trying to sleep early, omega-3, and cramps
i have been generally sleeping a lot earlier! ive been studying! ive been drinking water! ive been eating 3 meal and 2 snacks! ive been on my phone less! ive been writing short sentences and using exclamation marks!
i like sleeping early. its nice to eat dinner, drink tea, and go to bed. routine and shit. ive started treating myself more like im a little kid with autism. it sounds kind of odd but all of the kids with autism that ive worked with have always needed strict schedules, clear likes/dislikes, and at least 1 loving presence around. it's weird to treat yourself in a disconnected way (as in: i am going to do this because it is written in my schedule for today, not because I am the one telling myself to do it) but it's helpful.
ALSO! so much has happened since last writing. ofc the big thing: got a tattoo (matching with my best friend forever H). I like it. ive never really cared all that much about "marking up" my body. for me, the body is just an object i can forget is with me.
i love the batman trilogy. for some reason i am badly consumed by it right now. out of the three, i have a soft spot for the dark knight rises (an unpopular opinion) mainly because i love thalia. nolan ofc never does his big one writing female character (and omg thalia is so massacred by racist writing in the comics) but, for me, she is such a great example how philosphy and love are incomparable in terms of power over ones morals. ofc she agrees with the los, but in the end shes driven by her fathers death and her personal desire for revenge on one man vs. the destruction of gotham ruins her plan.
ive been thinking a lot of love and death. im not really sure if love would be a 'thing' if death wasnt. but would death even matter if love didnt. is someones worth held in who/what/when/where they are in this world or is it measured by the hearts they are in.
everyday, for the past week, ive had a tuna melt. i believe (for no real reason) i have a weak heart, in both a physical and emotional/spiritual way, so i must consume omega-3s to strengthen it. i love the ocean though, so i try stretching how long i can eat 1 can for cause less (and in a perfect world, no) consumption is the only true ethical form. sidenote: i hate when people say "no ethical consumption under capitalism" cause like just consume less?? no shit buying a bunch of shit isnt gonna be ethical, just dont buy it. im kinda on a no buy thing. i think the last thing was 2 months ago (hair product #curlyhair but i dont think i will rebuy it once its done). i do need to buy toothpaste soon but thats lowkey it.
wordle and connections and minute cryptic are daily routine (aye callback!). i am not good at any of the above. in fact i get worse everyday.
i need to urinate. i am so scared of cramps. they are very unpredictable for some reason. sometimes i am fine, others i am ruining everyones day (b/c ik F is reading this (she better be), yes i am referring to kraven the hunter day). when will this problem take care of itself? when will consistency be at the center of my body and soul and mind? when will i go pee? when will i get a pet cat i can love so much?!
goodnight.
from a weak mind, body, and spirit,
Maggy 🦇🐣














