#finding confidence

just saw this: https://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/goodbye-puberty?utm_term=.udWNgVZo7K#.udWNgVZo7K

and felt curious to do a side by side of past me and current me. not saying i “longbottomed” (lol at that phrase), but i’d never actually compared in this way before. i was kind of afraid to share, but doing it anyway.

oof, i was a mess lol. glad to report i am slightly less frizzy and broken out… and much less grungy lol.

this though is in part why i am still working on positive self image and good self-esteem. a lot of times i still feel like that insecure, awkward, goofy, uncomfortable girl on the left. back then, and into high school, i was made fun of a lot for my skin, my nose, my hair, and even my weight at times… it wasn’t great and it definitely had an impact on me.

still working on all this, on acknowledging my strengths and working on things i want to change without letting weaknesses discourage or bog me down.

sharing this also in part for anyone who feels down on themselves. may you find confidence & may your beauty radiate just by being yourself.

Nothing like the thought of trying to actually go to something like Furry Weekend Atlanta completely incognito just out of morbid curiosity.

I'd almost want to just be a reporter or otherwise invisible just to see what's going on; I'd be otherwise mortified of having meatspace-me identified or otherwise correlated to digital-me in a picture or something.

Even thinking about the topic automatically puts me on the defensive. I do not exactly consider myself one for "the scene" as it were, so part of me thinks that I shouldn't even be there. That sort of thing never stopped me from going to something like DragonCon or Momocon, though, with friends. I guess I feel like there's a lot more baggage in terms of social payload and personal guilt with something like a furry convention.

I also wonder if part of me is jealous that people are out and able to enjoy themselves so freely without getting stuck in their heads.

How does a person who has a family to take care of disappear for an entire day without sharing what they're doing? "Yes, honey, please take care of the kids today because I'm going to go into town completely covered up so I can't be identified so I can look and see where I fall on the relative weirdness scale. Oh and I spent like $300 on stuff to cover up with and I'm bringing $200 in cash because I have no idea of what I might find at a merch table byeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Preposterous.