:D

Been meaning to write smth on this for a while and I guess now is as good a moment as any, so let's do this!

I've been writing and posting fanfic for about 15 years at this point and it's been a wild ride to say the least.

I started off posting on a german fanfic side (hi, I am german) writing in german and it was Twilight fanfic, which was THE popular thing at the time. This was also the time I started writing A LOT in general, started working on my first original Gay Romance story at that time too. It's all a bit of a mess in my head which happened exactly when and what came first, but I know for a fact Twilight fanfic was where it was at for me.

At that time I jumped on every single fic idea I had and wrote it, no exceptions. Naturally that meant I ended up with a million projects. I eventually realized this was unsustainable, especially if I ever wanted to finish a longer fic. However that realization came later and then helped me actually finish some long running fics.

Anyway because Twilight was very popular at the time and I wrote and posted a lot, I got many comments and then I wrote a Christmas fic. I posted a chapter on that fic every single day of December, like an advent calendar. No, from what I remember I had nth or very little of this pre-written. It very quickly became my fic with the most comments, like 10 comments per chapter amount of comments. I answered every single one of them happily. This fic became my life.

I didn't even really like that fic all that much. It was easy to write, sure. It flowed, people apparently liked it. I had fun. It wasn't anything I was especially proud of though. I kept it going because it got so many comments. I extended it over the end of December. I wrote continuations, multiple. All because it got so many comments, so much positive attention. I LOVED that. It was what kept the fic going.

I barely remember anything about this fic. I don't really care about this fic. I only really cared about the comments, the attention.

Looking back on this early fic comment experience, I wish the works I actually really love would get this amount of attention, because damn, it was such good motivation.

But it was my only motivation to keep going with that fic and yes, it was enough. Something about that makes me feel icky though. I don't ever want to write just for the attention ever again.

Keeping a fic going just for the attention is just not the type of fic writer I want to be. Having had that experience is what made me realize this. I don't want to chase readers attention, I want readers to freely give me their attention for stuff I want to write and not stuff I write just to get attention. I don't like anything about that type of attention economy.

Art is not about getting attention. Attention isn't what makes art good. Pouring your heart into your art, that's what makes it good, what makes it valuable, what makes it precious.

That's why I write for myself, for the sake of the story I want to tell, for the characters I love and whoever stumbles upon it and gives it some attention is deeply appreciated. Of course I share my fics to be seen, to be read, essentially to get attention, but that's not the goal, not the purpose. My fics are gifts and if someone comments on them that's them giving me a gift. There is no expectation, no requirement, no demand, just gifts being given.

So yeah this is what I remind myself of, when I get a bit sad over not getting that many comments. I'd rather write what I love to write for the sake of loving what I write, than write just to get attention. I just hope for the gift of my fics to be cherished as much as I cherish every single comment with all my heart.

hey so

(Which is true. Beautiful. Needs to be said more often. Needs to be Listened to more often).

I am so glad to hear that! Right now I am working on some Harry Potter related stuff, but Gar is my fictional soulmate, so I will absolutely be writing and posting more stuff for him in the future.

I love Gar so much - I love that he's so sweet, and funny, but he also has a depth of pain that he's hiding. He's so much fun to write about and he's so interesting.

I'm so glad that you've been enjoying the fics, seeing as I always have so much fun writing about him.

I woke up to a beautiful message this morning on one of my oldest fics. 😭

Those few words mean so much. Thank you, lovely reader. 💜

The comment (by a registered user) then proceeded to give me her discord information if I wanted to see it as a comic.

I'm not sure how to feel about this, were they trying to compliment me or trying to use their comment as an advertisement?