As the fog in my head
disappeared, I looked into
the abyss you carry
with you, hiding it behind
the clouds you puff out
like a steam locomotive
that hides who you are.
I am still shaking,
and see the chasm
between us
grow wider
as I step back ā
away, away
from you,
your thoughts,
and the heart of darkness.
I call in the angels,
to be surrounded,
to be loved
for who I am,
not the construction
of failures
that society makes of me.
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Iāve cried rivers over you. Iāve felt your absence in every part of me, as if a piece of my soul was missing. I missed you with everything I hadāmy heart, my mind, my body. There were moments when the pain consumed me, and I even hated you for it. I hated how you left, how you made me feel like I wasnāt enough. And for a long time, I wondered if it was all my fault. I questioned everything about myself, every action, every word.
But not anymore.
There came a moment when I finally understood something so powerful that it set me free: it wasnāt that I wasnāt good enough for youāit was that I wasĀ too much. I loved with a depth you couldnāt meet. I cared in ways that you couldnāt understand. I brought passion, honesty, and strength to the table, and it wasnāt that those things werenāt valuable. They were simply too big for the space you had in your life.
I used to think that I needed to change, to be smaller, quieter, easier for you. But Iāve learned that the problem was never me trying to be enoughāit was you not being able to receive all that I am. I amĀ moreĀ than enough, and I deserve someone who sees that, who can meet me at my level and celebrate my fullness.
I am enough. Iāve always been enough. And now, I fully embrace that truth
Stories of Stigma is an empowering book against self-stigma and a profound exploration of the shadowy world of self-doubt and societal judgment. But it's not just about understanding these societal chains; it's about breaking free from them.
Grab a copy now at https://www.pegasusdigitalmedia.com/ and learn more about Greg Hitchcock and his other works.
Warnings: Mentions of cheating, Elliot and Jules, Fluff, Mentions of drug addiction and Parent death.
Summary: Sometimes all you and rue need is each other
Reader x Rue bennett ( Platonic )
When rue told you that elliot and jules hooked up, you didnāt know how to react. You and elliot had been dating for 3 months. 3 months of love and devotion you put into the relationship only to have your heart broken in return.
You didnāt believe her at first. you were always under the impression that jules hated elliotās guts. considering the interrogation she gave elliot that she forced you and rue to partake in with her, never in a million years would you have ever thought they would hook up.
It wasnāt until elliot admitted it once you confronted him. As he glossed over the details of their hook up, your heart was breaking in your chest. Not only did they hook up but they did it while you and rue were just in the other room.
It took a lot for you and rue to recover from this heartbreak. you both spent countless nights holding each other and crying while listening to rueās breakup playlist she made when jules left her at the train station only a few months prior.
Looking back at that time made you want to laugh. you cannot believe you were so heartbroken about a guy who didnāt give a damn about you. looking back at you and rue back then and now made you want to cry in a good way.
Rue was now clean, not having touched a single drug in days. she looked better too, clean hair and clean clothes. you two spent hours deep cleaning her room along with leslie until it was practically unrecognizable. you were insanely proud of your best friend and she was insanely proud of you.
She would immediately gain a smile on her face when witnessing you walk into her house without red eyes or dried mascara rolling down your face. She noticed you cut a few inches off your hair and along with her, started taking care of your appearance more.
āHey remember our high school musical phase?ā You asked rue, giggling as you remembered how obsessed with the movie you and rue were at age 8-10
āOh my god do not bring that upā Rue groaned playfully while turning to her side and facing her back towards you. the two of you were laying on her bed while watching the newest season of love island.
āOh come on donāt tell me you forgotā you dramatically gasped while sitting up and turning the tv volume down.
āOh i would never forget it. Remember when I dressed up as troy for halloween?ā Rue stated while reminiscing of that day
āAnd I dressed up as Gabriellaā You nodded, smiling as memories of that day flashed through your mind.
āAnd gia as kelsieā you and rue said in union while giggling at the memory of 4 year old gia wearing glasses and hat with lyrics in her hands.
Robert, rueās dad kept a photo of the 3 of you dressed up in his wallet for years. He was also a big fan of the movies. he always sang along with you and rue and would sometimes play the role of darbus or sharpay when needed.
When he died thatās when rue started to hate the movie. She always cried when she remembered the times theyād blast breaking free in the car on the way to school. She felt bad loving something she loved with her dad when he was no longer with her.
She felt like she was betraying him
Slowly she started to get over the hate she felt for the movie. After much convincing from gia, the 3 of you watched it again after years and she realized that instead of frowning at the memories with her dad, she smiled at them.
Rue knew that cherishing these memories instead of trying to erase them would help her instead of harm her. Rue felt bad for always snapping at you when youād bring anything high school musical related up in a conversation. She hated how she basically forced you to hate the movie too.
āI miss your dadā You said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Robert was basically a second father to you. The bennett family happily welcomed you with open arms whenever you would be there. you had your own spot at the dinner table and even your own mug.
āMe tooā rue said placing you hand on yours and turning back so she was facing you. Rue had an idea in her head and suddenly shot up from her bed. you grew confused as she ran to the other side of her room, into her closet.
You squinted your eyes as you studied the clothing in her hands. Suddenly it hit you as you smiled with nothing but glee
She held your old halloween costumes
āYou kept them?ā You asked laughing as you unfold your old Gabriella costume. it was nothing but a flower dress and a white science lab coat.
āOf courseā rue replied while looking over at the white tracksuit in her hands. Her dad let her barrow one of his as she didnāt have one. She remembered putting it on for the first time as a child and vowed to be the best troy bolton East highland as ever seen.
you and rue stared at each other and grinned. she nodded at you making you squeal and rush to her laptop. you typed in āBreaking freeā and clicked onto the video you havenāt watched in so long.
Little did you know, Elliot and jules had driven over to Rueās house. They wanted to desperately get their girls back as they realized how idiotic they were to ever do what they did. To jules, Rue was her first love.
But to Elliot, you were his something new. He had been āin loveā before but after being with you, He realized that the girls he were with before do not compare. They always judged him for his drug use and the fact that he was not close to his family.
But you were different
You never judged him for taking drugs. you were understanding of his past with his family and never wronged him for it. He has been haunted by the look in your eyes and the tears down your face when he admitted to cheating on you with jules. It was something he would forever regret and he wonāt stop until you were his again.
Not knowing you both were happy without them, Elliot and jules walked around the house to rueās bedroom window. They knew that if they tried the front door leslie would most likely slam the door in their face.
They peeked through rueās bedroom window only to be shocked at the sight. There the both of you were
You were dancing around the room in your flower dress that still fit you like it was yesterday while singing to Gabriellaās parts.
Rue was across the room, running around her room while singing along to troyās parts while having a true smile on her face.
āCan you feel it building like a wave the ocean just canāt controlā Rue sang while doing a short moonwalk just like troy did in the movie
āConnected by a feeling ohhh, in our very soulsā you sang, facing her as you strutted towards her to hold her hand
Leslie walked towards rueās room to inform the two girls that dinner is almost ready and was surprised at the sight of rue twirling you around while you both sang along to a song she hasnāt heard in a very very long time.
Leslie peaked her head inside the room and almost teared up at the sight. she hasnāt seen a sight so familiar in a long time and is glad that rueās finally happy again.
no drugs
no jules
Elliot and jules felt hurt that you both seemed better off without them. they both knew that you two wouldnāt ever get together romantically but the thought of the love of their lives being happy without them stung.
Elliot wished he never laughed and refused whenever youād ask him if you can sing to high school musical songs. He thought it was childish that a high school girl was so obsessed with a childrenās movie.
But looking at the way you and rue danced along to the song while dancing made him want to go back in time and soak up the opportunity of you being in his arms singing along to Breaking free.
Jules felt no different, She grew envious at the thought of rue being happy without her. she was so used to being rueās happiness that it became her source of happiness and without it, she was empty.
The two blondes looked at each other and realized that they lost the two best things to ever happen to them.
Gia walked outside of her room, wanting to know what the loud noise echoing through the house was only to see her mother outside her older sisters door recording whateverās inside.
Gia moved past her mother to see her two sisters dancing along to one of her favorite songs. she smiled as her favorite part was coming soon
āsoarinā ā you sang as rue twirled you so you were facing leslie and gia.
āflyinā ā rue waved her arms around happily as she noticed her mother and little sisters smiles directed at them. rue was glad to be the reason her family smiled and not the reason her family cried.
you both noticed gia fiddling her fingers, a sign she wanted to join in but not wanting to bother or stop the girls. you immediately ran towards the two women and grabbed both of their hands. rue was clapping and cheering them on from behind.
Leslie yelped as she was suddenly brought into a circle between her daughters and playfully groaned but sang along. she knew deep down she also wanted to join in.
The 4 women were dancing in a circle while screaming along to the lyrics. they knew that no matter how bad the hard times are, the good ones make up for it all.
Rue looked around at her family. gia was looking at herself in the mirror and singing along, you and leslie were holding hands and playfully singing to each other.
Rue realized that no matter what happens with her and jules, it doesnāt matter because in the end
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Thank you SO MUCH, TO @breakingfree for KINDLY OFFERING TO DO DRAWING COMMISSIONS to anyone whoād like one, and who is willing & ABLE to donate (must also provide some sort of proof that you donated).... Iām so sorry but just for right now- these commissions are ONLY open for those who donate to my fundraiser. any amount counts, friends. Iām in desperate need of this surgery. hereās my donation post
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It's totally okay to post an ugly photo of yourself. You don't have to look perfect to fit somebody's expectations about your beauty. Even if you think you're ugly, you're not. You're just different from your idea of beauty, and your idea of beauty is being constantly changed by society and culture.
What's true is: if somebody thinks you're ugly and they avoid you because of how you really look, you will be just pushing away all the people who stick around for looks and not for what you really are.
