#fuckingdone

Casual reading right? Fucking wait for it .

So it has really been going good. Until the 26th. Dear him, after promising the whole month that he was done and getting his act together, he was busy with his bike's tyre, and left for something. when he came back i could instantly see it in the way he pulled his mounth while talking to me.

i went to him, calmly, and asked him why, at first he told me im fucking crazy. by the second time i asked him why, (devestated that again, what he said and promised meant NOTHING) he replied with 'because'.

so the friday goes by, he isolates himself in the kids' room (out of the way and out of sight) saturday comes and he has slept a bit, which meant that i was about to enter the 'fuck u and everything about u' phase. he had transfered the groceries' money to me 'so he doesnt use it' but come saturday, he wanted some of it back, for buying community service hours.

this became an argument and everything else became an issue. my mother, me, money, the kids, the maid...yada yada.

i had to arrange for someone to watch the kids while i go do the grocery shopping, because the father was too busy being high or sleeping to be present with his kids for an hour or two. but im not allowed to get mad, right. sunday, same story, sleeping all day, i had to get the last of the groceries. i left when the kids were asleep, trying to make it as simple as possible for him. as i came back an hour and a half later, both the kids were awake and entertaining themselves, while he was dead asleep on the couch. i woke him and asked him if he wanted to eat, he said no and went back to sleep. where later that sunday night, he asked me what time i came back and if i had made food yet. he said he did not recall me coming back or waking / asking him anything.

while i was busy bathing my son, he comes to the bathroom, showing me that he still had some stuff left, that he had forgotten about. asking me if he should take it. i said no. tomorrow is monday and if u take it now, ur gonna have to keep getting and this affects his work / job. he did take it. and by some miracle, he didnt get in his car to go get some more, even tho he said he wanted to.

i asked him nicely to stop it now. he had his weekend and he has already spent money he shouldnt have. he agreed and ate. he slept, and i assumed it was done.

monday comes and just before i need to pack up at work, i get a msg telling me that he had gotten some more, but he was done now. this was my last straw. i told him that i would not be coming home, and he can sort himself and the kids out for the night seeing as he will have plenty of energy to do so. he begged and apologised and even admitted to fucking up, he was sorry, it wasnt my fault...

i did go home, i would never leave my kids with him, i just wanted to get him worried for a little bit. and by the show of his msgs, this man was freaking out. he has never spent a night alone with both the kids, he was doing backflips in his head.

upon getting home later than normal because of heavy traffic, the power was out. kids were fed, and the eldest was bathed. the baby was not, but atleast they were fed. as soon as the kids went to bed, i went into the room where he was laying, and i asked him to please give me 5 months, to try and get my finances straight, and then i will be gone. his response was - its not what i want

i replied that it was no longer about him or what he wants. i have now had enough. knowing that 5 months could be the most hell he has ever given me and it might be the worst thing ever, but i am not backing down. my finances dont allow me to just up and go overnight, i wish it did tho.

i asked him in a msg the following day, if we could please attempt to handle this in a civilised manner and not be childish about it, as our daughter is old enough to understand things that are happening around her, and she is a very sensitive little soul. it would affect her tremendously. he agreed to this.

i have not slept in the same room as him, and im not going to.

now, he comes at me with immigration stories. which has happened before, as he knows i would do anything to supply my kids the best future possible. but this is not the first time he plays this game. im not buying it.

And now, the 5 month countdown starts. i know him, and i know this will get ugly, as he could never handle things like an adult, he has that mentality of 'i will show u' and 'u did this so im doing that'.