#vent tw

The DW controversy being the big thing of course, but I’ve said all that needs to be said on that already.

Without getting too personal, I feel like every time I try to make progress or make things change, something prevents progress/change from happening. Like, nobody can say I didn’t try. But the failures, rejections, and stalling just make me feel like I’m going to be spending another year wasting my life and time and getting nothing done and not moving forward.

I want to take a break. But I feel hollow and guilty if I do.

Today is the coolest it's been in a week+, but I feel like I'm going to vomit because I made the grave crime of doing minor physical labour (moved my mattress, with help from my friend (read: Friend moved mattress, I provided handy tall thing to lean the mattress on) and changed my sheets (read: Friend changed my sheets, I clambered onto the bed to do the last corner so she didn't have to put her shoes on my bed)) so I've overheated something awful.

Like yay, my bed is now fixed (few of the slats broke a few days ago, friend also did fucking gymnastics to climb over and fix them for me), but I now get to SUFFER for a good while because my body sees any number above 15C as a personal affront and tries to murder me over it.

(It is currently in the mid 20sC where I'm at. Which is cooler than it's been for a while, but is still FAR too hot for my precious lil system that thinks we should just move to the arctic circle.)

Like..i don't WANT to, but it's really FUCKING tiring constantly having to endure people calling me a fucking she all the time..

It's so exhausting.

Still thinking about it

But I have to face the truth..

Maybe

Idk

No

Yeah

Uhh

Ok

No I'm not

But I am

I don't like being a girl