.

***

"Timeline still the same on when she can go home?"

Why was Will in your dream, and why was he asking if you could go home? Weren't you home already?

But then, you slowly opened your eyes and saw the emergency lights above the door, and it all came flooding back to you. You decided to tune out the doctor and Will talking about you and just focused on keeping your breathing even until you heard the doctor's footsteps get quieter and quieter.

How did you get here? The room looked different. It was bigger. There was a couch where Hailey and Jay were sleeping, surprisingly not curled up in each other's arms, but facing away from each other.

"Will," you whispered.

He turned. "Hey, you. Did I wake you up? Sorry."

"No," you lied. "But why am I in a different room?"

"Recovery room. They trust you enough to be out of the ED."

They. Not we. They.

"What about you? Do you trust me?"

"Well, you're in a hospital, so there's not much you could do."

Your eyes widened. "So you don't trust me?"

"Y/N, you just attempted suicide. Your--"

"Whatever." You cut him off and rolled over. "I just want to get out of here."

"No can do. It's an involuntary hold, so it doesn't matter whether or not you want to leave. You're here for another...hmm...36ish hours."

***

12 hours later

You had done everything you needed to do. You met with a psychiatrist. You made a stupid safety plan (you knew they weren't stupid and were actually really helpful, but would never admit that to anyone because you just wanted to leave). And now you were just sitting in the hospital bed coloring a picture because the hospital social worker told you to "try some other coping skills" besides listening to music and throwing yourself into work or school.

Hailey was even partaking with you while Will and Jay went to get something to eat after Will had taken Natalie back to the airport, and your brothers were, you assumed, talking about what to do with you.

A few minutes later, your peaceful coloring with Hailey abruptly came to a stop when your brothers came back into the room. Jay was holding a to-go bag of food, which you assumed was for Hailey, which he quickly set down on the small desk in the corner of the room.

"Coloring? Really? Shouldn't she be in therapy or something?"

She. Not you. Like you weren't even a part of this conversation.

"Jay," Will began calmly, " she doesn't get significant therapy in here. She met with the psychiatrist, and they may have started her on medication, she'll make a safety plan, and then she'll be monitored the rest of the time until they say she can go home."

"And how long do her meds take to kick in? How do we know they'll work?"

"I'm right here, you know!" you said loudly and then pushed the coloring materials away.

"We know, but you won't even talk to us!"

"Jay," Will warned.

He took a deep breath and sighed, finally deciding to ask what he wanted to ask since you woke up. He told Mom he'd protect you after all, and he couldn't do that. But maybe, just maybe, it wasn't as bad as his thoughts made him believe.

"Did it hurt?"

You looked down as tears pricked your eyes. You felt Hailey grab your hand.

"Like my body was on fire and being ripped apart from the inside, but numb at the same time."

Will watched all of the fight and compusure deflate out of Jay's body as his brother's shoulders dropped, his tone softer now.

"Y/N, why didn't you tell us you were feeling like this?"

You felt the blood in your veins turn to ice. Why didn't you tell him? Maybe because he was gone and you couldn't get ahold of him! The beeping of your heart rate monitor became faster.

"Y/N, you need to calm--"

"Because you fucking left, Jay!" you yelled.

Faster.

"You gonna talk about it or just avoid this? You know we can't avoid this!"

Faster.

"I don't want to talk to you!"

A psych nurse rushed in and all but shoved Jay out of the room.

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down," she said soothingly. "Gotta slow that heart rate down for me, okay?"

You locked eyes with her and pretended she was April or Maggie -- people back home who you knew would do great at this job.

And in a few minutes, your breathing returned to normal. When you looked around the room, you were met with a sympathetic look from Hailey, but Will looked like he just got a call from school telling him that you just got sent to the principal's office.

"He's right, you're gonna have to talk about this eventually."

"Eventually," the nurse cut in. "But not right now. Right now, what she needs is a coping skill, a snack, and support. Oh, and will one of you talk to the other who was in here, or do I need to? Because if I do, I will not be as nice." Then, she turned her attention back to you. "Now, for your snack, chips or chocolate?"

You looked up at her with tears in your eyes. Someone was finally fighting for you. "Chocolate, please."

"Chocolate," she repeated. "Good choice. We have some with caramel inside if you want those."

"That would be, uh, that would be perfect, thank you."

She smiled. "I'll be right back."

You looked up at Will, who was stone-faced, once the nurse left the room. "I know what you're thinking."

"Which is?" Will asked.

"That I should talk to you guys." Will opened his mouth to speak, but you quickly finished his thought. "Jay doesn't deserve to know. He lost the chance when he left."

Will sighed and took a seat at the end of your hospital bed. "I see. Did I lose that chance, too?"

You shrugged. "Dunno."

Will furrowed his eyebrows. "Don't know if you'll tell me or don't know why you did it?"

"Why I did it. Guess it was just the straw that broke the camel's back, you leaving."

Will, trained to pick up on little details just like his brother, caught what you were implying. "You've had these thoughts before?"

You shrugged again. "I don't know. Never serious until this."