#fusion tw

i feel like this might be part of why vekoa would have been so eager to join with the meteorite - the thought of freedom, of joining with a greater whole, of shedding the preconcieved notions behind and just being herselves would definitely be something that appealed to her after years of repression

i think this might be part of why akizet is so intent on stopping it, on some level - how she constantly pushes parts of herself down, shaves pieces she notices dont fit the mould she crafts for herself, that others craft for her...

to her, the thought of becoming a part of some greater whole, having all parts of herself shown to the world... even subconsciously, i could see her being disturbed, even terrified by that thought alone

i wonder if, even with how much she would hide and repress her system, she would even want final fusion... it does require healing, communication, an intentional lessening of dissociative barriers - that is to say, actually acknowledging a system is even present

would she yearn for final fusion without all that it entails? would she desire that higher level of self-acknowledgement and understanding, in a way that might be uncomfortable for her...

she is a deeply curious person, i wouldnt put it past her to want to know more, understand herself more, even just in regards to that curiosity - but would she want to know This?

does she want a better understanding of herself, or just the world around her?

we still dont know her personal motives for joining, let alone leading the call team, from what i recall... just to support the sharing of cultujres between humans and obesk? just to learn of the potential of a shared history?

does she want to understand those around her, or herself? which would she value more?

the repression she exhibits definitely indicates a rejection of herself, but to what level?

she doesnt entirely reject velzie, but she's shed some practises ; she doesnt reject her hometown, but barely makes reference to it - far less than cavik does, for certain ; she doesnt reject her past, but her memories of it are drowning in the slurry of incoherence more than any other...

Like I think 2 or 3 months ago I fused with them and that was largely something that was helpful in the time being cause both of us were not coping with the life transition at all and for a while it balanced the two of us out + I think we were the most readily availible to fuse due to the nature of how enmeshed the two of us are in function.

With that being said, in that moment we - and most of the parts in the system - knew it was not the ideal, cause while we could fuse the easiest due to being enmeshed we were still, ya know, toxically enmeshed. The way we operate and the issues we have more often than not feed into each other rather than balances each other out - so it was actually a "we will give it a go" and surprise when the fusion somewhat took and was successful enough in neutralizing our mutually escalated states

But like a lil while ago Data re-split off likely simply due to the new stressors of our life transition making the dynamic turn inefficient and unaffective and while that split was technically "negative and due to stress" this time I think it was overall far more healing in the sense that it gave room for Data to "reset" and explore themselves better than they did before the fusion and far better than they did while fused (as in that fusion it didn't fully click at any point and the Data part was more "controlled and managed" than properly expressed or fused) and also gave Data the brain space to properly figure out a dynamic under XIV's wing to cope and all

And so XIV will "eat" (fuse with) Data when the time fits cause the two have a pair dynamic now that seems to work well, but in the meanwhile we are likely starting up MORE positive coping hobbies per Data's request and starting to settled into a rhythm that supports us as a whole and addresses Data's needs better

PLUS, XIV is inherently and will always be better at handling and processing the insane weight that Data as a part carries by the sheer nature of his dynamic existence with Data so XIV fusing with Data makes a lot more sense in system dynamics talk than me with them.

So yeah we split, but honestly it was a step closer in the right direction and helped us "repair" some flaws in our current system "design" than when we were fused.

ik did systems are pretty unique in how they function outside of how they form, since not every system functions the same (outside of formation, but even then trauma is diverse) so that made me think; can fictive alters fuse into hosts? ik it’s possible for alters to fuse into each other, but if a fictive fuses into the host, does the host then become a fictive? and what about if multiple fictives fuse into the host? what would that make them? also in general what term can be used for alters/fictives who are “more than one fictive”?

if alters arent individuals, no one in a system is an individual. not the "core", not the pseudo-core, not the host, not any of your protectors, not your persecutor, none of you. a "core" is still an alter. a host is still an alter. alters are a part of a whole, but theyre still individuals. they still are people who deserve to be treated as such.

you would only be a person/individual if your entire system fused together and became one. this is completely dehumanizing systems who choose to live with functional multiplicity and systems who arent yet in the place in their treatment to fully fuse, because you are stating none of their alters count as people/individuals.

this mindset isnt helpful for anyone and just further goes to stigmatize systems, not to mention makes alters in a system feel like shit about themselves if they cant/dont want to fully fuse. it can push systems whose best option is functional multiplicity into full fusion, in order to "be a full individual".

i dont care if you want to view your own system as just parts of a whole, or if you dont want to see them as individuals/people. but that is your own opinion for your own system. that is not the reality for all systems. i am a person, and so are the other alters in my system. stop pushing this mindset onto people with DID/OSDD-1.