Sammy Obeid

The REAL Explanation Behind the Recent Celebrity Deaths

It began with Greg Giraldo’s passing in 2010 that I noticed something peculiar. I figured I was just high and overanalyzing, but then in 2011, when Nate Dogg, Heavy D, and Amy Winehouse passed, I noticed it again. My mind began to race, I pulled up my pants, cleared my web history of porn, and began googling celebrity deaths in the recent years to see if the pattern held up…what the…Dennis…

Donald Trump Supporter Heckles Stand Up Comedian

By Jasper P. Gold March 16, 2016 Yet another Donald Trump supporter has attacked a frail ethnic person, albeit this time, an emotional attack.  And unlike the settings of the previous incidences —Trump rallies and anti-Trump protests— this was actually somewhere fun (in theory): a stand up comedy show. Known worldwide for his eight-second appearance on the Food Network in 2010 (I personally don’t…

Meet my Intern in Israel: Uri Ish-Shalom

“Sammy, what are your goals for 2016?” they ask (“they” being my parents, after a long talk about cutting me off their Sprint plan). I’m a millennial, and thus better than them, so I can respond calmly with a deeper, spiritual question: “Mom, dad…why must we always focus on goals, i.e. what we could have in the future, when we can focus on what we have right now, which for me is… 5k in savings…

I’m Gonna Blog Again

A few weeks ago I’m talking to a beautiful girl at a bar in LA (I won’t name names but let’s just say the girl’s name is Sassafras and the bar’s name is Jessica.)  We just met, but we’re hitting it off, she seems to be strangely in tune with my comedic sensibilities (I’m getting butterflies just telling you about this), and she suddenly stops, looks me deep in the eyes and genuinely laughs (I…

I’m Sick and Tired of All This White Bullshit

The snow!!  Oops, I meant to post a pic of a snowflake.  Eh, too lazy to change it.  I swear I’m not racist, I’d hate snow if it were any color (except whatever color my skin is).  It’s just that I’m sitting out here in New England, where, historically, olivey-brownish guys like me get held down by the Man… That’s right, Frosty the Snow Man.  I’m begging him to give me the D… The vitamin, but he…

I’ve been doing comedy for seven heart-wrenching years, but been doing the human being thing for a soul-crowbarring 30.  And yet, I still have no clever response to a meanie dropping a “you suck” bomb on me.  And I hear it all the time, whether it’s an attack on my comedy while on stage or an ex telling me off for not picking up her calls.  Unfortunately, I can’t just delete every “you suck” from…

So I’ve gone viral AGAIN! (The first time being when I got infected in May, see last post).

More recently, a video of mine went viral on one of the highest-trafficked websites in the world (arguably the universe), World Star Hip Hop! For those unfamiliar with the self-dubbed “#1 urban outlet,” CBS News describes the site as “infamous for posting videos of violent fights and public sexual acts.” …

Doctor Tells Me I Have HIV

Some of you are expecting a joke here.  Like HIV stands for “Hilarious Internet Vegetarian” or something stupid like that.  No, this time there’s no joke.  Last week at a Kaiser in West Covina, I was told that I have HIV.

It’s not easy for me to put this into words, and it all happened so fast.  Just over a week ago, things were going better than ever.  I was finally back home after weeks on the…

Oops, I meant “Home,” not “From.” “Announcing My Retirement Home Comedy” is what it should read.  You are a sly one, auto-correct!!  Ugh, I don’t feel like going back and fixing it, but yeah, I’m still doing comedy.

In fact I’m doing even more of it!  In even more adverse locations!  I’d like to announce a new series of shows that I’m producing at retirement homes in the LA area.  Well, so far…

I Got My Pilot License!

In sunny Los Angeles we have two seasons: early summer and late summer.  Early summer is January – April, or what the industry calls “pilot season.”  

When I first heard “pilot season,” I imagined a sky filled with planes twirling around awkwardly and crashing into each other as young pilots learn to fly.  Turns out that’s exactly what LA’s pilot season is!  It’s chaos and clutter, all of us…

Joke Thievery: How to Know if You are a Hack

Joke thievery is a very sensitive subject amongst comedians.  Altercations break out over joke stealing, and a few comedians have even been killed.  Yeah, I know! … No, just kidding, no deaths.  At least I hope.  Friendships amongst comics have definitely been killed.  As well as careers.  All in the name of trying to kill on stage.

Often we call someone a “hack” if they steal jokes, though some…

SHOCKING Secrets I Learned About Utah, Mormons and Your CREDIT SCORE!

Some people hear “Utah” and think of Mormons, polygamy, and mountains.  Some people hear “Utah” and quickly think about something else.  Some people never hear “Utah.”   Today I’m going to address all three types of people. Let’s work backwards for simplicity.

If you’ve never heard of Utah, it’s a state in a country called America.  Yeah, America.  Not North America or South America, just…

3 Simple Steps to Find Love

I am no more of an expert on love than Dr. Drew, though I definitely talk less about molestation. …

The Realities of Traveling the World

I stand in line at airport security in Portland, watching the priority boarders pass us up like hot…

The Last Month of my Twenties

It’s fairly human to not appreciate your youth until it’s gone. I’ve never met a five year-old who…

How to Tell if You Are Old or Young

It’s fairly human to not appreciate your youth until it’s gone.  I’ve never met a five year-old who…