#exvie

My own loss of faith took years. It also took about 10 minutes.

If you had asked me that afternoon how I felt about [pick any controversial topic], I would have been 100% on the party line. And that wasn’t a performance or a mask, that was what I genuinely believed. Ask me about those same topics the next morning, and my positions on ALL OF THEM had completely changed.

Because: beliefs are related to each other! They support each other! You can’t always change one belief without changing dozens of others that are connected to it. So that final switch was turning a hundred different switches on the switchboard. In the years leading up to it, I was collecting those switches. I was installing the switches. But they stayed firmly in the Off position. These were things other people believed. They could only flip (becoming things I believed) once they had ALL been installed, because they ALL had to flip at the same time.

To people who haven’t experienced that (or who lost their faith in a different order / for different reasons), a gradual, piece-by-piece process probably looks more realistic. It’s way, way more common in fiction. But I personally find those portrayals to be so alienating. It often feels like storytellers can’t put themselves in a believer’s shoes at all. Like they’re writing a character that never really believed any of that stuff, deep down. So it’s very easy for that character to shed bits and pieces of those beliefs over time, because they were never actually integrated into their concept of reality.

Compared to that, Gabriel feels so much more real.

Even if it feels scary or wrong, your life is ultimately going to be better for it. They made you afraid of practicing your free will because they want to keep controlling you. 

But they can't touch you now. 

You're free. You belong only to yourself. You can rest now. 

The anger is REAL. If you aren't pissed off already, then you'll probably be eventually with the shit they taught you/what happened to you. And you're ALLOWED to feel that way, but PLEASE PRIORITIZE YOUR SAFETY. Try not to get into arguments. The anger will dimish with time, especially if you focus on good, healing things. Don't downplay or run away from your anger, but shift your focus from bad people to yourself and your allies.

THE FEAR IS ALSO REAL. It's a normal reaction to show up during confrontations and sermons, so notice it but don't let it control your decisions. Especially when you go through a difficult situation... going back to god may be tempting, but eventually you'll never even remember him during hard times lol

BUILD A SAFETY NET!!! Irl friends, online spaces, everything you can find to help you!!!

You'll have to learn to leave so many things and people behind. It hurts, but I promise it'll get better beyond the wall. And refrain from "saving" others: they'll never deconvert against their will.

Even if you still believe in the supernatural, give it a break and learn to accept a non-magical reality. I'm not saying you should be an atheist but it's so important to be at peace with the idea of permanent death, human-made morality, an indifferent universe and such. These ideas were extremely liberating for me, but I know they're worrisome for some. You gotta build your new worldview based on objectivity first

So, it's so important not to overwhelm yourself. Your journey is like a tower, built one brick at a time.

Knowledge is your friend, and especially the same type you may have avoided before. I'm talking of evolution, debunking theist arguments, the history of christianity, other religions, demonology, etc. I like the YT channels of Genetically Modified Skeptic, Forrest Valkai, Professor Dave Explains, Religion for Breakfast, Esoterica, and Aron Ra's series on Noah's Ark. Aaand you'll find more good ones along the way!

Healing from religious trauma is like any other kind of trauma: lots of ups and downs, you may relapse, have breakdowns, and you're bound to make mistakes too. In my case, I was already pretty far in my recovery from mental illnesses before deconverting, and so I employed tactics like the safety net in this situation and although I made mistakes too, I mostly felt at ease. I also recognized and dealt with religious trauma still inside the religion, but I only notice now that I could only FULLY heal from its effects outside the church.

Perpetuating the same rigid roles stops people from taking an active part in relationship management. What works in one relationship might not work in all of them. Because relationships should be made by and for the people in them. The goal for an individual should be to have a diverse emotional toolbelt so that all of their relationships can prosper, not just the ones that adhere to an expected standard.

Like, with how christians have tried to proselytize to me, they talk like they think I'm desperately trying to fill some kind of void or some shit. They tell me I'm "losing my soul" like that means any more to me than threatening me with the Sith or Sauron.

And, like. No? I don't feel the need to be "saved" from anything. I don't feel some weird metaphysical angst now that I don't believe in some sky daddy. In fact, ever since I accepted the fact that souls don't exist, I've been better than ever!

It's kinda beautiful, don't you think? In the end, we discovered that the "pain" that Christianity claimed to be protecting us from wasn't painful at all. That the disease they claimed to cure was never there to begin with.

So have some fun! Do stuff that "poisons your soul!" Take pride in the fact that you no longer have to play by the rules of an imaginary dictator, or worry about an imaginary body part! Prove the Christians wrong by loving every goddamn second of your beautiful, sinful life. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, what's the point in not indulging yourself?