#findingpeace

I want to thank you all – for your visits, likes, and reposts, which are still reaching me despite everything. I see it all and really appreciate it!

I’m currently spending a few days hiking in the mountains (around 2500 m altitude), with rather weak signal. So it’s a bit quiet here at the moment. Occasionally, I manage to post – I’ll share more once I’m back down.

Until then: It’s good to know you’re here. Raja 🌿

Kurzes Lebenszeichen aus den Bergen ⛰️

Ich möchte mich kurz bedanken – für eure Besuche, Likes und Reposts, die trotz allem bei mir ankommen. Ich sehe das alles und freue mich sehr!

Zurzeit bin ich ein paar Tage zum Wandern in den Bergen unterwegs (auf etwa 2500 m), mit eher schwachem Empfang. Deshalb ist es hier gerade etwas still. Ab und zu klappt’s mit einem Post – mehr gibt’s dann, wenn ich wieder unten bin.

Sitting in the dark because it brings far more comfort than the light.

There is nothing here for all my doubts and fears, and at the bottom, the well of all my tears.

There, a child is crying, a teenager is screaming, and a young woman is trying desperately to find meaning.

I look to them with pity; their emotions are plenty, overwhelm wrapping me like vines, the thorns of each new and old emotion digging in.

My blood, sweat, and tears— yet life never feels like a win. How long must I carry the weight I thought I had dropped?

When will I heal enough to live and not exist, to thrive and not survive, to find joy in everyday life?

To find solace in those that love me, to find beauty in those that accept me, to stand in awe of my reflection, to see the me those loving eyes mirror back.

To find comfort in the words that soothe the crying child, to calm the screaming teenager, to guide the young woman, explaining that life is an adventure that doesn’t need a plan.

To help the survivor understand that in order to thrive, she must let go of control, to let be, to not look back— the future is waiting, and the present is calling.

Healing may not be linear, but it’s a checkpoint— so even if we have to go back, we can always move forward.

And one day, we will stand firm in ourselves; we will whisper, I love you.

You know the feeling you have when something’s been bothering you or confusing you, finally makes sense? And when you look back at it, you say, “I’m at peace. ” That’s closure.When unanswered questions or unresolved emotions settle down, you let out a deep sigh, and you don’t feel like you’re stuck in the past. We seek closure because it helps us feel peace and allows us to move forward. The…

I’ve cried rivers over you. I’ve felt your absence in every part of me, as if a piece of my soul was missing. I missed you with everything I had—my heart, my mind, my body. There were moments when the pain consumed me, and I even hated you for it. I hated how you left, how you made me feel like I wasn’t enough. And for a long time, I wondered if it was all my fault. I questioned everything about myself, every action, every word.

But not anymore.

There came a moment when I finally understood something so powerful that it set me free: it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough for you—it was that I was too much. I loved with a depth you couldn’t meet. I cared in ways that you couldn’t understand. I brought passion, honesty, and strength to the table, and it wasn’t that those things weren’t valuable. They were simply too big for the space you had in your life.

I used to think that I needed to change, to be smaller, quieter, easier for you. But I’ve learned that the problem was never me trying to be enough—it was you not being able to receive all that I am. I am more than enough, and I deserve someone who sees that, who can meet me at my level and celebrate my fullness.

I am enough. I’ve always been enough. And now, I fully embrace that truth

Emerald fields make my heart yield. The sunkissed plains, flutter with the wind's gentle stir.

High above, among the clouds, or below, with the restless seas, my heart flutters at ease.

Home, either way, I'm at peace.