I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal Iāve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was twenty years old in Cintra. I walk into the tavern one day, and they had a bard there, okay? Obviously not me, Iām eating! But also not a bloated troubadour such as Valdo Marx. An okay bard. A bard that will play whatever you want him to play for 10 ducats.Ā So I give the bard 210 ducats and tell him to play Toss a Coin 21 times. And then I ordered and waited.
Hereās the thing about when, uh, Toss a CoinĀ plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not āhey someoneās playing Toss a Coin again.ā Itās āToss a CoinĀ is a lot longerĀ than I first thought. The third time it plays youāre thinking maybeĀ someoneās playing Toss a Coin again. The fourth time it plays youāre either thinking āwhoa someone just played Toss a CoinĀ FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and itās a really long song.ā So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?
Now, Iām watching the entire tavern at this point, alright? Iām staring at my best friend Geralt, who has no idea what I didĀ heās like staring at his ale like this, and heās been onto me since the beginning. And heās sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And heās staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. Itās dead quiet. Then, I donāt know if you know this, but the song begins very quietlyā¦
WHEN A HUMBLE BARD blares out and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, dishes flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about what a genius I was because when I first walked into the tavern, okay? When I first got there and Iām telling the bard to play Toss a Coin, alright?Ā I tell the bard that after seven plays of Toss a Coin, I want you to play just one Fishmongerās Daughter.Ā
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven Toss a Coins. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, OH FISHMONGER-OH and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of Hochebuz and if you want to know if you can make women weep tears of joy by playing Fishmongerās DaughterĀ the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven Toss a Coins. Itās true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. Fishmongerās DaughterĀ fade out. Itās dead quiet. WHEN A HUMBLE BARD....people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it.Ā
Least of all my friend Geralt. He knew it was me, he had know it was me the whole time. He lunged for me, lunged right at me I tell you, across the table and for a moment I feared for my life.
They stopped the bard after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.
Jaskier as John Mulaney part 1/?
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