Whisper to the night

all your secret loves—

push from parted lips and teeth

the words you smuggle in breath and tongue,

the fears that ferry you to the edge,

and the loathing that keeps your company.

Whisper to the night

when the day abandons you

and every jackal comes whining to your side,

kicking and howling at the moon

while you and your sweet voice say

"This is my home now."

Whisper to the night

your rages and your cages,

taste of iron on dessicated tongue,

fly into your fits like a fucked up bluebird

and give me back the sky,

I gave you everything 

every weak point  every prior hit  every place I don’t heal right 

you didn’t miss it  you learned it  mapped it clean  called it love  and then you used it 

my hope was twisted  given new shape  just as lethal 

cruelty  mixing pain  with words of love 

I don’t accept 

look at your hand  still on the hilt  making sure it stays 

you look at it  like it’s wrong  like it doesn’t belong  like I’m trying  to hand you something  that isn’t yours 

I can barely say  “You hurt me”  in case it transfers 

“No I didn’t.”  coldly said  with a jarring lack of shame 

you walk away  like nothing happened  like there’s nothing here  like I’m not still in it 

while again—  my blood soaks the ground 

but I’m not one  to die quietly 

“You call this love?” 

yes, there it is how dare I question your truth 

no longer blinded by your bullshit I see the pattern I somehow missed

louder  harsher  again  belittle 

what comes next  I can admit  I hold a share of blame 

I handed you the gun  I even let you  put it to my head  inviting trust  not Russian Roulette

As the fog in my head disappeared, I looked into the abyss you carry with you, hiding it behind the clouds you puff out like a steam locomotive that hides who you are.

I am still shaking, and see the chasm between us grow wider as I step back — away, away from you, your thoughts, and the heart of darkness.

I call in the angels, to be surrounded, to be loved for who I am, not the construction of failures that society makes of me.

I close my eyes, breathe, free.