#friendf

i like sleeping early. its nice to eat dinner, drink tea, and go to bed. routine and shit. ive started treating myself more like im a little kid with autism. it sounds kind of odd but all of the kids with autism that ive worked with have always needed strict schedules, clear likes/dislikes, and at least 1 loving presence around. it's weird to treat yourself in a disconnected way (as in: i am going to do this because it is written in my schedule for today, not because I am the one telling myself to do it) but it's helpful.

ALSO! so much has happened since last writing. ofc the big thing: got a tattoo (matching with my best friend forever H). I like it. ive never really cared all that much about "marking up" my body. for me, the body is just an object i can forget is with me.

i love the batman trilogy. for some reason i am badly consumed by it right now. out of the three, i have a soft spot for the dark knight rises (an unpopular opinion) mainly because i love thalia. nolan ofc never does his big one writing female character (and omg thalia is so massacred by racist writing in the comics) but, for me, she is such a great example how philosphy and love are incomparable in terms of power over ones morals. ofc she agrees with the los, but in the end shes driven by her fathers death and her personal desire for revenge on one man vs. the destruction of gotham ruins her plan.

ive been thinking a lot of love and death. im not really sure if love would be a 'thing' if death wasnt. but would death even matter if love didnt. is someones worth held in who/what/when/where they are in this world or is it measured by the hearts they are in.

everyday, for the past week, ive had a tuna melt. i believe (for no real reason) i have a weak heart, in both a physical and emotional/spiritual way, so i must consume omega-3s to strengthen it. i love the ocean though, so i try stretching how long i can eat 1 can for cause less (and in a perfect world, no) consumption is the only true ethical form. sidenote: i hate when people say "no ethical consumption under capitalism" cause like just consume less?? no shit buying a bunch of shit isnt gonna be ethical, just dont buy it. im kinda on a no buy thing. i think the last thing was 2 months ago (hair product #curlyhair but i dont think i will rebuy it once its done). i do need to buy toothpaste soon but thats lowkey it.

wordle and connections and minute cryptic are daily routine (aye callback!). i am not good at any of the above. in fact i get worse everyday.

i need to urinate. i am so scared of cramps. they are very unpredictable for some reason. sometimes i am fine, others i am ruining everyones day (b/c ik F is reading this (she better be), yes i am referring to kraven the hunter day). when will this problem take care of itself? when will consistency be at the center of my body and soul and mind? when will i go pee? when will i get a pet cat i can love so much?!

goodnight.

from a weak mind, body, and spirit,

In the case of a break up, you lose your bestfriend cause lowkey they gotta pick their family. With brothers best friend, he will be fine without a best friend (unless they were in love of smth #progressive #gaypeoplerreal) and you still have a brother.

i feel like most men dont have super deep friendships so your brother isnt gonna end up knowing a lot about ur relationship (actually the thought of any of my brothers knowing anything about my relationship would make me kms). but your best friend needs to know everything but thats so weird to learn about your brother like that?? like even my sister in law doesnt talk about my brother with me (ill tell u a story when we facetime later, remind me)

I will concede tho (what is my problem why am i acting like we r actively debating this!) that there is a higher likely hood that your brother (like all of mine) will be massive losers, a possibly incel redpill freaks (UGH!), and their friends r prob similar...

thankfully i will never be in a situation where this applies to me cause all my brothers friends r a decent amount older and very ugly (truly you would be shocked) and my brothers also have like 7 friends COMBINED (you do the math on the average). and i think none of our friends have brothers that r our age?

i acc rlly liked this ask, unlike some of ur others, lowkey get me to compare/rank more things

only thing thats suspicious is that you didnt pick up my calls last night... who were you talking to instead... is she funnier than me... smarter... kinder (probably, thats pretty easy to be).

even more suspiciously,

went clubbing a week ago. it was great fun i think. felt awful the next day. i think im going clubbing the week i go back. my bus ride here was good. was forced to listen to asap rocky instead of future but the god hour is one of my fave songs so idc. love ketchup.

i love doctor who. kinda disliking eyebrowless doctor. idk i miss my dear 11th doctor. he was so funny. i LOVED him and martha. my fave scene from the show is the swedish beach.

my visions of my death are coming back.

born to die is my fave album in the world. i think its Lanas best work, it isnt the deepest or her best writing, but her vocals are beautiful and it is a very cohesive piece. Lust for life has my favourite songs on it tho, its just lacking the cohesiveness that born to die has.

Went to the slushynoobz lookalike contest. It was freezing cold and i wanted to cry. i thought i would have to cut my feet from how cold they were. i lost my marting photocard so i have nothing to remember that event by. i was there with my friend h, her sister, and her cousin. We went to a textile museum afterwards. and then to a free cookie decorating thing. we had dinner at east tea can. i liked the chicken. we got nanis gelato to finish off the night. it was santas cookies flavour.

i want the Lulu bag with the side pockets.going thru my voicemail rn!

on Monday me and my friends f and j went to the mall. I drove j from the bus stop. we got tims and snacks from dollarama. the we watched Kraven the Hunter (has said no one ever) at the cinema. it was a 5/10. not as bad as madame web, but very meh. I got my period. it hurt so badly. we 'snuck' into the theater for wicked afterwards, but only watched a few minutes cause j got scared and my stomach was hurting so much. we went to dollarama where i sat on the floor while they found me tylenol. I took 2. they really helped. we took photobooth pics and then i dropped j off and went home.

need wingstop and chilis. need draco and hermoine fans to die. taylor from klem family is pmo!!

On Tuesday, me and my friends h and a went to the mall. it was so much fun and i got my gift for white elephant (happening tomorrow) im so excited. i went kinda over budget but i really dont mind. i could get a reeses cup and i would be ok with that. i then drove us to our friend ds work place. she was closing tho so we went to dollarama and got kinder eggs. i drove h home and then a. i packed up my white elephant gift. so excited!! at night me, a, and f watched crime scene kitchen season 2 finale. the final 3 had us shocked and confused.

no one has been playing roblox with me :(

my Sephora cart and brandy cart r so cute i wish a had a large sum of money so i could buy everything, but also i would never over consume like that!

after skating today, i went to the Chinese market with my mom and grandma for fish. they didnt have pickerel so we got smth else. the dude there was just hitting the fish while they were still living. dont know how humane it is but at least the fish are fresh. it was in jane and finch so i was kinda scared my car was gonna get stolen. honestly i love jane and finch, ik its one of the worst parts of toronto but i spent so much of my childhood there. then we went to shoppers. SO many things were on clearout i got some skincare and an eyeshadow palette. my mom got a bunch of chocolate for family back home ofc.

incredibly excited for tomorrow. i have been doing a crazy amount of driving these days. i have spent like an hour on the highway this week. love it tho.

ok time for dinner and a show (facetime call with f).

love more than anything,

personally, my thoughts on ai haven't changed. i still think there is a vulture like quality to all ais that deal in information/addiction as currency (in the sense that everything you say is also being feed into their models to make them seem more human and when people stop having the patience to think for themselves most large scale ais will become payed). however, what happened (not recently, because i am getting to this a bit later then i should've) has nothing/very little to do with the referenced ai. it has to do with parents forgetting they are parents, media skewing how relationships should be/are, and technology being the main caretaker of a lot of kids. technology is a great resource but there are multi-billion dollar corporations trying to keep people on any form of it for longer periods of time than they should be. kids have an insane amount of screen time and its guinuenly messing with their development. not in the mood to cite research articles, but there is so much data about the negative affects of an over-use of technology, and when dealing with kids, pretty much any use is an over-use. while what happened is sad, i believe the responsibility will always lie on parents. if they allow their kids access to technology, it should be monitored. i am not trying to be self rightoeus in any way, i viewed and interacted with content that wasnt made for children when i was a child. however, my use of technology was monitored enough (in the mom looking over your shoulder to see what youre watching way) that i wasnt interacting with developmentally innaproriate stuff consistently/for long periods of time. i also spent most of my time not with technology. i played outside with my friends, i played/fought with my brothers, i cooked with my mom. i was able and encouraged to experience and maintain my relationships, which is something a lot of kids are no longer doing.

i will hate on technology any chance i get, however i care more about child care than i do technology so that is what i believe has a bigger affect. i have worked with kids for a while now, and i have worked with kids from the ages of 4-12 which are some of the most defining years. the emotional regulation, friendships, and critical thinking skills that kids who arent chronically online (for lack of better words) compared to those who are is shocking. people kill theselves all the time because of an addiction. thats exactly what this was, a young boy with an addiction that shouldnt have ever existed. you can blame technology or ai for as long as you want and put laws in place and yell from the rooftops, but that will never stop people from pirating and opensourcing and making google docs with links. barriers in tech does not change the life someone has to live outside of the tech they use. kids needs friends, they need time outside, they need human interaction and it is their parents job to provide that.

im not trying to blame the parents, kids will find ways to do the things they want, but this situation wasnt caused by one rash action. it was caused by a long period of emotional dysregulation.

keep ur kids as far away from tech as you can, the ipad is not their primary care taker. let them play outside and ride bikes and fall and scrape their knees. read books to them, take them to the library, play boardgames, cook with them, set up play-dates, colour with them. let them go out with their friends, redocerate their rooms, get after school jobs, do wood work in the garage, stare at walls, paint said walls. there is more to life than the media we are fed, dont hand it to your kids and expect them not to gobble it down!

From,