Would’ve been a stronger film if they left out Grindelwald and the Second Salem

i came bearing with good news 

hoping that you too would reciprocate as i had done before

ironically you returned with sarcasm 

and again the conversation fell flat

maybe i had too high hopes 

maybe i expected too much 

  ’9/11 this, 9/11 that’…one thing that alternative comedy shows and Republican conventions have in common…the profuse dropping of 9/11 bombs. I say alternative comedy, simply because lots of club crowds, mainstream audiences, and just plain old meatheads will not let you get away with a 9/11 joke. But when it’s safe, and the crowd is progressive enough, a joke about 9/11 can get a favorable response. It goes by the rule, where there’s a lot of pain and controversy, there’s a lot of potential for a powerful laugh. I have one 9/11 joke, and it’s not mocking 9/11 really, but more a play on numbers. For those of you who don’t know (pretty much everyone), the joke is “If we really want to ‘never forget’ 9/11, we should just remove the number 10 from the counting number system…that way 9 and 11 will always be next to each other and you could literally never forget each tim you count” Then I do an act out of counting from 1 to 11 with no 10, and shaking my head when I hear, 9, 11…

This was not the joke I did tonight. Apparently I have another joke that is related to 9/11 that I didn’t even think about. It’s a topical joke, if we were back in May 2011 when Osama was ‘killed’. My joke essentially says, “I don’t even think they killed Osama, mostly because he never existed…I think the Republicans made that motherf*@ker up…that’s why they’re so mad now, because they know Obama didn’t kill him, but they can’t say why…it’s like every time I tell my little cousins I killed the tooth fairy. My aunt is pissed but she can’t say sh*t”. So I decide to do this joke tonight, on St. Paddy’s day, just to see how it goes over. Let’s just say it didn’t.

We must first back up and explain where I was. Tonight, Day 813, was the 3rd time during the streak that I was in a particular situation…I couldn’t get up at the Sunday showcase at SF Punch LIne, so I was forced to find a bar to put me up. The first time I went to Ray’s Hearth, where the owner knew me from an open mic and saved me on Day 169. Then later in the 500′s I went to Ireland’s 32 an Irish Bar and got punched in the stomach for telling unsolicited jokes to a crowd of drunk Irishmen. Tonight was St. Paddy’s Day, so there was no way in hell I was going to another Irish bar, probably get kicked in the face on their special day. Punch me once shame on me. So I drive to Ray’s again, and Ray says that he has no sound equipment, and because it’s a holiday he just can’t help me out. F*@k.

I drive to Dirty Trix Saloon where I mic commonly, but there is no sound set up and the owner is gone. I check out another few local bars to no avail. It’s nearing 11 pm now, I have 1 hour to get on stage or the streak dies at Day 812.

I reluctantly drive to Ireland’s 32. I walk up. It’s packed to the brim with drunk Irish people of all shapes and sizes. It’s like 20 times the size and craziness of the crowd that assaulted me last time. I walk to the door, take one look in, and run back to my car and speed off back to Ray’s. I beg and plead with Ray, “I don’t even need a sound system, just let me go up for 5 minutes.” Ray is such a sweet guy, so he say’s okay, just let the jukebox play out a few songs.

Turns out they have an older mic there, they set me up and I announce my performance to some resistance. But I’m a pro and I get them under control in a matter of minutes. In the front there are two, an older man and woman, who are extremely drunk, loud, and obnoxious. Heckling, asking me questions of things I already answered in my jokes. People were getting annoyed. I’m having a good time though, and glad as hell the streak is still alive.

Ray lets me go for over 20 minutes, and I’m nearing the end of my set. I decide to do the old Osama joke just to see how it fares now. The joke completely flops. What? I thought SF was progressive, what is going on? The loud guy in front then shouts ‘Hey! That’s not cool, one of my family members died in 911.” Then he puts his head down and starts crying. F*@k.

I immediately apologize. How do you console that situation? I had no idea he would link my Osama joke to 911. In fact, if anything, my joke was separating the two notions, claiming they were not connected. Now he’s crying, and the room is just awkward. Then he gets up and leaves, and his accomplice leaves with him. Well I effectively killed the mood. But I apologize. And mention that we are recording all of this for my documentary. My guy, Julian, gives me a thumbs up from behind the camera. I finish off with one more joke, it does okay, and then I get off stage

Ray comes up to me and says, “I want to thank you.” I ask, “Why?” He says, “We’ve wanted those two to leave ALL NIGHT.”

Ok, so here's the dealio, yo. Keep in mind, this blog is coming from someone who loves the Game of Thrones books AND the TV show. I don't usually get to say that I like both, but I think the producers of GoT are doing a fantabulous job. Excuse this post if it has erroneous typos and stupid commonly misspelled words in it....I've been awake since 3:38 AM. 

I finally got to watch the scene I have been dreading ever since I read it in the book. When I read this scene in the book, I was sobbing, I was angry and I was wishing death upon GRRM. The reaction surprised me given that he only killed off fictional characters.....AND SCARRED MY HEART FOREVER. I have never had such anger towards an author in my life. I knew it was silly but I just wanted to throw the book across the room and never read it again...I didn't because I read them on my iPad and obviously breaking my iPad would make me even sadder. The emotions I felt were so potent. I still get teary eyed when I talk at length about the Red Wedding. There. Just. Aren't. Words. 

Knowing it was coming this season was like.....I don't know.....I can't even find a good simile....I am so tired. Anyways....Someone come up with one and we'll make a whole thing about it. I wanted it to air because my boyfriend doesn't know about it and I'm tired of holding this grief in to keep from spoiling it for him. I just want to TALK about it. So we finally watched it.

And I felt nothing.

What?

How in the hell is that possible? I DONT KNOW. I guess I'm happy I didn't sob my heart out till my eyes got all puffy and swollen. I guess I am. But at the same time, there's this weird part of me that wishes everyone who hadn't read the books had gotten the same amount of pain I got from it. I guess there are reasons it wasn't as heart wrenching to me.

1. it wasn't as gory as it was in the books. And if you haven't read the books, I know you are thinking, WHAT? Is she serious? Why, yes, TV fan. I am serious. READ THE BOOK. I WILL SPOIL THIS FOR YOU IF YOU HAVEN'T....DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU CARE. Catelyn didn't go psychotic after Robb was killed. She didn't claw her face to shreds in her madness or lapse into hysterical maddening laughter. Honestly, in the book, when they slit her throat, it seemed like a mercy killing. Even Tywin said she wasn't supposed to die. He had no need for her to die. And I don't know if they will cut off Grey Wind's head and sew it onto Robb's body as a mockery. YES, TV FANS, IF YOU ARE STILL READING (you don't follow instructions well) THEY DID THAT IN THE BOOK. I had to put the book down again at that point. 

2. What the heck was up with Robb's bride being there? She wasn't there in the book or even that pregnant in the book. There was inkling that she might be but she was not visibly pregnant from what I remember. She was left at River Run. She survived. Her baby did not get stabbed out of her belly. I don't remember if that happened later or not, which makes me think it didn't because I think I would remember that. 

3. There were little aspects that they missed that would have made a whole mess of difference leading up to it. Mainly, when I was reading the books, Robb was so optimistic and happy about the idea of a truce. He was completely unassuming. He was so unassuming that I was thinking "oh no...oh no...oh no no no no no....something bad is coming...." Catelyn's relief at being offered food at the wedding and assuring their safety (no one EVER breaks that hospitality rule) sent spasms of anxiety through me. "they even have Catelyn fooled that they are safe....this means something very very bad." Grey Wind being refused to be let in. HE WENT EVERYWHERE WITH ROBB IN THE BOOK. Edmure being forcibly held and his panic realizing something was wrong during the bedding ceremony. It all added to the sense of foreboding. Reading it felt like being dragged to torture. Red Wedding felt like torture so I suppose my instincts are good. 

4. The series really really failed with the explanation of the song of the "Reynes of Castamere." I know they failed because my boyfriend looked completely confused as to why Catelyn looked so horrified when that song started to play. In the book, it was brought up multiple times so when it started to play, you really understood that shit was hitting the fan. Pardon my language but....seriously.

5. Catelyn killed a woman? That is so unlike her. I read another person's post that I agreed with completely but I can't articulate this as well as she did. Suffice it to say, Catelyn Stark in the book was a noble woman of wisdom and honor. In the book, Catelyn grabs Lord Walder Frey's mentally disabled son. Maybe she hoped he'd pity the boy or at least value the boy but he didn't seem to care. Then she had to do what she said. She was driven mad by the grief of losing Robb. Seeing him die before her probably made the act a little more palatable. But I don't think she would have grabbed a woman. Plus, I think the killing of someone so innocent in all of it really tainted her soul. I think that's why something else happens later (that's all I will say about that). 

6. I shut off my emotions. My boyfriend was like "aww they are having a baby" and I'm like "nope....not taking this emotional trauma on, too....Do not care." (I was thinking that, not saying it). And of course, he was most disturbed by the brutal stabbing of her pregnant belly. Shock value was achieved, HBO. Good job. 

Bottom line is, while HBO does a pretty awesome job with this show, the biggest thing I was dreading turned out to not feel like much which means something (or lots of somethings) was missing. Of course, they may have lost some viewers if they had made it as soul crushing as the book did. Even GRRM says it was painful to write and he had to quit writing for a bit after that. I don't believe him. Trying to make us feel like he has feelings or something. Nope. Nope nope nope.