#faze adapt

I think we should talk.

Reader stared at the message for a long moment before taking a slow breath and typing back a simple:

Sure.

The reply came almost instantly.

omw

Reader scoffed quietly under her breath and rolled her eyes, tossing her phone onto the sofa cushion beside her before standing up. She started absentmindedly tidying things around the flat—moving blankets back into place, throwing away takeaway containers, wiping down the counter.

Not for Alex.

Just because she didn’t want him seeing how badly she’d been falling apart without him.

Fifteen minutes later, the building buzzer went off.

Her stomach dropped immediately.

A lump formed in her throat so quickly it almost hurt, and her eyes started burning with tears she refused to let fall. Not yet. Not while he was here.

Reader pressed the button to let him up, then waited.

And waited.

Until finally, there was a knock at the door.

She let out a shaky breath before opening it.

For a second, neither of them said anything. They just exchanged awkward little smiles that didn’t reach either of their eyes.

Then Alex stepped inside like he’d done it a hundred times before. Like showing up at her flat late at night for complicated conversations had become part of their routine.

Reader shut the door behind him and leaned back against it automatically, arms folded tightly across her chest. For a moment, she considered staying there just to stop him leaving before they actually talked properly.

Because this time, he wasn’t escaping it.

Hopefully.

“So…” Alex started awkwardly.

“So…” Reader echoed.

She cleared her throat, suddenly finding the pattern of her wooden flooring incredibly interesting.

“Why’d you unfollow me?” he asked quietly.

Reader looked up at him finally. “Because… because you never stopped her.”

Alex rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Right. I just… I never knew how to without making it weird on stream. With chat there and everything, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Reader muttered flatly.

A heavy silence settled between them again before Alex spoke first.

“Look… I think maybe it’s better if we break… whatever this is off.” He gestured vaguely between them. “I don’t think it’s working.”

Reader let out a quiet laugh, though there was no amusement in it. “I think it was doomed from the beginning.”

Alex frowned slightly. “What?”

“You never wanted to admit what we had publicly,” Reader said. “And you never wanted to make anything official either.”

“I thought—”

“What?” she interrupted. “That you were protecting me?”

Alex stayed quiet.

“Because that’s not how you protect someone, Alex,” Reader continued, her voice softer now but no less hurt. “And it wasn’t your decision to make on your own. We could’ve talked about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Reader looked at him carefully. “Are you actually sorry? Or are you just saying that because this blew up?”

His expression tightened slightly. “No. I really am sorry. Truthfully.”

Reader swallowed hard, trying to ignore the ache building in her chest again.

“Okay then,” she said quietly. “Look me in the eye and tell me there’s absolutely nothing going on between you and Tara.”

Alex froze completely. Silence filling her flat.

It only lasted a second, maybe two, but it was enough. More than enough.

Reader felt her stomach twist painfully as she watched his expression change. The hesitation. The slight panic behind his eyes. The way his mouth opened like he wanted to speak, only for nothing to come out immediately.

And somehow, that hurt more than if he’d just admitted it straight away.

Reader let out a quiet laugh under her breath, though it sounded hollow. “Wow.”

“No, it’s not—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted quickly, holding a hand up. “Please don’t insult me by lying to my face right now.”

Alex dragged a hand over his jaw, visibly stressed. “I’m not trying to lie to you.”

“Then answer the question.”

Another silence.

Reader could actually feel her heartbeat pounding in her chest while she waited.

Finally, Alex looked away first.

“It’s complicated.”

Reader stared at him in disbelief before laughing again, this time sharper. “Complicated?” she repeated. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“I didn’t mean for anything to happen.”

“But something did happen,” Reader snapped immediately. “That’s the whole problem.”

Alex sighed heavily. “Nothing serious happened between us.”

Reader shook her head slowly. “You know what’s funny? That’s almost worse.”

“What?”

“Because you’re acting like this all just accidentally happened to you. Like you had no control over any of it.” Her eyes burned again, but she forced herself to keep speaking. “You let her flirt with you for weeks. You let me sit there looking stupid while everyone online figured it out before I did.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Well, congratulations,” Reader muttered bitterly. “You did.”

Alex looked genuinely miserable now, but Reader couldn’t find it in herself to care properly anymore. She was too exhausted. Too angry. Too hurt.

“I cared about you,” he said quietly.

Reader swallowed hard at that. Past tense.

Cared.

Not care.

Something in her chest seemed to crack a little more at the wording alone.

“You know,” she said softly, “I think that’s what hurts the most.”

Alex frowned slightly. “What?”

“That I actually believed you.” She laughed weakly to herself, shaking her head. “I defended you to people. Constantly. Even after the first time this happened.”

“Reader—”

“No, let me finish.” Her voice trembled now despite how hard she was trying to keep it steady. “I kept convincing myself that maybe you were just awkward. Maybe you didn’t know how to set boundaries. Maybe all those clips online were being blown out of proportion.”

She looked at him properly then, eyes glossy with tears she was finally struggling to hold back.

“But deep down, I think I already knew.”

Alex opened his mouth again, but Reader shook her head before he could speak.

“I just didn’t want to be right.”

The flat went quiet again after that.

Not the comfortable kind of silence they used to have when Alex stayed over too late and they’d both ended up half-asleep on the sofa. This silence felt tense. Heavy. Like there were too many things left unsaid crowding the room.

Alex looked like he wanted to say something, but Reader was too emotionally drained to sit through another excuse.

Finally, he spoke anyway. “I did care about you.”

Reader’s face tightened immediately at the wording again.

“Did,” she repeated quietly. “You keep talking about us like it’s already over.”

Alex looked down for a second before rubbing at the back of his neck. “Maybe because I know I messed this up beyond fixing.”

Reader swallowed hard. Part of her wanted to argue with him. A stupid part of her still wanted him to fight for this properly. To tell her none of it mattered and that he wanted her.

But he wasn’t saying any of that.

Instead, he just looked guilty.

And Reader was starting to realise there was a massive difference between someone feeling guilty and someone regretting what they’d actually done.

“You know what the worst thing is?” she asked quietly.

Alex looked up at her again. “What?”

“You made me feel insane.” Her voice shook slightly now. “Every time I got upset about Tara flirting with you, I ended up convincing myself I was overreacting because you’d act like nothing was happening.”

“I wasn’t trying to gaslight you—”

“I know,” Reader cut in tiredly. “That’s the sad part. I genuinely think you’re just that emotionally clueless.”

Alex actually winced a little at that.

Reader laughed softly under her breath and wiped quickly beneath her eyes before any tears could properly fall. “God, this is embarrassing.”

“It’s not embarrassing.”

“Yes, it is,” she said immediately. “Because I let this go on for months. I sat around waiting for you to finally call me your girlfriend while you acted single online whenever it suited you.”

“That’s not fair.”

Reader stared at him. “Isn’t it?”

Alex opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Exactly.

Reader shook her head slowly and walked past him into the kitchen, mostly because standing too close to him suddenly felt overwhelming. She grabbed her wine glass from the counter and took a long sip before turning back towards him.

“I think part of me kept hoping you’d eventually choose me properly,” she admitted quietly. “Not privately. Not behind closed doors. Publicly.”

Alex’s expression softened slightly. “Reader…”

“But you never did,” she finished for him.

The look on his face somehow made it worse, because he looked upset hearing it. Like he knew she was right.

Reader let out a shaky breath and looked away from him again.

“I don’t even think Tara’s the main reason I’m hurt anymore,” she admitted. “I think she just forced me to realise what this actually was to you.”

Alex went still at that.

And the fact he still didn’t deny it told Reader everything she needed to know.

“I think you should go.”

The words came out quieter than Reader expected, but they still seemed to hit Alex hard enough to make him visibly tense.

“Reader—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted immediately, shaking her head. “Don’t suddenly try to fight for this now.”

Alex stared at her silently.

“You had every chance to fight for whatever we were when I first asked if there was anything between you and Tara,” Reader continued, her voice growing shakier the longer she spoke. “And you didn’t. So don’t start now just because I’m finally telling you to leave.”

For a moment, neither of them moved.

Then Alex spoke so quietly she almost didn’t hear him.

“I loved you.”

Reader felt like the air had been knocked out of her chest.

“What—?” she breathed. Then her expression twisted immediately into disbelief. “No. No, you do not get to say that right now.”

“I mean it.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve meant it sooner,” Reader snapped, tears finally spilling over despite how hard she’d been trying to stop them. She wiped angrily at her face before looking back at him. “You don’t get to tell me you loved me while I’m trying to let go of you. That’s not fair, Alex.”

“I didn’t know how to handle any of this.”

“And I did?” Reader laughed weakly, shaking her head. “Do you think this has been easy for me?”

Alex looked devastated now, but Reader forced herself not to focus on it. Because if she looked at him for too long, she knew she’d cave. She knew she’d start trying to comfort him, somehow, even after everything.

“I cared about you so much,” she admitted softly. “More than I probably should have.”

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do.” Her voice cracked slightly. “Because if you did, you wouldn’t have let me feel this disposable.”

Alex’s face fell at that. “You were never disposable to me.”

Reader swallowed hard. “Then why did I always feel like I was waiting around for you to finally decide I was worth claiming?”

He didn’t answer.

That silence again. Always the silence.

Reader laughed bitterly under her breath and looked away, staring out towards the dark windows of her flat instead.

“You know what’s horrible?” she whispered. “Part of me still wants you to say the right thing. Even now.”

Alex stepped slightly closer. “Reader…”

“But you can’t,” she finished quietly. “Because if you really loved me the way I loved you, none of this would’ve happened in the first place.”

The room felt painfully still after that.

Alex stood there for another few seconds, like he was hoping Reader would suddenly change her mind. Like she’d break first and tell him to stay.

But she didn’t.

Reader kept her arms folded tightly across her chest, almost like she was physically holding herself together at this point.

Finally, Alex let out a slow breath and gave a small nod.

“Okay,” he said quietly.

The simple response hurt far more than Reader expected it to.

No fighting harder for her. No last attempt to fix things. Just okay.

Reader pressed her lips together tightly, trying to ignore the fresh sting behind her eyes as Alex grabbed his hoodie from the back of the sofa.

He moved around her flat carefully, awkwardly, like he suddenly felt out of place there. Which was strange considering how much time he’d spent here over the past few months.

Movie nights. Takeaways at two in the morning. Falling asleep halfway through random YouTube videos.

All those little routines suddenly felt painfully temporary.

Alex stopped by the front door, his hand resting against the handle for a moment before he looked back at her.

“I never wanted this to happen,” he admitted quietly.

Reader gave a small shrug, though it felt stiff. “But it did.”

He swallowed hard and nodded once more.

Another silence stretched between them.

Then, before Reader could fully prepare herself for it, Alex crossed the small space between them and pulled her into a hug.

Reader froze instantly.

For a second, she almost pushed him away. She wanted to. She probably should have.

But the second his arms wrapped around her properly, everything in her chest cracked open again. Because it still felt familiar. Still felt safe. And that was the worst part of all.

Alex held her carefully, like he already knew this would be the last time he ever got to.

Reader shut her eyes tightly, trying not to cry again, but she could already feel tears slipping down her cheeks anyway.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered against the top of her head.

Reader laughed weakly through the tears. “You’ve said that already.”

“I know.” His voice sounded rough now too. “I just… I needed you to know I meant it.”

Reader swallowed hard before finally pulling back slightly, just enough to look at him properly. His eyes were red now too.

For a horrible moment, she almost asked him to stay.

The thought hit her so suddenly it scared her.

Because despite everything, some part of her still loved him enough to forgive him if he gave her even the slightest reason to.

But she knew that would destroy her in the long run.

So instead, Reader stepped back completely, putting distance between them again.

“You should go before I change my mind,” she whispered.

Alex stared at her for a long moment before giving one final nod.

Then he walked out the door.

Reader knew he wasn’t coming back. Not this time.

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